Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti

Kuloŵa Msanga mu Ukwati—Kodi Tingapambane?

“Tinali pachibwenzi kuyambira pamene ndinali ndi zaka 16. Pa usinkhu wa zaka 18 tinakwatirana. Zinali kudzakhala zokondweretsa—kosatha! Koma patangopita miyezi inayi, ndinaipidwa kwambiri chifukwa cha chitsenderezo.”—Tonya.a

KULOŴA mu ukwati pa msinkhu uliwonse kungakhale kosautsa kwambiri. Baibulo limati: “Awo amene akukwatira adzakhala ndi mavuto ndi chisoni.” (1 Akorinto 7:28, The New English Bible) Koma kwa ambiri amene amaloŵa mu ukwati mu “unamwali,” mavuto ndi chisonicho kaŵirikaŵiri zimaonekera kukhala zosapiririka.—1 Akorinto 7:36.

Zimenezi zimakhalapo makamaka chifukwa chakuti achichepere ambiri adakakulabe; kaŵirikaŵiri amakhala asanakonzekere kusenza thayo la mwamuna kapena mkazi. Dr. Jane K. Burgess akuti: “Achichepere amakhala ndi maloto onena za kuyenda bwino kwa ukwati. Samalingalira za ntchito za tsiku ndi tsiku ndi zoyesayesa zimene zimaupangitsa kukhala wachipambano.” Motero zinthu zenizeni zimene amapeza mu ukwati zingakanthe aŵiriwo moipa.

“Umayembekezera kuti zonse zidzakhala zabwino kwambiri ndiponso zokondweretsa, monga momwe loto lilili,” akutero Kim wachichepere. “Komabe chikondwererocho chimazimiririka, ndiyeno pamangokhala kuphika, kutsuka mbale, kugula zinthu kusitolo, kuchapa zovala—pamene mwamuna wako amangokhala pampando. Iye sanachitepo ntchito zotero chifukwa chakuti amake anali kumchitira. Sunkaganiza za kukhala wotopa ndi wamtima wapachala pamene munali pachibwenzi. Ndipo pamene utenga pathupi, mpamene zinthu zimaipiratu!”

Ndiponso, kaŵirikaŵiri achichepere amaloŵa mu ukwati mwaphuma kwambiri. “Ndinakwatirana ndi mwamuna amene ndinaganiza kuti anali Mkristu weniweni,” Helen akukumbukira motero. “Chifukwa cha kusadziŵa kwanga, sindinamdziŵe bwino kwambiri. Ukwatiwo utangotha miyezi khumi, sindinathe kupirira ndi khalidwe lake losakhala Lachikristu.” Kulephereka kwa ukwati wa Helen sikuli kwachilendo. Mu United States, maukwati ambiri a achichepere amalephereka m’zaka zisanu zokha.

Komabe, mosasamala kanthu za ziŵerengero zake zazikuluzo, achichepere miyandamiyanda adziloŵetsa mu ukwati mwamsanga. Mwinamwake inu ndinu mmodzi wa iwo. Ngati ndi choncho, mungakhale muli wolemetsedwa kale ndi zitsenderezo za ukwati.

Kodi Palibe Njira Yowongolerera?

Ngakhale kuti kuloŵa mu ukwati muli wachichepere kungakhale kopanda nzeru, kwenikweni iko si tchimo. Ukwati ngwolemekezeka pamaso pa Mulungu. (Ahebri 13:4) Zoona, mikhalidwe ina yoipa ingaloleze kupumirana kapena chisudzulo. (Mateyu 19:9; 1 Akorinto 7:12-15) Komabe, mwachidziŵikire, Mulungu amafuna kuti anthu aŵiri okwatirana akhalire pamodzi. (Mateyu 19:6) Pamene kuli kwakuti zimenezo zingaonekere ngati kuti ndi chinthu chofunika chovuta, zimasonyezanso kuti Mulungu amafuna kuti inu mupambane.

Mwamuna wina wachichepere akuti: “Kufunsa kuti, ‘Kodi ndinali wamng’ono kwambiri? Kodi tili oyenererana?’ ndi kuganizaganiza zina nkochedwa kwambiri. Ndinu okwatirana!” Chotero m’malo mwa kudandaula ndi tsoka lanu, bwanji osayesayesa kupeza njira ina ya kukonza ukwati wanu?

Kodi Ndani Amene ali Wotsogolera Pamenepa?

Baibulo limauza anthu okwatirana: “Akazi inu, mverani amuna anu a inu eni, monga kumvera Ambuye. . . . Mwamuna ndiye mutu wa mkazi.” (Aefeso 5:22, 23) Komabe, pamene mnyamata athera moyo wake wonse pansi pa amayi ndi atate, kukhala mutu wa banja kungakhale thayo lalikulu kwambiri.

Mkazi wina wachichepere akukumbukira ponena za mwamuna wake kuti: “Tom sanafune kuti ndipite kulikonse ndili ndekha. Ndinaona kukhala ndili wogwidwa mu msampha, wotsekeredwa. Ankalingalira kuti panthaŵi iliyonse pamene ndinamfunsa kanthu kena, kunali kunyoza ulamuliro wake.” Komanso, akazi ena amapeza kukhala kovuta kuona amuna awo achicheperewo monga mitu yawo. Ena angakwiye ndi lingaliro chabe la kufuna kupanga chosankha kwa amuna, akumakana kugwirizana pamene ali ndi lingaliro losiyana.

Zimenezi zingakhale zovuta kwambiri ngati muli mwamuna wachichepere. Koma palibe chifukwa chenicheni chokhalira wovutika maganizo kokha chifukwa chakuti mkazi wanuyo samafulumira kumvera lamulo lanu lililonse. Pamafunikira nthaŵi kuti mkazi wanu aone kukhala wosungika pansi pa umutu wanu. Pakali pano, menyerani nkhondo kuti mulandire ulemu kuchokera kwa iye, osati mwa kuyesa kumlamulira, koma mwa kutsogolera ndi kuyesayesa kupanga zosankha zoyenera.—Yerekezerani ndi 1 Akorinto 16:13.

Baibulo limalimbikitsanso kuti: “Mutsogolerane ndi kuchitira wina mnzake ulemu.” (Aroma 12:10) Inde, chitirani ulemu mkazi wanu mwa kuika zofuna zake patsogolo pa zanu. (Afilipi 2:4) Mpatseni ufulu, mukumamchitira monga mnzanu, osati monga kapolo. (Onani Malaki 2:14.) Pamene kuli kotheka, kambitsiranani naye pamene zosankha zazikulu zifunikira kupangidwa. (Miyambo 13:10) Zimenezi zidzapangitsa kugonjera kwake ku umutu wanu kukhala kosavuta.

Nangano, bwanji ngati muli mkazi wachichepere? Kugonjera mwamuna wanu wachichepereyo kungakhale kovuta kwa inu kupirira pamene nthaŵi zina kupanda kwake uchikulire kuonekera mochititsa manyazi kapena pamene agamula zinthu mopanda luso. Komabe, kumsumulula kapena kumpandukira sikungawongolere mkhalidwe wanu. “Pamene ankandinyodola, ndi pamenenso ndinatothola kwambiri,” akuulula motero mwamuna wina wachichepere. Yesani kusonyeza kuchitira ulemu mwa kulola kuti asonyeze kudziŵa kwake. Iye mwina angalabadire mwa kusonyeza ulemu wowonjezereka pa lingaliro lanu. Ngati apanga chosankha chimene sichikukukondweretsani—koma sichikuswa khalidwe lililonse labwino—bwanji osangogwirizana nacho? “Nzeru yochokera kumwamba iyamba kukhala . . . yomvera bwino.” (Yakobo 3:17) Mwa kukhala wochirikiza umutu wake, mudzamthandiza kukhala wokhoza kuchita zinthu.

Mavuto a Ndalama

Ena amanena kuti vuto lenileni loyamba mu ukwati wa achichepere ndilo ndalama. Kaŵirikaŵiri a mu ukwati achichepere amadabwa pamene adziŵa za kuchuluka kwa ndalama zofunika pa moyo. Mwachitsanzo, Ray ndi Lora, “analibe chakudya kapena ndalama” pambuyo pa phwando la ukwati wawo. “Tinkagona pansi,” iwo akuulula motero. Brad ndi Tonya anavutika ndi chitsenderezo chofananacho pamene Brad anachotsedwa ntchito—ndipo Tonya anafunikira kulipira zofunika zonse.

Pamene kuli kwakuti nzoona kuti kaŵirikaŵiri achichepere amavutika kuti apeze ntchito yamalipiro abwino, nthaŵi zina mavuto a ndalama amakhalapo chifukwa cha kusagwiritsira ntchito bwino ndalama. Talingalirani za mkazi wachichepere amene akuti: “Ndimangogwiritsira ntchito ndalama kufikira zitantha ndiyeno sindimakhala ndi zilizonse m’mlungu wotsiriza wa mwezi.” A mu ukwati ena amavutika chifukwa chakuti amalephera kukambitsirana. “Ndinangopita kukagula galimoto popanda kukambitsirana naye,” akuulula motero mwamuna wina wotchedwa Jake. “Chimene tinafunikira kwenikweni chinali mipando,” mkazi wake akudandaula motero.

Kodi zikumvekera kukhala zimene mumachita? Pamenepo mwinamwake simunachotse “zachibwana” ponena za kugwiritsira ntchito ndalama. (1 Akorinto 13:11) Kodi mumangogula chilichonse chimene mwaona? Pamenepo phunzirani kulemba mpambo wa zinthu zofunika kugula, ndipo utsatireni. Kambitsiranani ponena za zinthu zazikulu zimene mukufuna kugula. (Miyambo 15:22) Lembani ndalama zimene mudzawononga, ndipo linganizani bajeti yolongosoka.b Kuchita motero kungakupulumutseni ku mavuto ambiri a zandalama.

Kodi Tingakambitsirane?

Zimenezo zikutidzetsa pa vuto limene ena amatcha kuti lachiŵiri pakati pa a mu ukwati achichepere: kukambitsirana. A mu ukwati ena samalankhulana konse. Ena amaloŵa m’kukangana. “Mikangano yaikulu imene [ife] tinali nayo inali yokhudza zinthu zachabechabe,” akukumbukira motero Sylvia, amene ali wosudzulidwa. “Zinthu zonga ngati kusiya nsapato zake paliponse m’nyumba, kapena kudya kwanga chakudya m’mbale mwake.”

Kumvana molakwa ndi kusagwirizana kudzachitikadi. Koma “chiwawo chonse, ndi kupsa mtima, ndi mkwiyo, ndi chiwawa, ndi mwano” zimawononga ukwati. (Aefeso 4:31) Khalani ndi chizoloŵezi cha kukambitsirana zinthu pamene chinthu chokhumudwitsacho chidakali chaching’ono. Pamene mukutero, limbanani ndi vutolo—osati munthu. Ngati mkhalidwewo uyamba kufika poipa, peŵani kusonkhezera mkangano. “Posoŵa nkhuni moto ungozima,” imatero Miyambo 26:20. Panthaŵi ina, pamene aŵiri nonsenu mitima yaphwa, yesani kukambitsirananso nkhaniyo.

Kukambitsirana kwabwino kulinso mfungulo yothetsera vuto lina lofala: kusakhutira m’zakugonana. Nthaŵi zina a mu ukwati achichepere amakhala othedwa mphamvu kwambiri ndi mathayo awo atsopano kosakhoza kusangalala ndi chikondi cha ukwati. Buku lakuti Building a Successful Marriage limati: “Amuna ndi akazi amaloŵa mu ukwati ali ndi chidziŵitso chambiri cholakwika ponena za mbali ya kugonana ndi chifuno chake.” Ponyengedwa ndi manenanena a dziko, a mu ukwati ambiri amakhala ndi maloto okhaokha pankhaniyi. Dyera ndi kusadziletsa zimachirikizanso vutolo. Kukambitsirana komasuka, limodzi ndi nthaŵi ndi kuleza mtima, nzofunika. Pamene aliyense ‘afuna za mnzake,’ kaŵirikaŵiri kugonana sikumakhala vuto.—1 Akorinto 10:24.

Pamenepo, mwachionekere, ukwati suuli wa ana. Ngati mwaloŵa kale mu ukwati, sikuti mudzangolephera. “Chaka changa choyamba cha ukwati chinalidi chovuta kwambiri,” akutero mkazi wina wokwatiwa. “Koma chifukwa cha kugwiritsira ntchito malamulo amkhalidwe a Baibulo, tsopano tili ndi moyo wa banja wokhutiritsa ndi wachimwemwe.” Nanunso mungatero.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 27]

Kuchirikiza mnyamata pa mbali yake ya kukhala mwamuna kungamchititse kuchita zabwino koposa