Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndingachite Motani ndi Kusuliza kwa Makolo Anga?

“MAKOLO ambiri amakhulupirira kuti njira yabwino kopambana yothandizira ana awo kuwongolera ndiyo mwa kusuliza zimene alakwa.” Analemba motero Clayton Barbeau m’bukhu lake lakuti How to Raise Parents.

Mosakaikira, ngati muli wachichepere, mwinamwake mumasumululidwa ndi makolo anu pafupifupi mokhazikika mofanana ndi kupatsidwa chakudya. Mulimonse mmene kungakhalire kokwiyitsa panthaŵi zina, kusulizako sikuli kwenikweni chinthu choipa.a Tonsefe timafunikira kusumululidwa panthaŵi ndi nthaŵi; kusuliza kolimbikitsa kungakhale kwabwino, kopindulitsa.

Kumbali ina, panthaŵi zina makolo amapambanitsa, akumalongoloza ana awo kufikira potaya mtima. (Akolose 3:21) Kapena angalole mkwiyo kuwagonjetsa ndi kunyodola mwamphamvu ndi kululuza achichepere awo chifukwa cha zolakwa zazing’ono. Komabe, mosasamala kanthu za mmene chisulizocho chikuperekedwera, nkotheka kupindula nacho. Chiripo nchakuti, mwachiwonekere makolo anu akukufunirani zokukomerani. Monga momwe Baibulo lidanenera kalekale kuti, “kulasa kwa bwenzi kuli kokhulupirika.” (Miyambo 27:6) Zowona, popeza kuti makolo anu ali oyandikana nanu kwambiri, kupezera zifukwa kwawo kungavulaze kwambiri. Koma ngati muphunzira kulandira chisulizo mwanzeru, mungachepetse ululu ndi kuwonjezera mapindu.

Njira Yolakwika

Talingalirani chokumana nacho cha Stephanie wachichepereyo: “Pamene amayi anafika panyumba kuchokera kuntchito,” akufotokoza motero Stephanie, “iwo anayamba kundilongoloza chifukwa chakuti sindinasesebe nyumba kapena kutaya zinyalala. Iwo anati, ‘Sutha kuchita bwino kanthu kalikonse muno, koma kupita kwina, nkumene umachita bwino.’ Ndinati, ‘Ponena za kulongoloza, inu mumakuchita bwino.’ Iwo anayamba kundikalipira ndipo ndinatuluka ndi kutseka chitseko ndi kuloŵa m’chipinda changa kuti ndisamve mawu awo. Iwo analoŵa mwaukali, akumafuula kuti ndiyenera kulangidwa.”—My Parents Are Driving Me Crazy, lolembedwa ndi Dr. Joyce L. Vedral.

Kodi zikumvekera kukhala zozoloŵereka? Pamenepo mukudziŵa mmene kumakwiyitsira kuuzidwa kuti “sutha kuchita bwino kanthu kalikonse.” Komabe, kodi Stephanie anapindulanji mwa kupsera mtima amake? Kukwiya, kufuula mokalipa, kapena kupanduka kungangotulutsa zoipa kwa kholo. Chikhutiro chochepa chirichonse chochititsidwa ndi kukalipa mwachiwonekere chidzakhala chabe pochiyerekezera ndi chilango chimene chiri chotsimikizirika kudza. Ndiponso, wachichepere Wachikristu amene amalankhula mwachipongwe kwa kholo amavulala mwauzimu—ndi kuika pachiswe chiyanjo cha Mulungu.—Miyambo 30:17; Aefeso 6:1, 2.

Amake a Stephanie mwina sanachite bwino kwambiri pankhaniyo. Koma kodi sikwachiwonekere kuti kunyinyirika kwawo kunali kowona ponena za Stephanie? Chotero mwa kukana chisulizo, Stephanieyo sikokha kuti anapangitsa moyo kukhala wovuta kwa iye komanso anataikiridwa ndi mwaŵi wa kuwongolera kofunikirako.

Phindu la Kumvetsera

Baibulo limapereka uphungu uwu: “Tamvera uphungu, nulandire mwambo, kuti ukhale wanzeru pachimariziro chako.” (Miyambo 19:20) Inde, pewani chisonkhezero cha kudzilungamitsa, kukwiya, kapena kubwezera zisulizo zanu, ndi kusumika maganizo pa zimene kwenikweni zikunenedwa. Magazini a ’Teen akunena kuti: “Mvetserani chisulizocho ndi mutu wanu ndipo osati ndi kutengeka malingaliro anu.”

Kutero kumakuthandizani kupewa kukulitsa kapena kukumaza zimene kholo lanu likunena. Kodi kholo lanu likukutchanidi wopanda pake kapena wolephera kotheratu, kapena kodi ilo likungonena kuti munachita mwamphwayi ntchito yopaka utoto nyumba yoimikamo galimoto kapena yotsuka chitofu? Ngati zotsirizirazi ziri zowona, kodi nkuchitiranji mopsa mtima? “Palibe aliyense padziko lapansi amene amachita zabwino nthaŵi zonse ndi wosapanga konse zolakwa,” limatero Baibulo. (Mlaliki 7:20, Today’s English Version) Ndipo ngakhale ngati munalephera pantchito ina, sizimatanthauza konse kuti mumalephera m’mbali iriyonse ya moyo. Chotero dzikumbutseni kuti muli ndi zina zabwino ndi maluso.

Kukhalabe Wabata Poputidwa

“Nthaŵi iriyonse imene achita chopusa,” anaulula motero atate wina, “ndimati, ‘Ndiwe chitsiru.’” Bwanji ngati kholo lanu mofananamo limatukwana kapena kunena mawu ena osambula? Choyamba, lamulirani malingaliro anu! “Wopanda chikamwakamwa apambana kudziŵa; ndipo wofatsa mtima ali wanzeru.”—Miyambo 17:27.

Musasumike pa zimene muganiza kuti nchisalungamo zimene zikunenedwa; zimenezo zidzangokukwiyitsani mowonjezereka. Mmalo mwake, sumikani pa mbali zimene mufunikira kuwongolera. Dzikumbutseni kuti makolo anu amakukondani ndi kuti iwo mwinamwake sali ankhalwe. (Tate wogwidwa mawu pamwambapa anavomereza kuti: “Sindiyenera kumamutcha chitsiru nthaŵi zonse. Mwamsanga iye adzazikhulupirira.”) Dalirani cholinga chawo ngati awonekera kukhala otopa kapena opsinjika ndi ntchito. “Kulingalira kwa munthu kuchedwetsa mkwiyo; ulemerero wake uli wakuti akhululukire cholakwa.”—Miyambo 19:11.b

Pamene kuli kwakuti kubwezera kungakhale kosafunika, mungakhoze kuchepetsa ukali wa woukirayo. Mwachitsanzo, yesani kubwereza mawu a kholo lanuwo, mukuwalunjikitsa pavutolo. Ngati atate wanu akukutchani chitsiru chifukwa chakuti sanakonde mmene munatsukira galimoto labanja, yesani kuyankha motere: “Mwakwiya chifukwa chakuti sindinatsuke bwino galimoto.” Kapena mungangovomereza basi chisulizocho. (“Nzowona, Atate. Ndikanachita ntchitoyo bwinopo.”) Kapena yesani kufunsa mmene mungawongolelere. Miyambo 15:1 imati: “Mayankhidwe ofatsa abweza mkwiyo; koma mawu oŵaŵitsa aputa msunamo.”

Kodi mukukumbukira Woweruza Gideoni? Baibulo limanena kuti iye anatsogolera mtundu wa Israyeli m’chilakiko chachikulu pamtundu wa adani wa Midyani. Pamenepo Gideoni anatumiza amithenga kufuko lotchuka la Efraimu nawapempha kutsekereza kupulumuka kwa Amidyani ogonjetsedwawo. Nzika za Efraimu zinalabadira, zikumagwira akalonga aŵiri a Amidyani. Koma amuna odzitukumula a m’fukolo “anatsutsana naye kolimba” Gideoni! Iwo anaipidwa kuti iye sanaŵaitane kudzathandizana nawo m’nkhondoyo kuchiyambiyambi.—Oweruza 8:1.

Mawu oputawa mwachiwonekere anali osayenerera. Ndipo Gideoni akanakhala wathuku, mwenzi atakalipira nzika za Efraimu—ndi kuyambitsa nkhondo yachiweniweni. Mmalo mwake, iye anayankha kuti: “Ndachitanji tsopano monga inu? Kodi kukunkha mphesa kwa Efraimu sikuposa kuchera mphesa kwa Abiezeri?” (Oweruza 8:2) Yankho la Gideoni linatanthauza kuti mwa kugwira akalonga a ku Midyaniwo, nzika za Efraimu zinachita zambiri koposa Gideoni mwiniyo. Chotero yankho loleza mtima ndi lodzichepetsa la Gideoni linatontholetsa chisulizo chosayeneracho ndi kusungitsa mtendere.

Phunziro? Pewani kuchita mopsa mtima pamene makolo anu akukusulizani. Kukhalabe wabata kungakuletseni kulankhula kapena kuchita kanthu kena kamene mudzamva nako chisoni pambuyo pake.—Yerekezerani ndi Mlaliki 10:4.

Kuchitapo Kanthu

Komabe, mawu okoma mtima saali okwanira. Chitanipo kanthu! Kumbukirani kuti, “nzeru yochokera kumwamba iyamba kukhala . . . yomvera bwino.” (Yakobo 3:17) Yambani kusesa chipindacho, kutsuka galimoto, kumeta tsitsi lanu, kusintha zovala zanu, kapena kupanga masinthidwe alionse amene makolo anu angafune kuti mupange. Ndiyo njira yabwino koposa yothetsera kupezeredwa zifukwa kowonjezereka.

Kumbali ina, mowona mtima mungatsutse chisulizocho. Ndiiko komwe, ngakhale makolo abwino kopambana saali osakhoza kulakwa. Koma mmalo mwa kuyesa kuthetsa nkhani mwaphokoso kwambiri, yembekezerani “nthaŵi yake,” ndiyeno lankhulani ndi makolo anu. (Miyambo 15:23) “Omwe anauzidwa uphungu ali ndi nzeru,” ikutero Miyambo 13:10. Perekani madandaulo anu m’njira yabata, yauchikulire, mukumapatsa makolo anu zifukwa zenizeni zimene simukuvomerezera. Mwinamwake mungathe kuŵasonkhezera kuwona zinthu mmene inu mumaziwonera. Ngati sizitero, mungangofunikira kugonjera kuulamuliro wawo monga makolo.—Miyambo 6:20.

Komabe, m’kupita kwanthaŵi, kugonjera kuchilangizo chawo kungakupindulitseni. Eya, ngakhale munthu wangwiroyo Yesu “anaphunzira kumvera ndi izi adamva kuwawa nazo.” (Ahebri 5:8) Nanunso muli ndi maphunziro ambiri ofunika oti muphunzire. Mukutolimbana kale ndi chisulizo chochokera kwa aphunzitsi. Mtsogolomo, mukatha kudzakhala ndi olemba ntchito odzachita nawo. Phunzirani tsopano kuvomereza chisulizo.

M’kupita kwanthaŵi mungayamikiredi lingaliro la makolo anu. Wachichepere wotchedwa James ponena za makolo ake akuti: “Iwo anali ondiumira mtima m’mbali zonga sukulu, mpingo, ndi ntchito. Nthaŵi zina ndinali wosakhoza ngakhale kupuma! Koma pamene ndinali kukula, ndinazindikira kuti ubwino umafunikira ntchito yolimba.” Kodi phunziro limenelo silinali lofunikira kuphunziridwa? Ndipo mudzaphunzira maphunziro ofunika ofananawo inumwini mwa kuphunzira kuyankha chisulizo.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 16]

Kufuula mokalipa, kukwiya, kapena kudzilungamitsa kaŵirikaŵiri kumangowonjezera mkwiyo wa kholo lanu

[Chithunzi patsamba 16]

Kufunsa kholo lanu kukufotokozerani mmene mungawongolere kungachotse chivulazo m’chisulizo