Kuthandiza Okhala ndi Vuto Lakadyedwe

MABANJA mamiliyoni ambiri akhala ndi vuto lakusamalira chiŵalo cha banja chimene chiri ndi vuto lakadyedwe. Bulimia (kudya kopambanitsa ndi kudzisanzitsa), anorexia nervosa (kusafuna kudya kwanthaŵi yotalikirapo), ndi kudya kosadziletsa zakhala vuto lofalikira m’madera ena.

Mavuto ameneŵa amapezeka kwakukulukulu ndi akazi. Amagwera akazi a misinkhu yonse, ponse paŵiri mbeta ndi okwatiwa omwe. Abuthu ndi anamwali, limodzinso ndi akazi achikhulire, ndi agogo, amakhala nawo mavutowa.a Popeza kuti 90 peresenti ya odwala ndiakazi, mawu otchulira munthu mmalo mwa dzina amene tagwiritsira ntchito onga mwana, mnzanu wamuukwati ndi ena otero amatanthauza wamkazi.

Ngati munthu wina amene mumamkonda ali ndi vuto lakadyedwe, mosakaikira mumafuna kumthandiza. Koma kungopempha amene ali ndi bulimia kuleka kudya mopambanitsa ndi kudzisanzitsa kumafanana ndi kuuza munthu wodwala chibayo kuleka kutsokomola. Musanapereke chithandizo chirichonse kwa amene ali ndi vuto lakadyedwe, muyenera kuzindikira ndi kusumika maganizo pazovuta zazikulu zamaganizo zimene kaŵirikaŵiri zili magwero a vutolo. Chotero, luso—osati chabe zolinga zabwino—nlofunika. Nthaŵi zina vuto lochititsa zimenezo lingakhale maganizo akuchitiridwapo nkhaza yakugonedwa kwakale. Ngati nditero, wovutikayo adzafunikiradi chithandizo chapadera cha phungu wokhoza.b

Sumikani Maganizo pa Vutolo

Kudziŵa kuti mwana wanu, mnzanu wamuukwati, kapena bwenzi ali ndi vuto lakadyedwe nkovuta nthaŵi zambiri. Zili choncho chifukwa chakuti amene ali ndi vuto lakadyedwe angasunge chinsinsi kwambiri. (Onani bokosi lotsagana ndi nkhaniyi.) Komabe, sikwenikweni kuti vuto lakadyedwe likhoza kutha palokha. Ngati mungalankhule ndi wodwalayo mwamsanga ndi kumthandiza, mpata wakuchira umakhala wabwinopo.

Komabe, musanalankhule naye amene mumlingalira kukhala ndi vutolo, konzekerani mosamalitsa zokanena ndipo sankhani nthaŵi yabwino yakulankhula. Nthaŵiyo iyenera kukhala pamene muli okhazika mtima ndi pamene sipadzakhala kudodometsa kulikonse. Njira yosayenera—monga kumuwopseza kwambiri—idzaletsa kulankhulana ndipo mwina ingakulitse vutolo.

Polankhula ndi munthu yemwe mumganiza kukhala ndi vuto lakadyedwe, osapita m’mbali, lankhulani mwachindunji. Mwachitsanzo, mukhoza kunena kuti, ‘Mwawonda kwambiri. Zovala zikukukulirani. Kodi nchifukwa ninji?’ Kapena kuti, ‘Ndinakumvani mukusanza m’chipinda chosambira. Ndidziŵa kuti zimenezi nzomvetsa manyazi, koma ndifuna kuthandiza. Kodi tingakambitsirane momasuka?’ Ngakhale ngati munthuyo ayankha mwaukali kapena akana, kafikidwe kofatsa kangamsonkhezere kukambitsirana nkhaniyo. (Miyambo 16:21) Kukhazikitsa makambitsirano omasuka ndiko chonulirapo chanu chenicheni cha kukambitsirana kwanu koyamba.

Kaŵirikaŵiri vuto lakadyedwe limabuka pamene ziŵalo zabanja zimadera nkhaŵa kwambiri za kukula kapena kuchepa kwa thupi ndi pamene ana amatamandidwa kwakukulukulu kaamba ka mawonekedwe awo kapena zipambano. Chotero, m’banja limene liri ndi chiŵalo chokhala ndi vuto lakadyedwe, ena mwina angafunikire kusintha kaimidwe kawo kamaganizo ndi zinthu zimene amazithokoza. Mwina vuto la munthuyo lingathandizidwe ndi masinthidwe amene ziŵalo zabanja ziwapanga. Ndithudi, zoyesayesa zawo kaŵirikaŵiri zimathandizira m’kuchira kwa wodwalayo.

Peŵani Kukakamiza

M’banja lina makolo okwiya anayesadi kulonga zakudya m’kamwa mwa mwana wawo wodwala anorexia, koma msungwanayo anakana kwa mtu wagalu nakondwera kuti anakhoza kutsutsa zoyesayesa za makolo ake. Choncho dziŵani kuti simungakakamize munthu wina kudya kapena kuleka kudya kopambanitsa. Pamene mukakamiza wodwalayo, mpamenenso kulimbanako kumavutirapo.

“Zinthu zinaipaipirabe nthaŵi iriyonse pamene ndinatchula za kadyedwe kake,” anavomereza motero Joe, yemwe mwana wake wamkazi Lee anatsala pang’ono kufa ndi anorexia. “Ndinalekeratu kulankhula za nkhani yakadyedwe.” Mkazi wake, Ann, analongosola zimene zinathandiza mwana wawo wamkazi kuti: “Tinamthandiza kudzimva kuti anakhoza kudzilamulira mmalo mochita zokulitsa vutolo. Zimenezi zinapulumutsa moyo wake.” Mwanzeru, osaumirira pankhani yakudya. Mthandizeni wovutikayo kuwona kuti ngati akudya, amatero kaamba ka ubwino wake osati wanu.

Mthandizeni Kukulitsa Chidaliro

Anthu ambiri amene ali ndi vuto lakadyedwe ali aja ofuna kalikonse kuwayendera bwino. Ambiri kulephera sakudziŵa kwenikweni. Nthaŵi zina makolo awo—amene ali ndi zolinga zabwino koposa—amalikulitsa vutolo. Motani? Mwakukhala otetezera mopambanitsa, kuyesa kuchinjiriza mwana wawo ku vuto lamtundu uliwonse.

Choncho kholo lifunikira kuthandiza mwana kuzindikira kuti zophophonya zake zili mbali ya moyo ndipo sindizo zingamtaitse ulemu wake. ‘Pakuti wolungama amagwa kasanu ndi kaŵiri, nanyamukanso,’ imatero Miyambo 24:16. Mwana sangataye mtima chifukwa cha vuto ngati aphunzitsidwa kuti kulephera nkwachibadwa, nkwakanthaŵi, ndipo kungalakidwe.

Kholo liyeneranso kuvomereza ndi kuzindikira kusiyana kwa mwana aliyense. Pamene kuli kwakuti kholo Lachikristu limakalimira kuphunzitsa mwana ‘m’maleredwe ndi chilangizo cha [Yehova, NW],’ liyenerabe kulola mwanayo kudzimva kukhala munthu payekha. (Aefeso 6:4) Musayese kukanikiza mwanayo m’chikombole cha m’maganizo anu, titero kunena kwake. Kuti alake vuto lakadyedwe, mwanayo ayenera kuwona kuti akulemekezedwa ndi kusamaliridwa monga munthu.

Kulitsani Kulankhulana Komasuka

M’mabanja ambiri okhala ndi mwana kapena mnzawo wamuukwati yemwe ali ndi vuto lakadyedwe, mumasoŵeka kulankhulana kwabwino. Kaŵirikaŵiri amene ali ndi vutolo amakupeza kukhala kovuta kutchula zakukhosi kwawo ngati nzosiyana ndi za kholo kapena mnzawo wamuukwati. Zili choncho makamaka m’nyumba imene muli chizoloŵezi chakuti, ‘Ngati ulibe chonena chirichonse chabwino, ukhale chete.’ Chotero wovutikayo amatembenukira kuchakudya kuti aiŵaleko chakukhosi chakecho.

Mwachitsanzo, Matthew analephera kuthandiza mkazi wake kulaka kudya kosadziletsa. “Nthaŵi zonse akakwiya amalira ndiyeno amachoka napita kukadya,” anadandaula motero. “Samandiuza konse . . . zimene zimamvuta.” Phungu wina anapereka lingaliro kuti aŵiriwo apatule ola limodzi pamlungu loti adzikambitsirana mwamtseri ndikuti adzipatsana mpata wakufotokoza madandaulo alionse mosadodometsedwa ndi winayo. “Zinanditsegula maso,” anatero Matthew. “Sindinali kudziŵa kuti Monica sanali wokondwera ndi zinthu zambiri ndikuti ndinali wokhoterera kudzilungamitsa. Ndinalingalira kuti ndinali mvetseri wabwino kani sindinali tero konse.

Chotero, kuti muthandize mzanu wamuukwati kapena mwana wanu, khalani ofunitsitsa kumvetsera madandaulo ake ndi zosamkhutiritsa. Malinga ndi Malemba, kumvetsera kwa ‘wolira waumphaŵi’ nkwabwino. (Miyambo 21:13) Joe ndi Ann anatengapo phunziro limenelo.

“Ndinaleka kugamula mwansontho ndi kusonyeza mkwiyo wanga pamene Lee anali ndi lingaliro losiyana,” anavumbula motero Joe ponena za mwana wake wamkazi wodwala anorexia. Mkazi wake, Ann, anati: “Mvetserani zimene mwanayo afuna kunena. Musampangitse kunena zimene mufuna. Mvetserani mmene amawonera zinthu.”

Ann anapereka chitsanzo motere: “Kale, Lee atadandaula kuti munthu wina anamkhumudwitsa, ndinali kumuuza kuti munthuyo sanafunedi kuchita zimenezo. Koma iye akakwiya moposerapo kwambiri. Tsopano atadandaula, ndimati, ‘Ndidziŵa kuti zinakupweteka. Ndawona chifukwa chake zikukuvutitsa kwambiri.’ Ndimayesayesa kusonyeza kudera nkhaŵa mmalo mosintha malingaliro ake panthaŵi yomweyo.” Chotero mvetserani mosamalitsa, ndipo musaganize kuti muzidziŵa kale zolinga kapena maganizo a munthu winayo.

Pamene pali kulankhulana komasuka, wina angapeze chitonthozo panthaŵi yovutitsa maganizo ndipo sangakakamizike kutembenukira kuzizoloŵezi zakadyedwe koipa. Dawn analongosola chifukwa chake sanabwerezenso kudya kosadziletsa ndi bulimia kuti: “Nditakwiya, ndimalankhula kwa mwamuna wanga chifukwa amatchera khutu kwambiri ndi kunditonthoza.”

Sonyezani Chikondi Chodzimana

Tate wina wachisoni yemwe mwana wake wamkazi wodwala bulimia anamwalira ndi kulephera kwa mtima anapereka uphungu uwu: “Akondeni ana anu kuposadi kukonda kumene muganiza kuti nkokwanira.” Inde, chulukitsani maneno achikondi. Thandizani mwana wanu ndi mnzanu wamuukwati kuzindikira kuti chikondi chanu pa iwo sichimadalira pakawonekedwe kawo kapena zipambano. Koma kukonda munthu yemwe ali m’vuto lakadyedwe nkovuta. Chifukwa chake mfungulo yake ndiyo chikondi chodzimana, chimene Baibulo limachifotokoza kukhala kukoma mtima, kuleza mtima, ndi kukhululukira. Ndicho kufunitsitsa kuika zofuna za mnzanu patsogolo panu.—1 Akorinto 13:4-8.

Pamene okwatirana ena aŵiri anadziŵa kuti mwana wawo wamkazi anali ndi bulimia, sanadziŵe chochita. “Ndinapeza kuti ngati sudziŵa kwenikweni chochita, tangokoma mtima,” anatero tateyo. “Ndinazindikira kuti mwanayo anali msungwana wamtengo wapatali amene anali ndi vuto lake lalikulu. Choyenera chomwe tinkachita chinali kukhazikitsa mtima wake pansi ndi kudera nkhaŵa zolingalira zake.”

Tateyo anafunsa mwana wake wamkaziyo kuti: “Kodi sungakonde ngati amayi ŵako ndi ineyo tikufunsa nthaŵi zonse mmene ukuchitira ndi vuto lako?” Mwanayo anasonyeza chiyamikiro kaamba ka kudera nkhaŵa kwakukoma mtimako, chotero makolowo ankamfunsa nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi.

“Nthaŵi zina panali kupita masiku angapo, ndiyeno milungu ingapo, ngakhale miyezi ingapo asanalepherenso,” analongosola motero tateyo. “Koma ataulula kuti analepheranso, tinayesayesa kumlimbikitsa ndi kusawoneka ogwiritsidwa mwala.” Mayiyo anawonjezera kuti: “Tinkakambitsirana kwambiri. Ndinamuuza kuti anali kupitadi patsogolo. Ndinati, ‘Osataya mtima. Unakhoza kwa milungu iŵiri nthaŵiyi. Tiyeni tiwone pamene udzafika tsopano.’”

“Chimodzi cha zifukwa zimene tinalepherera kudziŵa zizoloŵezi zoipa zakadyedwe ka mwana wathu wamkazi nchakuti sitinkadyera pamodzi chakudya chamadzulo,” anatero tateyo. “Choncho ndinasintha ndandanda yanga ya ntchito kotero kuti ndidzikhala panyumba ndi banja ndi kudya nalo chakudya chamadzulo.” Kupanga masinthidwewo kuti adzidyera pamodzi, limodzi ndi kupereka chisamaliro mwachikondi ndi moleza mtima, kunathandiza mwana wawo wamkazi kuchira kotheratu.

Poyesayesa kuchita chimene chiri chabwino koposa kwa wovutikayo, nkofunika kupereka chilango choyenera, chimene chiri chisonyezero cha chikondi. (Miyambo 13:24) Musamchinjirize kuti asalipirire zotulukapo za zochita zake. Kumuuza kugwiritsira ntchito ndalama zake kugulira zakudya zimene anawononga pakudya kwake kosadziletsa, kapena kumuuza kuyeretsa masanzi amene anadzisanzitsa m’chipinda chosambira, kungamphunzitse kuti ndiye ayenera kuvutika ndi kudzisungira kwake. Mwakumkakamiza kutsatira malamulo oyenera panyumba, mumamsonyeza chidaliro chanu chakuti iye angakhoze kulamulira moyo wake moyenerera. Zimenezi zingakulitse ulemu wake umene sumapezeka mofala mwa amene ali ndi vuto lakadyedwe.

Chifukwa choŵaŵidwa mtima, wovutikayo angalankhule mwaukali. Ngati atero, yesani kuwona chimene chiri kumbuyo kwa mkwiyowo. Yesani kupeza ndi kuchita ndi magwero a ‘chisoni’ chimenecho. (Yobu 6:2, 3) Joe ndi Ann anali ndi chitokoso chapadera pamene mwana wawo wamkazi wodwala anorexia anapanduka nakhala wamwano.

“Tinayesayesa kusonyeza chikondi pa iye mmalo momthamangitsa panyumba,” anatero Ann. Mwamuna wake anawonjezera kuti: “Tinapitirizabe kufunafuna chithandizo chake ndi kumuuza mmene tinaliri odera nkhaŵa za iye.” Kodi chinatulukapo nchiayani? Anazindikira pomalizira pake kuti makolo ake amamkonda kwambiri, ndipo anayamba kulankhulana nawo.

Pamene wovutikayo ndimwana wamng’ono, kusweka mtima kwa makolo, makamaka mayiyo, kumakhala kwakukulu. Chifukwa chake, amuna ayenera kusonyeza kudera nkhaŵa kwambiri ndi zolingalira za akazi awo. Musalepe ukwati wanu chifukwa cha kudwala kwa mwana wanu. Vomerezani zopereŵera zanu.

M’zochitika zina, mungafunikire kufunafuna chithandizo kunja kwa banja. Pendani mfundo zonse zoloŵetsedwamo, ndipo sankhani mtundu wa chithandizo chimene chikakhala chabwino koposa. Mudzatofunikira kuumiriza ngati wovutikayo akuzengereza. Mdziŵitseni kuti mudzachita kalikonse kothekera kutetezera moyo wake, koma peŵani kunena zinthu zimene simungazithe.

Pangakhale nthaŵi zina pamene mungadzimve kukhala opanda mphamvu ndi osoŵa chochita pamkhalidwewo, koma osaiŵala kutchula mavuto otero m’pemphero kwa Mulungu wachikondi. Iye akhozadi kukuthandizani! “Tinawona kuti tinali osakhoza kuisamalira nkhaniyo,” anavumbula tero Joe. “Chinthu chachikulu chimene tinachiphunzira chinali kuika chidaliro chathu chonse mwa Yehova Mulungu. Sanatinyalanyaze mpang’ono pomwe.”

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Bokosi patsamba 13]

ZIZINDIKIRO ZINA ZA VUTO LAKADYEDWE

◼ Kudya pang’ono, monga kuchepetsa dala kudya kapena kusala kudya

◼ Kutaya kulemera kwambiri kapena kusinthasintha kwa kulemerako

◼ Zizoloŵezi zachilendo zakadyedwe, monga kuduladula chakudyacho m’tidutswatidutswa

◼ Mantha aakulu a kunenepa, mosasamala kanthu ndi kuwonda

◼ Kutanganidwa maganizo ndi kulankhula za chakudya nthaŵi zonse ndi/kapena kulemera, kuchita maseŵera olimbitsa thupi mopambanitsa

◼ Kulekeka kwa kusamba kwa akaziwo

◼ Kusafuna kukhala ndi ena, kukonda kukhala mtseri, makamaka kukhala nthaŵi yaitali m’chipinda chosambira

◼ Kusinthasintha kwa malingaliro, monga kuchita tondovi ndi kukwiya msanga

◼ Kudya mopambanitsa atakwiya, atada nkhaŵa, kapena atakondwa

◼ Kumwa mopambanitsa mankhwala owonjezera kukodza, mibulu yopha njala, kapena mankhwala otsegula m’mimba

[Chithunzi patsamba 15]

Kumvetsera kodera nkhaŵa nkofunika