Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .
Kodi Mnyamata Ndingamuuze Bwanji Kuti Ndikumufuna?
“Ndikufuna yankho la funso loti, Kodi ndani ayenera kuuza mnzake kuti akumufuna, mwamuna kapena mkazi?”—Anatero Laura.a
MNYAMATAYO mwangodziŵana naye chaposachedwapa kapena mwamudziŵa kwa nthaŵi yaitali ndithu, ndipo mukufuna kuti mukhale naye pachibwenzi. Mukukhulupirira kuti nayenso akufuna zomwezo koma kungoti akuchita mantha kapena akuchita manyazi kunena. Choncho mukufuna kudziŵa ngati chingakhale chinthu chanzeru kuyamba ndi inuyo kumuuza maganizo anu.b
Tisanapite patali, tiyeni tiyambe taganizira mmene anthu okhala nanu pafupi angamvere, monga achibale anu ndi anthu a m’dera lanu. Mwachitsanzo, kodi mwambo wa kwanuko ndi woti makolo anu ndi amene ayenera kukupezerani mwamuna?c N’zoona kuti mungaganize kuti kuchita chibwenzi ndi kukwatiwa ndi nkhani zoti aliyense ayenera kusankha yekha. Komabe, Akristu amapeŵa kukhumudwitsa dala anthu ena. Amaganiziranso mmene anthu a m’banja mwawo ndi okondedwa awo ena angamvere.
Koma m’mayiko ambiri masiku ano, sichachilendo anthu aŵiri kugwirizana okha zoti akhale pachibwenzi kuti aone ngati angathe kukwatirana. Kodi zingakhale zolakwa kuti mkaziyo ayambitse chibwenzicho pomuuza mwamunayo kuti akumufuna? Apanso, tiyenera kuganizira achibale ndi anthu okhala m’deralo. Kodi kuchita zimenezo kungadabwitse kapena kukhumudwitsa anthu ambiri?
Kodi Baibulo limanenanso chiyani pa nkhani yoti kodi mkazi angayambitse chibwenzi bwinobwino? Mu nthaŵi za m’Baibulo, mkazi woopa Mulungu dzina lake Rute anapita kwa Boazi kukamuuza nkhani ya ukwati. Ndipo Yehova Mulungu anamudalitsa! (Rute 3:1-13) N’zoona kuti Rute sanali mwana. Iye anali mkazi wamasiye, choncho mwachidziŵikire anali wa msinkhu woti akanatha kukwatiwa. Ndipo sankafuna kungochita zamaseŵera chabe ndi Boazi. M’malo mwake, anatsatira bwinobwino malamulo a Mulungu pa nkhani ya ukwati.—Deuteronomo 25:5-10.
Mwina inuyo ndinu wa msinkhu woti mutha kuganizira zokwatiwa, ndipo pali mnyamata winawake amene amakusangalatsani. Ngakhale zili choncho, kuulula za mu mtima mwanu kwa munthu amene mwina alibe maganizo amenewo si nkhani yamaseŵera ayi. Zili ngati kutenga mtima wanu n’kuuika m’manja mwa munthu wina. Kodi adzausamalira mwachikondi kapena adzaugwetsa pansi? Njira yabwino kwambiri yopeŵera kuchita manyazi kapena kupwetekedwa mtima ndiyo kutsatira mfundo za m’Baibulo.
Chitani Zinthu Mwanzeru
N’zosavuta kumaganizira muli pachibwenzi ndi munthu wina. Mwina mpaka mungamaganizire za tsiku la ukwati wanu ndi zomwe mudzachite pambuyo pake. Komabe, ngakhale kuti maganizo otereŵa angakhale osangalatsa, mfundo ndi yoti ameneŵa ndi maganizo chabe. Angakuchititseni kukhala ndi chilakolako chachikulu chomwe simungathe kuchikhutiritsa. Monga momwe Baibulo limanenera, “chiyembekezo chozengereza chidwalitsa mtima.” (Miyambo 13:12) Kumaganizira zinthu zoti mwina sizingachitike kungakulepheretseninso kuona zinthu bwinobwino. Komabe, lemba la Miyambo 14:15 limati: “Wochenjera asamalira mayendedwe ake.” Kukhala wochenjera, kapena kuti wanzeru, kumatanthauza kuganiza mofatsa musanachite chilichonse. Kodi mungachite bwanji zinthu mwanzeru ngati mukufuna kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu winawake?
Choyamba, yeserani ‘kuchita zinthu mutazilingalira,’ kutanthauza kuti, yambani kaye mwamudziŵa bwino mnyamatayo. (Miyambo 13:16, Malembo Oyera) Monga momwe mtsikana wina ananenera, “sizingatheke kumukondadi munthu ngati sumudziŵa bwino.” Musanaike mtima wanu pa munthu aliyense, yambani kaye mwaona zimene amachita ndi zimene amalankhula. Onetsetsani mmene amachitira zinthu ndi anthu ena. Mnyamata wina anati: “Funsani anzake, kapena akuluakulu amene amamudziŵa bwino kuti akuuzeni za iye.” Kodi anthu a mu mpingo wake wachikristu ‘amam’chitira umboni wabwino’? (Machitidwe 16:2) Ndiponso, mtsikana wina dzina lake Isabel anati: “Kupita kokayenda muli pagulu ndiponso kudziŵana ndi achibale ake kungakuthandizeni.” Mukakhala pagulu mukhoza kuona zomwe akuchita popanda iyeyo kudziŵa kuti mukumuyang’ana.
Kumudziŵa munthu m’njira yotereyi kumafuna nthaŵi ndiponso kuleza mtima. Koma kudzakuthandizani kuona makhalidwe amene angakuchititseni kufuna kupitiriza kumukonda kapena kusintha maganizo. Lemba la Miyambo 20:11 limati: “Ngakhale mwana [kapena mnyamata] adziŵika ndi ntchito zake; ngati ntchito yake ili yoyera ngakhale yolungama.” Indedi, pakapita nthaŵi zochita zake zidzasonyeza makhalidwe ake enieni.
Choncho mwanzeru, peŵani kumuuza mwansanga zimene mukufuna. Ngati mupupuluma kumuuza kuti mukumufuna, ndiyeno iye n’kuvomera, patsogolo mukhoza kudzatulukira kuti si munthu wabwino kukwatiwa naye.d Popeza mwamuuza kale kuti mumamukonda, kuthetsa chibwenzicho kungamupweteke mtima kwambiri mnyamatayo, ndipo mwina ungasweke kumene.
Mmene Mnyamatayo Amakuonerani
N’kutheka kuti mnyamatayo angakhalenso akukuonetsetsani inuyo! Kodi mukuchita zinthu zosonyeza kuti muli ndi khalidwe lokondweretsa Mulungu? Isabel anati: “Ndaona kuti atsikana ambiri savala bwino. Ngati ukufuna kuti munthu wokonda zauzimu akopeke nawe, uyenera kuvala modzipatsa ulemu.” Kaya zovala zimene zili m’fasho zikhale zotani, kuvala “chovala choyenera, ndi manyazi, ndi chidziletso” kudzachititsa kuti mnyamata amene ali ndi makhalidwe okondweretsa Mulungu akopeke nanu.—1 Timoteo 2:9.
Baibulo limalimbikitsanso Akristu achinyamata kuti akhale “chitsanzo . . . m’mawu.” (1 Timoteo 4:12) Zimene mumanena zimaulula khalidwe lanu lenileni. Kodi muyenera kutani mukapeza mpata wolankhula ndi mnyamatayo? Ngati ali wamanyazi, akhoza kumasowa chonena. Mtsikana wina dzina lake Abbie anati: “Mungafunike kuyambitsa ndinuyo kulankhula kuti muone zomwe achite.”
Mungayambitse bwanji? Ngati mukungolankhula mosadukiza za inuyo, akhoza kuona ngati ndinu wodzikonda ndiponso wachibwanabwana. Baibulo limatilimbikitsa kuti munthu “asapenyerere zake za iye yekha, koma yense apenyererenso za mnzake.” (Afilipi 2:4) Kumufunsa mafunso angapo okhudza moyo wake ndi zimene amakonda kungamuthandize kuyamba kulankhula momasuka.
Imeneyi si nthaŵi yoti mukhale ndi “lilime lonyenga” kapena “milomo ya mabodza” pomuyamikira mnyamatayo zinthu zimene mukudziŵa kuti sizoona. (Salmo 120:2) Mwamuna wanzeru angathe kuona kuti simukunena chilungamo. Komanso peŵani kunena zinthu zimene mukuganiza kuti mwina n’zimene akufuna kumva. N’kofunika kupeŵa zimenezi makamaka ngati mwayamba kukambirana nkhani zofunika, monga zinthu zauzimu zimene mukufuna kudzachita m’tsogolo. Musamabise kanthu kalikonse koma muzikhala oona mtima ndipo muzinena chilungamo. Mukachita zimenezo m’pamene mungadziŵe ngati muli ndi zolinga zofanana.
Ngati Mnyamatayo Sakunena Chilichonse
Koma bwanji ngati, ngakhale kuti mwayesetsa kuchita zonsezi, sakusonyezabe kuti akukufunani? Mwina patha masabata angapo, kapena miyezi ingapo, ndipo sananenebe kuti akukufunani. Kodi muyenera kungoganiza kuti ndi wamanyazi basi? Mungadzifunse kuti: ‘Ngati alidi wamanyazi choncho, kodi ndi wokonzeka kukwatira? Ngati nditakwatiwa naye, kodi adzatha kutsogolera banja monga mutu, kapena azidzayembekezera kuti ineyo ndichite zimenezo?’ (1 Akorinto 11:3) Funso lina lofunika kuliganizira n’loti, ‘Kodi ndi wamanyazidi, kapena sakundifuna basi?’ Kuzindikira kuti sakukufunani kungakhale kopweteka. Koma kuvomereza zimenezi kungakutetezeni kuti musauze maganizo anu mnyamata amene alibe nanu chidwi, zomwe zingakhale zochititsa manyazi.
Mwina mungaganize kuti mwaona zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti akukufunani. Mwina mukuganiza kuti akungochedwetsa kukuuzani ndipo mwina akhoza kutero mutamulimbikitsa pang’ono. Mwina zilidi choncho. Koma ngati muganiza zoyamba ndinuyo kumuuza, muyenera kuzindikira kuti kuchita zimenezo kuli ndi mavuto ake. Muyenera kuganizira mofatsa zomwe mudzanene komanso nthaŵi imene ingakhale yabwino kumuuza zimenezo.
Mwachitsanzo, mwina ndi bwino kumusonyeza kuti mungasangalale atamachita nanu chidwi kusiyana ndi kungomuuza mwachindunji kuti: “Ndimakukonda.” Panthaŵi imene mukucheza, ndiponso pamalo oyenera, mungangomuuza kuti mukufuna kuti muzicheza naye kwambiri. Musadandaule ngati mwalankhula zosamveka bwino. Kuona mtima kwanu kunganene zambiri kuposa mawu enieniwo. Kumbukiraninso kuti mukungomuuza kuti mukufuna mukhale naye pachibwenzi, simukufunsira ukwati. Ngakhale ndi choncho, zimene mwanenazo zingamudabwitse, choncho m’patseni nthaŵi yoti aziganizire bwino.
Ngati mwamudziŵadi bwino mnyamatayo ndipo mwaona nokha kuti ndi wokoma mtima ndiponso woganizira ena, simuyenera kuopa kuti mwina angakuchititseni manyazi. Koma kodi muyenera kutani akakuyankhani mwaulemu koma ndi mtima wonse kuti sakufuna? Ndipo kodi mnyamata ayenera kuchita chiyani zimenezi zikamuchitikira? Nkhani yam’tsogolo idzayankha mafunso ameneŵa.
[Mawu a M’munsi]
a Mayina ena asinthidwa.
b Ngakhale kuti nkhaniyi talembera makamaka atsikana, anyamata ndi anthu ena amene akuganiza zokhala pachibwenzi angathandizidwenso ndi malangizo ake a m’Malemba.
c Si kuti anthu onse amene amachita kuwapezera mwamuna kapena mkazi amakhala osasangalala. Mwachitsanzo, mu nthaŵi za m’Baibulo, Isake ndi Rebeka anachita kuwakonzera kuti akwatirane, ndipo Isake “anam’konda” Rebeka. (Genesis 24:67) Tingaphunzirepo chiyani pamenepa? Tingaphunzirepo kuti sibwino kunyoza miyambo ya kwanuko ngati sikusemphana ndi malamulo a Mulungu.—Machitidwe 5:29.
d Zimene zili pa mutu 28 mpaka mutu 31 m’buku la Mafunso Achichepere Akufunsa—Mayankho Amene Amathandiza, lofalitsidwa ndi Mboni za Yehova, zingakuthandizeni kudziŵa ngati munthu ali wabwino kukwatiwa naye.
[Chithunzi patsamba 30]
Kuona mmene amachitira zinthu kungakuchititseni kusintha maganizo
[Chithunzi patsamba 30]
Ngati mnyamata winawake mukumufuna, lankhulani ndi achikulire okhwima maganizo amene amamudziŵa bwino