Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .
Kodi Ndingaiwale Bwanji Kusudzulana kwa Makolo Anga?
“Ndimakumbukira pamene atate anatisiya ife. Ife ndithudi sitinadziŵe chomwe chinkachitika. Amayi anayenera kupita ku ntchito ndi kutisiya ife tokha nthaŵi zonse. Nthaŵi zina tinkakhala kokha pafupi ndi zenera ndi kukhala odera nkhaŵa kaya ngati nawonso anatisiya. . . . ”—Mtsikana kuchokera ku banja losudzulana.
CHISUDZULO chimawoneka ngati kutha kwa dziko, tsoka lomwe lingayambitse chisoni chokwanira kukhala kosatha. Ngakhale kuli tero, ngati banja lanu liri m’vuto la kulekana, limbikani mtima. Inu mungachire.
Ichi sichimatanthauza kuti zinthu zidzapitirizabe kukhala m’njira imene zinkakhalira. Chisudzulo, mwachisoni kuchinena, chiridi matsiriziro a zinthu. Komabe, kunyazitsidwa, malingaliro a kukwiyitsidwa ndi kuperekedwa, mantha akuti makolo anu sakukukondaninso—malingaliro ovulaza amenewa angasungidwe bwino lomwe ndipo moyo wanu ungabwezeredwenso m’njira yakale. Monga mmene Baibulo limanenera, pali “nthaŵi ya kuchiza.”—Mlaliki 3:3.
Ziyambukiro Zochiza za Nthaŵi
Kuchiza, ngakhale ndi tero, kumatenga nthaŵi. Ndiko nkomwe, bala lenileni, longa ngati fupa losweka, lingatenge milungu kapena ngakhale miyezi kuti lichire kotheratu. Kodi simungayembekeze chofananacho pamene chidza ku bala la malingaliro? Ndi kokha nthaŵi yochulukira chotani, ngakhale ndi tero, imene chidzatenga musanayambe kudzimva wabwino kachiŵirinso?
Ofufuza Wallerstein ndi Kelly, omwe anaphunzira ana a mabanja olekana, apeza kuti m’kokha zaka ziŵiri pambuyo pa kulekana “mantha ofalikira, chisoni, kusakhulupirira kodabwitsa . . . kunatha kapena kunalekeratu.” Akatswiri ena amadzimva kuti kuipitsitsa kwa kulekana kumatha mkati mwa kokha zaka zitatu. Ichi chingawoneke monga chinthu chosatha, koma zochulukira zifunikira kuchitika moyo wanu usanakhazikike.
Chinthu chimodzi ndicho chakuti, kachitidwe ka tsiku ndi tsiku ka banja lanu—kosokonezedwa ndi kulekana—kafunikira kulinganizidwanso. Kungatenge miyezi ingapo, mwachitsanzo, zakudya ndi zochapa zisanasamaliridwe bwino lomwe monga mmene zinkachitidwira, makamaka ngati amayi anu ayamba ntchito yakuthupi kuti alipire zotaika. Nthaŵi idzapitanso makolo anu asanachire m’malingaliro. Kufikira nthaŵiyo ndi pamene potsirizira pake adzakhala okhoza kukupatsani chichirikizo chofunika.
Pamene moyo wanu upezanso chichirikizo chokhazikika, inu mudzayamba kudzimva wabwino kachiŵirinso. Kupita kwa nthaŵi kuli imodzi ya mankhwala abwino kaamba ka kuchiritsa mabala a kulekana. Chikhalirechobe, pali zochulukira zimene mungachite pa mbali pa kuleka nthaŵi kupita.
Peŵani Kukumbukira Zakale
Wa zaka zakubadwa 12 wotchedwa Joseph wanena kuti: “Kusanachitike kusudzulana, inali nyumba ya phokoso. Tinkapita ku maseŵera a mpira, kuchita maseŵera pamodzi, kuwonerera TV. Tsopano palibe phokoso, mposungulumwa, palibe chochita, palibe maseŵera a mpira opitako.” Njira ya magwero a kutalikitsa kuwawa kwa chisudzulo iri kukhalirira pa zakale. Solomo anachenjeza kuti: “Usanene, kodi bwanji masiku akale anapambana ano? Pakuti siuli kufunsa kwa nzeru pamenepo.” (Mlaliki 7:10) Kukhalirira pa zikumbukiro za mmene moyo unaliri kumbuyo kumakwaniritsa zocheperapo kuposa kukupangitsani kukhala wopsyinjika mokulira.
Kukhalirira pa zakale kungakupangitseni kukhala wakhungu ku zatsopano. Mwachitsanzo, kodi mkhalidwe wa banja lanu unali wotani chisudzulo chisanachitike? “Nthaŵi zonse panali kumenyana kokulira—kulira kowirikiza ndi kuitanana maina oipa,” anavomereza tero Annette. Kodi zingakhale kuti, kenaka, inu tsopano mukusangalala ndi chinachake chomwe kumbuyoko chinkasowa m’banja lanu—mtendere ndi bata?
‘Ndingawabwezeretse Iwo Pamodzi’
Bukhu lakuti Stress, Coping, and Development in Children linasimba kuti: “Chiŵerengero chokulira modabwitsa cha ana okulira nawonso anali ndi vuto la kuvomereza zenizeni za chisudzulo, ndipo mkhalidwe wawo unawunikira mavuto awo.” Ena akusamalira maloto a kubweretsa pamodzi makolo awo kachiŵirinso, mwinamwake kumamatira kumaloto oterowo ngakhale pambuyo pakuti makolo awo akwatiranso!
Komabe, kukana chisudzulo sikumasintha chirichonse. Ndipo misozi yonseyo, kudandaula, ndi zolinganiza m’dziko mwinamwake sikudzapangitsa makolo anu kugwirizana kachiŵirinso. Chotero nchifukwa ninji kumadzizunza inu eni mwa kukhalirira pa ziyembekezero zosatheka? “Chiyembekezo chozengereza chidwalitsa mtima,” limatero Baibulo. (Miyambo 13:12) Osati kokha chimenecho, iko kungasokoneze kuchita kwanu zinthu zophulapo kanthu ndi moyo wanu. Solomo ananena kuti pali “mphindi ya kutaya.” (Mlaliki 3:6) Chotero landirani zonse ziŵiri zenizeni ndi kukhalirira kwa chisudzulo—njira yaikulu kulinga ku kuchiiwala icho.
Kumvana ndi Makolo Anu
Iyi ingakhale imodzi ya ntchito zovuta kwambiri za moyo wanu. Inu mungakhale okwiya molondola ndi iwo kaamba ka kusokoneza moyo wanu. Monga mmene mwamuna wachichepere wina anachiikira icho mokwiya: “Makolo anga anali adyera. Iwo ndithudi sanalingalire ponena za ife ndi mmene chimene iwo anachita chikatiyambukirira ife. Iwo anangopitirizabe ndi kupanga makonzedwe awo.” Wachichepere wina anati: “Atate anabweretsa miyoyo iŵiri m’dziko ndipo samasamalira ponena za iyo mokulira monga mmene amachitira ndi galimoto lawo latsopano.” Zonsezi zingakhale zowona. Koma kodi mungapite kupyola m’moyo kunyamula katundu wa mkwiyo ndi kuipitsidwa ndipo osadzivulaza inu eni? Anatero wofufuza chisudzulo Judith Wallerstein: “Ukali woterowo sunalekanitse kokha mwana kuchokera kwa kholo, koma kaŵirikaŵiri unatsogolera mwana . . . m’mikhalidwe yoipa . . . yolinganizidwa pa kuchititsa manyazi ndi kulanga kholo lopatsidwa mlandu wa kupangitsa chisudzulo.”
Baibulo limalangiza kuti: “Chiwawa chonse ndi kupsya mtima, ndi mkwiyo, . . . zichotsedwe kwa inu . . . koma mukhalirane wokoma mtima ndi mnzake, a mtima wa chifundo, a kukhululukira nokha.” (Aefeso 4:31, 32) Kodi ndimotani mmene mungakhululukire winawake yemwe wakuvulazani mokulira? Yeserani kuwona makolo ndi cholinga—monga okhoza kuphophonya, anthu opanda ungwiro, okhoza kuchita mkhalidwe uliwonse wa kuphophonya. Inde, ngakhale makolo ‘amachimwa ndi kupereŵera mu ulemerero wa Mulungu.’ (Aroma 3:23) Kuzindikira chimenechi kudzakuthandizani kumvana ndi makolo anu. Ngakhale kuti ali wovulazidwabe ndi kusudzulana kwa makolo ake, mwamuna wachichepere mmodzi wanena ponena za iwo kuti: “Mosasamala kanthu za chirichonse, ndalingalira nthaŵi zonse kuti iwo anali anthu abwino. Ndimangodzimva kuti sanasankhe bwino mnzawo wa mu ukwati.”
Bata lolunjika ponena za makolo anu lidzakuthandizaninso inu kuwona kulephera kwawo kwa muukwati, osati monga kuphophonya kwaumwini kapena monga kukukanani, koma monga vuto pakati pawo.
Lankhulani Malingaliro Anu
“Sindinakambepo ndithudi mmene ndidadzimverera ponena za kulekana kwa makolo anga,” Mwamuna wachichepere mmodzi ananena tero pamene anafunsidwa ndi Galamukani! Ngakhale kuti poyamba anali wodekha, wachichepereyo anakhala wa malingaliro mowonjezereka—ngakhale kulira—pamene analankhula ponena za kusudzulana kwa makolo ake. Malingaliro omwe anafocheredwa kwa nthaŵi yaitali anavumbulidwa. Atadabwitsidwa pa ichi, iye anavomereza kuti: “Chinandithandiza ndithudi ine kulankhula.”
Inu mofananamo mungachipeze icho kukhala chothandiza kulankhula kwa winawake, m’malo mwa kudzipatula inu eni. Lolani makolo anu adziŵe kokha mmene mumadzimverera, chimene misozi yanu ndi kudera nkhaŵa kwanu kuli. (Yerekezani Miyambo 23:26.) Kufufuza kwasonyeza kuti ana omwe amachira mopita patsogolo kuchokera ku kusudzulana ali “ndi mphamvu ya kufikira dziko lowazungulira, ku makolo opeza, aphunzitsi, mabwenzi, mabwenzi a makolo, ndi agogo.” Akristu achikulire angakhoze kuthandiza. Keith, mwachitsanzo, anapeza zochepera kapena popanda thandizo lirilonse kuchokera ku banja lake, lomwe linagawidwa pakati ndi chisudzulo. Komabe iye wanena kuti, “Mpingo Wachikristu unakhala banja langa.”
Pamwamba pa zonse, pezani khutu lomvetsera ndi Atate wanu wakumwamba, “Wakumva wa pemphero.” (Masalmo 65:2) “Tsanulirani mitima yanu pamaso pake.” (Masalmo 62:8) Wachichepere wotchedwa Paul amakumbukira chomwe chinamthandiza iye kupirira kusudzulana kwa makolo ake: “Ndinapemphera nthaŵi zonse ndipo ndinadzimva nthaŵi zonse kuti Yehova anali munthu weniweni.”
Kuchita Ndi Moyo Wanu
Mutayerekeza, pambuyo pa chisudzulo, zinthu sizingakhale chimodzimodzi. Ichi sichimatanthauza, ngakhale ndi tero, kuti moyo wanu sungakhale wophulapo kanthu ndi wachimwemwe. Baibulo limalangiza kuti, “Musakhale aulesi m’machitidwe anu.” (Aroma 12:11) Inde, m’malo mwa kudzilola inu eni kutopetsedwa ndi chisoni, kuvulazidwa, kapena mkwiyo, pitirizani ndi moyo wanu! Khalani olowetsedwa mu ntchito yanu ya ku sukulu. Tsatirani chizolowezi mu umoyo. Khalani ndi “zambiri zochita m’ntchito ya Ambuye.”—1 Akorinto 15:58.
Kuiwala chisudzulo sikuli kopepuka. Chidzatenga ntchito, kugamulapo, ndi kupita kwa nthaŵi. Koma potsirizira pake, kusweka kwa ukwati wa makolo anu sikudzakhalanso chinthu cholamulira m’moyo wanu.
[Chithunzi patsamba 18]
Kukhalirira pa zikumbukiro za mmene moyo unaliri kungakhoze kokha kukupsyinjani