Kulera Mwana Wovuta Monga Kholo

“KODI zakuyendera bwino lero?” Susan akufunsa mwana wake Jimmy yemwe akwera monyinyirika m’galimoto pokamtenga kusukulu. Nkhope yake ili tsinya, mwanayo akunyalanyaza amake. “Ukuoneka kuti sizinakuyendere bwino,” akutero mwachifundo. “Kodi tingakambitsirane zimene zachitika?”

“Osandivutitsa,” akung’ung’udza poyankha.

“Ndangodera nkhaŵa za iwe. Sukuoneka kukondwa iyayi. Ndikufuna kuthandiza.”

“Sindifuna thandizo lanu!” akuzaza motero. “Ndati osandivutitsa! Tandilekani. Bwenzi n’tangofa chabe!”

“Jimmy!” Suzan ataya mtima, “leka kulankhula nane motero—ndidzakubwanyulatu! Ndayesa kuti ndikukuchitira chifundo. Kodi watani iwe? Palibe chimene ndinena kapena kuchita chimene chikukukondweretsa.”

Ali wokwiya ndi wotopa ndi ntchito ya tsikulo, Susan akuzwetazweta mkati mwa galimoto zina akumazizwa kuti anabaliranji mwana wa mtundu wotero. Ali wosokonezeka maganizo, wosoŵa chochita, ndi wokwiya, ndiponso woipidwa ndi mwana wakewake, ndipo akuvutika ndi malingaliro aliwongo. Susan akunyansidwa ndi kumpereka kunyumba—mwana wake weniweni. Sakufuna kwenikweni kudziŵa zimene zachitika lero kusukulu. Mosakayikira, mphunzitsi adzaimbanso lamya. Nthaŵi zina Susan sanakhoze kupiriranso.

Motero, zochitika zazing’ono zimafikira kukhala mavuto aakulu a malingaliro odzala ndi nkhaŵa. Ana omwe ali ndi ADD/ADHD, kapena otchedwa “ovuta,” amachita mwaukali pamene ayang’anizana ndi mavuto. Amafika msanga pakukwiya kotaya mtima, akumachititsa makolo kukalipa, kusokonezeka maganizo, ndi kuthedwa nzeru.

Kupenda Mkhalidwe ndi Kuloŵererapo

Kwenikweni, ana ameneŵa amakhala anzeru, aluntha, koma onyanyuka kwambiri. Nkofunika kuzindikira kuti iwo ali ana abwinobwino koma okhala ndi zosoŵa zapadera, amene amafunikira kuwamvetsetsa mwa njira yapadera. Zotsatirazi ndi zitsogozo ndi malingaliro omwe makolo okhala ndi ana oterowo azipeza kukhala zothandiza.

Choyamba, nkofunika kudziŵa mikhalidwe ndi zinthu zimene zimakwiyitsa mwana. (Yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 20:5.) Nkofunika kwa kholo kuona zizindikiro mwa mwana pasanabuke kukwiyitsana ndi kuloŵererapo mwamsanga. Chizindikiro chachikulu ndicho kaonekedwe ka nkhope kamene kamasonyeza kukwera kwa mkwiyo ndi kulephera kulamulira mkhalidwewo. Kunena mawu okoma mtima okumbutsa ofunika kwa mwanayo kuti akhale wodziletsa kapena, ngati kuli kofunika, kumchotsa mumkhalidwewo kungathandize. Mwachitsanzo, kumtengera kokacheza nkothandiza kwambiri, osati monga kumulanga koma monga njira yoperekera mpata kwa kholo ndi mwana yemwe wa kukhazika mtima ndiyeno kupitiriza mwaubwino.

M’fanizo loperekedwalo, Jimmy anachita mopambanitsa pa mafunso osavuta. Umenewo ndiwo mkhalidwe wa nthaŵi zonse wa Jimmy. Ngakhale kuti nkwapafupi kwa kholo kuona kuti mkwiyowo ndi kuipidwako zikusonyezedwa mwadala kwa ilo, nkofunika kudziŵa kuti anaŵa kaŵirikaŵiri amaleka kuganiza (kulingalira) pamene apsinjika mofika pamlingo wotaya mtima. Chifukwa chake, nkofunika kuchita mwaluntha. (Miyambo 19:11) M’chochitika cha Jimmy, Susan akanatonthoza mkhalidwewo mwa kuleka kaye kukambitsirana ndi kupatsa mnyamata wakeyo nthaŵi kuti akhazike mtima, ndipo mwina akanakambitsirana zochitika za tsikulo pambuyo pake.

Ana Otopa ndi Kupsinjika

Chikhalire, banja la munthu silinakumanepo ndi mavuto aakulu, zitsenderezo, ndi nkhaŵa zonga zimene zakantha dziko lamakono. Nthaŵi zasintha, zofunikira nzazikulu kwambiri, ndipo padakali zofunikira zina zambiri kwa ana. Ponena za nkhaniyi, buku lakuti Good Kids, Bad Behavior limanena kuti: “Mavuto ambiri omwe ana akuoneka kukhala nawo angachititsidwe kapena kusonkhezeredwa ndi kusintha kwa zoyembekezeredwa za mkhalidwe wa moyo.” Kwa ana a ADD/ADHD, sukulu ingakhale chinthu chodetsa nkhaŵa kwambiri. Pamene akulimbana ndi zifooko zawozawo, amakakamizidwa kusinthira ku zipambano zochuluka za luso la zopangapanga zimene zimapitirizabe kusintha m’malo owazinga amene angaoneke kukhala oipa ndi angozi, zimenezi zikumawonjezera nkhaŵa zawo. Mwa malingaliro, ana ali anthete kwambiri moti sakhoza kusamalira mavuto onsewa. Amafunikira chithandizo cha makolo awo.

Chepetsani Zoputira

Kuti mukhale ndi ana achimwemwe chokulirapo ndi athanzi labwinopo, nkofunika kuchititsa kuti pakhale mkhalidwe wa mtendere ndi bata. Njira yothandiza yochepetsera zoputira m’nyumba ingayambe ndi kupeputsa umoyo. Popeza kuti ana ameneŵa ali onyanyuka, osokoneza zinthu ndi okangalika mopambanitsa, nkofunika kuchepetsa zinthu zowachititsa kuputidwa mopambanitsa. Chepetsani unyinji wa zoseŵeretsa zimene ana oterowo amaloledwa kuseŵera nazo panthaŵi imodzi. Yesani kuwapatsa ntchito imodzi yokha yapanyumba kufikira itatha. Popeza kuti kaŵirikaŵiri anaŵa amakhala opanda dongosolo iwo eni, dongosolo limachepetsa kukhumudwa kwawo. Ngati zinthu zimene ayenera kukhoza kusamalira zikhala zoŵerengeka ndi zopezeka mosavuta, kumakhalanso kosavuta kwa iwo kusamalira chimene chili chofunika.

Njira ina yothandiza kuchepetsa kupsinjika maganizo m’nyumba ndiyo kulinganiza njira yokhoza kusintha ya kachitidwe ka zinthu m’moyo wa tsiku ndi tsiku yopatsa anawo lingaliro la kukhazikika. Nthaŵi yochitira zinthu sindiyo chinthu chofunika koposa, koma dongosolo la kachitidwe ka zinthu. Zimenezi zingatheke mwa kugwiritsira ntchito malingaliro othandiza onga otsatirapowa. Perekani chakudya choyenera cholinganizika bwino ndi takudya tina nthaŵi zonse. Chititsani zizoloŵezi zowakonzekeretsa kugona kukhala zabwino, zachikondi, ndi zopatsa mpumulo. Maulendo okagula zinthu angachititse ana okangalika mopambanitsa kutengeka maganizo momkitsa, motero konzekerani pasadakhale ndipo yesani kusapita ku masitolo ambiri. Ndipo pamene mukupita kokacheza, fotokozani mkhalidwe umene mukufuna kuti ukasonyezedwe kumeneko. Njira zotsimikizirika zochitira zinthu zimathandiza mwana wokhala ndi zosoŵa zapadera kulamulira khalidwe lake la mtima wansontho. Ndiponso, imathandiza makolo kuoneratu zinthu.

Limodzi ndi lingaliro la kulinganiza zinthu, nkopindulitsa kupanga mpambo wa malamulo ndi kuphatikizapo mphotho zake za kuswa malamulo osalolereka. Malamulo omveketsedwa bwino osasintha, ndiponso ovomerezedwa ndi makolo onse aŵiri, amaika malire ku khalidwe lololeka la ana—ndiponso amaphunzitsa kuŵerengeredwa mlandu. Mamatizani ndandanda ya malamulo pamalo oonekera, ngati kuli kofunikira (kuti makolo akumbukire, ndiponso ndi mwana yemwe). Kusasintha ndiko mfungulo ya chitetezo cha malingaliro.

Kumvetsetsa zosankha za mwana, zokonda ndi zosakonda zake, ndi kuzilolera kungathandize kwambiri kuchepetsa chitsenderezo chosafunikira m’nyumba. Chifukwa chakuti chibadwa chapadera cha anaŵa ndicho kaŵirikaŵiri kukhala onyanyuka ndi a mtima wansontho, kuchita zinthu ndi ana ena kungakhale chokumana nacho chovuta kwambiri. Kugaŵana, makamaka zoseŵeretsa, kungakhale chinthu chochititsa mkangano kwenikweni, chotero makolo angalole ana oterowo kusankha zinthu zimene amakonda zimene angagaŵane ndi ena. Ndiponso, kuchepetsa kuthekera kwa kuputidwa kwawo mwa kuwapatsa oseŵera nawo oŵerengeka ndi zochita zochepa zimene sizidzawasangalatsa mopambanitsa kungathandizenso kuchepetsa kutengeka maganizo kwawo.

Kuli kofunika kwa makolo kulola mwana aliyense kukula m’njira yakeyake ndi kupeŵa kukanikiza kapena kuumba mwana m’chikombole chosafunikira. Ngati mwana akana chakudya chinachake kapena chovala, chichotseni. Zoputira zazing’ono zimenezi sizili zofunikira konse kuchititsa mkangano. Kwenikweni, musayese kulamulira kanthu kalikonse. Khalani achikatikati, koma ngati zosankha zapangidwa ponena za zofunikira za banja Lachikristu, mamatirani pa izo.

Kusamalira Khalidwe

Ana osatsimikizirika amafunikira kwambiri mlingo wokulirapo wa chisamaliro. Monga chotulukapo, makolo ambiri amavutitsidwa ndi liwongo ngati alanga mwana wawo kaŵirikaŵiri. Komabe, nkofunika kuzindikira kusiyana kwa chilango ndi nkhanza. Malinga ndi kunena kwa buku lakuti A Fine Line—When Discipline Becomes Child Abuse, zikusimbidwa kuti 21 peresenti ya nkhanza zonse za kumenya zimachitika pamene ana asonyeza khalidwe laukali. Motero, zofufuza zimasonyeza kuti ana okhala ndi ADD/ADHD ali pa “ngozi yokulirapo ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza ya kumenyedwa ndi kunyanyalidwa.” Mosakanika, kulera achichepere omwe ali ndi zosoŵa zapadera kungakhale kosautsa, koma kuwasamalira kuyenera kukhala kwabwino ndi kwachikatikati. Popeza kuti ana ameneŵa kaŵirikaŵiri amakhala anzeru kwambiri ndi aluntha kwenikweni, iwo amapereka vuto kwa makolo posamalira mkhalidwe wofuna kulingalira. Ana oterowo kaŵirikaŵiri amakhala ndi njira yopezera cholakwa pa kalingaliridwe kanzeru yabwino koposa ya makolo. Musawalekerere! Khalanibe ndi ulamuliro wanu monga kholo.

Mwa njira yaubwenzi, koma mokhwima, fotokozani zinthu mwachidule; kapena kuti, musafotokoze mopambanitsa, ndipo musakambirane monyengererana pa malamulo osalolereka. “Inde” wanu akhale inde ndi “iyayi” wanu akhale iyayi. (Yerekezerani ndi Mateyu 5:37.) Ana sali akatswiri osungitsa mtendere; chifukwa chake, kukambirana monyengererana nawo kaŵirikaŵiri kumatsogolera ku mikangano, mkwiyo, ndi kulefulidwa ndipo kungabutse ngakhale kuzazirana ndi chiwawa. (Aefeso 4:31) Mofananamo, peŵani kuchenjeza kopambanitsa. Ngati pafunikira chilango, chiyenera kuperekedwa mwamsanga. Buku lakuti Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World limalangiza kuti: “Kudekha, chidaliro, ndi kukhwima—nzimene ulamuliro uli.” Ndiponso, onani malingaliro abwino koposa a m’nyuzipepala yakuti The German Tribune: “Nthaŵi zonse lankhulani kwa mwana mwa njira imene idzagwira maganizo ake: tchulani dzina lake kaŵirikaŵiri, muyang’aneni kumaso ndipo gwiritsirani ntchito chinenero chosavuta.”

Nkhanza imachitika pamene makolo ataya kudziletsa. Ngati kholo lizaza, ilo limakhala litataya kale kudziletsa. Miyambo chaputala 15 imafotokoza nkhani ya kulera ana ndi chilango. Mwachitsanzo, vesi 4 limati: “Kuchiza lilime ndiko mtengo wa moyo; koma likakhota liswa moyo”; vesi 18: “Munthu wozaza aputa makani; koma wosakwiya msanga atonthoza makangano”; ndipo lomaliza, vesi 28: “Mtima wa wolungama uganizira za mayankhidwe.” Motero, nkofunika kuzindikira osati kokha zimene timanena komanso mmene timazinenera.

Kuthokoza, Osati Kutsutsa

Chifukwa chakuti ana ovuta kulera amachita zinthu zaluso, zachilendo, ngakhale zamisala, nkwapafupi kwa makolo kukhala opeza zifukwa, kutonza, kunyazitsa, ndi kukantha ndi manja kapena ndi mawu mokwiya. Komabe, malinga ndi kunena kwa Today’s English Version, Baibulo pa Aefeso 6:4 limalangiza makolo kulera ana ndi “chilango ndi chilangizo Chachikristu.” Kodi ndimotani mmene Yesu analangira olakwa? Yesu anagwiritsira ntchito chilango chopatsa uphungu chimene chinalangiza ndi kuphunzitsa anthu, akumachita nawo mopanda tsankho ndi mokhwima. Chilango ndicho kachitidwe, njira yolangizira, imene nthaŵi zonse iyenera kubwerezedwa kaŵirikaŵiri pochita ndi ana.—Onani nkhani yakuti “Lingaliro la Baibulo . . . ‘Nthyole ya Chilango’—Kodi Njachikale?,” mu Galamukani! wa September 8, 1992.

Chilango choyenera chimachititsa mkhalidwe wa kukhulupirirana, chifundo ndi kukhazikika; chifukwa chake pamene chilango chili chofunika, chiyenera kuperekedwa ndi zifukwa zake. Palibe mankhwala ochiritsa kamodzinkamodzi pophunzitsa ana, popeza kuti ana amaphunzira pang’onopang’ono, m’kupita kwa nthaŵi. Pamafunikira kusamalira kwakukulu ndi chikondi, nthaŵi yochuluka ndi ntchito, kuti mwana aliyense aleredwe mwa njira yoyenera, makamaka mwana wovuta kulera. Kamwambi kotsatiraka kangakhale kothandiza kukakumbukira: “Nenani chimene mutanthauza, tanthauzani chimene munena, ndipo chitani chimene munena kuti mudzachita.”

Chimodzi cha zinthu zolefula kwambiri za vuto la kuchita ndi ana okhala ndi khalidwe lodetsa nkhaŵa ndicho chikhumbo chawo chopambanitsa chofuna kupatsidwa chisamaliro. Kaŵirikaŵiri, chisamaliro chimene amapatsidwa chimakhala chosawayanja m’malo mwa chowayanja. Komabe, khalani wofulumira kuona, kuthokoza, kapena kupereka mphotho pa khalidwe labwino kapena ntchito yochitidwa bwino. Zimenezi zimakhala zolimbikitsa kwambiri kwa mwana. Poyamba zoyesayesa zanu zingaoneke kukhala zopambanitsa, koma zotulukapo zake nzabwino. Ana amafunikira mphotho zazing’ono koma za panthaŵi yomweyo.

Chokumana Nacho cha Tate ndi Greg

“Mwana wathu Greg anapezedwa ndi ADHD pausinkhu wa zaka zisanu, pamene anali ku sukulu ya mkaka. Panthaŵiyo tinakaonana ndi katswiri wa kakulidwe ka ana yemwe anatsimikizira kuti Greg analidi ndi ADHD. Iye anatiuza kuti: ‘Si mlandu wake, ndiponso si mlandu wanu. Iye sangachite kalikonse, koma inu mungachitepo kanthu.’

“Timalingalira za mawuwo kaŵirikaŵiri, chifukwa chakuti amatikumbutsa mfundo yakuti monga makolo tili ndi thayo lalikulu la kuthandiza mwana wathu kulimbana ndi ADHD. Tsiku limenelo dokotalayo anatiuza kubwerera kunyumba atatipatsa mabuku okaŵerenga, ndipo tikukhulupirira kuti chidziŵitso chimene takhala nacho m’zaka zitatu zapitazo chakhala chofunika kwambiri pokwaniritsa mathayo athu aukholo kwa Greg.

“Nkofunika kwambiri polera mwana wa ADHD kuchirikiza khalidwe loyenera ndi kupereka machenjezo ndi chilango cha kupulupudza ngati chili chofunikira. Pamene mukhala adongosolo kwambiri ndi osasintha, ndi pamenenso mudzapeza zotulukapo zabwinopo. Mawu achidule ameneŵa mwinamwake ndiwo mfungulo yaikulu yolerera mwana wa ADHD. Komabe, chifukwa chakuti mufunikira kuchita zimenezo nthaŵi zambiri patsiku, nzapafupi kunena koposa kuchita.

“Chipangizo chimene tapeza kukhala chothandiza kwambiri ndicho nthaŵi yokacheza. Nthaŵi zonse pamene tigwiritsira ntchito nthaŵi zokacheza kuti tiwongolere khalidwe la kupulupudza, timayambitsanso programu yochirikiza kuti tilimbikitse khalidwe labwinopo. Chochirikizira chimenechi chingakhale liwu lovomereza, kukumbatira, kapena ngakhale kupereka kanthu kena kapena mwaŵi. Tinapita kusitolo ndi kugula tchati ya zomamatiza. Tinalemba pamwamba zimene zili khalidwe labwino. Nthaŵi iliyonse pamene tiona kuti Greg akusonyeza khalidwe loyenera, timampatsa chomamatiza kuti aike pa tchati yakeyo. Pamene tchatiyo idzala, tinene kuti zomamatiza 20, iye amapeza mphotho. Ichi ndi chinthu chimene nthaŵi zonse amakondwera kuchita, monga kupita ku paki. Nchothandiza chifukwa chakuti chimamlimbikitsa kuchita bwino. Amaika yekha zomamatiza ndipo akhoza kuona mmene akuchitira ndi mmene aliri pafupi kupata mphotho.

“Chipangizo china chimene tapeza kukhala chothandiza ndicho kupatsa Greg zosankha. M’malo mwa kulamulira kwachindunji, timapereka chosankha. Kaya kuti asonyeze khalidwe loyenera kapena kuti alandire chilango cha kupulupudza. Zimenezi zimaphunzitsa thayo ndi kupanga zosankha zoyenera. Ngati ndi chinthu chimene chakhala vuto lopitirizabe, monga ngati kupulupudza m’sitolo kapena mu lesitiranti, timagwiritsira ntchito tchati ya zomamatiza ndi mphotho. Motero iye amaona phindu la khalidwe loyenera, ndipo timasonyeza kuti taona kuwongokera kwakeko.

“Anthu ambiri samadziŵa kuti ADHD imayambukira mphamvu ya mwana ya kulamulira khalidwe lake ndi machitidwe ake. Anthu ambiri amakhulupirira kuti ana ameneŵa akhoza kulamulira ukulu wa kusumika maganizo ndi khalidwe lawo ngati ayesayesa zolimba, ndipo pamene alephera, amaimba mlandu makolo.

“Kuli kosatheka kuti mwana wa ADHD akhale bata kwa maola aŵiri pamsonkhano wa mpingo ku Nyumba Yaufumu. Sitidzaiŵala konse mmene Greg pausinkhu wochepa wa zaka zisanu chabe anali kulirira msonkhano uliwonse usanayambe ndi kutifunsa kuti, ‘Kodi uwu ndi msonkhano wautali kapena ndi msonkhano waufupi?’ Iye anali kulira kwambiri ngati unali msonkhano wa maola aŵiri chifukwa anadziŵa kuti sanali wokhoza kukhala bata kwa utali wonsewo. Tiyenera kulolera kaamba ka nthendayo ndi zifooko zimene imadzetsa. Timadziŵa kuti Yehova amamvetsetsa nthendayo bwino lomwe koposa munthu aliyense, ndipo kudziŵa zimenezo kumapatsa chitonthozo. Pakali pano Greg sakulandiranso mankhwala ndipo akuchita bwino lomwe kusukulu.

“Kuika chiyembekezo chathu pa Yehova ndi kusumika maso pa dziko latsopano kumatichirikiza. Chiyembekezo chathu chimatanthauza kale zochuluka kwa Greg. Iye amasangalala kwabasi, misozi imafikadi m’maso, pamene alingalira za mmene Yehova adzachotsera ADHD m’dziko lapansi la Paradaiso.”

[Bokosi patsamba 26]

Mphatso zimene zingapatsidwe kaamba ka khalidwe labwino:

1. CHITAMANDO—mawu othokoza kaamba ka ntchito yochitidwa bwino; kuyamikira khalidwe labwino, limodzi ndi chikondi, kukumbatira, ndi chisangalalo chosonyezedwa ndi nkhope.

2. TCHATI—yoikidwa poonekera, yoikidwapo zomamatiza zokongola zosonyeza kukhoza zolimbikitsa khalidwe labwino.

3. MPAMBO WA ZINTHU ZABWINO—wa zochita zabwino ndi zotamandika. Nthaŵi iliyonse pamene mwana achita bwino kanthu kena, mosasamala kanthu za kuchepa kwa kanthuko poyamba, kalembeni, ndipo kaŵerengeni kwa chiŵalo cha banja.

4. CHOPIMIRA KHALIDWE—malinga ndi msinkhu wa mwanayo, kuwonjezera maswiti m’tambula pamene mwanayo achita bwino kanthu kena (chilimbikitso chooneka). Cholinga ndicho kuyambitsa njira yopeza mapointi opatsira mphotho imene ingaphatikizepo kanthu kena kamene banjalo likanachitabe, monga kukaona kanema, kukacheza ku paki, kapena kukadyera ku lesitiranti. M’malo mwa kugogomezera kwa mwana kuti: “Ngati upulupudza, sitidzapita,” yesani kuti: “Ngati udzisunga, tidzapita.” Mfungulo ndiyo kusintha kalingaliridwe ka mantha kukhala koyembekezera zabwino, pamene tikulola nthaŵi yoyenera yakuti kusintha kuchitike.

[Chithunzi patsamba 24]

Kukambitsirana nthaŵi zina kungabutse kuzazirana

[Chithunzi patsamba 25]

Pamene zosankha zipangidwa, fotokozani zifukwa zake, ndipo mamatirani pa izo

[Chithunzi patsamba 27]

Monyadira amawonjezera chomamatiza chatsopano patchati