Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti

Kodi Nchifukwa Ninji Ndimamva Motere?

“Ndimamva ngati ndili pankhondo. Sindidziŵa kumene ndingapeze thandizo.”—Bob.

ACHICHEPERE ambiri amavutika maganizo mofananamo. Mosiyana ndi amsinkhu wawo amene amaoneka kukhala otengeka ndi chikhumbo cha osiyana nawo ziŵalo, iwo amakopeka kwambiri ndi amene ali ndi ziŵalo zofanana ndi zawo. Ambiri, kuzindikira zimenezi kumawasautsa.

Mkazi wina anati ponena za mwana wake wamkazi: “Anayamba kudwala, sanakhoze kudya kapena kugona tulo, ndipo anapsinjika maganizo nakhala wokwiyakwiya. Anayesa ngakhale kudzipha.” Kodi choyambitsa chachikulu cha nsautso imeneyo chinali chiyani? “Iye ankalakalaka kugonana ndi akazi anzake.” Ena angapeze vuto kulaka zikhumbo zimenezo. “Pamene ndinali wachichepere,” akuulula motero mnyamata wina amene tidzatcha Mark, “ndinayamba kuchita mathanyula ndi mabwenzi anga ena. Ndinapitiriza kuchita zimenezo mpaka pa unyamata kufikira nditayamba kuphunzira Baibulo ndi Mboni za Yehova. Koma nthaŵi zina ndinkamvabe moipa mumtima mwanga.”

Kodi chimene chimachititsa wachichepere kukopeka ndi ofanana nawo ziŵalo nchiyani? Ndipo kodi wachichepere ayenera kuchitanji ngati wakanthidwa ndi chilakolako chotero?

Kodi Nchibadwa Kapena Nzongokulitsa?

Lerolino ambiri amanena kuti amathanyula ndimmene anabadwira ndi kuti lingaliro lawo la kugonana nlosasinthika. Mwachitsanzo, magazini a Time anapereka chilengezo chodabwitsa kuti: “Zopezedwa m’kufufuza kwa posachedwapa zikusonyeza kuti mpangidwe wa ubongo wa amuna amathanyula umasiyana ndi uja wa amuna ogonana ndi akazi.” Komabe, kufufuza kumeneku kunachitidwa pa ubongo wa amuna amene anamwalira ndi AIDS. Ndithudi, zimenezi sizikuchirikiza mfundoyo!

Lingaliro lina longopeka limakhudza za mahomoni. Asayansi anaona kuti makoswe a m’nyumba yofufuzira za mankhwala amene anachotsamo mahomoni achimuna anasonyeza mikhalidwe “yachikazi” ya kukwerana. Chotero iwo ananena kuti amathanyula mofananamo angakhale ovulala pa ngozi ya pakutenga mimba—ya kuyambukiridwa ndi mahomoni achimuna ochulukitsa kapena ochepetsetsa asanabadwe. Komabe, asayansi ambiri amakhulupirira kuti khalidwe lachilendo la makoswe langokhala ziyambukiro zake—osati ‘mathanyula’ enieni. Ndiponso, anthu si makoswe ayi. The Harvard Medical School Mental Health Letter ikutsutsa kuti: “Nzosatheka konse kuti mahomoni okhalako kubadwa kusanachitike amayambukira . . . mkhalidwe wa kugonana wa munthu mofanana kwambiri ndi mmene amalinganizira mphamvu yosonkhezera khalidwe la kukwerana kwa makoswe.”

Ndiponso maphunziro a za majini apatsidwa chisamaliro chachikulu kwambiri. Mwa amuna ndi akazi amathanyula amene ali ndi mapasa, pafupifupi theka la mapasa awo alinso amathanyula. Popeza mapasa a dzira limodzi [identical] ali ndi majini amodzimodzi, kunaoneka kwanzeru kunena kuti jini ina yosadziŵika bwino inachititsa kusiyana kumeneko. Komabe, onani kuti theka la mapasawo sanali amathanyula. Ngati mkhalidwe umenewu unalidi wa m’majini, kodi mapasa onse sakanakhala nawo? Zoona, majini ndi mahomoni angakhale ndi mbali ina pa zimenezi. Ngakhale zili choncho, Scientific American inasimba zimene ena anapeza kuti umboni “umasonyeza mwamphamvu kuti malo amayambukira kwambiri lingaliro la kugonana.”

Zisonkhezero za Malo

Talingalirani za malo a Greece wakale. Posonkhezeredwa ndi nthano zodzutsa chilakolako cha kugonana za milungu yawo ina yongopeka, zolemba za afilosofi onga Plato, ndi mwambo wa m’nyumba za maseŵera kumene anyamata ankaseŵera maliseche, mathanyula anakhala fashoni yonyanyula pakati pa apamwamba mwa anthu olankhula Chigiriki. Malinga ndi buku lakuti Love in Ancient Greece, “ku Crete zinali zamanyazi kwa mnyamata wobadwira m’banja lapamwamba kukhala wopanda [mwamuna] wogonana naye.” Panalibe jini yosadziŵika bwino kapena homoni imene inanyonyotsola makhalidwe motero. Mkhalidwewo unafala chifukwa chakuti unaloledwa ndi mwambo wa Agiriki, inde, unalimbikitsidwa! Zimenezi zikusonyeza bwino lomwe mmene malo angakhalire ndi chisonkhezero champhamvu.

Mosakayikira, kuchuluka kwa manenanena ochirikiza mathanyula kwathandizira kwambiri kufalitsa lingaliro limenelo lerolino. Mathanyula amatchulidwa kwambiri pa TV, mu akanema, m’nyimbo, ndi m’magazini. Cable television yapeputsira zinthu achichepere kuti azionerera zithunzithunzi zaumaliseche. Kavalidwe ndi kapesedwe kosasonyeza kuti munthu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi zakhala sitayelo. Akatswiri ena amalingaliranso kuti manenanena otsutsa amuna ochokera kwa ena ochirikiza ufulu wa akazi awonjezera kufalikira kwa kugonana kwa akazi. Achichepere angayambukiridwenso moipa mwa kuyanjana ndi anzawo a m’kalasi amene amachirikiza poyera moyo wa mathanyula.—1 Akorinto 15:33.

Atate ndi Mwana Wamwamuna

Nthaŵi zina, mkhalidwe wosakondweretsa m’banja umaoneka kukhalanso ndi chisonkhezero chachikulu, makamaka pa amuna.a Atate amathandizira kwambiri kuumbika kwa mtima wa mwana. (Aefeso 6:4) Buku lakuti Kupangitsa Moyo Wanu wa Banja Kukhala Wachimwemwe limati: “Chisonkhezero cha mikhalidwe ya umuna ya atate chingathe kuthandizira bwino kwambiri kukula kwa umunthu woumbika bwino lomwe ndi wokhazikika.”b Mnyamata wachichepere amafunikiranso kuŵerengeredwa, kukondedwa, ndi kuvomerezedwa ndi atate ake. (Yerekezerani ndi Luka 3:22.) Kodi nchiyani chimene chingachitike pamene atate alephera kupatsa mwana wawo chisamaliro chofunika chimenechi? Kupsinjika mtima. Wolemba za nthenda za maganizo Joseph Nicolosi akunena kuti mathanyula mwa amuna “nthaŵi zambiri amakhalapo chifukwa cha zothetsa nzeru m’maunansi a banja, makamaka pakati pa atate ndi mwana wamwamuna.”

Kungakhale kwakuti nakubala mosadziŵa amakulitsa vutolo mwa kupeputsa mwamuna wake kapena mwa kusalola mwana wake wamwamuna kuthera nthaŵi yochuluka ndi atate wake. Kufufuza kwina pa anyamata a mikhalidwe yachikazi kunavumbula zotsatirazi: “Makolo ena anali kufuna kwambiri mwana wamkazi m’malo mwa wamwamuna ndipo mochenjera analimbikitsa mwana wawo wamwamunayo kuvala ngati mkazi kapena anamuveka motero.”

Uku sikunena kuti mlandu wa zilakolako za munthu zopotoka za kugonana ungangoikidwa pa makolo ake. Amuna ambiri amene anakula ali ndi amayi awo okaniza kwambiri ndi atate osasamala, osapezekapezeka panyumba, kapena ankhanza akulitsabe maumunthu achimuna. Ndiponso, sikuti onse amene ali ndi zikhumbo za mathanyula kwenikweni amachokera m’mabanja omwe sali mumkhalidwe wabwino. Komabe, zikuchita ngati kuti anyamata ena zimawayambukiradi moipa. “Chifukwa cha kukanidwa kwake ndi bambo paubwana . . . ,” akutero Dr. Nicolosi, “wamathanyula amamva kukhala wofooka ndi wosakhoza pa mikhalidwe yachimuna, ndiko kuti, mphamvu, chidaliro, ndi nyonga. Amakopeka ndi nyonga yachimuna chifukwa cha kufunafuna kwake mosadziŵa mkhalidwe wake wachimuna.”

Mnyamata wina Wachikristu wotchedwa Peter analemba kuti: “Atate anali chidakwa ndipo nthaŵi zonse ankamenya amayi ndipo, nthaŵi zina, ankamenya anafe. Pamene ndinali ndi zaka 12, iwo anachoka panyumba. Ndinakhumba atate kwambiri. Nthaŵi zonse ndinalakalaka munthu wina amene akanakwaniritsa chikhumbo changa cha tsiku ndi tsiku. Pamene potsirizira pake ndinakhala paubwenzi ndi mwamuna wina wabwino Wachikristu amene ndinaganiza kuti akakwaniritsa chosoŵa chimenecho, ndinayamba kumalakalaka kugonana naye.”

Zochititsa chidwi nzakuti, amathanyula ambiri anagonedwapo paubwana.c Kugonedwa kotero kungachititse chivulazo chakuthupi ndi kusweka mtima kosatha. Mwa ena kungachititse chimene mlembi wina anatcha “mkhalidwe wopotoka wa kugonana.” Mwachionekere, zimenezi zinachitika m’Sodomu wakale, kumene anyamata aang’ono anasonyeza chilakolako chauchinyama cha kugonana konyansa. (Genesis 19:4, 5) Mwachionekere, iwo anakhala otero chifukwa cha kugonedwa ndi achikulire.

Nkhani ya Makhalidwe

Mwina asayansi sadzapeza kwenikweni mlingo wa zimene chibadwa ndi kungokulitsa chikhumbo zimachita pa kukopeka ndi ofanana nawo ziŵalo. Koma pali chinthu chimodzi chodziŵika: Anthu onse amabadwa ndi chikhoterero cha kugonjera ku kalingaliridwe ndi zikhumbo zolakwika.—Aroma 3:23.

Chotero wachichepere amene amafuna kukondweretsa Mulungu ayenera kutsatira miyezo Yake ya makhalidwe ndi kupeŵa khalidwe loipa, ngakhale kuti kuchita zimenezo kungakhale kovuta kwambiri. Zoona, anthu ena angakhaledi okhoterera ku mathanyula, mongadi anthu ena, molingana ndi zimene Baibulo limanena, ‘amapsa mtima msanga.’ (Tito 1:7) Koma Baibulo limatsutsabe kusonyeza mkwiyo wosalungama. (Aefeso 4:31) Mofananamo, Mkristu sangadzikhululukire pa khalidwe loipa mwa kunena kuti ‘ndimmene anabadwira.’ Ogona ana amapereka chifukwa chopanda pake chimodzimodzicho pamene amanena kuti chilakolako chawo cha kugona ana ndi “chibadwa.” Koma kodi pali aliyense amene angakane kuti chilakolako chawo cha kugonana nchopotoka? Ndimmenenso chilili chikhumbo cha kugonana ndi wina wofanana naye ziŵalo.

Chotero, achichepere amene amakopeka ndi ofanana nawo ziŵalo ayenera kupeŵa kugonja ku zilakolako zawo. Komabe, kodi nchifukwa ninji Baibulo mosabisa limatsutsiratu mathanyula? Kodi moyo umenewo ulidi msala ndi wopotoka? Ngati ulidi wotero, kodi wachichepere angachitenji kuti aupeŵe? Mafunso ameneŵa adzayankhidwa m’kope la mtsogolo la Galamukani!

[Mawu a M’munsi]