Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Kukhala Namwali Nkwabwino?

‘Kodi pali chimene chikukuvuta lero, Jane?’ anafunsa motero sing’anga wachifundoyo.

‘Adokotala,’ anatero mozengereza, ‘asungwana ambiri kusukulu akunena zakumwa mankhwala oletsa kutenga pathupi ndi zakugonana. Kodi pali cholakwika kwa ine chifukwa chakuti sindimachita kugonana?’—What Shall We Tell the Kids?, lolembedwa ndi Dr. Bennett Olshaker.

UNAMWALI. Nthaŵi zakale unali chizindikiro cha ulemu. Masiku ano, achichepere ambiri amauwona kukhala wochititsa manyazi ndi chitonzo, mkhalidwe woipa, nthenda yofunika “kuchiritsidwa” mwamsanga monga momwe kungathekere.

Nkosadabwitsa kuti ziŵerengero zochuluka za achichepere akutaya unamwali wawo. Mwachitsanzo, kupenda kochitidwa mu 1983 pa achichepere Achijeremani kunavumbula kuti 9 peresenti yokha ya asungwana azaka 15 zakubadwa ndi 4 peresenti ya anyamata azaka 15 zakubadwa anagonanapo. Pofika 1989 ziŵerengerozo zinakwera kufika ku 25 peresenti ndi 20 peresenti m’magulu onse aŵiriwo! Mkhalidwe wofananawo ukupezeka padziko lonse.

Pamenepo, kodi nchiyani chimene chachititsa unamwali kukhala ndi mbiri yoipa pakati pa achichepere? Achichepere m’mibadwo yonse achita ndi zilakolako zamphamvu zodzutsidwa m’nthaŵi yaunamwali. Komabe, achichepere lerolino akukulira m’dziko lomwe limaŵapatsa chitsogozo chochepa cha makhalidwe amtima kapena lomwe silimatero. M’dziko lina la ku Ulaya, gulu la akulu Achikristu likusimba kuti: “Mosasamala kanthu za chipembedzo, dzikoli liri lopanda makhalidwe abwino. Chisembwere chimaloledwa monga ‘chifooko chaumunthu.’ Ana amaleredwera m’mabanja amene makolo ngosakwatirana. Kusatsa malonda kolunjikitsidwa pa kugonana nkoipitsitsa kuno kuposa dziko lina lirilonse la Kumadzulo.”

Achichepere a m’maiko otukuka kumene ali osatetezeredwa ku mphamvu zamakhalidwe ndi zachuma zomwe zimalimbikitsa mkhalidwe wachiŵereŵere. Achichepere a m’dziko lina la ku Afirika amachenjezedwa kuti, ‘Ngati mwamuna wachichepere sakukhala ndi mphande m’kugonana, ndiye kuti thupi lake lidzafooka.’ Mofananamo pali chikhulupiriro chofala chakuti ngati ‘msungwana sakugonana ndi mnyamata ndiye kuti sakuudziŵadi moyo.’

Ndiponso, chifukwa cha kufalikira kwa ulova ndi umphaŵi, msungwana angachite mantha kukana pempho lakugonana naye la woyembekezeredwa kukhala womulemba ntchito. Mofananamo, aphunzitsi angafunsire kugonana monga malipiro a kukhoza mayeso kusukulu. Eya, sikuli kwachilendo kwa asungwana osauka kuvomereza kugonedwa kuti apatsidwe zinthu zenizeni zofunikira—ngakhale mtanda wa sopo! “Kugonana kumalingaliridwa kukhala kofanana ndi kumwa kapena kudya,” akusimba choncho ofufuza m’dziko lina lotukuka kumene.

Chitsenderezo cha Ausinkhu Wanu

Komabe, chosonkhezera kwambiri ndicho chitsenderezo chochokera kwa ausinkhu wanu. Wachichepere yemwe adakali namwali angasekedwe ndi kuvutitsidwa mosalekeza. Ndipo ngati ndinu mmodzi wa Mboni za Yehova, mungawonekere mwapadera pankhaniyi. Ausinkhu wanu angakuuzeni kuti sindinu mwamuna weniweni kapena mkazi ngati simunagonanepo ndi winawake. Iwo angapereke chigomeko chakuti ndilingaliro labwino “kulaŵiratu” musanaloŵe muukwati. Kapena angayese kulankhula nanu nkhani zakugonana konyansa.

“Sally ankasimba mosalekeza za mmene kugonana kwake ndi bwenzi lake lalimuna kunaliri kwabwino,” anatero mkazi wina wachichepere. “Anandichititsanso kulingalira kuti ndinkaphonya chimodzi cha zosangalatsa zazikulu koposa za m’moyo.” Polephera kuzindikira kuti “pamakhala kudzitama, kusinjirira ndi kunama kwadzawoneni ponena za kugonana kwa achichepere,” achichepere ambiri amakopeka ndi nkhani zoterozo. (Coping With Teenage Depression, lolembedwa ndi Kathleen McCoy) Mkazi wina wachichepere wotchedwa Maria amene anataya unamwali wake m’kugonana kwachisembwere akukumbukira kuti: “Ndinadzimva wokakamizika, ndipo ndinafuna kuvomerezedwa. Ngakhale ndinadziŵa kuti kunali kulakwa, ndinafuna kufanana ndi aliyense—kukhala ndi bwenzi lalimuna.”

Achichepere mamiliyoni ambiri avomereza kukopa kwadziko nafikira pakukhulupirira kuti unamwali uli wolakwa ndikuti kugonana ukwati usanakhale kuli maseŵera osangulutsa. Chotero anamwali afikira kukhala mtundu wowopsezedwa pakati pa achichepere.

Unamwali—Lingaliro la Mulungu

Komabe, kuli mbali ina ya kugonana kwa ukwati usanakhale imene ausinkhu wanu sangaitchule. Maria akukumbukira kuti: “Pambuyo pakugonana ndinadzimva wamanyazi ndi wonyozeka. Ndinadzida ndipo ndinalidanso bwenzi langalo.” Zokumana nazo zoterozo nzofala koma sizimavomerezedwa ndi achichepere ambiri. Musasamale nkhani zosangalatsazo ndi kusinjirira kumene mumamva kwa ausinkhu wanu. Kwenikwenidi, kugonana kwa ukwati usanakhale kaŵirikaŵiri kuli chokumana nacho chopweteketsa maganizo ndi chochititsa manyazi—chokhala ndi zotulukapo zosakaza!

Izi siziyenera kukudabwitsani. Pamene kuli kwakuti dziko lingawone kugonana ukwati usanakhale kukhala chinthu chabwino ndi chachibadwa, izi sizimakupanga kukhala kolungama pamaso pa Mulungu. Yesu Kristu akutikumbutsa kuti ‘chimene chikuzika mwa anthu chiri chonyansa pamaso pa Mulungu.’ (Luka 16:15) Mulungu ali ndi miyezo yakeyake ya khalidwe lovomerezedwa. Baibulo limati: ‘Pakuti ichi ndi chifuniro cha Mulungu, chiyeretso chanu, kuti mudzipatule kudama; yense wa inu adziwe kukhala nacho chotengera chake m’chiyeretso ndi ulemu . . . Pakuti Mulungu sanaitana ife titsate chidetso, koma chiyeretso.’—1 Atesalonika 4:3-7.

Pamenepo, malinga ndi mmene amalingalirira Mulungu, unamwali mwa mwamuna wachichepere kapena mkazi suli kokha wabwino koma woyera ndi wopatulika! Mu Israyeli wakale, asungwana omwe anali anamwali anasangalala ndi udindo wolemekezeka. Iwo anachinjirizidwa ndi Lamulo ku kuipitsidwa mwakugonedwa. (Deuteronomo 22:19, 28, 29) Ndipo unamwali umapitirizabe kulemekezedwa pakati pa Akristu owona. Mpingo Wachikristu weniweniwo ukuyerekezeredwa ndi “namwali woyera mtima” chifukwa cha kuyera kwake kwa makhalidwe.—2 Akorinto 11:2; Chivumbulutso 21:9.

Palibe pena paliponse pamene Baibulo limafulumiza achichepere kuwona unamwali wawo monga temberero. Mosemphana, mtumwi Paulo ananena kuti ‘iye amene aima wokhazikika mumtima mwake . . . kusunga [unamwali wake, NW] [mwakukhala wosakwatira], adzachita bwino. Chotero iye amene [apereka unamwali wake muukwati, NW ] achita bwino, ndipo iye [wosaupereka muukwati, NW ] achita bwino koposa.’a Paulo sankatsutsa unansi wakugonana wolemekezeka wamuukwati. Mmalomwake, amasonyeza kuti Mkristu wosankha kusunga unamwali wake mwakukhala wosakwatira akakhoza ‘kutsata chitsatire Ambuye, popanda chocheukitsa.’—1 Akorinto 7:25, 33-38.

Pamenepo, kwa Mkristu wachichepere unamwali suli chizindikiro cha manyazi koma umboni wa umphumphu wake kwa Mulungu. Kunena zowona, sikuli kopepuka kukhalabe woyera; kudziletsa kwakukulu kumafunikira. Koma Baibulo limatitsimikizira kuti “malamulo [a Mulungu] sali olemetsa.” (1 Yohane 5:3) Wamasalmo akutitsimikizira kuti: “Malangizo a Yehova ali olungama, akukondweretsa mtima: malamulo a Yehova ali oyera, akupenyetsa maso.” (Salmo 19:8) Nthaŵi zonse kutsatira njira za Mulungu kumakhala kwabwino ndi kopindulitsa.

‘Kuchimwira Thupi la Iwe Mwini’

Mosiyanitsa, Baibulo limanena pa 1 Akorinto 6:18 kuti: ‘Wachiŵereŵere achimwira thupi lake la iye yekha.’ Mosasamala kanthu za zonena za anthu, palibe umboni wakuti kupeŵa kugonana kumavulaza mwakuthupi. Kudziloŵetsamo ndiko kuli ndi maupandu akuthupi! Sing’anga wotchuka akunena kuti: “Matenda opatsirana mwakugonana adzapitirizabe kuwonjezereka ngati njira zogwira mtima zowaletsera sizinagwiritsiridwe ntchito, ndipo kuwonjezeka kwaposachedwapa kwachitika, m’mbali ina, chifukwa cha kuwonjezeka kwa mkhalidwe wakugonana pakati pa achichepere.”—Current Controversies in Marriage and Family.

Mkhalidwe wachiŵereŵere pakati pa achichepere wawonjezeranso mliri wa mimba za achichepere. Mu United States, theka la mimba zimenezi zimachotsedwa mwadala. Ndiyeno pali kusweka maganizo kumene kumachititsidwa ndi kugonana kwachisembwere. “Pamene anapeza chomwe ankafuna,” akukumbukira motero Diana wachichepere, “anandileka.” Mawu a Paulo ali owona. Kugonana ukwati usanakhale kuli ‘kuchimwira thupi la iwe wekha.’

Dama ‘limavulaza ndi kuloŵerera zoyenera’ za ena. (1 Atesalonika 4:6, NW) Kwakukulu, limalanda wina kuyenera kwakuloŵa ukwati mumkhalidwe woyera. Mnzanu wamuukwati wamtsogolo amamanidwanso kuyenera kwake kwakukhala ndi mnzake wamuukwati yemwe ndinamwali.

Bukhu la Why Wait Till Marriage? linapereka lingaliro logomeka ili: “Pamene mugonana kwa nthaŵi yoyamba, simukhalanso namwali. . . . Mungasankhe kamodzi kokha.” Pangani chosankha chabwino! Musakakamizidwe ndi manenanena adziko kulingalira kuti chinachake ncholakwika ndi inu ngati mumamatira ku miyezo ya Baibulo. Unamwali suli wachilendo kapena wolakwa. Kugonana kwachisembwere ndiko koluluza, kochititsa manyazi, ndi kovulaza. Mwakusunga unamwali wanu, mumatetezera thanzi lanu, maganizo anu, ndipo choposa zonse, unansi wanu ndi Mulungu.

Mmene wachichepere angachitire zimenezi idzakhala nkhani ya makope amtsogolo.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 21]

Pali kudzitama ndi kunama kochuluka ponena za machitachita akugonana