Taphunzira Kukhala ndi Khunyu

Ndinagalamutsidwa ndi kulira kobuula. Ndinadumpha kuchoka pakama ndisanazindikire kuti anali mkazi wanga Sandra, yemwe anakuchita. Iye ankapalapata pakama ponsepo, maso ake anatembenukira kumbuyo, ndipo sanali kupuma. Milomo yake inasintha, ndipo thovu lamwazi linatuluka mkamwa mwake. Ndinaganiza kuti akumwalira. Ndinamuomba pama, ndikumaganiza kuti lidzamgalamutsa. Kuphuphako kunapitirizabe, chotero ndinathamangira pafoni ndikutumira dokotala wathu. Mkazi wanga adzalongosola zimene zinachitika.

PAMENE ndinauka mmawa mmenemo, ndinamva mawu onong’ona, ndipo sindinali m’kama wanga. Ndinatsekabe maso anga, ndikumamvetsera. Ndinamva liwu la mwamuna wanga, limodzinso ndi la amayi wanga ndi la dokotala. Kodi chinachitika nchiyani?

Ndinatsegula maso anga ndikuwona kudera nkhaŵa kwawo. Pamene ndinayesa kukhala tsonga, kuŵaŵa kwa mutu wanga koti ng’ang’a kunandipangitsa kuti ndidziwe kuti ankadera nkhaŵa ine. Umu ndi mmene banja lathu linayambira ndi matenda a khunyu, kapena amene lerolino amatchedwa matenda anjirinjiri. Panthaŵiyi, mu 1969, mwamuna wanga, David, ndi ine tinali ndi zaka 23 zokha.

Zonulira za Moyo Wathu Zisinthidwa

Ndinaleredwa monga mmodzi wa Mboni za Yehova ndipo ndinayamba kugawana ntchito ya kulalikira kwapoyera ndi makolo anga pamene ndinali ndi zaka zisanu. Pamene ndinapenyerera mmodzi wa ophunzira Baibulo anga akubatizidwa, ndinakhazikitsa chonulirapo cha kukhala m’mishonale. M’nthaŵi ya tchuthi cha kusukulu, ndinachita upainiya, monga mmene timautchera uminisitala wa nthaŵi zonse. Pamene ndinamaliza maphunziro a sukulu yapamwamba mu 1964, mwamsanga ndinayamba kuchita upainiya.

Pamene ndinamva David akupereka nkhani za Baibulo zabwino kwambiri ndikudziwa kuti nayenso anafuna ntchito ya utumiki wapadera kwa Yehova, inu mungalote zimene zinachitika. Tinakwatirana, ndipo tinasangalalira limodzi ndi chipambano chabwino kwambiri cha kuthandiza ena kuphunzira njira za Yehova.

Kodi mungalingalire mmene tinasangalalira mu April 1970 pamene tinalandira chiitano chonka ku Sukulu ya Gileadi ya Baibulo ya Watchtower ya amishonale? Tinadzaza zifunsirozo. Ku changa ndinamamatizako chidziŵitso, mu icho ndinatchula kuti ngakhale kuti sikunandidetse nkhaŵa, ndinagwidwa ndi matenda anjirinjiri kaŵiri m’chaka chatha. Mofulumira tinalandira kalata yachifundo kwambiri yotiuza kuyembekeza kufikira nditakhala zaka zitatu popanda kugwidwa ndi njirinjiri, sichikakhala chanzeru kutitumiza kudziko lachilendo. M’masiku oŵerengeka okha, ndinagwidwa ndi njirinjiri kachitatu.

Pokhala osatha kupita ku Gileadi, tinayembekezera kukagwira ntchito pamalikulu a dziko lonse a Mboni za Yehova mu New York. Pambuyo pake m’chirimwe chomwecho tinafunsira pamsonkhano wotsogozedwa ndi yemwe panthaŵiyo anali prezidenti wa Watch Tower Society, Nathan Knorr. Pamene ankatifunsa, iye anatilongosolera mwachifundo chifukwa chimene ntchito ya pa Beteli ikakhalira yovuta kwa ine. Iye analongosola kuti ndikafunikira kusagwidwa ndi njirinjiri kwa zaka zitatu ndisanavomerezedwe kutumikira pa Beteli. Komabe, iye anatenga mafomu athu ofunsirawo ndikuwaika m’thumba mwake. M’milungu isanu ndi umodzi tinali ndi gawo laupaniya wapadera lokatumikira mu Pennsylvania.

Kuchita ndi Mavuto a Khunyu

Poyamba njirinjiriyi inkandigwira patapita miyezi ingapo, koma pambuyo pake inakhala yakaŵirikaŵiri. Sindinawonepo munthu wokhala ndi njirinjiri yoipa yaikulu kwabasi; ndimangodziŵa mmene munthu amadzimverera nayo. Choyamba pamakhala chizwezwe—kudzandira, malingaliro ozunguzika amene angayerekezedwe ndi mmene zimakhalira podutsa mwaliŵiro ndi galimoto m’mbali mwa mitengo kuwala kwadzuŵa kwa apa ndi apo kukumatulukira. Zimenezi zimakhala zapakanthaŵi kochepa, ndipo pambuyo pake ndimakomoka.

Ndimadzuka ndikumva mutu kupweteka; ndimaganiza, koma maganizowo sangafotokozedwe—zonse zimakhala zolakwika. Sindimamva malankhulidwe mpang’ono pomwe. Ziyambukirozi zimatha mmaola oŵerengeka otsatira. Komabe, kumakhala kokhwethemula ndipo nthaŵi zina kochititsa manyazi kugalamukira pamalo ena ndikuuzidwa kuti ndinagwidwanso ndi matendawa, makamaka ngati tinali pamsonkhano Wachikristu.

Ngati munthu wosazolowera andisamalira kapena ngati njirinjiriyo indigwira ndiri ndekha, ndimaluma m’mbali mwa mlomo wanga ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri ndimaluma lirime langa. Pamenepo pamapita masiku kuti mlomo wanga upole. David wakhala waluso kundisamalira, chotero chimakhala chabwino kwambiri iye atakhala nane. Iye amadziŵa kuti amafunikira kuika chinachake mkamwa mwanga kuti anditetezere. Apo phuluzi ndidzakhala ndi zilonda kwa masiku ambiri, kapena choipirapo, ndikatsamwidwa.

Chotetezera kamwa chabwino chimafunikira. Kuchiyambiyambi David anapeza kuti mabuku aang’ono, monga ngati Coonadi Cimene Cimatsogolera ku Moyo Wamuyaya, ngamlingo wabwino ndipo nthaŵi zonse amakhalapo. Tiri ndi mabuku ambiri aang’ono okhala ndi zizindikiro za mano anga m’ngodya.

Kodi Chimachititsa Nchiyani?

Njirinjiri ingakhale zizindikiro za mavuto ambiri aumoyo. Mabwenzi odera nkhaŵa ankanditumizira nkhani zonena za matendawa ndi mmene zingachititsidwire ndi mafupa a fupa lamsana osakhazikika bwino, kuperewera kwa mavitamini ndi zakudya zina, kuperewera kwa ma hormone kapena kuchepa kwa suga m’mwazi, ngakhale tizilombo. Ndinayesa mankhawala onse operekedwa mokhulupirika. Ndinafikira adokotala osiyanasiyana ndipo ndinapimidwa kwambiri. Tinapeza kuti ndinali waumoyo modabwitsa, komabe njirinjiriyo inapitirizabe.

Nditagwidwa ndi njirinjiri ina, banja langa ndi mabwenzi kaŵirikaŵiri ankati: “Uyenera kudzisamalira.” Pambuyo pake ichi chinandikhumudwitsa. Chinandipangitsa kuganiza kuti ndinkachita chinachake chochititsa chinjirinjiriyo; chikhalirechobe ndinkayesera kwenikweni kusamalira umoyo wanga. Nditakumbukira tsopano, ndimazindikira kuti iwo ankachita mwachibadwa. Iwo, mofanana ndi ife, anavutika kumvetsetsa kuti anali amatenda akhunyu. Mofanana ndi mtumwi Paulo, ndinavutika pochita ndi “munga m’thupi.”—2 Akorinto 12:7-10.

Pambuyo pakubadwa kwa mwana wathu woyamba mu 1971, ndinachoka pandandanda ya upainiya, ndipo tinasankhapo kukawonana ndi katswiri wa matenda a mitsempha. Kupimidwa kwake kunali kotsatizanatsatizana. Choyamba, ndinapimidwa ubongo wanga kuti atsimikizire ngati unali ndi chotupa. Iwo unalibe. Pambuyo pake chipangizo chotchedwa electroencephalograph chinapima mistempha yaubongo wanga. Kwa ine, kupimako kunandiseketsa.

Ndinauzidwa kusagona kwambiri usiku izi zisanachitike ndikusamwa zotsitsimula zirizonse. Tsiku lotsatira, pamene ndinagona pakama lathyathyathya kwenikweni, logong’ola m’chipinda chozizira, mawaya amagetsi anaikidwa pankhope panga, pamphumi panga, ndipo ngakhale kukhutu kwanga. Pamenepo katswiriyo anatuluka m’chipindacho, nazima magetsi ounikira, ndikundiuza kuti ndigone! Nditangopirikunya pang’ono, liwu lake linamveka m’chokuzira mawu, kuti: “Chonde, gonabe tero.” Ngakhale kuti ndinali mumkhalidwe umenewu, ndinagonabe! David kaŵirikaŵiri amandiseka kuti, ndingagone paliponse, nthaŵi iriyonse.

Zizindikiro zinapezedwa. Ubongo unapezedwa wovulazika pang’ono chakutsogolo kwake. Mwachidziŵikire chochititsa mwinamwake chinali mavuto a pobadwa kapena malungo aakulu m’miyezi yoyambirira ya moyo. Makolo anga anafunsidwa, ichi chinali chovuta kwa iwo. Iwo anati zochititsa ziŵiri zonsezi zinali zothekera. Tinazindikira kuti khunyu limene ndinadwala, silinali lobadwa nalo.

Nkhondo ya Kulisamalira

Tsopano zinayambika zaka zimene kwa ine zinali zamtundu woipa wa kuchiritsa, kuchiritsa kopatsa mankhwala. Ndinali ndi chiyambukiro choipa ndi mankhwala oyamba amene anayesedwa, ndipo achiŵiri sanagwire ntchito nkomwe. Mankhwala achitatu, Mysolene, anali ndi chipambano chochepera cholamulira njirinjiri. Anali okhalitsa bata, koma mibulu isanu patsiku njomwe inafunikira. Ena anawona ziyambukiro zimene mankhwalawo anali nazo pa ine, koma ndinachinyalanyaza mofulumira. Ndinavala chigwinjiri chimene chinandizindikiritsa kukhala munthu wakhunyu ndi chimene chinalembedwapo dzina la mankhwalawo.

Njirinjiriyo inaleka kwanthaŵi yaitali kwakuti ndinatenga laisensi yoyendetsera galimoto kachiŵirinso. Mwaŵi wa kuyendetsa galimoto unali wofunika kwambiri kwa ine, pakuti panthaŵiyo tinkakhala m’dera la kumudzi, ndipo ndinafuna kuyambanso kuchita upainiya. Koma pamene ndinali pafupi kuyamba, m’chirimwe cha 1973, tinazindikira kuti ndinali ndi pakati pa mwana wina. Chotero sindinachite upainiya, koma m’malo mwake tinasankhapo kusamukira ku mpingo waung’ono wokhala mu Appalachian Ohio kumene mabanja anafunikira. Tinakakhala m’tauni yaing’ono ya nzika 4,000 kumene panthaŵiyo kunalibe Mboni za Yehova.

Mwamsanga pambuyo posamukira kumeneko, ndinapita kwa katswiri wa matenda mitsempha wosiyana. Ngakhale kuti sindinagwidwe ndi matendawa kapena kukomoka, ndinali ndikadali ndi njirinjiri yaing’ono imene inandichitsa kukhala wosokonezeka. Dokotala anawonjezera mwankhwala achiŵiri, phenobarbital, kwa amene ndinkamwa. Pamodzi, ndinkamwa mibulu isanu ndi inayi patsiku.

Zaka ziŵiri zotsatira nzovuta kwenikweni kwa ine kuzifotokoza, ndipo chifukwa cha mkhalidwe woipa umene mankhwala anandichititsa, sindiri wotsimikiza kuti ndingafotokoze zinthuzo molongosoka. Ndiloleni ndingonena kuti Afilipi 4:7 anakhala lemba langa lapamtima. Ipo pamati: ‘Mtendere wa Mulungu wakupambana chidziŵitso chonse udzasunga . . . maganizo anu.’

Mankhwalawo anadodometsa kulankhula kwanga ndi kachitidwe ndipo anayambukira maganizo anga. Ndinasinthanso umunthu, kukhala wopsinjika ndi wokwiya nthaŵi zambiri. David analingalira kukhala woukiridwa, ndipo kunali koyenera kwa iye kupemphera kotero kuti asachite mogwirizana ndi mkhalidwe wanga woipawo. Kuwonjezera pa izi, tinali ndi ana opita ku nasale aŵiri ofunikira kusamalira. Akulu Achikristu mumpingo wathu anali olimbikitsa kwa ife pamene tinavutitsidwa.

M’ngululu ya 1978, mosiyana ndi kuweruza kwabwino kwa David, ndinasankhapo kuleka kumwa mankhwalawo. Ndinafunikiradi mpumulo. Mosamalitsa, ndinkachepetsa mwankhwalawo ndi m’bulu watheka milungu iŵiri iriyonse. Kunali ngati kudzuka kutulo. Ndinadzimva womasuka. Ndinatsimikizira kuti thambo, linali lobiriwira kwenikweni.

Ndinapitirizabe kukhala wosagwidwa ndi njirinjiri, chotero ndinayamba kuchita upainiya pa September 1, 1978. David anandinyadira kwenikweni, ndipo maganizo anga anabwerera. Eya, mankhwala odekhetsa munthu amachuluka m’thupi, chotero pamapita nthaŵi kuti atuluke. Mlungu wachiŵiri wa October, pambuyo pa milungu isanu ndi umodzi yokha ya kuchita upainiya, matendawa anabwereranso moipa kuposa kale, ndipo kamodzi pambuyo pa masiku atatu! Pambuyo pakugwidwa kwachisanu, tinapita kwa katswiri watsopano wa matenda a mitsempha.

“Nkwabwino kuti ndife kuposa kumwa mankhwala,” ndinamuuza tero.

“Ndipo udzafadi,” anayankha, “ngati suudzaŵamwa! Pamenepo kodi chidzachitika nchiyani kwa ana ako aakaziwa?”

Kuphunzira Kukhala Nayo

Ndinayamba kumwa mankhwala atsopano, otchedwa Tegretol, mlungu umenewo. Ndinafunikira kumwa mibulu isanu ya mamiligramu 250 patsiku kuti ndisamalire njirinjiriyo. Komabe, mankhwalawa, ngosiyana ndi ena omwe ndamwapo. Iwo samakhalirira m’thupi, ndipo samagodomalitsa maganizo.

Komabe, kwakanthaŵi, sindinakhoze kuyendetsa galimoto. Ndipo tinakhala kumene ndinatalikirana ndi aliyense yemwe akandiperekeza ku ntchito yolalikira ya pakati pa mlungu. Ndinadzimva kukhala wogonjetsedwa. David anandilimbikitsa ndikuti: “Bwanji osayembekezera nyengo ya ngululu usanaleke kuchita upainiya? Usasinthe mofulumira.”

Ndinali wotsimikiza kuwona ngati Yehova akadalitsa zoyesayesa zanga nditamuyesa. Maliro 3:24-30 (NW) anakhala amtengo kwa ine. Ndinali ndi chinachake ‘choikidwira ine,’ ndipo ‘ndikachiyembekezera.’ Ndiponso, ndinayamba kuwona mankhwalawo mosiyana, monga bwenzi.

Cara tsopano anali pasukulu, ndipo Esther anali ndi zaka zitatu. Chotero Esther anakhala painiya mnzanga. Tinayenda uku ndi uko, tikumapyola m’chipale chofewa chokhachokha ndikupirira ndi kuzizira. M’nyengo ya ngululu tauni yonse inadziŵa chimene tinabwerera.

Panthaŵi imodzimodziyo, ndinamwa mankhwalawo mosamalitsa. Nditamwa mibuluyo mwamsanga pambuyo paunzake, ndikawona zideruderu. Komabe, nditaiwala kumwa ngakhale mibulu iŵiri kapena itatu, ndinkagwidwa ndi njirinjiri yoipa. M’chaka choyamba, ndidapimitsa mwazi milungu itatu kufika ku isanu ndi umodzi iriyonse kutsimikizira kuti mankhwala sankandipatsa ziyambukiro zoipa.

Nkofunika kuti odwala khunyu azichita ntchito zawo zatsiku ndi tsiku—kudya, kugona, ndi zina—pandandanda yabwino, ndipo ndinasamala kuchita zimenezi. Kupyola m’nyengo ya chisanuyo, ndinakwaniritsa maola anga aupainiya. M’kupita kwanthaŵi, njirinjiriyo inalamuliridwa, kotero kuti ndinayambanso kuyendetsa galimoto, ndipo ndakhala wokhoza kupitiriza upainiya kufikira lerolino.

Cara wamaliza sukulu yapamwamba ndipo nayenso akuchita upainiya tsopano. Chiyambire nyengo ya chisanu ija pamene ankandiperekeza, Esther anakhala ndi mzimu waupainiya. Nthaŵi ina pamsonkhano wachigawo, apainiya anafunsidwa kuimirira. Pamene ndinayang’anayang’ana, ndinapenya Esther wa zaka zinayi zakubadwa ataimirira pampando wake. Iye anadzilingaliranso kukhala mpainiya!

Ndiri woyamikira kwenikweni kukhala ndikutumikira Yehova limodzi ndi David ndi ena ambiri amene taphunzira nawo Baibulo. Pemphero langa lakuti David naye ayambe kuchita upainiya layankhidwanso. Iye akutumikiranso monga woyang’anira wathu wa msonkhano wadera, limodzinso nkukhala wothandizira woyang’anira woyendayenda. Chikhutiro chathu nchakuti posachedwapa, m’dziko latsopano lolungama la Mulungu, Yesu Kristu adzakwaniritsa kuchiritsa kwa odwala onse pamlingo waukulu, kuphatikizapo odwala khunyu. (Mateyu 4:24)—Monga momwe yasimbidwira ndi Sandra White.

[Chithunzi patsamba 17]

Ndi mwamuna wanga ndi ana aakazi