Amuna ndi Akazi Kodi Amalankhuladi Mosiyana?
TINENE kuti Bill analoŵa mu ofesi ya Jerry modzikwakwaza, atazyolika mutu chifukwa cha nkhaŵa zake. Jerry anayang’anitsitsa mofatsa bwenzi lake namuyembekezera kuyamba kulankhula. “Sindikudziŵa ngati ndingathe kuchita pangano limeneli bwino lomwe,” anausa moyo motero Bill. “Pali zovuta zambiri, ndipo a ku ofesi yaikulu akundipanikiza.” “Kodi ukudandaula ndi chiyani, Bill?” Jerry mwachidaliro anafunsa motero. “Udziŵa kuti ndiwe munthu woyenerera kwambiri ntchitoyo, ndipo iwo amadziŵanso zimenezo. Ingodekha pang’ono. Kodi uganiza kuti limeneli ndivuto? Tangoganiza, mwezi wathawo . . . ” Jerry anasimba moseketsa za mmene vuto lake laling’ono linayendera ndipo posapita nthaŵi bwenzi lakelo linatuluka mu ofesiyo likuseka ndi lotonthozedwa. Jerry anali wachimwemwe kuti anathandiza.
Ndiponso tinene kuti pamene anafika kunyumba madzulowo, Jerry anatha kuoneratu kuti mkazi wake, Pam, nayenso anali wosakondwa. Iye analonjera mkazi wakeyo mwachisangalalo chachikulu namuyembekezera kunena zimene zinamuvuta. Pambuyo pa kukhala duu kwakanthaŵi, analankhula mwaukali kuti: “Sindingapirirenso nazo! Bwana watsopanoyu ngwankhanza!” Jerry anamkhazika pansi, namgwira m’chuuno, nati: “Wokondedwa, usakwiyetu kwambiri. Taona, ndimo mmene ntchito iliri. Mabwana ngotero. Bwenzi ukanamva mmene wanga analankhulira mwaukali lero. Komabe, ngati ukuona kukhala zokuvuta kwambiri, ingoleka.”
“Simukusamala mmene ndikumvera mpang’ono pomwe!” Pam anayankha modula mawu motero. “Simundimvetsera konse! Sindingaleke! Simumalandira ndalama zokwanira!” Pam anathamangira kuchipinda chogona kukalira kwambiri. Jerry anaima mwamantha kunja kwa chitseko chotsekedwa, akumadabwa chimene chinachitika. Kodi nchifukwa ninji panali machitidwe osiyana ndi mawu achitonthozo a Jerry otero?
Kusiyana kwa Amuna ndi Akazi Kodi?
Ena anganene kuti kusiyana kwa m’mafanizo ameneŵa kuli kaamba ka chenicheni chosavuta chakuti: Bill ndimwamuna; Pam ndimkazi. Akatswiri ofufuza malankhulidwe amakhulupirira kuti kaŵirikaŵiri zovuta za kulankhulana muukwati zimakhalapo chifukwa cha kusiyana kwa mwamuna ndi mkazi. Mabuku onga akuti You Just Don’t Understand ndi Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus amachirikiza lingaliro lakuti amuna ndi akazi, ngakhale kuti amalankhula chinenero chofanana, ali ndi njira zosiyana kwambiri za kulankhulana.
Mosakayikira, pamene Yehova analenga mkazi kuchokera mwa mwamuna, mkaziyo sanali munthu woumbidwa mosiyana pang’ono. Mwamuna ndi mkazi analinganizidwa mosamalitsa ndi molingaliridwa bwino kuti athangatane—mwakuthupi, mwamalingaliro, mwamaganizo, mwauzimu. Wonjezerani pakusiyana kwachibadwa kumeneku maleredwe ocholoŵana a munthu ndi zokumana nazo za m’moyo ndi malingaliro a munthu oumbidwa ndi mwambo wa anthu, malo okhala, ndi lingaliro la chitaganya la zimene zili zachimuna kapena zachikazi. Chifukwa cha zisonkhezero zimenezi, kungakhale kotheka kudziŵa njira zina zimene amuna ndi akazi amalankhulirana. Koma “mwamuna weniweni” kapena “mkazi weniweni” wovuta kufotokozedwa angangopezeka kokha m’masamba a mabuku a phunziro la zaubongo ndi khalidwe.
Akazi amadziŵidwa mwapadera chifukwa cha kutengeka kwawo maganizo msanga, komabe amuna ambiri ngochita zinthu ndi anthu ena mosamala kwambiri. Amuna angafotokozedwe kukhala olingalira mwanzeru kwambiri, komabe kaŵirikaŵiri akazi amakonda kupenda zinthu mwaluntha. Chotero pamene kuli kwakuti nkosatheka kutchula mkhalidwe uliwonse kukhala kalingaliridwe kachimuna kapena kachikazi chabe, pali chinthu chimodzi chotsimikizirika: Kudziŵa malingaliro a wina kungachite mbali yaikulu pakati pa kukhalitsana mwamtendere ndi kuvutana kotheratu, makamaka muukwati.
Chitokoso cha tsiku ndi tsiku cha kulankhulana kwa amuna ndi akazi muukwati nchachikulu. Amuna ambiri ozindikira angachitire umboni wakuti funso looneka kukhala losavuta lakuti “Kodi mukuona bwanji kakonzedwe katsopano ka tsitsi langali?” lingakhale langozi. Akazi ambiri olankhula mwaluso amaphunzira kupeŵa kufunsa mobwerezabwereza kuti, “Bwanji osangofunsa msewu wake?” pamene amuna awo atayika poyenda ulendo. Mmalo mwa kupeputsa mikhalidwe yoonekera kukhala yosiyanayo ya wamuukwati wina ndi kuumirira gwagwagwa pamkhalidwe wako chifukwa chakuti “ndimo mmene ndiliri,” okwatirana achikondi amalingalira mwakuya. Kumeneku sikupenda mopambanitsa njira za wina ndi mnzake za kulankhulana koma kupendana mtima ndi maganizo mwachikondi kwa wina ndi mnzake.
Monga momwe munthu aliyense aliri wosiyana ndi wina, choteronso ndi mgwirizano uliwonse wa anthu aŵiri muukwati. Kugwirizana kowona kwa maganizo ndi mitima sikumachitika mwamwaŵi koma kumafuna kukugwirira ntchito mwamphamvu chifukwa cha chibadwa chathu chaumunthu chosalungama. Mwachitsanzo, nkosavuta kulingalira kuti ena amaona zinthu monga momwe timachitira. Kaŵirikaŵiri timakwaniritsa zosoŵa za ena m’njira imene tikafuna kuti atichitire, mwinamwake mwa kuyesayesa kutsatira Lamulo la Makhalidwe Abwino lakuti, “Zinthu zilizonse mukafuna kuti anthu achitire inu, inunso muwachitire iwo zotero.” (Mateyu 7:12) Komabe, Yesu sanatanthauze kuti zimene mumafuna ziyenera kukhala zabwino mokwanira kwa ena. Mmalomwake, mumafuna kuti ena akapereke zimene muzisoŵa kapena kuzifuna. Chotero muyenera kupereka zimene amafuna. Zimenezi nzofunika makamaka muukwati, popeza kuti aliyense anawinda kukwaniritsa mokwanira monga momwe kungathekere zosoŵa za mnzake wa muukwati.
Pam ndi Jerry anapanga chiwindo chotero. Ndipo mgwirizano wawo waukwati wa zaka ziŵiri wakhala wachimwemwe. Komabe, ngakhale kuli kwakuti iwo amalingalira kuti amadziŵana bwino kwambiri, nthaŵi zina pamabuka mikhalidwe imene imavumbula kusiyana kwakukulu kwa kulankhulana kumene kulipo kumene sikungathetsedwe ndi zolinga zabwino chabe. “Mtima wa wanzeru uchenjeza m’kamwa mwake,” pamatero pa Miyambo 16:23. Inde, kukhala ndi nzeru m’kulankhulana ndiko mfungulo yofunika. Tiyeni tione zimene nzeru imatsegulira Jerry ndi Pam.
Lingaliro la Mwamuna
Jerry akukhala m’dziko la m’malingaliro lampikisano mmene mwamuna aliyense ayenera kutetezera malo ake m’dongosolo la chitaganya, kaya akhale woyang’aniridwa kapena woyang’anira mumkhalidwe uliwonse. Kulankhulana amakugwiritsira ntchito kulimbitsira malo ake, kusonyeza kwake kukhoza, ukatswiri, kapena kufunika kwake. Kudziimira kwake payekha nkwamtengo wapatali kwa iye. Chotero pamene apatsidwa malamulo molamuliridwa, Jerry amangoona kuti akutsutsa. Uthenga wobisika wakuti “Sukuchita zimene uyenera kuchita” umampangitsa kutsutsa, ngakhale ngati pempho lake lili lanzeru.
Jerry amakambitsirana ndi ena kwakukulu kuti asinthane chidziŵitso. Amakonda kulankhula za zinthu zowona, malingaliro, ndi zinthu zatsopano zimene waphunzira.
Pamene akumvetsera, sikaŵirikaŵiri pamene Jerry amadula mawu wolankhula, ngakhale ndi mawu ovomereza onga akuti “aha, inde,” chifukwa chakuti amakhala akumvetsetsa chidziŵitsocho. Koma ngati sakugwirizana ndi zimene zanenedwa, iye sangazengereze kutsutsa, makamaka kwa bwenzi lake. Zimenezi zimasonyeza kuti iye ali wokondwerera zimene bwenzi liti linene, akumapenda kalikonse konenedwa.
Ngati Jerry ali ndi vuto, amafuna kulithetsa yekha. Zikatero angachotse maganizo kwa aliyense ndi pachinthu chilichonse. Kapena iye angafune kutsitsimula maganizo ndi kanthu kena kuti aiŵale vutolo kwakanthaŵi. Iye adzakambitsirana vutolo ndi ena kokha ngati akufunafuna uphungu.
Ngati munthu wina afika kwa Jerry ndi vuto monga momwe Bill anachitira, Jerry amazindikira kuti ndintchito yake kumthandiza, akumasamala kusapangitsa bwenzi lake kudziona kukhala losakhoza. Kaŵirikaŵiri amakambitsirana naye za mavuto ake ena limodzi ndi uphunguwo kotero kuti bwenzi lakelo lisaone kuti lili lokhalokha m’mavuto.
Jerry amakonda kuchita zinthu pamodzi ndi mabwenzi. Utsamwali kwa iye umatanthauza kuchitira zinthu pamodzi.
Kwa Jerry panyumba pamangokhala malo othaŵirako kuchoka kumalo ampikisano, ali malo kumene safunikiranso kulankhula zambiri kuti atsimikiziridwe, amene amalandiridwako, kudaliridwa, kukondedwa, ndi kuyamikiridwa. Ngakhale zili choncho, nthaŵi zina Jerry amaona kuti amafunikira kukhala ali yekha. Zimenezi zingakhale zilibe chochita ndi Pam kapena kanthu kena kalikonse kamene mkaziyo wachita. Iye amangofuna kudzipatula pang’ono. Jerry amapeza kukhala kovuta kuvumbula mantha ake, nkhaŵa zake, ndi mavuto kwa mkazi wake. Samafuna kumvutitsa maganizo. Thayo lake ndilo kumsamalira ndi kumtetezera, ndipo amafuna kuti Pam amdalire pochita zimenezi. Pamene kuli kwakuti Jerry amafuna chichirikizo, samafuna kumveredwa chisoni. Kumampangitsa kulingalira kukhala wosakhoza kuchita zinthu kapena wopanda pake.
Lingaliro la Mkazi
Pam amadziona kukhala munthu amene ali m’dziko lofuna kudalirana ndi ena. Kwa iye kukhazikitsa ndi kulimbitsa maunansi ameneŵa nkofunika. Kukambitsirana ndiko njira yofunika yolinganizira ndi kutsimikiziritsa kuyandikana.
Kudalira munthu wina nkwachibadwa kwa Pam. Amalingalira kukhala wokondedwa ngati Jerry azindikira malingaliro ake asanapange chosankha, ngakhale kuti amafuna kuti iyeyo atsogolere. Pamene ayenera kupanga chosankha, amakonda kufunsa mwamuna wake, osati kwenikweni kuti amuuze chochita, koma kusonyeza kuyandikana kwake ndi kudalira pa iye.
Nkovuta kwa Pam kutulukira poyera ndi kunena kuti akufuna kanthu kakutikakuti. Samafuna kuvutitsa Jerry kapena kumpangitsa kulingalira kuti alibe chimwemwe. Mmalomwake, amayembekezera kuzindikiridwa kapena amapereka malingaliro osonyeza zimenezo pang’onopang’ono.
Pamene Pam akukambitsirana ndi munthu, amachititsidwa chidwi ndi zinthu zazing’ono ndipo amafunsa mafunso ambiri. Zimenezi nzachibadwa chifukwa cha kutengeka maganizo kwake msanga ndi kukondwerera anthu kwakukulu ndi maunansi.
Pamene Pam akumvetsera, amaloŵerera m’mawu a wolankhula akudabwa, kugwedezera mutu, kapena akufunsa mafunso kusonyeza kuti akutsatira wolankhulayo ndipo akusamalira zimene ati anene.
Amayesayesa mwamphamvu kuzindikira mwachibadwa zimene anthu akufunikira. Kupereka chithandizo mosapemphedwa ndiko njira yabwino kwambiri kwa iye yosonyezera chikondi. Iye amafuna makamaka kuthandiza mwamuna wake kukula m’maganizo ndi kuwongolera zinthu.
Pamene Pam ali ndi vuto, angadzione kukhala wothedwa nzeru. Iye ayenera kulinena, kwenikweni osati kuti apeze yankho lake, koma kusonyeza malingaliro ake. Afuna kudziŵa kuti munthu wina amamvetsetsa ndipo amasamala. Pamene ali wokwiya, Pam amalankhula mokhadzula mawu. Iye samatanthauza kwenikweni zimenezo pamene amati: “Simumandimvetsera konse!”
Bwenzi la Pam paubwana wake silinali lija limene anachita nalo zinthu pamodzi koma limene anakambitsirana nalo pafupifupi zinthu zonse. Chotero muukwati iye sali wokondweretsedwa kwambiri ndi zochitachita koma munthu womvetsera wachifundo amene angamuuze malingaliro ake.
Panyumba mpamalo amene Pam angathe kunena zinthu popanda kuweruzidwa. Iye samazengereza kuvumbula mantha ake ndi mavuto kwa Jerry. Ngati akufuna chithandizo, samachita manyazi kuchipempha, pakuti amadalira kuti mwamuna wake alipo kuti amthandize ndipo amamvetsera.
Kaŵirikaŵiri Pam amaona kukhala wokondedwa ndi wosungika muukwati wake. Koma panthaŵi zina, popanda chifukwa chenicheni, amayamba kudziona kukhala wopanda chitetezo ndi wosakondedwa ndipo amafuna chitsimikiziro chamwamsanga ndi ubwenzi.
Inde, Jerry ndi Pam, othangatanawo, ngosiyana kwambiri. Kusiyana kumene kuli pakati pawo kumachititsa kuthekera kwa kusamvetsetsana kwakukulu, ngakhale kuti onsewo angakhale ndi zolinga zabwino koposa za kukhala okondana ndi ochirikizana. Ngati tikanamva lingaliro la aliyense wa iwo amene atchulidwa mumkhalidwe wa pamwambapawu, kodi akanenanji?
Zimene Analingalira
“Pamene ndinangofika panyumba, ndinatha kuona kuti Pam anali wosakondwa,” Jerry akananena motero. “Ndinalingalira kuti pamene adzakhala wokonzekera, adzandiuza chifukwa chake. Vutolo silinaonekere kukhala lalikulu kwambiri kwa ine. Ndinalingalira kuti ngati nditamthandiza kuona kuti sanafunikire kukwiya kwambiri ndi kuti vutolo linali losavuta kuthetsa, akanapeza bwinopo. Zinandivutitsadi maganizo, pamene ndinamvetsera akunena kuti, ‘Simumandimvetsera konse!’ Ndinalingalira monga ngati kuti anali kundiimba mlandu chifukwa cha kukhumudwitsidwa kwake konseko!”
“Tsiku lonse linali lovuta kwambiri,” Pam akanafotokoza motero. “Ndinkadziŵa kuti sichinali chifukwa cha Jerry. Koma pamene anafika panyumba mumkhalidwe wachimwemwe, ndinalingalira kuti anali kunyalanyaza kuti ndinali wosakondwa. Nchifukwa chiyani sanandifunse chimene chinalakwika? Pamene ndinamuuza za vutolo, zimene anandiuza zinatanthauza kuti ndinali wopusa, kuti nkhaniyo inali yaing’ono. Mmalo mwa kunena kuti anazindikira mmene ndinamvera, Jerry, wothetsa mavutoyo, anandiuza mmene ndingathetsere vutolo. Sindinafune zothetsera mavuto, ndinkafuna kumveredwa chisoni!”
Mosasamala kanthu za kusagwirizana kwakanthaŵi kumeneku kochitika panthaŵi ndi nthaŵi, Jerry ndi Pam amakondana kwambiri. Kodi ndiluntha lotani limene lidzawathandiza kusonyeza chikondi chimenechi bwino lomwe?
Kuonera m’Lingaliro la Wina ndi Mnzake
Jerry analingalira kuti kukakhala kududukira kufunsa Pam chimene chinalakwika, chotero mowona mtima iye anachitira Pam zimene iye akanafuna kuti ena amchitire. Anamuyembekezera kuti akhale womasuka ndi kuyamba kulankhula. Tsopano Pam anali wosakondwa osati kokha ndi vutolo komanso chifukwa chakuti Jerry anaonekera kukhala akunyalanyaza pempho lake lomchirikiza. Sanaone kukhala chete kwake monga chisonyezero cha kuchitira ulemu kwachikondi—anakuona monga kusasamala. Potsirizira pake pamene Pam analankhula, Jerry anamvetsera popanda kudodometsa. Koma Pam analingalira kuti iye kwenikweni sanali kumvetsera malingaliro ake. Ndiyeno mwamunayo anapereka chothetsera vutolo, osati kumvera chisoni. Zimenezi kwa iye zinatanthauza kuti Jerry anali kunena kuti: ‘Malingaliro akowo ngopanda pake; ukulingalira zinthu mopambanitsa. Kodi ukuona mmene vuto laling’ono limeneli liliri losavuta kulithetsa?’
Zinthu zikanakhala zosiyana chotani nanga ngati aliyense wa iwo anali wokhoza kuona lingaliro la wina! Nkhaniyo ikanayenda motere:
Jerry afika panyumba napeza Pam wosakondwa. “Chavuta nchiyani, wokondedwa?” iye akufunsa mwaulemu. Misozi ikuyamba kugwa, ndipo akufotokoza vuto lake lonse ndi mtima wonse. Pam sakunena kuti, “Nchifukwa chako!” kapena kupereka lingaliro lakuti Jerry sakusamala kwenikweni. Jerry amkupatira namvetsera moleza mtima. Pamene wamaliza, Jerry akuti: “Pepa kuti ukuvutika maganizo. Ndikuona chifukwa chimene uliri wosakondwa motere.” Pam akuyankha kuti: “Zikomo kwambiri chifukwa cha kumvetsera. Ndikumva bwino tsono kudziŵa kuti mukudziŵa zimenezi.”
Mwachisoni, mmalo mwa kuthetsa bwino mkangano, a muukwati ambiri amangosankha kuthetsa ukwati wawo mwa chisudzulo. Kusoŵeka kwa kulankhulana ndiko mpalu amene amaononga maukwati ambiri. Pamabuka mikangano imene imagwedeza maziko enieniwo a ukwati. Kodi zimenezi zimachitika motani? Nkhani yotsatira ikufotokoza mmene zimenezi zimachitikira ndi mmene zingapeŵedwere.