Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .
Nchifukwa Ninji Amayi ndi Atate Analekana?
“Atate anatisiyapo kale,” akutero Denny. “Koma iwo nthaŵi zambiri ankabwereranso.” Nthaŵi ino, ngakhale kuli tero, chinali chosiyana. Akukumbukira tero Maurice, mbale wachichepere wa Denny: “Tsiku lina ndinali pamalo anga oseŵerera ana, kuchokera kumene ndikakhoza kuwona bwalo lathu la kumbuyo. Ndinawona Atate akuyesera kulowa mokakamiza m’nyumba yathu. Kenaka ndinazindikira kuti iwo sanali kukhala ndi ife nkomwe. Zinangochitika kuti Amayi anali anasinthanitsa maloko.”
Kwa Annette, kulekana kwa makolo ake sikunali nsonga yotsirizira. “Makolo anga akhala akulekana—chiyambire pamene ndinali wa zaka zisanu ndi zitatu,” iye akukumbukira tero. “Koma iwo sanalekane kwa nthaŵi yaitali. Pambuyo pa miyezi ingapo, Amayi akakhoza kuitana Atate ndi kunena kuti, ‘CHABWINO, ndakukhululukira,’ ndipo akabwererananso. Koma Atate ali akumwa moŵa. Iwo anakhoza kulakwira Amayi kotheratu ndipo kenaka kubweranso, ndipo Amayi ankawakhululukira iwo. Ndinada kuchita kwa amayi tero.”
CHISUDZULO. Kulekana. Kusweka. Achichepere oposa miliyoni imodzi pa chaka mu United States mokha amachitira umboni kusweka kwa ukwati wa makolo awo.
Chisudzulo chimakalipitsa. Icho kaŵirikaŵiri chimabweretsa manyazi oipa, ukali, kudera nkhaŵa, mantha a kukanidwa, liwongo, kupsyinjika, kudzimva kwa kutaikiridwa—ngakhale chikhumbo kaamba ka kubwezera. Achichepere omwe alongosoledwa pamwambawo anachilongosola icho mwanjirayi:
“Ndinali wokalipitsidwa. Ndinasangalala kuti potsirizira pake chinali cha mtendere panyumba, koma sindinakhale wosangalala kuti Atate anali atapita. Sindinalingalire kuti chinali cholondola kwa Atate kupita!”—Maurice.
“Ndinali mumkhalidwe wonga wopwetekedwa ndi wochititsidwa manyazi. Tinabwera pamudzipo monga banja, ndipo tsopano tinalekana. Pamene anthu anafunsa, ‘Kodi Atate ako ali kuti?’ ndinakhoza kuwapatsa iwo chodzikhululukira, koma sindinakhoze kunena kuti makolo anga analekana.”—Denny.
“Ndinadzimva kukhala wokanidwa ndi waliwongo. Amayi ndi ine nthaŵi zonse tinali ndi unansi wathithithi, umene Atate sanaufune. Ndinadabwa ngati iwo akanakhoza kukhala bwino ngati sindikanakhalapo.”—Annette.
Mmene Chisudzulo Chimakuyambukirirani
Ngati makolo anu posachedwapa asudzulana kapena kulekana, inu nanunso mungakhale mukudzimva wosokonezeka ndi wokalipitsidwa. M’chenicheni, Mlengi wathu wachikondi anafuna kuti inu muleredwe ndi onse aŵiri amayi ndi atate omwe amakukondani. (Aefeso 6:1-3) Komabe, tsopano mwalandidwa kukhalapo kwa tsiku ndi tsiku kwa makolo amene mumakonda. “Ine ndithudi ndinadalira pa atate ndi kufuna kukhala ndi iwo,” anadzimva wachisoni tero Paul, amene makolo ake analekana pamene anali wa zaka zisanu ndi ziŵiri. “Koma Amayi anapatsidwa lamulo la kukhala ndi ife.”
Kukhala mutaleredwa kokha ndi kholo limodzi—nthaŵi zambiri amayi—kaŵirikaŵiri kumatanthauza kuti inu mukuvutika kusoweka kwa chuma. Ichi chinali chowona ponena za ana “opanda atate” ngakhale m’nthaŵi za Baibulo. (Deuteronomo 10:17-19) Keith, mwachitsanzo, amakumbukira mavuto otsatira kusweka kwa maukwati aŵiri a amayi wake:
“Atate anachokapo pamene ndinali wa zaka zisanu. Ilo linali loto. Moyo unali wosakhazikika; tinkasamuka miyezi isanu ndi umodzi iriyonse. Amayi anali osaphunzira, opanda ntchito, osati nchimodzi chomwe. Tinasamuka kuchoka pa nyumba yosanjikana imodzi kupita ku inzake, kaŵirikaŵiri tikumangopitikitsidwa chifukwa chakuti sanakhoze kulipira ngongole.
“Kenaka Amayi anakwatiwa ndi mwamuna wabwino kwambiri. Ine ndinawakondadi iwo. Kwa nthaŵi imodzi m’moyo wanga, tinali okhazikika ndipo sitinali kusamukasamuka mozungulira panthaŵiyo. Tinakhala m’nyumba, osati yosanjikana, yokhala ndi bwalo ndi galu! Koma mwamsanga anayambanso kumenyana, ndipo Amayi potsirizira pake ananena kuti anafuna kuchokapo. Ndinalowereramo m’kumenyanako, ndikumalira kuti ndinafuna kukhala! Koma sichinaphule kanthu, ngakhale kuli tero. Tinachokapo kukakhala ndi azakhali anga.”
Mutalingalira mavuto oterowo—osatchula nkomwe kukhala opanikizidwa kuti musankhe pakati pa anthu aŵiri omwe mumakonda kapena kulekanitsidwa ku mabwenzi—inu mwaukali mungaipsyidwe ndi kusudzulana kwa makolo anu. Chenicheni chakuti inu mumadziŵa mabanja ena omwe apita kupyola mu zinthu zofananazo chimakhala chosatonthoza. ‘Nchifukwa ninji ichi chachitika kwa makolo anga?’ inu mumadabwa.
Chifukwa Chimene Makolo Amaswekera
Zowona, makolo anu angakhale anatsutsanapo nthaŵi zina pamene inu mulipo. Iwo angakhale anali achiwawa. Ngakhale pamenepo, inu mungakhale musanalotepo kuti iwo angakhoze kulekana! Makolo ena amakhoza kusunga mavuto awo mobisika. “Sindikukumbukira kuwona makolo anga akumenyana,” watero Lynn, amene makolo ake anasudzulana pamene anali mwana. “Ndinalingalira kuti ankamvana.” Ndithudi, ofufuza za chisudzulo Judith S. Wallerstein ndi Joan Kelly apeza “kuti kwakukulukulu mmodzi mwa atatu a ana [a makolo osudzulana] anali ndi kuzindikira kochepa kwa kupanda chisangalalo kwa makolo awo.”
Ngakhale kuti mungapemphe makolo anu kaamba ka kulongosola, inu mungakhoze kokha kulandira zenizeni kapena chinyengo chofala. Wallerstein ndi Kelly anapeza kuti “anayi mwa makumi asanu a ana achichepere [a makolo osudzulana] anaphunzira kuti sanapatsidwe kaya ndi kulongosola kokhutiritsa kapena chitsimikiziro cha kupitirizirabe ndi chisamaliro. M’chenicheni, iwo anadzuka m’mawa mwina kungopeza kholo limodzi litapita.”
Chotero, momvekera, chisudzulo pansi pa mkhalidwe uliwonse chingakhale kukantha koipa. Ngakhale kuti Baibulo limalangiza kuti “mkazi safunikira kulekana ndi mwamuna wake” ndipo “mwamuna safunikira kusiya mkazi wake,” kusweka kwa maukwati kwakhala nsonga yoŵaŵa ya moyo wamakono. (1 Akorinto 7:10, 11) Chifukwa chake?
Chiri chachisoni kunena kuti, nthaŵi zina kholo limakhala ndi liwongo la mkhalidwe woipa wa kugonana. Ndipo pamene ichi chachitika, Mulungu amalola kholo lopanda mlandu kupeza chisudzulo. (Mateyu 19:9) Mu milandu ina, “mkwiyo ndi kupsya mtima ndi mwano” zimadzetsa chiwawa, zikumapangitsa kholo kuwopa kaamba ka kukhalapo kwake kwa kuthupi ndi kuja kwa ana.—Aefeso 4:31.
Zisudzulo zina, molandirika, zimatengedwa pa maziko opanda pake, makamaka ngati aŵiriwo sali ofunitsitsa kutsatira malamulo a Baibulo. Mwachitsanzo, m’malo mwa kugwirira ntchito pa mavuto awo, ena mwadyera amasudzulana chifukwa chakuti iwo amadzinenera kuti ali ‘opanda chimwemwe,’ ‘osakwaniritsa,’ kapena ‘sakukondananso.’ Mosapita pambali, uku kuli kokalipitsa kwa Mulungu amene “amada kulekana.” (Malaki 2:16) Yesu chotsatira anasonyeza kuti ena adzaswa maukwati awo chifukwa chakuti anzawo akhala Akristu.—Mateyu 10:34-36.
Chifukwa Chimene Kukuuzani Kuli Kovuta
Chifukwa chimene makolo anu alekana, ngakhale kuli tero, chingakhale cha chinsinsi kwa inu. Komabe, chinsinsi chawo kapena yankho lopanda zenizeni silimatanthauza kuti samakukondani. Chisudzulo chimasokoneza makolo. Wofufuza Wallerstein wanena kuti chimatenga mkazi wolingalira bwino kuchoka pa “zaka 3 kufika ku 3 1/2” kuti apezenso kulinganizika pambuyo pa chisudzulo. Ndipo pamene kuli kwakuti amuna amawonekera kuchira mwamsanga kwambiri, mlembi Frank Ferrara (yemwe anasudzulapo iyemwini) walongosola kuti: ‘Ali mwamuna wosalingalira bwino amene samadzimva waliwongo, wosungulumwa, waukali, wopsyinjika, lingaliro la kulephera, kulekedwa.’ Atakutidwa m’kuvulazika kwawo, makolo anu angachipeze kukhala chovuta kulongosola ponena za chisudzulo. Monga mmene Baibulo limanenera kuti: “Kodi walefuka tsiku la tsoka? Mphamvu yako ichepa.”—Miyambo 24:10.
Ndiponso, chimatenga kaŵirikaŵiri anthu aŵiri ‘kugwetsa pansi’ banja, ndipo makolo anu angachipeze icho kukhala chopanda pake ndi chodzetsa manyazi kuvomereza ku zolephera zawo. (Yerekezani ndi Miyambo 14:1.) Pa nthaŵi zina ngakhale kholo limene mnzake wa mu ukwati wachita chigololo amakhala wosinkhasinkha kuvumbula chinsinsi cha mwamuna kapena mkazi wake.
Chimene Mungachite
Ngakhale kuti kukhala mumdima kumakhala kogwiritsa mwala, kumachita zabwino zochepa kwa inu zochita ndi mkwiyo ndi kukalipa. M’malomwake, gwiritsirani ntchito mphamvu za kulingalira ndi kuzindikira kuti mudzichinjirize inu eni kuchoka ku kuvulazika kwa malingaliro kosatha. (Miyambo 2:11) Yesani kulingalira nthaŵi yabwino ya kukambitsirana mwabata zodera nkhaŵa zanu ndi makolo anu. (Miyambo 25:11) Alekeni iwo adziŵe mmene muliri okwiyitsidwa ndi osokonezeka ponena za chisudzulo.
Mwinamwake makolo anu adzakupatsani inu kulongosola kokhutiritsa. Ngati sitero, musadere nkhaŵa. Dzifunseni inu eni, kodi chiridi cholakwa kaamba ka makolo anga kubisa chidziŵitso kwa ine? Kodi Yesu sanabise chidziŵitso chimene anadzimva kuti ophunzira ake sanali okonzekera kuchitenga? (Yohane 16:12) Ndipo kodi makolo anu alibe kuyenera kwa kubisa chinsinsi? Pambali pa icho, ngati makolo anu apeza chisudzulo pa maziko a chisembwere cha kugonana, kodi atatewo kapena mayiwo sakugwiritsira ntchito kuyenera kwa Malemba?
Dziŵani, kachiŵirinso, mkhalidwe wa malingaliro wa makolo anu. Monga chokalipitsa—ngakhale chatsoka—mmene chisudzulo chingawonekere kwa inu, kodi simungakhoze kuwona kuti chiri chokalipitsa mofananamo kwa makolo anu? Kodi chingakhale chenicheni kuyembekezera kulongosola kotalikira kuchokera kwa iwo pa nthaŵiyi?
Potsirizira pake, yamikirani kuti chisudzulo, mosasamala kanthu za chochititsa chake, chiri kusamvana pakati pa iwo—osati inu! Mu phunziro lawo la mabanja osudzulana 60, Wallerstein ndi Kelly anapeza kuti okwatiranawo anapatsana mlandu wina ndi mnzake, owalemba ntchito, ziwalo za banja, ndi mabwenzi kaamba ka chisudzulocho. Koma, anatero ofufuzawo: “Palibe aliyense, mokondweretsa, anapatsa liwongo kwa ana.” Chotero ngati mungafune kukhala ndi moyo kwa kanthaŵi popanda kudziŵa chifukwa chake, pezani chitonthozo m’kudziŵa kuti chisudzulo sichiri kaamba ka liwongo lanu. Ndi kuti mosasamala kanthu za mavuto awo pa wina ndi mnzake, kudzimva kwa makolo anu kulinga kwa inu ndi kosasinthidwa.
Ayi, ichi sichidzachotsapo kuŵaŵa kwa chisudzulo cha makolo anu. Koma kuyesa kumvetsetsa ponena pa chimene chachitika pakati pa iwo kungakhale njira yoyamba ya kubwezeretsa moyo wanu weniweniwo m’njira.
[Chithunzi patsamba 24]
Kupenyerera kusweka kwa ukwati wa makolo anu chiri chimodzi cha zokumana nazo zoŵaŵa zosakhoza kuyerekezedwa