Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndimotani Mmene ‘Ndingalemekezere Atate ndi Amayi Anga’?

‘TCHULANI chinthu chimodzi chimene mumachita chimene chimaswa unansi wanu ndi makolo anu.’ Funso limeneli linafunsidwa kwa achichepere 160. Chifupifupi maperesenti 43 a anyamata anasonyeza kuti chinali “kulephera kuchita ndi [kholo] mwaulemu.” Kwa atsikana, 42 peresenti ananena kuti ‘ananyalanyaza atate awo,’ 63 peresenti ananena kuti iwo ‘anawiringula’ kwa amayi awo kapena m’njira ina anali osagonjera ndipo onyoza mwa mawu. Komabe, ambiri a achichepere amenewa anavomereza kuti anadzimva kukhala ndi thayo kupangitsa makolo awo ‘kudzimva bwino’ ndi kukhala achigwirzano. Koma mosasamala kanthu za zolinga zabwino, iwo kaŵirikaŵiri analephera.

Ngakhale kuti inu ndithudi mungakhumbe kutsatira lamulo la Baibulo la kulemekeza makolo anu, inu mumadziŵa kuti pali nthaŵi zina pamene simumatero. Kodi ndimotani mmene mungapeŵere zophophonyazi?—Aefeso 6:2.

Kawonedwe Kolondola

Pali njira ziŵiri zimene mungawonere makolo anu. Miyambo 30:17 imalankhula za “diso lochitira atate wake chiphwete, ndi kunyoza kumvera amake.” Kumbali ina, Miyambo 17:6 imalongosola kuti, “Ulemerero wa ana ndiwo atate awo.” Chotero inu mungawone kholo lanu kukhala winawake amene mufunikira kunyoza kapena kuseka kapena winawake yemwe mufunikira kunyadira, ulemerero wanu, monga mmene zinaliri. Kawonedwe komwe mudzatenga kadzatsimikizira kaya mumawapatsa iwo ulemu kapena ayi.

“Koma kodi ndimotani mmene wina angadzimverere waulemu pamene makolo ake sali aulemu,” analemba tero wachichepere wotchedwa Louise. Yankho liri kufunafuna kaamba ka mikhalidwe yawo yabwino, kuyamikira imeneyi, ndi kuyang’anitsitsa pa iyo. Ofufuza Nick Stinnett ndi John DeFrain anapeza kuti kusonyeza chiyamikiro kaamba ka ziwalo za banja chinali chimodzi cha mikhalidwe yokulira ya banja lamphamvu. “Chifukwa chimodzi chimene tiriri ndi mavuto a kulongosola chiyamikiro chiri chakuti sitinaphunzire kukhala ogwira ntchito mu mgodi abwino,” iwo analongosola tero m’bukhu lawo Secrets of Strong Families. “Ogwira ntchito pa mgodi wa miyala ya mtengo wapatali ya ku South Africa amathera miyoyo yawo yogwira ntchito akumafufuzafufuza kupyola mu zikwi za matani a miyala ndi zinthu za uve kaamba ka miyala yochepera ya mtengo wapatali. Kaŵirikaŵiri timakhoterera ku kuchita kokha chosiyana. Timafunafuna m’miyala ya mtengo wapatali, mofunitsitsa kufunafuna zoipa. Mabanja athu olimba ali akatswiri a miyala ya mtengo wapatali.”

Munthu aliyense ali ndi mikhalidwe yabwino ndi zokwaniritsa. Ngati inu mufunafuna kaamba ka zabwino, mudzazipeza. Mwa ‘kupeza miyala ya mtengo wapatali,’ inu mudzakhala okhoza kuwona zifukwa za kulemekezera makolo anu.

Kawonekedwe kolondola ka makolo anu, ngakhale kuli tero, kamayamba ndi kawonedwe kolondola ka inumwini. Ngati inu simudzimva bwino ponena za inu eni, chiri chovuta kudzimva bwino ponena za winawake. Mtumwi Paulo analangiza Akristu a m’zana loyamba: “Ndiuza aliyense wa inu kuti asadziyese iyemwini koposa mtengo wake weniweni, koma ayenera kupanga kudziŵerengera kodzichepetsa kwa iyemwini.”—Aroma 12:3, Charles B. Williams.

Pamene kuli kwakuti simufunikira kukhala onyada, peŵani kufika ku malekezero onkitsa mwa kunyalanyaza “mtengo wanu weniweni.” Pamene mkhalidwe wanu uli wozikidwa mwamphamvu pa Baibulo, inu mungakhale ndi chidaliro m’kuŵeruza kwanu, popeza kuti “zokumbutsa za Yehova ziri zokhulupirika, kupangitsa wosazoloŵera kukhala wanzeru.” (Masalmo 19:7, NW) Chidaliro choterocho chidzachinjiriza ena kukupangitsani inu kuchita mopanda ulemu.

Kalankhulidwe Kaulemu

Ulemu umasonyezedwa kwa makolo anu mwa zimene mumanena kwa iwo ndi mmene mumazinenera. Pamene zonse zikuyenda bwino, ichi kaŵirikaŵiri sichimakhala vuto. Koma, pa nthaŵi zina, makolo anu adzanena kapena kuchita zinthu zomwe zingapweteke malingaliro anu. Ndiponso, mkati mwa zaka za uchichepere, malingaliro ambiri ozizwitsa angakupangitseni inu kukwiya ndi inu eni. Kukhumudwitsidwa, kudzimva kwa kutaikiridwa kapena kuperekedwa, ndi mantha kungakhale katundu wa m’malingaliro wokulira. Chifukwa cha katundu wolemera choteroyo, inu mungachite monga mmene anachitira Yobu, yemwe ananena kuti: “Chifukwa chake mawu anga ndasonthokera kunena.”—Yobu 6:1-3.

“Kusonthokera kunena,” ngakhale kuli tero, kungakhale kupanda ulemu. “Nthaŵi zina pamene ndinkakambitsirana vuto ndi Amayi ndipo sanathe kuwona nsonga yanga, ndinkapenga ndi kunena chinachake mwansontho ndi cholinga cha kufuna kuwavulaza iwo. Inali njira yanga ya kuwabwezera iwo,” anavomereza tero Roger wa zaka za kubadwa 22. “Koma pamene ndinachokapo, ndinadzimva woipidwa, ndipo ndinadziwa kuti nawonso sanadzimve bwino lomwe.”

Roger anawona kuti mawu ake opanda kulingalira ‘anapyoza’ ndi ‘kuchititsa kuwawa’ ndipo komabe sanakhoze kuthetsa vuto lirilonse. Iye anadziŵa kuti Baibulo limanena kuti, “Lilime la anzeru lilamitsa.” (Miyambo 12:18; 15:1) “Ngakhale kuti chinali chovuta, ndinkabwerera ndi kupempha chikhululukiro,” analongosola tero Roger. “Ndinadziŵa kuti ichi chinali chinthu chabwino kuchichita m’maso mwa Yehova. Kenaka ndinakhoza kukambitsirana vutolo mofatsa kwenikweni, ndipo tinkalithetsa ilo.” Inde, kupempha chikhululukiro kolondola kumasonyeza kuti inu mumafunadi kulemekeza makolo anu.

Popeza kuti mawu onyoza kaŵirikaŵiri amatulutsidwa ndi mkwiyo, chiri chofunika kwambiri kuti inu muphunzire kuchita moyenera ndi malingaliro okhoza kuwononga amenewa. “Chitsiru chivumbulutsa mkwiyo wake wonse, koma wanzeru adziletsa iyemwini,” imawona tero Miyambo 29:11. (New International Version) Chotero, ngati mwakwiya, yembekezani kufikira malingaliro anu ali pansi pa kulamuliridwa ndipo kenaka yeserani kudzilongosola inu eni mofatsa. Koma kulimirira kalankhulidwe ka ulemu kumatanthauza zoposa kokha ‘kuŵerenga kufika ku khumi.’

Kufunika kwa Kulingalira

“Kulingalira kwa munthu kuchedwetsa mkwiyo; ulemerero wake uli wakuti akhululukire cholakwa,” imalongosola tero Miyambo 19:11. Liwu loyambirira la Chihebri kaamba ka “kulingalira” limskokera chisamaliro ku “kudziwa chifukwa” kaamba ka chinachake. Chotero kukhala ndi kulingalira kudzakupangitsani kuyangana kupyola pa kuputana koyambirira.

Mwachitsanzo, ngati kholo likana kukuvomerezani kupita kwina kwake, dzifunseni inu eni, ‘Kodi kholo langa likulingalira za zikondwerero zanga zabwino? Kodi ndi kusiyana kotani kumene icho kwenikweni chidzapanga ngati sindidzapita? Kodi chiri kunyada kwanga kokulira kapena kudzitukumula komwe kukundivuta?’ Pamene kuli kwakuti mkhalidwewo ungakhale wokhumudwitsa, kodi iko kuli mapeto a dziko? Pambuyo pa kulingalira za icho, mungawone zifukwa zabwino mwa kusanthula mlomo wanu ndi kusapanga mkhalidwe woipa kukhala woipitsitsa mwa kubwezera.—Miyambo 10:19; 16:23.

Kulingalira kumadzetsa kumvetsetsa, popeza kuti kumakutheketsani inu kutenga chidziŵitso cha mkhalidwe wa wina kapena za kumbuyo kwake. (Miyambo 21:11) Mwachitsanzo, mtsikana mmodzi analongosola kuti: ‘Chinkandikwiyitsa ine kutha nthaŵi ndi banja langa. Koma pamene amayi a atate anga anadwala kwambiri, tinathera nthaŵi yochulukira ndi iwo. Iwo ankalankhula kwa atate wanga monga ngati iwo anali mnyamata, ndipo sindinawalingalire iwo kukhala a msinkhu wanga. Chotero ndinayamba kulingalira kuti iwo anafunikira kukhala ndi moyo wovuta, ndipo ndinadzimva kukhala wopanda dyera. Tsopano sindimawakwiyira ngati andifunsa ine kuchita zinthu.’

Ndiponso, kulingalira kumakuthandizani kuwona kukongola ‘m’kukhululukira cholakwa.’ Inde, ngakhale ngati mudzimva kuti muli ndi chochititsa chabwino cha kudandaula, khalani wofunitsitsa kuchita ndi ena ndi kuwakhululukira iwo. (Akolose 3:13) Pamene mwakwiyitsidwa, chimakhala chachibadwa kulingalira za kubwezera. Koma mwakukhululukira mowonadi, inu mungakhoze kuimitsa zungulirezungulire woipa yemwe kaŵirikaŵiri amathera m’kalankhulidwe kapena kachitidwe kopanda ulemu.

Makamaka ngati mwapatsidwa chilango ndi makolo anu ndi pamene mufunikira kulingalira. Mkhalidwe umenewu udzakuthandizani inu kulandira masinthidwe ndi kuzindikira kuti kuchita tero kuli kaamba ka phindu lanu. (Yerekezani ndi Masalmo 2:10.) Mowonadi, kokha chitsiru “chipeputsa mwambo wa atate ake.” (Miyambo 15:5) Chotero m’malo mwa kuukira kapena kukwiya pamene kuwongolera kwaperekedwa, sonyezani kuti mumalemekeza makolo anu mwa kuyesera kukugwiritsira ntchito.

Kulingalira kudzakuthandizaninso kukhala wozindikira malingaliro a makolo anu ndi kuyesera kuwathandiza iwo. Wachichepere mmodzi wotchedwa Josh analongosola mmene iye ndi mbale wake anatengera m’maganizo malingaliro a amayi awo. “Pa nthaŵi imodzi amayi anga anabwera kunyumba kuchokera ku ntchito atakwiyitsidwa kwambiri ndi kutopa,” Josh analongosola tero. “Tinazoloŵera ndi ichi chotero ife—mbale wanga ndi ine—tinali titayeretsa nyumba asanabwere. Iwo anasangalatsidwa.” Kodi mumasonyeza ulemu wofananawo kwa makolo anu?

Kusonyeza ulemu kumatanthauzanso kulemekeza chinsinsi cha makolo anu. Pali nthaŵi zina pamene makolo anu afunikira kukhala pa okha. Iwo angakhale ndi zinthu zofunika kukambitsirana zomwe sangafune kuti inu muzimvetsere. Apatseni iwo kuyenera koteroko. Ngati mwapeza makolo anu ali oloŵetsedwa m’kukambitsirana konkitsa, nchifukwa ninji osapita ku chipinda chanu kapena kuchezera bwenzi? Ichi chidzakusonyezani inu kukhala munthu wokhala ndi kulingalira.

Chotero yang’anani kaamba ka njira zomwe mungasonyezere ulemu kwa makolo anu. Ulemu woterowo kaŵirikaŵiri udzawongolera unansi wanu ndi iwo. Ngakhale ngati sunatero, inu mudzakhala ndi chikhutiritso cha kudziŵa kuti mukukondweretsa Mulungu. Mwakusonyeza ulemu woterowo, “kudzakhala bwino ndi inu, ndi kuti mudzakhala wa nthaŵi yaikulu pa dziko.”—Aefeso 6:3.

[Chithunzi patsamba 12]

Pamene kholo linena chinachake chomwe chingavulaze malingaliro anu, yeserani kupewa kalankhulidwe kopanda ulemu