Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

N’chifukwa Chiyani Ndimalephera Kukhala Wochezeka?

“Kukhala wamanyazi n’kofooketsa. Ndi mantha aakulu omwe uyenera kuwathetsa. Ndi enienidi.”—Richard.a

“Manyazi linali vuto langa lalikulu ndili wamng’ono. Ndimangoona ngati ndikukhala m’dziko landekha.”—Elizabeth wa zaka 18.

‘KODI ndili ndi vuto linalake? N’chifukwa chiyani ndimalephera kukhala wochezeka?’ Kodi nthaŵi zina munayamba mwadzifunsapo mafunso ameneŵa? Mofanana ndi Richard wogwidwa mawu pamwambapa, mungadzimve kukhala wamanyazi kapena wankhaŵa pamene mukumana ndi munthu wachilendo. Mwina m’machita mantha mukakhala pa anthu akuluakulu. Kapena mwina m’mada nkhaŵa kwambiri ndi zimene ena amakuganizirani kwakuti mumaopa kuti simungafotokoze mmene mumamvera ndi malingaliro anu, mutapatsidwa mwayi woti mutero. Wachinyamata wina dzina lake Tracey anavomereza kuti, “zimandivuta kuti ndilankhule ndi anthu omwe sindikuwadziŵa bwino.”

Koma kodi chenicheni chimachititsa zimenezi n’chiyani? Kumvetsa kaye vutolo ndicho chinthu choyamba kuchiganizira kuti tiligonjetse. (Miyambo 1:5) Mayi wina anati: “Sindinali kudziŵa chifukwa chimene ndinkakhalira womangika ndikakhala ndi anthu. Koma tsopano pakuti ndaona vuto langa, nditha kuyesetsa kuti ndisinthe.” Choncho, tiyeni tione zifukwa zingapo zimene zimachititsa achinyamata ena kulephera kukhala wochezeka.

Vuto la Kuchita Manyazi

Mosakayika, chifukwa chofala kwambiri ndicho kuchita manyazi. Wachinyamata yemwe amacheza ndi ena amakhala ndi mabwenzi osiyanasiyana, pamene wamanyazi, angadzimve kukhala wosungulumwa komanso wosayanjidwa. Elizabeth wa zaka 18 ananena kuti, “Manyazi linali vuto langa lalikulu pamene ndinali kukula. Ndinkangomva ngati kuti ndikukhala m’dziko landekha.” Diane, akukumbukira za kupsinjika maganizo komwe anali nako pamene anali m’fomu yoyamba ku sukulu ya sekondale. “Sindinkafuna kukhala woonekera pakati pa ena. Ndinali ndi mphunzitsi amene anafuna kuti tilembe maganizo athu ngati kukhala odziŵika n’kofunika kapena ayi. Panali manambala oyambira 0 kulekeza 5 ndipo 0 ankaimira kukhala wosadziŵika pamene 5 ankaimira kukhala wodziŵika. Atsikana onse amene anali otchuka kusukuluko analemba 5. Ine ndinalemba 0. Ineyo ndinkachita manyazi chifukwa choopa kukhala wodziŵika. Munthu sufuna kukhala wodziŵika kwambiri kapena wodzionetsera chifukwa chakuti umaopa kuti mwina ena sangakondwere nawe.”

Inde, chizoloŵezi chokhala ndi manyazi pang’ono sichoipa. Mkhalidwe wogwirizana ndi manyazi ndiwo kudzichepetsa—kuzindikira kupereŵera kwathu. Ndiponso timalamulidwa m’Baibulo kuti tiyenera ‘kuyenda modzichepetsa ndi Mulungu wathu.’ (Mika 6:8) Munthu wodzichepetsa kapena wosamasuka kwenikweni, amakhala wosavuta kukhala naye pamodzi, kusiyana ndi munthu wopambanitsa, wolongolola kapena wovutitsa. Ngakhale n’zoona kuti pali “mphindi yakulankhula,” komanso, pali “mphindi yakutonthola.” (Mlaliki 3:7) Anthu amanyazi sangavutike kuti akhale chete, chifukwa chakuti amakhala “wotchera khutu, wodekha polankhula,” kaŵirikaŵiri amayamikiridwa ndi ena kuti amakhala anthu omvetsera kwambiri.—Yakobo 1:19.

Komabe, kaŵirikaŵiri achinyamata ena amakhala a phee, amanyazi, kapena amantha kwakuti sangathe kupeza mabwenzi. Wolemba wina anati manyazi akanyanyira, angaike munthu pa “ukayidi wamaganizo wodzipatsa yekha”—kudzipatula pa anzako.—Miyambo 18:1.

Manyazi—Vuto Lofala

Ngati muli wamanyazi zindikirani kuti, ndi vuto lofala kwambiri. Kufufuza kumene kunachitidwa pa ana asukulu ya sekondale ndi a ku koleji kwasonyeza kuti “ophunzira 82 mwa ophunzira 100 alionse anakhalapo a manyazi nthaŵi inayake m’moyo wawo.” (Buku lakuti Adolescence lolembedwa ndi Eastwood Atwater) Manyazi analinso vuto kwa ena ngakhale m’nthaŵi za Baibulo. Amuna a ulemu wawo ndithu, monga Mose ndi Timoteo, ayenera kuti analimbana ndi mkhalidwewu.—Eksodo 3:11, 13; 4:1, 10, 13; 1 Timoteo 4:12; 2 Timoteo 1:6-8.

Tanganizirani za Sauli, mfumu yoyamba ya mtundu wa Israyeli wakale. Mwachibadwa Sauli anali mwamuna wolimba mtima. Pamene zifuyo za bambo ake zinasoŵa, Sauli analimba mtima kukazifunafuna. (1 Samueli 9:3, 4) Koma atam’sankha kukhala mfumu ya mtunduwo, Sauli mwadzidzidzi anagwidwa ndi manyazi. M’malo mokumana ndi namtindi wa anthu omwe ankam’chemerera, Sauli anabisala pakati pa katundu!—1 Samueli 10:20-24.

Mwachionekere, kusadzidalira kwa Sauli kungaoneke kodabwitsa. Chikhalirechobe, Baibulo limafotokoza kuti iye anali wochititsa chidwi, mnyamata wokongola. Indedi, “anali wam’tali, anthu onse ena anam’lekeza m’chifuwa”! (1 Samueli 9:2) Komanso, mneneri wa Mulungu anatsimikizira Sauli kuti Yehova adzadalitsa ulamuliro wake monga mfumu. (1 Samueli 9:17, 20) Ngakhale zinali choncho, Sauli anadzikayikira. Atamuuza kuti adzakhala mfumu, iye anayankha modzichepetsa amvekere: “Sindili Mbenjamini kodi, wa fuko laling’ono mwa Israyeli? Ndiponso banja lathu n’lochepa pakati pa mabanja onse a fuko la Benjamini? Potero mulankhula bwanji mawu otere ndi ine?”—1 Samueli 9:21.

Ngati munthu monga Sauli analephera kudzidalira, n’zosadabwitsa kuti inunso nthaŵi zina mumadziderera. Monga wachinyamata, muli pa msinkhu umene thupi lanu likusintha mofulumira kwambiri. Mwangoyamba kuphunzira mmene mudzakhalire mukadzakula. Chotero, n’kwachibadwa kuti nthaŵi zina m’mamangika ndiponso kuchita mantha. M’magazini yotchedwa Parents (makolo), Dr. David Elkind analemba kuti: “Pa zaka zoyambirira za kusinkhuka kwawo achinyamata ambiri amakhala amanyazi, pamene ayamba kuganiza kuti anthu ena akuwayang’ana ndipo kuti amafatsa n’kumaganiza za kaonekedwe ndiponso zochita zawo. Anthu ameneŵa ine ndimawatcha anthu okuyang’ana ongoyerekezera.”

Pokhala kuti achinyamata kaŵirikaŵiri amayang’ana kaonekedwe ka mabwenzi awo, ambiri amada nkhaŵa ndi maonekedwe awo. (Yerekezani ndi 2 Akorinto 10:7.) Komabe, n’koopsa kuda nkhaŵa mopitirira chifukwa cha maonekedwe. Mtsikana wina ku France dzina lake Lilia anakumbukira zomwe zinam’chitikira pa nkhani imeneyi ndipo anati: “Ndinali ndi vuto limene achinyamata ambiri ali nalo. Ndinali ndi matenda a pakhungu—ziphuphu! Munthu umamangika kupita kwa anzako chifukwa chakuti umada nkhaŵa ndi momwe ukuonekera.”

Vuto Lalikulu

Pokhala kuti anthu amanyazi kaŵirikaŵiri amaganiziridwa molakwa, iwo angadzipatule kwa ena. Buku lakuti Adolescence limanena kuti: “Achinyamata amanyazi amavutika kwambiri kuti apeze mabwenzi chifukwa chakuti kaŵirikaŵiri amaonedwa molakwa ndi ena. Anthu amanyazi amaganiziridwa kuti ndi odzisankha, onyansidwa, opanda chidwi, odzinyozetsa, osayanjana ndi ena, ndi aukali. Pamene achitiridwa monga mwa khalidwe lawo, amadzimva kukhala osafunika, opatulidwa, ndi opsinjika maganizo.” Zotsatira zake zimakhala zakuti amakhala ndi manyazi owonjezereka, ndipo zimenezi zimachititsa ena kuwaganizira molakwa kuti ndi odzikonda ndiponso odzikweza.

Ndiponsotu, chifukwa monga Mkristu, ndinu “choonetsedwa ku dziko lapansi,” muyenera kukhala wokhudzidwa ndi chithunzithunzi chomwe mumapereka kwa anthu. (1 Akorinto 4:9) Kodi m’mayang’ana kumbali m’kamalankhula ndi ena? Kodi mmene m’maimira mumasonyeza kuti mukufuna kukhala panokha? Pamenepo dziŵani kuti ena adzakhala ndi chithunzithunzi choipa ndipo adzayamba kukupeŵani. Zimenezi zingachititse kupeza mabwenzi kukhala kovutirapo kwambiri.

Zifukwa Zina

Komanso vuto lina lofala ndilo kuopa kulakwitsa. N’zoona, n’kwachibadwa kudzimva kukhala womangika kapena wokayikira pamene muchita chinthu chomwe simunachitepo. Koma achinyamata ena amachita kunyanyira. Monga wachinyamata, Gail anadzitcha kuti anali wamantha ndi anthu. Mtsikanayo anati: “Sindimayankha m’kalasi. Ndipo makolo anga anali kunenedwa nthaŵi zonse ndi mawu monga akuti, ‘Iye saimika dzanja ayi. Salankhula zomveka.’ Pamene ineyo, ndinkakhala womangika ndi wopsinjika koti sindikanatha kuchita zimenezo. Ndipo ngakhale tsopano zimandivutabe ndithu.” Kuopa kulakwitsa n’kofooketsa. Mnyamata wina dzina lake Peter ananena kuti: “Ndimada nkhaŵa kuti ndilakwitsa, ndipo ndimakhala wosatsimikiza pa zomwe ndikuchita” Kunyozedwa komanso kusekedwa ndi mabwenzi kungakulitse mantha ndi kuwononga kudzidalira kwa wachinyamatayo.

Kusoŵa luso la kutha kuyanjana ndi ena ndi vuto linanso lofala. Mwina mumalephera kupereka moni kuti mudziŵane ndi munthu yemwe ali wachilendo chifukwa chakuti simukudziŵa chonena. Mungadabwe kudziŵa kuti ngakhale achikulire nthaŵi zina amakhala omangika. Wabizinesi wina dzina lake Fred anati: “Pa nkhani za malonda, ndimakhala womasuka pochita zinthu ndipo ndimachita bwino. N’kamalankhula za bizinesi, sindikayikira kuti ndikupereka chithunzithunzi chabwino. Koma ngati ndikucheza chabe ndi anthu omwewo, ndimamangika. Angandiike m’gulu la anthu osachezeka kapena onena zoloŵeza kapena okonda kulongosola zosafunikira kapenanso osasangalatsa kwenikweni.”

Kaya ndinu wamanyazi, kapena wamantha chabe ndi anthu ena, zingakuthandizeni ngati mutaphunzira mmene mungakhalire wochezeka. Baibulo limalimbikitsa Akristu ‘kufutukuka’ komanso kudziŵana ndi ena! Koma kodi tingachite motani? Zimenezi n’zimene tidzakambirane m’nkhani ina m’tsogolo.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 28]

Anthu amanyazi kaŵirikaŵiri amaganiziridwa kuti ndi osafuna kucheza ndi ena

[Chithunzi patsamba 28]

Kuopa kulakwitsa kumachititsa achinyamata ena kusafuna kuyanjana ndi ena