Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndingachite Nako Bwanji Kupatukana kwa Makolo Anga?

“Pamene makolo anga anapatukana, tinafunikira kusamuka. Tinalibenso galimoto, chotero Amayi adafunikira kukwera basi kuti apite kulikonse ndikukatisiya ife ndi wolera ana. Pomwepa tidawaona masinthidwe m’banja. Bambo adafunikira kulipirira zochilikizira ana, koma kaŵirikaŵiri sanatero, ndipo Amayi ndiwo anakwaniritsa zotsalazo. Pomalizira pake bambo analekeratu kulipirira.”—Anne.a

PAMBUYO pa zaka 14, makolo a Anne adakali opatukanabe koma osasudzulana. Ngati inuyo munayang’anizanapo ndi chokumana nacho choipachi cha kuwona makolo anu akupatukana, ndiko kuti mukudziŵa mmenedi akulingalirila. Milungu yambiri, miyezi, kapenatu zaka zingapitepo kuti kuthedwa nzeru koyambako kuthe. Koma nthaŵi zina inuyo mungazizwe kuti mudzatani nkukhala ndi moyo wotero. Chisudzulo sichichitikabe kapena kubwererananso; kupanda chiyembekezo kubweretsabe kuthetsa nzeru kwake kovuta m’moyo wanu.

Kusukidwa kungachulukenso. Pamene makolo a Brad anapatukana, amayi ake analowa ntchito ziŵiri napita kusukulu kukaphunzira ntchito. Brad anawalakalaka kwambiri. Iye akukumbukira motere: “Usiku wina ndinanyonyolokera m’galimoto kuti ndinke nawo kuntchito. Komano pamene ndinafika konko, ndidakhala cholemetsa. Munthu wina anafunikira kundibweza kunyumba.” Ndithudi, ana ambiri a makolo opatukana amalingalira ngati kuti kupatukanako kwaŵatengera makolo aŵiri onsewo, osati mmodzi yekha. Monga mmene Mike, wachichepere wina ananenera motere: “Tinalandidwa bambo wathu ndi mkazi wina, ndipo kenaka ntchito inatilandnso amayi wanthu.”

Kusukidwa, kupanda chiyembekezo, kusinthika mzachuma—ndiwo mavuto amene mumadzakumana nawo, ngati makolo anu apatukana. Kodi mungawafikire bwino motani?

Kusintha Kapenyedwe Kanu

Nkhondoyi, mofanana ndi zina zambiri, imayambira mmaganizo ndi mumtima mwanu. Inu mungadzikhoterera kuganizira kupatukana kwa makolo anuko, kuda nako nkhaŵa kwambiri, ndipo ngakhale kugwera m’kudzimverera chisoni nokha kosalekeza komwe kuli kovuta kukulaka. Komabe, mungadzichinjirize nokha kulakidwa ndi kudetsedwa nkhaŵaku.

M’nkhani yathu yapitayo mumpambo uno, kuchita ndi kupatukana kwa makolo anu tinakuyerekeza ndi namondwe wamphepo m’moyo wanu.b Mosangalatsa, Baibulo limasimba mmene mtumwi Petro anaukiridwapo ndi namondwe weniweni panyanja. Pamene namondwe adali waukali mowopsa, iye anaona Yesu Kristu akuyenda mosavulazidwa pamadzipo! Yesu anaitanadi Petro kudza kwa iye panyanjapo. Komatu Petro sanapite patali anayamba kumira. Chifukwa ninji?

Mateyu 14:30 akuti: ‘Koma mmene iye aniona mphepo, [Petro] anaopa nayamba kumira.’ Chimene chinafunikira kwa Petro ndicho chikhulupiriro, osati mantha. Koma pamene anawona namondweyo, wamphepo yachiwawa, ndimafunde amphamvu, iye anawopa. Iye anamuiwala Yesu, amene akadamsunga osamira. Mfundo yofananayi njomwe ingakhale kwa inu. Mukamaganizira kwambiri za mavuto anu, mavutowo amaonekera kukhala owopsa kwambiri kwa inu. Mmalo mwake ganizirani za mankhwala owathetsera.

Meg, amene makolo ake anapatukana, akunena motere: “Musaganizire kwambiri pa zomwe zangochitika kumene. Ndiiko komwe simungazisinthe.” Randy akubwereza lingaliroli motere: “Ngati munthuwe ukhala ndi maganizo achisoniwa, umangodziika mumkhalidwe woipa wokhumatawu, ukumangolingalira zinthu zimodzimodzizo mobwerezabwereza, mofanana ndi galimoto yomwe yajomba mmatope.” Kodi mungadzichotsemo bwanji?

Fikirani Ena

Meg akunena motere: “Zifotokozeni kwa munthu wina amene alidi munthu wolama ndi wachikulire mwauzimu, munthu amene angakuthandizeni kuzizindikira bwino zinthuzo.” Bwenzi la mtundu umenewo lingakuthandizeni kulingalira zinthu mmaganizo anu bwinopo. Monga mmene Miyambo 17:17 ikunenera motere: “Mabwenzi amasonyeza chikondi chawo nthaŵi zonse. Kodi abale anabadwiranji ngati kusali kuthandiza powoneka tsoka?” (Today’s English Version) Chotero pamene mukumenyera nkhondo yolimbana ndi kupatukana kwa makolo anu, ndipo makamaka kusukidwa kumene kumatsatirapo, inu mwachiwonekere mudzafunikira kufikira mabwenzi anu ndi kuwadalira kuposa momwe munkachitira kale.

Komabe, pano pali chenjezo. Simabwenzi onse amene adzakuthandizani kulaka zimenezi. Ena adzakupangiraninso mavuto ambiri ndithu. Mike akukumbukira motere: “Pamene makolo anga anapatukana, kudzipereka kwanga kwa mabwenzi kunali pafupifupi kosakhala kwachibadwa. Tinasekera pamodzi, koma kwakukulukulu tinagweranso mmavuto pamodzi—monga ngati mankhwala ogodomalitsa ndi ndewu. Ndinaganizira kwanthaŵi yaitali kuti ndikadangotaya mabwenziwo, ndikadataikiridwa chirichonse. Ndinadzazindikira kuti ichi chinali chinyengo, pakuti iwo sanalidi okhulupirika. Iwo anandiukiranso. Mmodzi wa awa anakanamadi kuti anali ine pamene anagwidwa ndi apolisi akuipitsa nyumba ya sukulu.”

Ayi, simabwenzi onse omwe ali a pondapo nane mpondepo. Monga mmene Miyambo 18:24 ikunenera motere: “Alipo mabwenzi amene amatsogolera munthu kuchiwonongeko, ena aposadi mbale kuumirira paubwino.” (The Jerusalem Bible) Mwamwaŵi, pambuyo pake Mike anawapeza mabwenzi a mtundu wabwino. Iye akukumbukira kwenikweni mmodzi motere: “Iye anali ngati mkulu wanga. Anaphunzira nane Baibulo, ndipo anachita nane zinthu zinanso. Iye ananditengeradi kukagwira naye ntchito. Ndipo sanandichititsepo kuti ndilingalire kuti kuteroku kudamtopetsa iye. Kufikira lerolino ndikudziŵa kuti ichi chinayambukira moyo wanga. Ndikadapanda kukumana ndi iye, sindidziŵa kuti ndikadakhala munthu wa mtundu wanji tsopano.”

Kodi ndikuti kumene mungapeze mabwenzi a mtundu umenewo? Yesu analonjeza kuti mpingo Wachikristu ukakhala ndi “abale, ndi alongo, ndi ana” ambiri kwa omwe alibe. (Marko 10:30) Chotero, Mike anawapeza mabwenzi pamsonkhano wa Mboni za Yehova.

Tom nayenso anawapeza. Iye akukumbukira motere: “Mbale wina mumpingo anandikonda ngati kuti ndinali mwana wake wamkulu. Ndipo mlongo wokalamba anakhala ngati agogo athu. Mpingo unatikondadi nthaŵi zonse, ndipo ukulu umene izi zimachita kwa munthu ngwozizwitsa.” Chotero Tom akulangiza motere: “Ngati mulibe bambo, m’funefuneni mumpingo. Pali pano, sungitsani unansi wabanja umene muli nawo, ndipo yandikanani.” Abale, alongo, agogo, ndi achibale ena onsewo angakhale mabwenzi okhulupirika kwa inu.—Miyambo 13:20.

Koma ubwenzi waukulu koposa umene mungaupange kuposa wina uliwonse ngwa Mlengi wanu, Yehova. Pamene makolo apatukana, lonjezo lopezeka pa Yakobo 4:8 nlotonthoza mwapadera motere: “Yandikirani kwa Mulungu, ndipo adzayandikira kwa inu.”

Tsatirani Njira Yamalemba

Kupezeka mokhazikika kumisonkhano Yachikristu kudzakuthandizani kuchitadi zimenezi—kuyandikira kwa Mulungu, mwa kuphunzira ponena za iye. Misonkhano idzakuthandizaninso kupeza mabwenzi atsopano. (Ahebri 10:24, 25) Komatu misonkhano ndi zochitachita zina Zachikristu zingaupatsenso moyo wanu kaumbidwe ndi njira. Ichi nchofunika kwenikweni ngati kupatukana kwaika mbuna zatsoka mnjira ya banja lanu, ndikuwadzadza masiku anu onse ndi kupanda chiyembekezo.

Zowona, inu padakali pano mungakhale ndi chisonkhezero cha kuwukira njira zonse zopangidwa. Makamaka sukulu ingawonedwe kukhala chotopetsa. Mike akukumbukira motere: “Ndinatenga mkhalidwe wakuti ‘sindisamala kanthu.’ Ndinayamba kulephera maphunziro kusukulu, ndipo ndinalingalira kuti, ‘Ngati bambo ndi mayi wanga sakusamala ponena za kugwirizanitsa banja pamodzi, ndiko kuti nanenso sindidzasamala konse.’ Kupatukana kwawo nkomwe kunakhala chifukwa cha kusapangira kwanga kuyesayesa.”

Komatu musapange kuphophonya kwa kugwiritsira ntchito kupatukanako kukhala chodzikhululukira chanu cha kunyalanyaza kuchita zinthu zimene zidzakuthandizani kwambiri. Bukhu lakuti Surviving the Breakup likuti kwa ana a osudzulana “sukulu idali yopindulitsa mwapang’ono chifukwa chakuti idapereka kaumbidwe . . . Kudali kwachiwonekere kuti ana ambiri anachilikizidwa ndi sukulu mnjira yaikuluyi, mosasamala kanthu za kuthekera kwawo kwa maphunziro ndi mayanjano m’kalasimo.”

Sukulu ingakuthandizeninso kukulitsa mikhalidwe ndi maluso ndi chilango zimene zingakuthandizeni m’moyo wanu wonsewo—ngakhale kukutheketsani kugwiritsiridwa ntchito kwenikweni. Ngati banja lanu lavutika m’zachuma chifukwa cha kupatukanako, monga mmene ambiri amachitira, inu mwachiwonekere mungaliwone phindu la kudzikonzekera nokha tsopano kupeza ntchito imene idzakuthandizani kuyang’anizana ndi zosowa zanu zamtsogolo.

Ndiiko nkomwe, mtsogolo mwanu simuli mosatha kulamulirika. Inu mungachite nako kupatukana kwa makolo anu. Ndinu wokonzekeretsedwa kuchita tero. Ofufuza zisudzulo anena kuti achichepere ambiri amachita ndi kupatukana kwa makolo awo mophulapo kanthu. Ambiri amaphunziradi kanthu m’zophophonya za makolo awo ndipo chotero mwanjira inayake iwo akuyengedwa ndi chokumana nachocho.c

Mtsogolo mwanu simufunikira kukhala mopanda chiyembekezo. Simufunikira kukhala modzetsa kusukidwa. Ngati inuyo mufikira mabwenzi abwino, mamatirani kunjira ya kuumba kwauzimu, ndipo pewani kuganizira kwambiri mavuto anu, mtsogolo mwanu mungakhale motsimikizirika. Mosakaikira, imo mungakhale monka muyaya ndi mwachimwemwe.—Miyambo 3:1, 2.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 17]

Makolo anu atapatukana, inu mungafunikire mabwenzi kuposa ndi kalelonse. Kodi ndikuti kumene mungapeze mabwenzi abwino?