Minkhole Yopanda Liŵongo ya Kuchitira Nkhanza Ana

“NDIKUYANDIKIRA zaka 40 zakubadwa tsopano,” akutero Eilene.a “Ndipo ngakhale kuti vuto langa lakhala koposa zaka 30, likundisautsabe. Chifukwa cha vuto langa, ndimakhala wokwiya, kudzimva waliŵongo, ndipo ndiri ndi mavuto muukwati wanga! Anthu amayesa kumvetsetsa chisoni changa, koma sangathe.” Kodi Eilene ali ndivuto lanji? Iye ali mnkhole wa nkhanza ya kugonedwa paubwana, ndipo kwa iye ziyambukirozo zatsimikizira kukhala zokhalitsa.

Ndithudi, Eilene sali yekha m’nkhaniyi. Kufufuza kumasonyeza kuti chiŵerengero chochititsa mantha cha akazi—ndi amuna—avutika ndi kuchitiridwa moipa koteroko.b Popeza kuti nkhanza yakugona ana siiri konse mchitidwe wakamodzikamodzi woipa, iyo iri vuto lofalikira kwambiri, limene limapezeka m’magulu onse a anthu a mayanjano, a zachuma, a chipembedzo, ndi a mafuko.

Mwamwaŵi, amuna ndi akazi ambiri sakalingalira konse za kuchitira mwana mwanjira yoipa imeneyi. Koma ochepa oipitsitsa ali ndi chikhoterero choipa chimenechi. Ndipo mosiyana ndi omwerekera m’khalidwe woterowo, ochitira nkhanza ana oŵerengeka ali anthu odwala maganizo okhala ndi zizoloŵezi zakupha ndipo amabisala m’mabwalo oseŵerera. Ambiri ali anthu amene kunja amakhala ndi mawonekedwe abwino okhutiritsa. Iwo amakhutiritsa zilakolako zawo zoipa mwakulungama ana osadziŵa kanthu, owadalira, osatha kudzichinjiriza—kaŵirikaŵiri ana awo aakazi enieniwo.c Poyera, amachitira anawo mokoma mtima, mwachikondi. Mtseri, amawaloŵetsa m’kugonana kowopseza, kwachiwawa, ndi kwamanyazi.

Zowonadi, nkovuta kumvetsetsa kuti zowopsa zoterozo zingakhale zikuchitika m’nyumba zambiri zowoneka kukhala zolemekezeka. Komabe, ngakhale m’nthaŵi za Baibulo, ana anagwiritsiridwa ntchito “kaamba ka chikhutiritso cha panthaŵiyo cha . . . chilakolako chakugonana.” (The International Critical Commentary; yerekezerani ndi Yoweli 3:3.) Baibulo linalosera kuti: ‘Koma zindikira ichi, kuti masiku otsiriza zidzafika nthaŵi zowawitsa. Pakuti anthu adzakhala odzikonda okha . . . opanda chikondi chachibadwidwe . . . osakhoza kudziletsa, aukali, osakonda abwino.’ Chotero, siziyenera kutidabwitsa kuti nkhanza pa ana ikuchitika pamlingo waukulu lerolino.—2 Timoteo 3:1, 3, 13.

Kuchitiridwa zoipa paubwana sikungasiye zipsera zakuthupi. Ndipo siakulu onse omwe anapangidwa minkhole paubwana wawo amene akuwoneka kukhala ovutitsidwa nazo. Koma monga momwe mwambi wakale unanenera: “Ngakhale m’kuseka mtima uwawa.” (Miyambo 14:13) Inde, minkhole yambiri iri ndi zipsera zakuya za malingaliro—mabala obisika amene akutukusira mkati. Komabe, kodi nchifukwa ninji kuchitira ana zoipa kumachititsa chivulazo choterocho? Kodi nchifukwa ninji mabalawo samapola okha m’kupita kwanthaŵi? Kukula kwa vuto losautsa limeneli kumafunikiritsa kuti tisumikepo maganizo athu. Nzowona, zina zimene zikutsatirapo zingakhale zosakondweretsa kuziŵerenga—makamaka ngati munali mnkhole wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza paubwana. Koma khalani wotsimikiziridwa kuti chiyembekezo chiripo, mukhozadi kuchira.

Mabala Obisika a Kuchitira Nkhanza Ana

“Ndimadzida ndekha. Ndimalingalirabe kuti pali chinachake chimene ndidayenera kuchita, chimene ndidayenera kunena kuti ndikane. Ndimadzilingalira kukhala wodetsedwa kwenikweni.”—Ann.

“Ndimadzimva wosiyana ndi anthu. Kaŵirikaŵiri ndimakhala ndi malingaliro akuthedwa nzeru ndi kusoŵa chochita. Nthaŵi zina ndimakhumba kufa.”—Jill.

“NKHANZA yakugonedwa paubwana iri . . . chiukiro chowopsa, chovulaza, ndi chochititsa manyazi pa maganizo, moyo, ndi thupi la mwana . . . Nkhanzayo imawononga mbali iriyonse ya moyo wa munthu.” Limatero bukhu lakuti The Right to Innocence, lolembedwa ndi Beverly Engel.

Siana onse amene amayambukiridwa ndi kuchitiridwa nkhanza mwanjira yofanana.a Ana ali ndi maumunthu osiyanasiyana, luso lakulaka mavuto, ndi malingaliro owachirikiza. Zambiri zimadaliranso pa unansi wa mwanayo kwa womchitira nkhanzayo, ukulu wa nkhanzayo, utali umene nkhanzayo inachitidwa, msinkhu wa mwanayo, ndi mfundo zina. Ndiponso, ngati nkhanzayo yavumbulidwa ndipo mwanayo alandira chichirikizo cha achikulire chachikondi, kaŵirikaŵiri chivulazocho chingachepetsedwe. Komabe, minkhole yambiri imavutika ndi mabala aakulu amalingaliro.

Chifukwa Chake Nkhanzayo Imavulaza

Baibulo limapereka chidziŵitso pa chifukwa chake chivulazo choterocho chimachitika. Mlaliki 7:7 amati: ‘Nsautso iyalutsa wanzeru.’ Ngati ichi chiri chowona kwa mkulu, talingalirani chiyambukiro cha chitsenderezo chankhalwe pa mwana wamng’ono—makamaka ngati wankhanzayo ali kholo lodaliridwa ndi mwanayo. Ndiiko komwe, zaka zoŵerengeka zoyambirira za moyo ziri zofunika kwambiri kaamba ka kukula kwamalingaliro ndi kwauzimu kwa mwana. (2 Timoteo 3:15) Ndi mkati mwa zaka zoyambirira zimenezo pamene wachichepere amayamba kukulitsa malire a makhalidwe ndi ulemu wake. Mwakumamatira kwa makolo ake, mwana amaphunziranso tanthauzo la chikondi ndi kukhulupirika.—Salmo 22:9.

“Kwa ana ochitiridwa nkhanza,” akufotokoza motero Dr. J. Patrick Gannon, “kachitidwe kakukulitsa kukhulupirika kameneka kamanyonyotsoka.” Wankhanzayo amawononga chidaliro chonse chimene mwanayo anali nacho mwa iye; iye amamuwonongera chisungiko chirichonse, chinsinsi chake, kapena ulemu waumwini ndipo amamgwiritsira ntchito monga chinthu wamba kaamba ka kudzikhutiritsa.b Ana aang’ono samamvetsetsa tanthauzo la machitidwe achisembwere okakamizidwa pa iwo, koma pafupifupi ana onse amapeza chokumana nacho chimenecho kukhala chokwiitsa, chowopsa, chochititsa manyazi.

Chotero nkhanza pa ana yatchedwa “kuwononga chidaliro koipitsitsa.” Tikukumbutsidwa funso la Yesu lakuti: ‘Munthu ndani wa inu, amene pompempha mwana wake mkate, adzampatsa mwala?’ (Mateyu 7:9) Koma wankhanzayo amapatsa mwanayo, osati chikondi ndi kusamala, koma “mwala” wankhalwe koposa—chivulazo chakugonana.

Chifukwa Chake Mabalawo Amapitirizabe

Miyambo 22:6 imati: ‘Phunzitsa mwana poyamba njira yake; ndipo angakhale atakalamba sadzachokamo.’ Mowonekera bwino, chisonkhezero chamakolo chikhoza kukhala kwa moyo wonse. Chotero, bwanji ngati mwana aphunzitsidwa kukhulupirira kuti palibe chimene angachite kuletsa chiukiro chakugonana? Aphunzitsidwa kuchita zodetsedwa mosinthana ndi “chikondi?” Aphunzitsidwa kudzilingalira kukhala wopanda pake ndi wodetsedwa? Kodi zimenezo sizingapangitse moyo wa mkhalidwe woluluzika? Sikuti kuchitiridwa nkhanza paubwana kumalungamitsa khalidwe losayenera pambuyo pake kuukulu, koma kukhoza kusonyeza chifukwa chake minkhole ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza imachita kapena kulingalira mwanjira yakutiyakuti.

Minkhole yambiri ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza imavutika ndi zizindikiro zosiyanasiyana, kuphatikizapo kuchita tondovi. Ena amangokhala osakondwa nthaŵi zonse ndipo nthaŵi zina amakhala ndi malingaliro ovutitsa a liŵongo, manyazi, ndi mkwiyo. Minkhole ina ingavutike ndi kusakhudzidwa mwamalingaliro, kulephera kusonyeza kudzimva kwamalingaliro kapena kuyambukiridwa mwamalingaliro. Kudzimva wotsika ndi malingaliro akupanda nyonga kumakanthanso ambiri. Sally, yemwe anachitiridwa nkhanza ndi amalume ŵake, akukumbukira kuti: “Nthaŵi iriyonse pamene anandigona ndinadzimva kukhala wopanda mphamvu, wouma thupi ndi wosokonezeka. Ndinali kuzizwa kuti kodi nchifukwa ninji chimenechi chinali kuchitika?” Cynthia Tower, katswiri wa zamalingaliro akusimba kuti: “Kupenda kumasonyeza kuti kaŵirikaŵiri anthu omwe anachitiridwa nkhanza paubwana adzasungabe lingaliro lakukhala mnkhole m’moyo wawo wonse.” Iwo angakwatiwe ndi mwamuna wankhanza, amasonyeza mkhalidwe wosavuta kugonjetsa, kapena amadzimva kukhala osakhoza kudzichinjiriza pamene awopsezedwa.

Mwachibadwa, ana amakhala ndi zaka pafupifupi 12 zakukonzekera kaamba ka malingaliro amene adzadzuka m’kati mwaunamwali. Koma pamene machitidwe oipa akakamizidwa pa mwana wamng’ono, iye angachititsidwe mantha ndi malingaliro odzutsidwawo. Monga momwe kupenda kwina kunasonyezera, ichi pambuyo pake chingawononge kukhoza kwake kwa kusangalala ndi chikondi cha muukwati. Mnkhole wotchedwa Linda akuulula kuti: “Ndimapeza kugonana kwa muukwati kukhala chinthu chovuta koposa m’moyo wanga. Ndimakhala ndi lingaliro loipitsitsa lakuwona monga ndi atate amene ndiri nawo, ndipo ndimauma thupi.” Minkhole ina ingachite mosiyana ndi zimenezo ndi kukhala ndi chilakolako chopambanitsa cha chisembwere. “Ndinakhala ndi moyo woluluzika kwakuti ndinali kugonana ndi anthu osadziŵika kotheratu,” akuvomereza motero Jill.

Minkhole ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza ingakhalenso ndi vuto m’kukhala ndi maunansi abwino. Ena amakupeza kukhala kosatheka kulemekeza amuna kapena anthu olemekezeka. Ena amawononga maubwenzi ndi maukwati mwakuchita zinthu mwankhanza kapena molamulira. Komabe ena amayesa kupeŵeratu maunansi athithithi.

Pali ngakhale minkhole imene imapereka malingaliro awo owononga pa iwo eni. “Ndinalida thupi langa chifukwa chakuti linavomereza pamene linadzutsidwa ndi wankhanzayo,” akuvomereza Reba. Mwatsoka, mavuto ochititsidwa ndi kudya,c chikhumbo cha kugwira ntchito mopambanitsa, uchidakwa ndi mankhwala ogodomalitsa, nzofala pakati pa minkhole ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza—zoyesayesa zosoŵa chochita kuti aiŵale malingaliro awo. Ena angasonyezenso kudzida kwawo mwanjira zachindunji kwambiri. “Ndimadzichekacheka, kudzibaya ndi zikhadabo zanga m’mikono, kudzitentha,” akuwonjezera tero Reba. “Ndinadzilingalira kukhala woyenerera kuchitiridwa nkhanza.”

Komabe, musagamule kuti aliyense amene amalingalira kapena kuchita zinthu mwa njira zimenezo anachitiridwa nkhanza yakugonana. Zochititsa zina zakuthupi kapena zamalingaliro zingaloŵetsedwemo. Mwachitsanzo, akatswiri amanena kuti zizindikiro zofananazo nzofala pakati pa akulu okulira m’mabanja osagwirizana—m’mene makolo awo anali kuwamenya, kuwanyoza ndi kuwachititsa manyazi, kunyalanyaza zosoŵa zawo zakuthupi, kapena m’mene makolo anali omwerekera ndi mankhwala ogodomalitsa kapena zakumwa.

Chivulazo Chauzimu

Chiyambukiro choipitsitsa ndi chonyenga koposa cha kuchitira nkhanza ana ndicho chivulazo chauzimu. Kuchitira thupi moipa koteroko kuli ‘chodetsa cha thupi ndi cha mzimu.’ (2 Akorinto 7:1) Mwakuchita machitidwe oipa pa mwana, mwakuloŵerera malire ake a makhalidwe abwino, mwakuwononga chidaliro chake, wochita nkhanzayo amaipitsa mzimu wa mwanayo, kapena kaimidwe kake kamaganizo. Ichi pambuyo pake chingapinimbiritse kukula kwa makhalidwe abwino ndi uzimu wa mnkholeyo.

Bukhu lakuti Facing Codependence, lolembedwa ndi Pia Mellody, limawonjezera kuti: “Nkhanza yaikulu iriyonse . . . irinso nkhanza yauzimu, chifukwa chakuti imafooketsa chidaliro cha mwana pa Mulungu.” Mwachitsanzo, mkazi Wachikristu wotchedwa Ellen akufunsa kuti: “Kodi ndimotani mmene ndingamlingalirire Yehova kukhala Atate pamene ndiri ndi lingaliro limeneli la atate wapadziko lapansi wankhalwe?” Mnkhole wina wotchedwa Terry ukunena kuti: “Sindinamlingalirepo Yehova monga Atate. Monga Mulungu, Ambuye, Mfumu, Mlengi, inde! Koma monga Atate, ayi!”

Anthu otero sali kwenikweni ofooka mwauzimu kapena osoŵa chikhulupiriro. Mosiyana, zoyesayesa zawo zoumirira zakutsatira miyezo yamakhalidwe abwino ya Baibulo zimapereka umboni wa nyonga yawo yauzimu! Koma tayerekezerani mmene ena angalingalirire pamene aŵerenga lemba la Baibulo monga Salmo 103:13, limene limati: ‘Monga atate achitira ana ake chifundo, Yehova achitira chifundo iwo akumuwopa iye.’ Ena akhoza kumvetsetsa chimenechi kokha mwakuŵerenga. Koma popanda lingaliro labwino la mmene atate woteroyo aliri, kungakhale kovuta kwa iwo kuvomereza lembali mwamalingaliro!

Ena angakupezenso kovuta kukhala “kamwana” pamaso pa Mulungu—kukhala ogonja, odzichepetsa, omdalira. Iwo angabise malingaliro awo enieni popemphera kwa Mulungu. (Marko 10:15) Iwo angadodome kugwiritsira ntchito pa iwo eni mawu a Davide a pa Salmo 62:7, 8 aŵa: ‘Pa Mulungu pali chipulumutso changa ndi ulemerero wanga: Thanthwe la mphamvu yanga ndi pothaŵirapo panga mpa Mulungu. Khulupirani pa iye nyengo zonse, anthu inu. Tsanulirani mitima yanu pamaso pake: Mulungu ndiye pothaŵirapo ife.’ Malingaliro a liŵongo ndi kupanda pake angafooketsedi chikhulupiriro chawo. Mnkhole wina wachikazi unati: “Ndimakhulupirira Ufumu wa Yehova kwambiri. Komabe, sindimadzimva kwenikweni kuti ndine woyenerera kukhalamo.”

Ndithudi, siminkhole yonse imene imayambukiridwa mwanjira yofanana. Ena amayandikira kwa Yehova monga Atate wachikondi ndikusakhala ndi chopinga chirichonse m’kulankhula naye. Mulimonse mmene zingakhalire, ngati ndinu mnkhole wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza yakugonana paubwana, mungakupeze kukhala kothandiza kwambiri kulingalira mmene yayambukirira moyo wanu. Ena angakhutiritsidwe mwakungozisiya choncho. Komabe, ngati inuyo mukuwona kuti chivulazocho nchachikulu, limbikani mtima. Mabala anu akhoza kupola.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

‘Nthaŵi ya Kuchira’

Ann anali wachifundo ndi womvera mavuto a ena; wothandiza aliyense wokhala m’vuto. Wamawonekedwe okhazikika ndi opanda chifukwa, iye sanapereke chizindikiro chirichonse chakukhala ndi mabala obisika a malingaliro ovutitsa, kufikira tsiku lina pamene anayamba kukumbukira. Ann anakumbukira motere: “Ndinali kuntchito, ndipo ndinayamba kuvutika mumtima ndi kukhala ndi malingaliro a manyazi. Ndinalephereratu kuimirira! Ndinavutika kwa masiku ambiri. Kenaka ndinakumbukira za atate ŵanga opeza akundichita choipa—ndithudi, kunali kugwirira chigololo. Ndipo siinali nthaŵi yokhayo.”

PALI ‘mphindi ya kuchira.’ (Mlaliki 3:3) Ndipo kwa minkhole yambiri ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza paubwana—mofanana ndi Ann—kukumbukiranso zinthu zoiŵalika kalekale kuli mbali yofunika kwambiri ya kuchira.

Komabe, kodi ndimotani mmene aliyense angaiŵalire chinthu chovutitsa maganizo monga chiukiro chakugonana? Talingalirani mmene mwana amakhalira wopanda thandizo motsutsana ndi machitachita akufuna kugonana naye a bambo kapena mkulu wamphamvu. Iye sangathaŵe. Ndipo sangakuwe. Ndiponso sanganene—kwa aliyense! Komabe, iye adziwonanabe ndi womchitira nkhanzayo masiku onse ndi kunamizira monga palibe chimene chinachitika. Kunamizira koteroko kukakhala kovuta kwa munthu wamkulu; choncho kuli pafupifupi kosatheka kwa mwana. Motero iye amagwiritsira ntchito kuyerekezera kwakukulu kumene ana ali nako ndipo amachotsako malingaliro! Iye amanamizira monga kuti nkhanzayo siinachitike, kuiphimba kapena kusaisunga m’maganizo.

Kwenikweni, nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi, tonsefe timadziiŵalitsa zinthu zimene sitimafuna kuziwona kapena kuzimva. (Yerekezerani ndi Yeremiya 5:21.) Koma minkhole ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza imagwiritsira ntchito luso limeneli monga chiŵiya chopulumukira. Minkhole ina imasimba kuti: “Ndinayerekezera kuti chinalikuchitikira winawake ndipo ine ndinali wopenyerera.” “Ndinayerekezera kuti ndinali mtulo.” “Ndinachita masamu anga m’mutu.”—Strong at the Broken Places, lolembedwa ndi Linda T. Sanford.

Pamenepa, nkosadabwitsa kuti bukhu la Surviving Child Sexual Abuse limati: “Kumayerekezeredwa kuti pafupifupi 50 peresenti ya olaka kuchitiridwa nkhanza kwa paubwana samazindikira zochitika zimenezi.” Komabe, ena angakumbukire kuchitiridwa nkhanza kwenikweniko koma kunyalanyaza malingaliro amene kumachititsa—kupwetekedwa, ukali, manyazi.

Kulimbana kwa m’Maganizo—Kupondereza Zikumbukiro

Pamenepo, kodi sikuli bwino kuti zinthu zimenezi ziphimbidwe—kuti minkhole ingoziiŵala? Ena angasankhe kuchita tero. Koma ambiri sangathe. Ziri monga mmene Yobu 9:27, 28 amanenera kuti: “Ngati ndimwetulira ndi kuyesa kuiŵala kupweteka kwanga, kuvutika kwanga konse kumabweranso kundisautsa.” (Today’s English Version) Kupondereza zikumbukiro zowopsa kuli kuyesayesa kotopetsa kwa m’maganizo, kulimbana kumene kungakhale ndi zotulukapo zowononga thanzi.

Pamene mnkhole akukula, kaŵirikaŵiri mavuto a moyo amafooketsa kukhoza kwake kwakupondereza zakale. Fungo lamphamvu la mankhwala onunkhira, nkhope yowoneka yozoloŵereka, phokoso lodzidzimutsa, kapena ngakhale kupimidwa ndi dokotala kapena katswiri wa mano kungabutse zikumbukiro zambiri zakale ndi malingaliro.a Kodi iye sangoyenera kuyesayesa mwamphamvu kuziiŵala? Ayi, panthaŵiyi minkhole yambiri imapeza mpumulo mwa kuyesa kukumbukira! Mkazi wina wotchedwa Jill akuti: ‘Pamene zikumbukiro zakale zibwera m’maganizo, zimatha mphamvu. Kuzibisa kumakhala kopweteka ndi kowopsa kuposa kuzitaya.’

Phindu la Kuvomereza

Chifukwa ninji? Chifukwa chimodzi nchakuti, kukumbukira kumalola mnkhole kumva chisoni. Chisoni chiri kachitidwe kachibadwa ka kuvutika maganizo; kumatithandiza kuiŵala zochitika zosautsa. (Mlaliki 3:4; 7:1-3) Komabe, ngati mnkhole wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza sunapatsidwe mpata wakuchita chisoni, nakakamizidwa kubisa chokumana nacho chake chowopsa, amapangitsidwa kupondereza kupweteka kwake. Kupondereza koteroko kungatulukepo chimene adokotala amatcha posttraumatic stress disorder—mkhalidwe wosakhudzidwa m’malingaliro.—Yerekezerani ndi Salmo 143:3, 4.

Pamene zikumbukiro ziyamba kubwerera, mnkholeyo angachire ku nkhanzayo. Minkhole ina kwakanthaŵi imabwerera kumkhalidwe waubwana. “Pamene ndimakumbukira chochitika chakale,” akutero Jill, “kaŵirikaŵiri ndimakhala ndi zizindikiro zakuthupi. Nthaŵi zina zikumbukirozo zimakhala zotsendereza kwambiri, ndimadzimva monga ndikuchita misala.” Mkwiyo wapaubwana woponderezedwa kwanthaŵi yaitali tsopano ungabwere mwadzidzidzi. Sheila akuti: “Kukumbukira kumandigwetsera m’kuchita tondovi ndi mkwiyo.” Koma pansi pa mikhalidwe yapadera imeneyi mkwiyo umakhala woyenerera. Mukuchita chisoni, kusonyeza mkwiyo wolungama! Muli nako kuyenera kwa kuda machitidwe oipa ochitidwa pa inu.—Aroma 12:9.

Mnkhole wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza wina unati: “Pamene ndinali wokhoza kukumbukira bwino lomwe, ndinali ndi lingaliro lalikulu la mpumulo . . . Ndipo ndikudziŵa zimene ndinali kuchita nazo. Pamene kunali kovuta kwa ine kukumbukira, kunandikumbutsa mbali ya moyo wanga imene inakhala yosatsimikizirika chifukwa chakuti inali yosadziŵika ndi yachinsinsi.”—The Right to Innocence.

Kukumbukira kungathandizenso mnkhole kudziŵa muzu wa mavuto ake ena. “Nthaŵi zonse ndinadziŵa kuti ndinali ndi mkwiyo waukulu koma sindinadziŵe chifukwa chake,” unatero mnkhole wina wa kugonedwa ndi wachibale. Kukumbukira kumathandiza ambiri kuzindikira kuti chimene chinachitika sichinali cholakwa chawo, iwo anaukiridwa.

Ndithudi, sionse amene amakumbukira bwino nkhanza imene anachitiridwa monga momwe ena amachitira. Ndipo aphungu ambiri amavomereza kuti sikuli kofunika kuti munthu akumbukire tsatanetsatane aliyense wa nkhanza yowachitikira kotero kuti achire ku ziyambukiro zake. Kungovomereza kuti kuchitiridwa nkhanza kunachitika kungakhale sitepe lalikulu kulinga kukuchira.—Onani bokosi patsamba 9.

Kupeza Chichirikizo

Ngati ndinu mnkhole wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza yakugonedwa paubwana, musalimbane nazo nokha zikumbukiro zomabweranso. Kulankhula kumathandiza malingaliro anu. (Yerekezerani ndi Yobu 10:1; 32:20.) Ena amene ali opsinjika koposa angafune chithandizo cha sing’anga woyeneretsedwa, phungu, kapena katswiri wa maganizo. Mulimonse mmene zingakhalire, mabwenzi odalirika, mnzanu wa muukwati, ziŵalo za banja, kapena oyang’anira Achikristu omwe adzamvetsera ndi chifundo ndi ulemu angakhalenso ochirikiza.b “Chithandizo changa chachikulu ndimachipeza kwa bwenzi langa lapamtima, Julie,” anatero Janet. “Iye amandilola kulankhula mobwerezabwereza chimene ndachikumbukira. Amandilola kusonyeza malingaliro amene amatsatira. Iye amamvetsera ndipo amachitapo kanthu momvetsetsa.”

Kudalira munthu kuli nkhani yangozi, ndipo mungadzimve kukhala wosayenerera kulandira chithandizo cha winawake—kapena mungakhale wamanyazi kwambiri kulankhula ponena za nkhanza yokuchitikirani. Koma bwenzi lowona ‘linabadwira poonena tsoka’ ndipo lingakuthandizeni bwino lomwe ngati mulipatsa mpata. (Miyambo 17:17) Komabe, sankhani bwino amene mudzamuuza zamseri zanu. Phunzirani kuulula nkhaŵa zanu pang’onopang’ono. Ngati bwenzilo litsimikizira kukhala lachifundo ndi lochenjera, pamenepo mukhoza kuyesa kuliululira zowonjezereka.

Kudzisamala mwakuthupi kumathandizanso. Pumulani mokwanira. Chitani maseŵera olimbitsa thupi mwachikatikati. Tsatirani kadyedwe kabwino. Ngati kuli kotheka, peputsani moyo wanu. Khalani womasuka kulira. Vutolo lingawoneke kukhala losatha, koma m’kupita kwanthaŵi lidzatha. Kumbukirani kuti: Munapirira kuchitiridwa nkhanza pamene munali mwana wopanda thandizo—ndipo munapulumuka! Monga wamkulu, muli ndi malingaliro okuthandizani ndi nyonga zimene munalibe kalelo. (Yerekezerani ndi 1 Akorinto 13:11.) Chotero yang’anizanani ndi zikumbukiro zanu zopweteka ndipo musazilole kukuvutitsani. Dalirani pa Mulungu kuti akupatseni nyonga. Wamasalmo anati: “Mosasamala kanthu za kukula kwa nkhaŵa ya mtima wanga, zitonthozo zanu zimandikhazika mtima.”—Salmo 94:19, The New Jerusalem Bible.

Kuchotsa Liŵongo ndi Manyazi

Kuleka kudzipatsa mlandu kuli ntchito ina ya kuchira. “Ngakhale tsopano kuli kovuta kwa ine kuganiza kuti ndinali wopanda liŵongo,” akutero mnkhole wotchedwa Reba. “Ndimazizwa, kodi nchifukwa ninji sindinawakanize?”

Komabe, kumbukirani kuti ochitira nkhanza amagwiritsira ntchito njira zowopsa kwenikweni za kukakamiza: ulamuliro (‘Ndine atate wako!’), ziwopsezo (‘Ndidzakupha ngati uuza aliyense!’), kukanikiza ndi mphamvu ndipo ngakhale liŵongo (‘Ngati unena, Ine tate wako ndidzamangidwa.’). Mosiyana, ena amagwiritsira ntchito kunyengerera kapena mphatso ndi kuchita mokomera. Ena amanamizira machitachita akugonana kukhala maseŵera wamba kapena chikondi cha kholo. “Iwo anati ndichimene anthu amachita ngati akondana,” akukumbukira tero mnkhole wina. Kodi ndimotani mmene mwana wamng’ono angatsutsire machenjera achinyengo oterowo? (Yerekezerani ndi Aefeso 4:14.) Inde, wankhanzayo mouma mtima amagwiritsira ntchito chenicheni chakuti ana ali opanda thandizo, ofeŵa kugonjetsa, ‘makanda m’choipa.’—1 Akorinto 14:20.

Pamenepa, mwinamwake mufunikira kudzikumbutsa mmene munaliri wofeŵa kugonjetsedwa ndipo wopanda thandizo pamene munali mwana. Mukhoza kuyesa kuthera nthaŵi ndi ana aang’ono kapena kuyang’ana zithunzithunzi zojambulidwa pamene munali mwana. Mabwenzi ochirikiza akhozanso kuthandiza mwakukukumbutsani kuti nkhanzayo siinali mlandu wanu.

Chikhalirechobe, mkazi wina akunena kuti: “Ndimaipidwa pamene ndikumbukira malingaliro amene atate anadzutsa mwa ine.” Minkhole ina (58 peresenti m’kupenda kwina) ikukumbukira kuti inadzukidwa pamene inkachitiridwa choipa. Momvekera bwino, ichi chimawachititsa manyazi kwambiri. Komabe, bukhu lakuti Surviving Child Sexual Abuse limatikumbutsa kuti “kudzukidwa kwa thupi kuli kokha [kuvomereza] kwa thupi pamene ligwidwa kapena kukhudzidwa mwanjira yakutiyakuti” ndikuti mwana “alibe ulamuliro uliwonse pa kudzukidwa kumeneku.” Chotero wochita nkhanzayo amakhala ndi liŵongo lonse la chimene chachitika. SUNALI MLANDU WANU!

Ndiponso, khazikani mtima podziŵa kuti Mulungu amakuwonani kukhala ‘wosalakwa ndi wowona’ m’nkhaniyo. (Afilipi 2:15) M’kupita kwanthaŵi chisonkhezero chakuchita mkhalidwe wodziwononga chingazimiririke, ndipo mungaphunzire kusamalira thupi lanu.—Yerekezerani ndi Aefeso 5:29.

Kumvananso ndi Makolo Anu

Iyi ingawoneke kukhala ntchito yovuta koposa ya kuchira. Ena amapitirizabe kukhala ndi mkwiyo, malingaliro akubwezera—kapena liŵongo. Mnkhole wina wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza anati: “Ndine wopsinjika chifukwa chakuti ndimaganiza kuti Yehova amandiyembekezera kukhululukira wondichitira choipayo, ndipo sindimatha kutero.” Kumbali ina, mukhoza kukhala ndi mantha oipa akuwopa wokuchitirani nkhanzayo. Kapena mukhoza kukhala ndi malingaliro achidani kwa amayi ŵanu chifukwa chakuti ananyalanyaza kuchitiridwa nkhanza kwanu kapena anakana kapena kukwiya pamene nkhanzayo inaululidwa. “Amayi ŵanga anandiuza kuti ndinayenera kuwakomera mtima [atate],” akukumbukira tero mkazi wina mowawidwa mtima.

Kuli kwachibadwa kukhala ndi mkwiyo pamene wina avutika ndi nkhanza. Komabe, maunansi amene amamanga mabanja angakhale olimba, ndipo simungafune kuleka mayanjano onse ndi makolo anu. Mukhoza kukhala wofunitsitsa kumvananso. Komabe, zambiri zidzadalira pa mikhalidwe. Minkhole nthaŵi zina imakhululukira makolo awo—koma osati nkhanza yochitidwayo, koma kukana kuvutitsidwa ndi kuipidwa kapena kulamuliridwa ndi mantha. Pofuna kupeŵa kuvutika ndi malingaliro, ena amakhutiritsidwa ndi ‘kunena mumtima mwawo’ ndi kuiŵala za nkhaniyo.—Salmo 4:4.

Komabe, mungalingalire kuti nkhaniyo ikhoza kuthetsedwa kokha mwakuyang’anizana nawo makolo anu ndi nkhaniyo—mwaumwini, pafoni, kapena pakalata. (Yerekezerani ndi Mateyu 18:15.) Ngati nditero, khalani wotsimikiza kuti mwachira mokwanira—kapena muli ndi chichirikizo chokwanira—chakupirira ndi kukanthidwa kwa malingaliro kumene kungabukepo. Popeza kuti kupokoserana sikungathandize kwenikweni, yesani kukhala wolimba koma wodekha. (Miyambo 29:11) Mukhoza kupitiriza mwakufotokoza (1) chimene chinachitika, (2) mmene chinakuyambukirirani, ndi (3) chimene mukuyembekezera kwa iwo tsopano (monga ngati kupepesa, kukulipirirani kwa dokotala, kapena kusintha makhalidwe). Kutulutsa nkhani poyera kungathandizedi kuchotsapo malingaliro aliwonse akuti mulibe mphamvu. Ndipo kungatsegule njira kaamba ka unansi watsopano ndi makolo anu.

Mwachitsanzo, atate ŵanu angavomereze nkhanzayo, kusonyeza kuipidwa kwakukulu. Iwo angakhale anapanga kuyesayesa kowona mtima kwa kusintha, mwinamwake mwakupeza kuchiritsidwa kwa uchidakwa kapena phunziro Labaibulo. Amayi ŵanu nawonso angapemphe chikhululukiro chanu kaamba ka kulephera kwawo kukuchinjirizani. Nthaŵi zina pakhoza kukhala kumvananso kokwanira. Komabe, musadabwe ngati mudakali ndi malingaliro otsutsana mumtima mwanu ponena za makolo anu ndi kusafuna kuloŵa mwamsanga muunansi wathithithi ndi iwo. Komabe, pamlingo wochepa kwenikweni, mukhoza kuyambanso kuchita zinthu zina zoyenerera zapabanja.

Kumbali ina, kuyang’anizanako kungabutse kutsutsidwa ndi kuchitiridwa nkhanza ya kunenedwa ndi wokuchitirani choipayo ndi ziŵalo zina zabanja. Choipirapo, mukhoza kupeza kuti iye adakali chiwopsezo kwa inu. Pamenepo kukhululukira kungakhale kosayenera, unansi woyandikana ungakhale wosatheka.—Yerekezerani ndi Salmo 139:21.

Chirichonse chimene chingachitike, zingatenge nthaŵi yaikulu kuti malingaliro anu opwetekedwa athe. Mungafunikire kumadzikumbutsa kaŵirikaŵiri kuti chilungamo chomalizira chiri ndi Mulungu. (Aroma 12:19) Kulankhula zinthuzo ndi womvetsera wochirikiza kapena ngakhale kulemba malingaliro anu kungakuthandizeni kutulutsira kunja mkwiyo wanu. Ndi chithandizo cha Mulungu mukhoza kumvetsetsa ndi kulaka mkwiyo wanu. M’kupita kwanthawi, malingaliro opwetekedwa sadzalamuliranso maganizo anu.—Yerekezerani ndi Salmo 119:133.

Kuchira Kwauzimu

Tiribe malo okwanira m’magazini ano kuti tifotokoze machitidwe onse a malingaliro, mkhalidwe, ndi nkhani zauzimu zoloŵetsedwamo. Tingangonena kuti mukhoza kuchita zambiri kuti muthandize kuchira kwanu mwa ‘kukonzanso mtima wanu’ ndi mwachithandizo cha Mawu a Mulungu. (Aroma 12:2) ‘Tambalitsirani zamtsogolo; dzazani moyo wanu ndi maganizo ndi ntchito zauzimu.’—Afilipi 3:13; 4:8, 9.

Mwachitsanzo, minkhole yambiri ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza imapeza chitonthozo chachikulu mwakungoŵerenga Masalmo. Komabe, mapindu aakulu amabwera mwakugwiritsira ntchito mwakhama malamulo amakhalidwe abwino a Baibulo. M’kupita kwanthaŵi mavuto amuukwati angachepekere. (Aefeso 5:21-33) Mkhalidwe wodziwononga ukhoza kulekeka. (1 Akorinto 6:9-11) Malingaliro oipa akugonana akhoza kuchira. (Miyambo 5:15-20; 1 Akorinto 7:1-5) Mukhoza kuphunziranso kukhala wachikatikati muunansi wanu waumwini ndi kukulitsa malire amakhalidwe olimba.—Afilipi 2:4; 1 Atesalonika 4:11.

Khalani wotsimikiziridwa: Kuchira kumafuna kutsimikiza mtima ndi kuyesayesa kwakukulu! Komabe, Salmo 126:5 limatitsimikizira kuti: ‘Akubzala ndi misozi adzatuta ndi kufuula mokondwera.’ Kumbukiraninso kuti, Mulungu wowona, Yehova, ali wokondweretsedwa muubwino wanu. Iye ‘ali pafupi ndi iwo a mtima wosweka, apulumutsa iwo a mzimu wolapadi.’ (Salmo 34:18) Mnkhole wina wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza ukuti: “Pamene pomalizira pake ndinazindikira kuti Yehova anali kudziŵa malingaliro aliwonse omwe ndinali nawo ndikuti iye anasamala—kusamaladi—pomalizira pake ndinaumva mtendere mkati mwanga.”

Yehova Mulungu wathu wachikondi, amapereka zoposa mtendere wa maganizo. Iye akulonjeza dziko latsopano lolungama, m’mene adzafafaniza chikumbukiro chirichonse cha zopweteka za paubwana. (Chibvumbulutso 21:3, 4, onaninso Yesaya 65:17.) Chiyembekezo chimenechi chingakuchirikizeni ndi kukulimbitsani pamene mukupita patsogolo m’kuchira.