Kupatsa Ulemu Akazi m’Moyo Watsiku ndi Tsiku

NGATI akazi ati apatsidwe ulemu woposa tsopano lino, kodi ndiliti ndipo nkuti kumene kusinthako kuyenera kuyambira? Eya, kodi ndiliti ndipo nkuti kumene kaŵirikaŵiri kuthengera ndi malingaliro atsankhu zimayambira? M’banja ndi kusukulu, panthaŵi yakukula. Kwakukulukulu timakulitsa kalingaliridwe kathu mosonkhezeredwa ndi makolo. Choncho, kodi ndani amene moyenerera angakhale ndi chiyambukiro champhamvu pakaimidwe kamaganizo kamtsogolo ka anyamata kulinga kwa akazi? Mwachiwonekere, atate ndi amayi. Chifukwa chake imodzi ya mfungulo za vutolo ndiyo chiphunzitso choyenera chomwe chingafunge m’mabanja ndi kusonkhezera makolo.

Mmene Akazi Amalingaliridwira

Mfundo yakuti tsankhu limayambira m’banja ikufotokozedwa mwafanizo ndi Jenny, mlembi wokwatiwa, wamkulu koposa mwa ana aakazi anayi, yemwe anati: “Monga asungwana, nthaŵi zonse tinazindikira chenicheni chakuti mu United States, muli akazi ochuluka koposa amuna. Choncho ngati ufuna kukwatiwa, uyenera kudzisungira mwanjira imene ikakopa amuna.

“Ndiponso, akazi amakakamizika kulingalira kuti ali zolengedwa zotsika. Nthaŵi zina ngakhale makolo ako amakuchititsa kulingalira kuti sumalingana ndi anyamata. Utapalana chibwenzi ndi mwamuna, amasonyeza malingaliro amodzimodziwo, kuti amuna amakuposa.

“Ndipo kodi nchifukwa ninji ulemu wathu uyenera kuzikidwa kwakukulukulu pakukula kwa thupi ndi luso kapena kusoŵeka kwa zinthuzo? Kodi amuna amapimidwa mwanjirayo?”

Betty, wokhala muukwati kwazaka 32, yemwe kale anali manijala wa sitolo, anatchula mfundo ina: “Kodi nchifukwa ninji akazi amapimidwa malinga ndi ukazi wawo mmalo mwa chidziŵitso chawo, luso, ndi luntha? Zokha zimene ndikupempha nzakuti amuna adzimvetsera malingaliro anga. Osandiluluza pamaziko akuti ndine mkazi!

“Kaŵirikaŵiri amuna amalingalira akazi ngati kuti ndife mbuli kapena zitsiru—mbuli zosakhoza kupanga chosankha chabwino. Kodi mudziŵa zimene ndikunena? Atichitiretu monga momwe akanafunira kuchitiridwa. Zimenezo mwamsanga zidzasintha malingaliro awo!” Zokha zimene mkaziyo akupempha nzakuti amuna agwiritsire ntchito Lamulo Lamakhalidwe Abwino lakuti, ‘Chitirani ena zimene mukafuna iwo kukuchitirani.’—Mateyu 7:12.

Akazi ameneŵa akutchula mfundo zofunika. Mtengo weniweni wa mkazi suyenera kuzikidwa pamawonekedwe ake achiphamaso akuthupi ndi kukongola kapena pamalingaliro atsankho a m’chitaganya. Mwambi Wachispanya umalongosola zimenezo motere: “Mkazi wokongola amakopa maso; mkazi wabwino amakopa mtima. Ngati woyambayo ali ngale, wachiŵiriyo aposa ngale.”

Baibulo limatchula mfundo yofananayo m’njira yosiyana kuti: “Kukongola kwanu kusakhale kozikidwa pakapesedwe katsitsi kopambanitsa, kapena kuvala majuwelo kapena malaya amtengo, koma pa umunthu wamkati—kukongola kosafwifwa kwa mzimu wodekha ndi wachifatso, chinthu chamtengo wapatali kwa Mulungu.” Ndipo monga momwedi sitiyenera kupima bukhu mwa mawonekedwe a chikuto chake, momwemonso tisapime anthu modalira pa kukhala kwawo mkazi kapena mwamuna.—1 Petro 3:3, 4, Phillips.

Kusonyeza Ulemu m’Banja

Dandaulo lomveka la akazi ambiri, makamaka okwatiwa ndi anakubala ogwira ntchito yolembedwa, nlakuti amuna awo amalephera kuwona ntchito zapanyumba monga thayo lowonjezereka, ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri iwo samachita mbali yawo. Susan Faludi, wogwidwa mawu poyamba, akuti: “Ndiponso akazi amapepuzidwa m’banja la iwo eni, kumene amasenza 70 peresenti ya mathayo abanja.” Kodi njira yothetsera kupanda chilungamo kumeneku ndiiti?

Pamene kuli kwakuti mwinamwake zingakhale zosakondweretsa kwa amuna ambiri m’zitaganya zina, makonzedwe olungama a ntchito zapanyumba ayenera kupangidwa, makamaka ngati mkazi nayenso amapita kuntchito. Ndithudi, mwina kugaŵana mathayo alionse kungaphatikizeponso ntchito zimene kaŵirikaŵiri zimachitidwa ndi mwamuna—kusamalira galimoto, kuyeretsa bwalo ndi kulima dimba, kuŵaza nkhuni, kukonza ziŵiya zapanyumba, ndi zina zotero—zimene, kaŵirikaŵiri, sizingaphatikizidwe pa nthaŵi imene mkazi amathera pantchito zapanyumba. M’maiko ena amuna amayembekezera akazi awo kutsuka ndi kupukuta galimoto, ngati kuti ili mbali ya ntchito zapanyumba!

Mwanjira ina, lingaliroli lakugaŵana ntchito zapanyumba limagwirizana ndi uphungu umene mtumwi Petro anapereka kwa amuna wakukhala ndi akazi awo “monga mwa chidziŵitso.” (1 Petro 3:7) Pakati pa zinthu zina, kumatanthauza kuti mwamuna sayenera kukhala wogaŵana naye chipinda kapena nyumba, wopanda chikondi, ndi wosadera nkhaŵa zofuna za mkazi wake. Ayenera kulemekeza luntha ndi chidziŵitso cha mkazi wake. Ayeneranso kuzindikira zosoŵa zake monga mchembere, mkazi, ndi nakubala. Zimenezi zimaphatikizapo zoposa kufunika kwa wopezera banja chakudya amene amabweretsa ndalama kubanja pakutha kwa mwezi; akazi apabanja ambiri ogwira ntchito yolembedwa amateronso. Ayenera kuzindikira zosoŵa zake zakuthupi, zamaganizo, zamalingaliro, zakugonana, ndipo, koposa zonse, zauzimu.

Mwamuna amene amanena kuti amatsatira malamulo Achikristu, ali ndi thayo lokulirapo lophatikizidwa—lakutsatira chitsanzo cha Kristu. Iye anapereka chiitano mokoma mtima kwa onse “akulema ndi akuthodwa,” akumati: “Ine ndidzakupumulitsani inu. . . . Ndiri wofatsa ndi wodzichepetsa mtima: ndipo mudzapeza mpumulo wa miyoyo yanu.” (Mateyu 11:28, 29) Nchitokoso chotani nanga chimene amuna ndi atate Achikristu ali nacho! Aliyense ayenera kudzifunsa kuti: ‘Kodi ine ndimapereka mpumulo kwa mkazi wanga kapena kumtsendereza? Kodi ndiri wokoma mtima ndi wofikirika, kapena kodi ndimakhoterera kukhala wankhalwe, mbuye wankhanza, kapena wotsendereza ufulu? Kodi ndimasonyeza “chikondi chaubale” pamisonkhano Yachikristu ndiyeno kukhala wankhaza kunyumba?’ Simuyenera kukhala amuna amkhalidwe wa namzikambe mumpingo Wachikristu.—1 Petro 3:8, 9, NW.

Nchifukwa chake, sipangakhale zifukwa zomveka za malongosoledwe a mwamuna wina operekedwa ndi mkazi wina Wachikristu wochitiridwa nkhanza akuti: “Ali mutu Wachikristu wowonekera kukhala wokoma mtima pa Nyumba Yaufumu ndipo amagulira ena mphatso koma amachitira mkazi wake ngati chinyalala.” Kuchitira mkazi ulemu woyenera sikumasiya mpata wakupondereza ndi kululuza. Ndithudi, nkhani imeneyi njambali ziŵiri; mkazi nayenso ayenera kuchitira mwamuna wake ulemu woyenera.—Aefeso 5:33; 1 Petro 3:1, 2.

Kutsimikizira zapamwambazo, Dr. Susan Forward analemba kuti: “Unansi wabwino ngwozikidwa pakulemekezana.” Zimenezo zimachititsa aŵiriwo kukhala ndi thayo lakupeza chipambano. Mkaziyu akupitiriza kuti: “Umaphatikizapo kuderana nkhaŵa ndi kuzindikira zolingalira ndi zosoŵa za wina, limodzi ndi kuzindikira zinthu zimene zimachititsa mnzawo wamuukwati kukhala wapadera. . . . Okwatirana okondana amapeza njira zothandiza zothetsera mavuto awo; samawona mkangano uliwonse kukhala nkhondo imene wina ayenera kupambana kapena kulephera.”—Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them.

Ndiponso Baibulo limapereka uphungu wabwino kwa amuna pa Aefeso 5:28 kuti: “Amuna azikonda akazi awo a iwo okha monga ngati matupi a iwo okha. Wokonda mkazi wa iye yekha, adzikonda yekha.” Kodi nchifukwa ninji mawu amenewo ali owona? Chifukwa chakuti ukwati uli ngati akaunti ya kubanki ya anthu aŵiri mu imene aŵiri onsewo aikamo 50 peresenti. Ngati mwamuna awawanya zirizonse za ndalamazo, amawononga mkhalidwe wa zandalama wa iwo onse aŵiri. Mofananamo, ngati mwamuna avulaza mkazi wake mwanjira iriyonse, pamenepo mkupita kwa nthaŵi yaifupi kapena yaitali, nayenso amadzadzivulaza yekha. Chifukwa ninji? Chifukwa chakuti ukwati wake uli chuma choikiziridwa cha anthu aŵiri. Mutawawanya chumacho, mumavulazanso enichuma aŵiriwo.

Pali mfundo ina yofunika yoyenera kukumbukira pa nkhani ya ulemu—kuti sufunikira kukakamizidwa. Pamene kuli kwakuti aliyense wa okwatiranawo ali ndi thayo lakuchitira mnzake ulemu, ulemuwo sumadza wokha. Kristu sanapeze ulemu mwakuyesa kukakamiza ulamuliro wake kapena malo kuti aupeze.a Mofananamo, muukwati mwamuna ndi mkazi amapeza ulemu wawo mwakukomerana mtima, osati mwakugwiritsira ntchito malemba Abaibulo kukakamiza mnzawo wa muukwati.

Kusonyeza Ulemu Pantchito

Kodi amuna ayenera kuwona akazi monga ododometsa thamo lawo monga amuna? M’bukhu lake lakuti Feminism Without Illusions, Elizabeth Fox-Genovese analemba kuti: “Kunena zowona, akazi ambiri lerolino amafuna zimene amuna ambiri amafuna: kupeza zinthu zokwanira, kukhala ndi moyo wolemerera, ndi kukhala ndi moyo popanda kuchititsa mavuto ochuluka.” Kodi chikhumbo chimenecho kapena chonulirapo chiyenera kulingaliridwa kukhala chidodometso kwa amuna? Iye anatinso: “Kodi nchifukwa ninji sitimavomereza kuti, mosasamala kanthu za masinthidwe onse amene achitika padziko lathuli kapena amene angachitike, kusiyana kulipobe ndipo kungakhale kosangalatsa?”

Amuna Achikristu amene amatumikira monga akapitawo kapena oyang’anira kwenikweni amafunikira kulemekeza malo a akazi amene amagwira nawo ntchito ndi kukumbukira kuti mkazi wokwatiwa ali ndi mwamuna mmodzi yekha monga “mutu” wake m’lingaliro Labaibulo, mwamuna wake. Ena angakhale m’malo auyang’aniro ndipo amalemekezedwa kaamba ka zimenezo; komanso m’lingaliro lenileni Labaibulo, palibe mwamuna aliyense amene ali “mutu” wa mkaziyo kusiyapo mwamuna wake.—Aefeso 5:22-24.

Nthaŵi zonse kukambitsirana pantchito kuyenera kukhala kolemekezeka. Pamene amuna agwiritsira ntchito mawu amatanthauzo aŵiri kapena okhala ndi cholinga chakugonana pokambirana, sakuchitira akaziwo ulemu, ndiponso sakukulitsa mbiri ya iwo eni. Paulo analembera Akristu kuti: “Koma dama ndi chidetso chonse, kapena chisiriro, zisatchulidwe ndi kutchulidwa komwe mwa inu, monga kuyenera oyera mtima; kapena chinyanso, ndi kulankhula zopanda pake, kapena zopusa zimene siziyenera; koma makamaka chiyamiko.”—Aefeso 5:3, 4.

Kusintha ntchito popanda kupenda malingaliro a mkazi kuli njira ina yosonyeza kupanda ulemu. Jean, yemwe ndinesi, ananena kuti: “Kukhala bwino kwambiri ngati pangakhale kukambirana ntchito zathu zisanasinthidwe. Ndithudi kakakhala kachitidwe kopindulitsa. Akazi amafuna kuchitiridwa mokoma mtima ndi kudzimva kukhala oŵerengeredwa ndi olemekezedwa.”

Mbali ina yophatikizapo ulemu pantchito ndiyo chopinga chimene akazi ena amatcha “chopinga chagalasi.” Chimenecho chimatanthauza “malingaliro okondera m’makampani amene amalepheretsa akazi kupeza malo apamwamba aumanijala m’maindasitale apulaiveti.” (The New York Times, January 3, 1992) Monga chotulukapo, kufufuza kwaposachedwapa ku United States kunavumbula kuti peresenti yochepa ya ntchito zapamwamba zimagwiridwa ndi akazi, kuyambira 14 peresenti ku Hawaii ndi 18 peresenti ku Utah kufikira 39 peresenti ku Louisiana. Ngati ulemu usonyezedwa, kukwezedwa pantchito sikudzazikidwa pa ukazi kapena umuna koma pa luso ndi chidziŵitso. Dairekitala wa kufufuzako Sharon Harlan ananena kuti: “Zinthu zikuwongokera, koma . . . pakadali mbali zopinga zochuluka kwa akazi.”

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Bokosi patsamba 14]

ULEMU Kodi Akazi Angachitenji?

● Pezani ndipo sungitsani ULEMU WANU

● Fotokozani bwino lomwe zimene mumalola kunenedwa ndi kuchitidwa pamaso panu

● Perekani malire oyenera a mkhalidwe wovomerezeka ndi kalankhulidwe

● Osayesa kupikisana ndi amuna m’nkhani zonyansa ndi nthabwala zokaikiritsa; sizimakupangani kukhala dona wovomerezeka ndipo sizimaŵapanga kukhala abwana

● Osavala zovala zodzutsa nyere, mosasamala kanthu za chimene mafashoni amakono angakhale; kavalidwe kanu kamasonyeza mlingo wanu wakudzilemekeza

● Dzipezereni ulemu mwa mkhalidwe wanu; patsani amuna ulemu umene mumafuna kwa iwo

● Musakhale achimasomaso

ULEMU Kodi Amuna Angachitenji?

● Chitirani akazi onse ulemu; musathupsidwe ndi mkazi waliuma

● Musazoloŵerane kwambiri ndi mkazi amene saali mkazi wanu, mukumagwiritsira ntchito mawu achikondi mosafunika

● Peŵani nthabwala zonyansa ndi kapenyedwe kopereka malingaliro okaikiritsa

● Musathokhoze mopambanitsa, ndipo peŵani kusisita kosayenera

● Musachepse kapena kululuza ntchito yake kapena umunthu wake

● Funsani, mvetserani, ndipo lankhulani motsimikiza

● Sonyezani chiyamikiro kaamba ka ntchito ya mkaziyo

● Thandizani ntchito zapanyumba. Ngati muganiza kuti zimakuchotserani ulemu, bwanji ponena wa iye?

● Ngati mukukhala ndi makolo anu, zindikirani zitsenderezo zimene mkazi wanu akupirira nazo. Iye tsopano ali thayo lanu loyamba ndipo afunikira chichirikizo chanu (Mateyu 19:5)