Chisudzulo—Zotulukapo Zake Zoŵaŵa

SAALI maloya kapena mabwenzi kapena ofalitsa nkhani kapena “akatswiri” amene amavutika ndi zotulukapo za chisudzulo. Ali okwatirana osudzulanawo—ndi ana awo—amene amavutika ndi zotulukapo zomalizira.a Kutalitali ndikukhala chimasuko, chisudzulo chingadzetse kutaikiridwa kwakukulu.

M’bukhu la The Case Against Divorce, Diane Medved akuvomereza kuti poyamba anafuna kulemba bukhu lomwe likakhala “lauchete pamakhalidwe” pankhani ya chisudzulo. Komabe, anakakamizika kusintha maganizo ake. Chifukwa ninji? Iye akulemba kuti: “M’kufufuza kwanga ndinapeza kuti kachitidwe ndi zotulukapo za chisudzulo ziri zosakaza kwenikweni—kuthupi, maganizo ndi mzimu—kwakuti m’nkhani zambiri, ‘mankhwala’ amene chimabweretsa alidi oipitsitsa kuposa ‘matenda’ a ukwatiwo.”

Ann, wotchulidwa m’nkhani yapitayo, akutsimikizira kuti: “Ndinaganiza kuti chisudzulo chikadzetsa mpumulo. Ndinaganiza kuti nditangochokamo muukwatiwu, pamenepo zinthu zikakhala bwino. Koma chisudzulocho chisanachitike, kuvutika maganizo kwanga kunandipangitsa kuzindikira kuti ndinali wamoyo. Pamene ndinasudzulidwa, sindinamve ngati wamoyo. Ndinakhala wotaikiridwa kwambiri kwakuti ndinamva ngati sindine. Zinalidi zoipa. Sindingathe kufotokoza mmene ndinamvera.” Pambuyo pa chisudzulo, ziyembekezo zosatsimikizirika za ufulu ndi chisangalalo zinaphimbidwa ndi zenizeni za moyo uno.

Chowonadi nchakuti, ngakhale ngati pali zifukwa zenizeni za chisudzulo, zotulukapo zake zingakhale zopweteka ndi zokhalitsa. Chotero aliyense amene akulingalira kachitidwe kowopsa kameneka angakhale wanzeru kulingalira uphungu wa Yesu uwu: ‘Ŵerengerani mtengo.’ (Luka 14:28) Kwenikwenidi, kodi mtengo wake wina ngwotani, ziyambukiro zina zopweteka za chisudzulo?

Ziyambukiro Pamaganizo ndi Makhalidwe

Kupenda kwaposachedwapa kofalitsidwa mu Journal of Marriage and the Family kunasonyeza kuti chisudzulo chiri chogwirizanitsidwa ndi kupanda chimwemwe ndi kuchita tondovi. Osudzulanawo anali othekera kukhala ochita tondovi, ndipo amene anasudzulana nthaŵi zambiri anali kuchita tondovi kaŵirikaŵiri kwambiri. Katswiri wamakhalidwe a anthu Lenore Weitzman, m’bukhu lake lakuti The Divorce Revolution, akunena kuti pali chiŵerengero chachikulu cha anthu osudzulana ndi olekana amene amagonekedwa m’chipatala cha anthu amisala; amadwala kwambiri, kufa mosayenera, ndi kudzipha.

M’kupenda kwake anthu okwanira 200, Medved anapeza kuti chisudzulo chinasiya amuna ndi akazi ovutika maganizo kwa zaka zokwanira zisanu ndi ziŵiri pa avareji, ena kwa zaka makumi angapo. Chinthu chimodzi chimene sichinayambukiridwe ndi chisudzulo, chimene anapeza, chinali khalidwe loipa limene linachititsa okwatiranawo kusudzulana. Pamenepo, nkosadabwitsa kuti maukwati achiŵiri ngothekera kwambiri kulephera kuposa maukwati oyambawo!

Mmalo mowongolera mkhalidwe, kaŵirikaŵiri chisudzulo chimakhala ndi chiyambukiro choipa pamakhalidwe. Ofufuza apeza kuti pambuyo pa chisudzulo, amuna ndi akazi ambiri amachita ngati nkubwereranso ku unyamata. Iwo amalaŵa ufulu wawo wopezedwa chatsopano mwakulondola maunansi achikondi mwakuyesa kupezanso ulemu wawo kapena kuchepetsako kusungulumwa kwawo. Koma kupalana ubwenzi kaamba ka zifukwa zadyera zoterozo kungachititse chisembwere chakugonana, chomwe chiri ndi zotulukapo zoipa zambirimbiri. Ndipo kungakhale kovutitsa maganizo ndi malingaliro ndipo nkovulaza kwa ana kuwona makolo awo akuchita mwanjira imeneyi.

Komabe, kaŵirikaŵiri anthu osudzulana avomereza kuchirikiza lingaliro ladziko lakuika zosoŵa zawo ndi nkhaŵa zawo patsogolo. Chotero, iwo amanyalanyaza zopweteka zimene adzachititsa kwa anthu owazinga—ana awo, makolo awo, ndi mabwenzi awo. Ena amaiŵalanso kuti Mulungu nayenso amapwetekedwa mtima pamene tinyalanyaza miyezo yake. (Yerekezerani ndi Salmo 78:40, 41; Malaki 2:16.) Chisudzulo chingakhalenso bizinesi yaumbombo, makamaka pamene chikhala nkhondo yam’makhoti yolimbirana kusunga ana ndi katundu.

Tsoka Lazandalama

Lenore Weitzman anafotokoza mowonjezereka kuti chisudzulo chirinso “tsoka lazandalama” kwa akazi ku United States. Pa avareji, chimawataitsa theka la ndalama zoyenera kupita ku zinthu zofunika zonga chakudya, nyumba, ndi magetsi. Iye anapeza kuti kakhalidwe kawo kamatsika ndi 73 peresenti pambuyo pa chisudzulo!

Anayembekezera kuti malamulo “opita patsogolo” amakono a chisudzulo akakhala chitetezo kwa akazi. Mmalomwake, anapeza kuti akazi amadzimva kukhala othedwa nzeru ndi osauka pambuyo pa chisudzulo. Amalankhula zongotembenukira ku maprogramu othandiza osauka, matikiti a chakudya, nyumba zogona anthu opanda kokhala, ndi kumalo opereka chakudya chochepa. Akazi okwanira 70 peresenti amene anafunsidwa anasimba kuti anali kudandaula mosalekeza ndi vuto lakusakhala ndi ndalama zokwanira zogulira zinthu. Ena anachita mantha, kuthedwa nzeru, ndipo ngakhale kungokhala okha ndi ana awo, kukhala opanda nthaŵi yodzichitira zinthu zaumwini.

Mwamuna wachichepere amene tidzamutcha Tom, amene makolo ake anasudzulana pamene iye anali ndi zaka zisanu ndi zitatu, akukumbukira kuti: “Pamene Atate anachoka, tinali nacho chakudya nthaŵi zonse, koma mwadzidzidzi, tinalephera kukhala ndi zakumwa zoziziritsa kukhosi. Tinalephera kugula zovala zatsopano. Amayi ankatisokera zovala zathu zonse. Pamene ndiyang’ana pa zithunzi za anafe zapanthaŵiyo, nchithunzi chomvetsa chisoni cha anthu osawoneka bwino.”

Popeza kuti akazi ambiri amatenga ana ndipo atate ambiri amalephera kupereka ndalama zochirikizira ana zolamulidwa ndi khoti—zomwe kaŵirikaŵiri zimakhala zochepa—chisudzulo chingachititse akazi kukhala aumphaŵi koposa amuna. Chikhalirechobe, sizikutanthauza kuti nthaŵi zonse chisudzulo chimalemeretsa amuna. Bukhu lakuti Divorced Fathers likunena kuti ndalama zakukhoti zokha zingatenge theka la malipiro enieni apachaka a mwamuna. Chisudzulo chimasakazanso maganizo a amuna ndi atate. Ambiri amavutika maganizo chifukwa chowonedwa ndi ana awo monga alendo.

Chinjirizani Ukwati Wanu!

Pamenepo, nkosadabwitsa konse kudziŵa kuti m’kupenda kwa anthu amene anakhala osudzulana kwa chaka chimodzi, 81 peresenti ya amuna/atate ndi 97 peresenti ya akazi/anakubala anavomereza kuti chisudzulo chinali kulakwa ndikuti adayenera kuyesayesa kusungitsa ukwati wawo. “Akatswiri” ambiri akusintha maganizo awo onyansidwa ndi ukwati omwe panthaŵi ina anawachirikiza. Nyuzipepala ya Los Angeles Times inanena posachedwapa kuti: “Pokhala ndi zaka zoposa 25 zakupenda zotulukapo zake, othandiza ambiri . . . akugwira ntchito zolimba kusungitsa maukwati.”

Ndithudi, kusintha maganizo kuli kosavuta kwa “akatswiri.” Kwenikwenidi, zimene angoyenera kuchita ndikunena kuti, “Ayi! Pepani!” nkuyamba kufalitsa uthenga wosiyana. Sikuli kokhweka kwa anthu zikwi zambiri amene anatsatira uphungu wawo. Chikhalirechobe, mikole ya chisudzulo ingaphunzire phunziro lovuta m’zokumana nazo zawo zoŵaŵa, monga mawu ofotokozedwa mwachidule pa Salmo 146:3, 4 akuti: ‘Musamakhulupirira zinduna, kapena mwana wa munthu, amene mulibe chipulumutso mwa iye. Mpweya wake uchoka, abwerera kumka ku nthaka yake; tsiku lomwelo zotsimikiza mtima zake zitayika.’

Mabwenzi, othandiza, maloya, kapena ofalitsa nkhani ali anthu opanda ungwiro. Chotero pamene tifuna uphungu wonena za ukwati, kodi nkudaliranji pa iwo kotheratu? Kodi sikukakhala kwanzeru kutembenukira choyamba kwa Yehova Mulungu, Mpangi wa ukwati? Malamulo ake samasintha ndi mikhalidwe yomasintha ya malingaliro a “akatswiri.” Malamulowo akhala owona kwa zaka zikwi zambiri, ndipo amathandiza lerolino.

Andrew ndi Ann anayamba kuzindikira zimenezi patapita nthaŵi yaitali pambuyo pakusudzulana. Anawona kuti kusudzulana kwawo kunali kulakwa kwakukulu. Komabe, sanachedwe kwambiri. Anakumana nakwatirananso. Ndipo anayamba kusintha kulingalira kwawo. Andrew amakumbukira kuti: “Ndinazindikira kuti ndinalibe makhalidwe abwino, ndipo ndinafunikira chithandizo. Kwanthaŵi yoyamba pambuyo pa zaka zambiri, ndinapempherera nkhaniyo. Ndinafuna kuchita cholungama; choncho ndinayenera kuleka zimene ndinkachita ndi kutaya makhalidwe onse omwe ndinatenga kudziko. Sindinawafunenso.”

Ann akuvomereza kuti: “Chifukwa chimene tingakhalire pamodzi tsopano, ndi zikumbukiro zakumbuyo zoipazo, nchakuti aŵirife tinafunadi kuchita cholungama pamaso pa Yehova. Ndipo tinafunadi kupangitsa ukwati wathu kukhala wachipambano.” Zimenezo sizikutanthauza kuti zinthu zakhala zosavuta chiyambire pamenepo. “Tsopano timausamalira kwenikweni unansi wathu, ngati galu wolonda watchelu. Ndipo ngati aliyense wa ife awona kuti ufuna kuterera, timakambitsirana nkhaniyo.”

Tsopano Andrew ndi Ann akulera ana aŵiri omvera. Iye amatumikira monga mtumiki wotumikira mumpingo wa Mboni za Yehova. Ndithudi, sizikutanthauza kuti zinthu ziri zangwiro. Palibe ukwati umene ulidi wangwiro m’dziko lakaleli. Kodi ungakhale wotero motani, pamene umapangidwa ndi anthu aŵiri opanda ungwiro? Ndicho chifukwa chake Baibulo limatichenjeza kuti kuyambira panthaŵi imene tchimo linaloŵa m’dziko, ukwati umabweretsa mlingo wakutiwakuti wa ‘chisautso m’thupi.’ (1 Akorinto 7:28) Chifukwa chake, kuloŵa muukwati sikuyenera kutengedwa mopepuka; aliyense wolingalira kukwatira angachite bwino kuthera nthaŵi yaikulu kudziŵa woyembekezeredwa kukhala mnzake wamuukwatiyo. Ndipo pamene ukwatiwo wamangidwa, umafunikira kuyesayesa kwakukulu.

Komabe, chisudzulo nachonso sichiyenera kuwonedwa mopepuka. Pamene chisudzulo chiwonekera kukhala choyenerera kapena chosapeŵeka, ndithudi Mulungu angatipatse chithandizo chofunikira kupirira nthaŵi zovuta zomwe zingatsatire. Koma ngati titsatira khalidwe ladziko lakupeputsa kakonzedwe kopatulika ka ukwati, kodi ndani adzatichinjiriza ku zotulukapo za kupusa koteroko? Choncho chinjirizani ukwati wanu. Mmalo mokhala wokonzeka kuuthetsa pamene zinthu sizikuyenda bwino, lunjikitsani zoyesayesa zanu pakuthetsa vutolo. Yesani kukonza ukwati wanu mmalo mowuwononga. Tembenukirani ku Mawu a Mulungu kaamba ka mankhwala othetsera mavuto aukwati.b Mankhwalawo alipo. Ndipo amathandiza.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 10]

Chinjirizani ukwati wanu mwakupeza nthaŵi yochitira zinthu pamodzi monga banja