Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Chisudzulo Chiridi ndi Minkhole

NGATI mukanakhulupirira zonse zimene “akatswiri” alemba ponena za chisudzulo mkati mwa zaka makumi oŵerengeka zapitazo, mungakhoze kugamula kuti m’chisudzulo chamakono, palibe aliyense yemwe ali ndi liŵongo ndipo palibe aliyense yemwe amavulazidwa.

Makolo ambiri aloŵetsedwa m’chisudzulo ndi mawu angapo onenedwa kaŵirikaŵiri onga ngati: Chisudzulo nchabwinopo kwa ana kuposa ukwati wopanda chimwemwe; tangoyembekezerani kufikira ana atafika pa ‘msinkhu woyenerera,’ kuti muwapulumutse ku kupweteka kulikonse; kuvutika kokhwethemula maganizo kwa ana kumatha pambuyo pa zaka zoŵerengeka zokha.

Ena achirikiza malingaliro opereka chiyembekezo ameneŵa. Mwachitsanzo, mkonzi Susan Gettleman ndi Janet Markowitz amatsutsa “nthanthi ya ana ovulazidwa.” Iwo amatsimikiza kuti chisudzulo sichiyenera kukhala vuto lokhwethemula maganizo kwa ana malinga ngati makolo ‘achisamalira mwauchikulire.’ Iwo amanenetsa kuti chisudzulo chamakolo chingathandize ana kulaka zisudzulo zawo tsiku lina! Iwo amanena kuti: “Zolinga zenizeni za kusintha ziyenera kukhala kukhazikitsidwa kwa ukwati ndi nthanthi ya moyo wabanja weniweniwo.”—The Courage to Divorce.

Koma kodi zitsimikizo zapoyera zoterozo zimamvekadi kukhala zowona? M’dziko lokhala ndi ziŵerengero zomakulakulabe za chisudzulo, kodi ziyambukiro zenizeni za chisudzulo pa ana nzotani? Kodi nzowona kuti palibe aliyense yemwe amavulazidwa?

Chiyambukiro Choipitsitsa

Mu 1971, Judith Wallerstein ndi Joan Berlin Kelly ofufuza a ku United States anayamba kufufuza kofunika kwa ziyambukiro za panthaŵi yaitali za chisudzulo pa mabanja. Iwo anasankha mabanja 60 amene anali kulimbana ndi vuto la chisudzulo. Onse pamodzi, mabanja ameneŵa anali ndi ana 131 a zaka zakubadwa zapakati pa 2 ndi 18. Chowadabwitsa ofufuzawo chinali chakuti anapeza kuti chisudzulo sichinadzetse konse mpumulo kwa anawo. Zimenezi zinali zowona ngakhale pamene makolo awo anali okwatirana opanda chimwemwe. Mmalomwake, chisudzulo chinasiya ana ovutika kwambiri.

Kodi ziyambukirozo zinali kokha vuto lokhwethemula maganizo lapakanthaŵi? Momvetsa chisoni, ayi. Pambuyo pa zaka zisanu, 37 peresenti ya anawo anali ochita tondovi kowopsa. Ambiri a iwo ankayembekezerabe kuti makolo awo akabwererananso—ngakhale kuti iwo anakwatiranso! Pambuyo pa zaka 10 kapena ngakhale 15, pafupifupi theka la ana m’kufufuzako “analoŵa m’nyengo yauchikulire ali odera nkhaŵa, osakhoza kupambana, odzisuliza, ndiponso nthaŵi zina anyamata ndi atsikana amtima wapachala.”

Zotulukapo zoterozo zinawombana ndi nzeru yeniyeni. Monga momwe Wallerstein analembera kuti: “Zotumbidwa zathu zinali zotsutsana kotheratu ndi ziyembekezo zathu. Iyi inali nkhani yosalandiridwa ndi unyinji wa anthu, ndipo tinalandira makalata osonyeza kukwiya kuchokera kwa akatswiri ochiritsa nthenda, makolo, ndi maloya onena kuti tinali olakwa kwenikweni.”

Komabe, anawo sanali kunena bodza; kufufuza kwina kwatsimikizira chigamulo cha Wallerstein ndi Kelly. Magazini a Journal of Social Issues ananena kuti akatswiri ambiri, onga asayansi yamakhalidwe, “amakhulupirira kuti kulekana kwa makolo ndi kutha kwa ukwati ziri ndi chiyambukiro chachikulu choipa ponse paŵiri pa ana aang’ono ndi okulirapo.” Magaziniwo anawonjezera kuti zikhulupiriro zoterozo “zatsimikiziridwa kumlingo wokulira,” akumatchula zotumbidwa zonga izi: Ana a m’chisudzulo ngopulupudza kwambiri ndipo ngamakhalidwe aupandu kuposa ana a m’mabanja okhazikika; chiŵerengero cha ana a m’chisudzulo otengeredwa ku zipatala za odwala nthenda zamaganizo chingakhale choposa chija cha ana a m’mabanja okhazikika kuŵirikiza kaŵiri; mwinamwake chisudzulo ndicho nakatande wamkulu wa kuchita tondovi kwa ana.

Kodi Bwanji Ponena za Ana Achikulireko?

Ana achikulireko amachita ndi chisudzulo mosasiyanako ndi aang’ono. Pamene ana achikulireko awona chisudzulo cha makolo awo, iwo angavutike ndi kupanda chiyembekezo kwakukulu kumene kumaipitsa lingaliro lawo la ukwati ndi ziungwe zina, monga ngati sukulu. Ena amagamula kuti maunansi onse ngosadalirika, oyembekezera kudzanyonyotsokera m’kusadalirana ndi kusakhulupirika.

Pokhwethemulidwa mwanjirayi, achichepere ena amagwera m’mikhalidwe yachiwawa pamene makolo awo asudzulana. Ena amatembenukira ku mankhwala ogodomalitsa, ena amaloŵa m’chisembwere chakugonana, ena amathaŵa panyumba. Ena poyamba amawoneka ngati kuti akuyang’anizana ndi chisudzulo molimbika, koma kokha mwakanthaŵi. Mwinamwake simalunji kuti, monga momwe magazini a The Washingtonian ananenera, kuwonjezereka kwa zisudzulo kwapangitsa kuwonjezereka kofananako kwa mavuto akadyedwe mwa achichepere ndipo ngakhale kudzipha.

Chotero makolo amene akufuna nthaŵi yabwino, pomayembekezera kufikira ana awo atafika pa ‘msinkhu woyenerera’ asanasudzulane, angakhale akuyembekezera kwanthaŵi yaitali. Sikuwoneka kuti pali ‘msinkhu woyenerera’ wongoyerekezera pamene ana angapyole chisudzulo osapwetekedwa.a Ngakhale katswiri wa zamayanjano Norval D. Glenn anapereka malingaliro m’magazini a Psychology Today kuti ana angavutike ndi ziyambukiro zoipa za chisudzulo zimene “zimakhalabe zosazimiririka kuutali wamoyo wonse.” Iye anamaliza kuti: “Munthu ayenera kuvomereza lingaliro lovutitsa lakuti ziŵerengero zambiri za ana a m’chisudzulo zidzatsogolera ku kukokololedwa kwapang’onopang’ono koma komapitirizabe kwa mkhalidwe wonse wabwino wa anthu.”

Koma ngakhale kuti zotumbidwa zimenezi, kufufuza, ndi ziŵerengero nzomvetsa chisoni, sizimatanthauza kuti mwana aliyense wa m’chisudzulo adzakhala ndi moyo wodzala ndi mavuto. Komabe, zimasonyeza kuti chisudzulo chimadzetsa ngozi yeniyenidi kwa ana. Funso nlakuti: Kodi ana angachinjirizidwe motani ku ziyambukiro za chisudzulo?

Kodi Pali Chiyembekezo Chotani kwa Ana?

Palibe chitetezo chabwino choposa kuchinjiriza. Monga momwe Dr. Diane Medved ananenera m’bukhu lake lakuti The Case Against Divorce: “Tiyenera kuletsa nkhaŵa zadyera kukhala muyezo wokha wa kuyenerera kwa chisudzulo.” Palibe kukaikira kuti mkhalidwe wolingalira za mwini yekha, wa ine choyamba umene waloŵerera chitaganya chamakono wawononga maukwati ambirimbiri. Kodi ndimotani mmene okwatirana angalimbanirane ndi chisonkhezerochi ndi kupangitsa maukwati awo kukhalitsa?

Baibulo limanena kuti Mkonzi wake ndiye Mpangi wa ukwati. Potsimikizira chimenechi, uphungu wa Baibulo waukwati umagwiradi ntchito. Uwo wathandiza mamiliyoni ambiri a amuna ndi akazi kuwongolera mkhalidwe wa moyo wawo wabanja. Baibulo lakwatula maukwati ambirimbiri kungozi ya chisudzulo. Lingagwirenso ntchito kwa inu.b

Komabe, chomvetsa chisoni nchakuti chisudzulo sichingapeŵedwe kapena kuchinjirizidwa nthaŵi zonse. Nchochitika chenicheni cha dziko lamakono. Makolo ena amaphunzira miyezo ya Mulungu ya ukwati atasudzulana kale. Chikhalirechobe ena amakhala mokhulupirika ndi miyezo imeneyo, kufikira atalakwiridwa ndi mnzawo wamuukwati wadyera, ndi wachisembwere. Baibulo lenilenilo limavomereza kuti mikhalidwe ina yopambanitsa imalola chisudzulo. (Mateyu 19:9) Koma monga momwe Yesu anaphunzitsira, nkosatheka kupanga chosankha chirichonse chanzeru popanda ‘kuŵerengera mtengo’ choyamba.—Luka 14:28.

Ngati chisudzulo ndi chochitika chenicheni chotsimikiziridwa, pamenepo ino ndithudi sindiyo nthaŵi yokhala m’goli la liŵongo kapena kugwiritsidwa mwala. Ino ndiyo nthaŵi yochepetsa vutolo pa ana. Iko kungachitidwedi! Dr. Florence Bienenfeld, phungu ndi nkhoswe yotchuka ya chisudzulo, akutsimikizira makolo osudzulana kuti: “Chisudzulo sichiyenera kukhala monga tsoka Lachigiriki m’limene aliyense amafa. Aliyense angapulumuke, ndipo m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, kuwongokera, kuchira ndi kukhala bwino.”—Helping Your Child Succeed After Divorce.

Koma kodi ndimotani? Kodi nchiyani chimene makolo, achibale, ndi mabwenzi angachite kuthandiza ana a m’chisudzulo?

[Mawu a M’munsi]