Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Nchifukwa Ninji Anthu Samandikonda?

“KUSIYAPO kokha ngati muli munthu wosungika kwenikweni,” akutero mlembi Beth Levine, “panthaŵi zina inu nanunso mwakhala mukudera nkhaŵa kaya ngati anthu amakupezani inu kukhala mbuli.” Inde, chiri chachibadwa ndi chaumoyo kufuna kukondedwa, ndipo pamene ena akuwonekera kukhala akuchokako kwa ife, timakhoterera kukhala odera nkhaŵa. ‘Kodi choipa nchiyani ndi ine?’ timadabwa tero.

Kudera nkhaŵa kwakuti kaya ena amawakonda kwapereka achichepere ena ku kusowa chochita. Dave, mwachitsanzo, anadzimva kuti anthu achichepere ena ankamupewa iye mwadala. Zotulukapo za kukanidwa kumeneku? “Ndinadzimva wosungulumwa, wopanda kanthu, ngakhale kuwopsyedwa,” akukumbukira Dave. “Chinali chimodzi cha mikhalidwe yoipa kwambiri yomwe sindinakumanepo nayo ndi kalelonse.” Bwanji, kenaka, ngati inu nthaŵi zina mumakhala ndi kudzimva kwakuti ena amakupewani?

‘Palibe Yemwe Amandikonda’—Kapena Kodi Amatero?

Choyamba cha zonse, yeserani kusanthula kaya kudzimva kwanu kwa kusakondedwa kuli kozikidwa pa zenizeni kapena zongoganizira. Kodi chenicheni chakuti inu simuli munthu wotchuka kwambiri m’sukulu yanu kapena kumalo kumene mumakhala chimatanthauza kuti anthu samakukondani? Ndithudi ayi! Kuganiza kosakhalako koteroko kuli kodzigonjetsa mwini ndipo kosakhala kwenikweni. Zowona, ali munthu wa apa ndi apo yemwe aliyense samakonda. Chenicheni chakuti inu mwinamwake mumanyalanyazidwa kuchokera ku nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi sichimatanthauza kuti anthu amadzimva mwa uchinyama kulinga kwa inu.

Yang’anani mkhalidwe wanu ndi cholinga ndi zenizeni. Kodi inu mwinamwake muli ndi “bwenzi limodzi lopambana mbale kuwumirira”? (Miyambo 18:24) Kenaka motsimikizirika winawake amakupezani inu kukhala wokondeka! Tengani kayang’anidwe, kachiŵirinso, pa unansi wa banja lanu. Kodi makolo anu, abale, ndi alongo samawoneka kukhala akusangalala ndi kukhalapo kwanu? Kodi ichi sichikasonyeza, kenaka, kuti muli ndi mikhalidwe yokoka? Ngati inu mudakali ndi zikaikiro zanu, funsani winawake—mwinamwake bwenzi lokhulupirika kapena chiwalo cha banja—kukuthandizani kusanthula mmene ena amadzimverera ponena za inu. Kaŵirikaŵiri, mkhalidwe suli wapafupi monga mmene mulingalira iwo kukhala.

Nthaŵi zina, ngakhale ndi tero, inu mungauzidwe mwachifundo kuti anthu ena amakupewani inu. Ichi chidzakuvulazani. Koma khalani wachimwemwe kuti winawake anasamala mokwanira kaamba ka inu kukuwuzani chowonadi. (Miyambo 27:6; Agalatiya 4:16) M’malo mwa kutaya mtima, yeserani kuika chala chanu pambali imene mkhalidwe wanu ukupangitsira vuto.

“Khalani Chete”

Kodi chingakhale kuti, mwachitsanzo, inu mumangokhala wolankhula kwambiri? Anthu olankhulalankhula monkitsa amapewedwa kaŵirikaŵiri ndi ena. Anthu amadzimva kukhala akunamizidwa pamene iwo eniwo sakupatsidwa mwaŵi wokwanira wa kulankhula. Ichi chiri makamaka chowona pamene wolankhulalankhulayo amalunjikitsa kukambitsirana konseko pa iyemwini. Akukumbukira tero wachichepere wotchedwa Danette: “Mtsikana ameneyu m’sukulu nthaŵi zonse amalankhula ponena za iyemwini. Chifukwa cha uchabe wake, achichepere ena sanamukonde iye. Iwo anachita mwaulemu pamene anali pafupi ndi iye, koma anampewa iye kumene kunali kothekera.” Chiri cholondola, kenaka, kuti Baibulo limanena kuti: “Chitsiru chichulukitsa mawu.”—Mlaliki 10:14.

Mkonzi Dale Carnegie ananena kuti: “Inu mungapange mabwenzi ambiri m’miyezi iŵiri mwakukhala wokondweretsedwa mwa anthu ena kuposa ndi mmene mungachitire m’zaka ziŵiri mwakuyesera kupeza anthu ena kukhala ndi chikondwerero mwa inu.” Kapena monga mmene bukhu la Miyambo limachiikira icho: “Wothirira madzi nayenso adzathiriridwa.” (Miyambo 11:25) Chotero khalani ndi chikondwerero mwa ena, ndipo “khalani wotchera khutu” pa zimene ena akufuna kunena. (Yakobo 1:19) Analangiza tero Mfumu Solomo kuti: “Musalankhula kwambiri. . . . Khala wanzeru ndi kukhala chete!”—Miyambo 10:19, The Living Bible.

Kodi simumadzimva wokondweretsedwa pamene ena akupatsani mwaŵi wa kulankhula ponena za zinthu zomwe zimakukondweretsani? Chotero patsani ena ubwino wa kudzilongosola iwo eni. Iwo adzakukondani inu kaamba ka icho.

Mkhalidwe Woipa

Mwinamwake, ngakhale ndi tero, vuto liri mmene mumachitira ndi ena. Lingalirani, mwachitsanzo, mnyamata wanzeru kapena wodziŵa zonse—wachichepere yemwe ali ndi vuto la kugonjera kwa ena mwa nthaŵi zonse kukhala wokonzekera ndi kutukwana kochenjera, kunyoza kwanzeru, kapena kugwetsa ena. Kenaka pali munthu yemwe amangokonda kukangana ndi kulowetsa malingaliro ake pa aliyense, kapena munthu yemwe “ali wolungama pa zambiri,” mwamsanga kutsutsa aliyense yemwe sakukhalirira ku miyezo yake yaumwini. (Mlaliki 7:16) Ndipo bwanji ponena za munthu yemwe amangonyazitsa ena mwa kukhala wofuula ndi waphokoso? Awa si anthu omwe mungasangalale kukhala nawo, kodi iwo ali tero? Kodi chingakhale kuti, ngakhale ndi tero, ena nthaŵi zina amadzimva mwanjirayi ponena za inu?

Chiwawa kapena mkhalidwe woipa ungadzetse kuseka, koma umachita zochepera kupititsa patsogolo ubwenzi. M’chenicheni, ndi pakati pa yani pomwe mumadzimva kukhala bwino kwambiri—pa winawake wofatsa ndi wa ulemu kapena winawake yemwe amadzikometsera iyemwini ndi njira ya kugwetsa ena? Akumakumbukira achichepere ena a mikhalidwe yomwe yangotchulidwa kumeneyo, Shellie wachichepere wanena kuti: “Mwa mawonekedwe akunja tikakhoza kumwetulira pa kachitidwe kawo, koma mkati tinada kusoweka kwawo kwa kukhala ndi kulingalira kwa ena.”

Chotero, langizo la Baibulo liri, “chitani zonse kopanda madandaulo ndi makani.” (Afilipi 2:14) Kujeda kosafunika, kuseka, kutukwana, ndi kutsutsa kwa kudzilungamitsa kwaumwini kumangopitikitsa ena. Anthu adzakukondani inu kwambiri ngati musonyeza “kulingalira ena” ndi “kukometsera mawu anu.”—1 Petro 3:8; Akolose 4:6.

Musakhale “Galasi Lopanda Chithunzi”

Pamene kuli kwakuti munthu yemwe amachita kulankhula konse angakhale wa chiwawa, munthu yemwe ali ndi zochepera kapena wopanda chirichonse chowonjezera kukambitsirana angakhale wosungulumwa. Watero Mark R. Leary, profesa wothandizira wa za malingaliro: “Ngati zonse zomwe ndimachita ziri kufunsa mafunso kapena kunena kuti ‘eh-eeh,’ palibe aliyense angapeze chirichonse ponena za ine ndipo sindiri bwenzi losangalala nalo. Inu simufunikira kulamulira kukambitsirana, koma simufunikira kukhala galasi lopanda kanthu.”

Pali “nthaŵi ya kulankhula.” (Mlaliki 3:7) Chotero dzifunseni inu mwini, ‘Kodi ndakhala ndikupangitsa ena kudzimva osungulumwa ndi osakhutiritsidwa mwa kukhala chete pamene kukambitsirana kwayambika?’ Ngati ndi tero, pangani kuyesayesa kukhala wokambitsirana kwambiri! Chimene mumanena sichifunikira kukhala chapamwamba, koma chiyenera kukhala chokwanira kusonyeza chikondwerero chanu mwa ena. Ngati kupeza zinthu zosangalatsa zofunikira kulankhula chiri vuto, yeserani kufunsa mafunso. “Mawu oyenera panthaŵi yake akunga zipatso zagolidi m’nsengwa zasiliva,” limatero Baibulo.—Miyambo 25:11.

Kukhala Wokondeka kwa Ena

Mwinamwake inu tsopano mungawone kuphophonya kwa umunthu kwina komwe mufunikira kugwirirapo ntchito. Monga momwe zatchulidwira poyambapo, chiwalo cha banja kapena bwenzi la pafupi angakhale wothandiza m’kulozera ku zizoloŵezi zosafunika. Funsani mafunso achindunji, ndipo khalani wolimba mtima mokwanira kumvetsera ku mayankho awo owona mtima. Chimatengadi mphamvu zenizeni za mkati kuvomereza zophophonya ndipo zoposerapo ku kuziwongolera izo.

Dave, yemwe wangotchulidwa poyambirirapo m’nkhani ino, anachita kufufuza mtima kwina ndipo anapeza kuti maziko a vuto lake anali kudzitukumula kwake. Iye anataya chikondwerero mwa ena kotero kuti analephera ngakhale kusamalira kaamba ka kawonedwe kake kaumwini ndi udongo! Dave, ngakhale ndi tero, anapanga masinthidwe oyenera. Lerolino iye akukondedwa kwambiri ndipo amasangalala ndi ubwenzi wa ambiri, ponse paŵiri achichepere ndi achikulire.

Ndithudi, sichimathandiza kuyesera kupeza ena kukukondani pa zotaika zirizonse. Akulongosola tero Dr. Theodore I. Rubin: “Mwachisoni, palibe aliyense yemwe amakondedwa mwa ubwino nthaŵi zonse ndipo palibe chikondi, kuyerekeza, kapena kudzipotoza inu eni mu mpikisano womwe umatulutsa chikondi chokulira. Anthu ena amatikonda ife, ena samatero. M’nkhani iriyonse, anthu ochulukira sangakonde kusonyeza kwa chinyengo kaamba ka chikondi; ndipo ngakhale wonyengayo samadzikonda iyemwini.” Ndithudi, Yesu Kristu anachenjeza kuti: “Tsoka, inu pamene anthu onse adzanenera inu zabwino.” (Luka 6:26) Chenicheni chochepera chakuti inu mumatenga kaimidwe kaamba ka malamulo abwino chiri chothekera kupanga ena kukudani inu.—Luka 6:22.

Chotero pangani kuyesayesa koyenera kukhala wovomerezeka, wosangalatsa, wokondedwa. Koma musayese kupotoza zomwe ziri zolondola kokha kuti mupeze kuvomerezedwa kwa ena. Samueli wachichepere wa m’nthaŵi za Baibulo anatenga kaimidwe kolimba kaamba ka chomwe chiri cholondola. Chotulukapo chake? Iye anapitirizabe kukula “ndipo Yehova ndi anthu omwe anamkomera mtima.” (1 Samueli 2:26) Ndipo ndi ntchito yochepera ndi kugamulapo, nanunso mudzatero.

[Chithunzi patsamba 14]

Anthu adzathaŵa kwa winawake yemwe amawumirira pa kulankhulalankhula

[Chithunzi patsamba 15]

Anthu samasangalatsidwa kaŵirikaŵiri ndi winawake yemwe alibe chirichonse chonena