Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Ndingatani Ngati Makolo Anga Akukana Ukwati Wanga?

Lakesha ndi bwenzi lake akuganiza zokwatirana, koma amayi ake sakulola. “Ndikwanitsa zaka 19 chaka chino,” akutero Lakesha, “koma amayi akulimbikira kuti tiyembekeze mpaka nditakwanitsa zaka 21.”

NGATI mukukonzekera kuti mukwatirane ndi wina, mwachibadwa mumafuna kuti makolo anu asangalale nanu. Zikhoza kukuŵaŵani ngati makolo anu sakuvomereza bwenzi limene mwasankha. Kodi nanga muyenera kutani? Kungonyalanyaza zofuna zawozo, ndi kupitiriza zaukwati monga momwe munakonzera?a

Izi zingakuvutitseni maganizo ngati muli wamkulu ndipo mwalamulo mutha kukwatira popanda makolo kuvomereza. Komabe, Baibulo silimanena kuti munthu ayenera kupereka ulemu kwa makolo kufikira pausinkhu wakutiwakuti. (Miyambo 1:8) Ndipo ngati munyalanyaza malingaliro awo, mudzawononga ubwenzi wanu ndi iwo kosatha. Ndiponso, zikhoza kuthekanso kuti makolo anu ali ndi zifukwa zabwino zokanira ukwati wanuwo.

Ndi Pamsinkhu Uti Pamene Munthu Amakhala Mwana Woti Sangakwatire?

Mwachitsanzo, kodi makolo anu akukuuzani kuti ndinu mwana woti simungakwatire? Chabwino, Baibulo silinena zaka pamene munthu ayenera kukwatira. Koma limanenabe kuti asanakwatire, ayenera kuyamba ‘wapitirira pa unamwali’—zaka zotsatira atangotha msinkhu pamene chilakolako chakugonana chimakhala chachikulu kwambiri. (1 Akorinto 7:36) Nchifukwa ninji? Chifukwa achinyamata otereŵa amakhala ali kuchiyambi chabe cha kukhwima kwa maganizo, kudziletsa, ndiponso makhalidwe auzimu ofunika posamalira banja.—Yerekezerani ndi 1 Akorinto 13:11; Agalatiya 5:22, 23.

Pamene Dale wazaka 20 anafuna kukwatira, anakhumudwa ndi zonena za makolo ake. “Ankati ndine mwana ndipo sindinadziŵe mavuto,” iye akutero. “Ndinkaona kuti tinali okonzekera ndipo zambiri tidzazidziŵa titakwatirana, koma makolo anga ankafuna kutsimikizira kuti sindinkangochita zinthu mongotengeka maganizo. Anandifunsa mafunso ambiri: ‘Kodi ndinali wokonzekera kumasankha zochita tsiku ndi tsiku, za chuma, kupezera banja zosoŵa, kuwalimbikitsa, ndi kuwaphunzitsa zauzimu? Kodi ndinali wokonzeka kukhala kholo? Kodi ndinali nditadziŵadi kulankhulana? Kodi ndinadziŵadi zomwe mkazi adzafuna? Iwo anaona kuti nkoyenera kuti choyamba ndiyambe ndadzidziŵadi bwino kuti ndinedi munthu wamkulu ndisanayambe kusamalira munthu wina wamkulunso.

“Ngakhale kuti sitinkafuna kudikira, tinasintha nthaŵi yoti tikwatirane kuti tiyambe takula. Pambuyo pake pamene tinakwatirana, tinayamba ukwatiwo tili ndi maziko abwino kwakuti nkutha kusamala banja.”

Vuto Likakhala Kusiyana Zipembedzo

Pamene Terri anayamba kukonda mnyamata wina amene sanali wachipembedzo chake, anayamba kumacheza naye mobisa. Ataulula zakuti akufuna kukwatirana, Terri anakhumudwa kuona kuti amayi ake anakana ukwatiwo. “Sindikufuna kuti amayi anga azindiona choncho,” anadandaula Terri. “Ndifuna pakhalebe unansi uja wa mwana ndi amake.”

Koma kodi ndani amene anali kulepheretsa unansi umenewo? Kodi amayi ake a Terri ankangofuna chabe kuvutitsa kapena kungomuumira mtima? Ayi, iwo anali kungotsatira uphungu wa m’Baibulo kwa Akristu wakuti akwatiwe “mwa Ambuye.” (1 Akorinto 7:39) Kunena zoona, Baibulo limalamula kuti: “Musakhale omangidwa m’goli losiyana ndi osakhulupira osiyana.” (2 Akorinto 6:14, 15) Chifukwa chiyani?

Chifukwa chimodzi nchakuti kugwirizana pa za chipembedzo ndi mfundo yofunika kwambiri kuti banja likhale lachimwemwe ndi labwino. Akatswiri ena amanena kuti mavuto a muukwati obuka chifukwa chosiyana zipembedzo kaŵirikaŵiri amapangitsa kusudzulana. Komabe nkhaŵa yaikulu imakhala pakuti pakhoza kukhala mpata woti wina nkukakamizika kulolera kuchita mosagwirizana ndi zikhulupiriro zake zachipembedzo—kapena kuzilekeratu. Ngakhale zitakhala kuti mzanuyo sakuloŵererapo pa zachipembedzo chanu, simungakhalebe wosangalala chifukwa simungathe kusimbirana zikhulupiriro zanu zapamtima. Kodi zimenezi mukuziona ngati zingathe kubweretsa chimwemwe m’banja?

Motero Terri zinamvuta kuti asankhe chochita. “Ndimamkondadi Yehova Mulungu,” Terri anatero, “koma sindikufuna kulekana ndi bwenzi langa.” Simungathe kukhala ndi zonse ziŵiri. Sizingatheke kunyalanyaza malamulo a Mulungu ndiye nkumapitirizabe kusangalala ndi chiyanjo ndi madalitso ake.

Mwinamwake makolo anu akukana kuti mukwatirane ndi Mkristu mnzanu. Kodi nzotheka kukhala womangidwa m’goli losiyana ndi wokhulupirira? Inde, ngati zolinga zauzimu kapena kudzipereka kwanu kwa Mulungu nkosiyana ndi kwa munthuyo. Ngati zinthu zili choncho kapena “samchitira umboni wabwino” abale mumpingo wake, moyenerera makolo anu akhoza kukayikira kuti mukwatirane ndi munthu ameneyo.—Machitidwe 16:2.

Bwanji za Kusiyana Mafuko ndi Chikhalidwe?

Makolo a Lynn anakana pa chifukwa china: Iye ankafuna kukwatiwa ndi mwamuna wafuko lina. Kodi Baibulo limaphunzitsa zotani pankhani imeneyi? Limatiuza kuti “Mulungu alibe tsankhu” ndi kuti “ndi mmodzi analenga mitundu yonse ya anthu.” (Machitidwe 10:34, 35; 17:26) Anthu onse ali ndi chiyambi chimodzi ndipo ndi ofanana m’maso mwa Mulungu.

Ngakhale zili choncho, pamene zili zoona kuti mabanja onse amakumana ndi “chisautso m’thupi,” okwatirana omwe ndi osiyana mafuko angakhoze kukumana ndi mavuto ochulukirapo. (1 Akorinto 7:28) Chifukwa ninji? Chifukwa chakuti anthu ambiri m’dziko lodzala ndi chidani savomereza mmene Mulungu amaonera mafuko. Ngakhale kuti kukwatirana anthu osiyana mafuko nkofala kumaiko a Kumadzulo, padakali madera ena kumene okwatirana osiyana mafuko angakumane ndi tsankho. Motero makolo anu akhoza kukhala ndi mantha kuti inu simuli okonzekera kulimbana ndi mavuto amenewo.

“Makolo anga ankaganiza kuti zidzativuta kwambiri,” akuvomereza motero Lynn. Mwanzeru, Lynn analemekeza malingaliro awo ndipo sanathamangire kukwatiwa. Pamene makolo ake anaona kukhwima maganizo kwa Lynn ndi kumdziŵa bwino mwamuna amene iye anakondayo, pang’onopang’ono anayamba kukhulupirira kuti akatha kupirira mavuto a m’banja limenelo. Lynn akuti: “Pamene anazindikira kuti ndithudi titha kukhalira limodzi mosangalala, nawonso anakondwera nafe.”

Komabe nthaŵi zina, nkhani siikhala pa fuko koma chikhalidwe. Makolo anu akhoza kukhala ndi nkhaŵa kuti kutsogolo mudzakhala osasangalala kumakhala ndi munthu amene kakhalidwe kake, ziyembekozo, ndi zakudya zomwe amakonda, nyimbo, ndi zosangulutsa nzosiyana kwambiri ndi zanu. Mulimonse mmene zingakhalire, kukwatirana ndi munthu wa fuko lina kapena wa chikhalidwe china kukhoza kubweretsa mavuto ochulukirapo. Kodi ndinudi wokonzekera kulimbana ndi mavuto ameneŵa?

Pamene Makolo Angakane Popanda Mfundo Zomveka

Koma bwanji pamene muona kuti makolo anu akukana popanda mfundo zomveka? Mtsikana wina wotchedwa Faith ananena za amayi ake kuti: “Amayi asudzulidwa kambirimbiri. Iwo amati sungamdziŵe bwino munthu amene ufuna kukwatiwa naye kufikira mutakwatirana. Iwo akutsimikiza kuti sindidzakhala wosangalala m’banja.” Kaŵirikaŵiri, makolo omwe ukwati wawo sunali bwino satha kuzindikira bwino za ukwati wa ana awo. Nthaŵi zina makolo amakhala ndi zolinga zokayikitsa pokana ukwati wa mwana wawo, monga kungofuna kuti apitirizebe kumalamulira mwanayo.

Ngati makolo anu sakufuna kumvera zifukwa zomwe muli nazo, kodi mungatani? Kwa Mboni za Yehova, zikhoza kuitana akulu mumpingo kuti adzathandize kuthetsa mavuto a pabanja. Akhoza kuthandiza a pabanja kukambitsirana nkhaniyo modekha, mwaufulu, ndi m’njira yopindulitsa mosakhalira kumbuyo mbali iliyonse.—Yakobo 3:18.

Kufuna Mtendere

Koma, pali zambiri zimene zikhoza kupangitsa makolo anu kukana ukwati wanu, monga nkhani za ndalama kapena khalidwe la munthu amene mukufuna kukwatirana nayeyo. Ndipo panthaŵi ino yakuti kuli AIDS ndi matenda ena opatsirana mwa kugonana, moyenerera makolo anu ayenera kukhala ndi nkhaŵa pa zathanzi lanu ngati bwenzi lanu linali lachiwerewere lisanakhale Mkristu.b

Malinga ngati mukukhala m’nyumba ya makolo anu, muyenera kuzindikira kuti iwo ali ndi udindo wokulamulirani. (Akolose 3:20) Koma ngakhale ngati mukukhala nokha ndiponso ndinu wamkulu wotha kudzisankhira zochita, osathamangira kukana malingaliro a makolo anu. Khalani ofunitsitsa kumvetsera. (Miyambo 23:22) Lingalirani mosamalitsa zomwe zidzakhala zotsatirapo mutakwatirana.—Yerekezerani ndi Luka 14:28.

Mutatero, mungaganize kuti mukwatira basi. Mwachibadwa, mlandu udzakhala wanu pa zimene mwasankha kuchita. (Agalatiya 6:5) Ngati mwayesetsa kulingalirapo pa zimene makolo anu akhala akunena, mwina adzalimbikitsidwa kukuthandizani pa zosankha zanu, ngakhale kuti adzatero mongokakamizika. Koma ngati apitirizabe kukana, osadana nawo kapena kukwiya. Kumbukirani kuti: Makolo anu amakukondani ndipo amadera nkhaŵa zakuti mudzakhale ndi chimwemwe mtsogolo. Yesetsani kukhala nawo mwamtendere. Pamene muyamba kuliyendetsa bwino banja lanu, mwina adzabwezako mtima.

Kumbali ina, ngati mulingalirapo bwino pa zonse zimene makolo anu akunena ndi kudzipenda bwino inu eni ndiponso munthu amene mukufuna kukwatirana nayeyo, musadabwe mukapeza kuti yankho lake ndi lodabwitsa lakuti makolo anu akunena zoona.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 31]

Makolo anu angaone kuti ndinu mwana wosati nkukwatira