Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Nkukhaliranji Namwali?

“UNAMWALI,” akutero wolemba nkhani Lesley Jane Nonkin, “wakhala ngati manu a khanda, ‘kanthu kena kofunika kukataya pofika nthaŵi yomaliza maphunziro.’” Ndemanga zonga zimenezi zimasonyeza mkhalidwe wolekerera, wosasamala umene achichepere ambiri ali nawo ponena za kugonana. Masiku ano, wachichepere yemwe adakali namwali angawonedwe kukhala wodabwitsa, wosiyana ndi anzake. M’kupenda kumodzi kwa achichepere, anyamata anavomereza kuti “anafunitsitsa” kutaya unamwali wawo. Asungwana omwe ndi anamwali anavomereza kuti amadzimva “moipa.”

Komabe, monga momwe nkhani yapita inasonyezera, unamwali uli wabwino pamaso pa Mulungu.a Amaulingalira kukhala wamtengo wake ndipo amatsutsa kugonana ukwati usanakhale kukhala koipa ndi kovulaza. (1 Atesalonika 4:3-8) Chikhalirechobe, kukhalabe namwali kumafunikira kuyang’anizana ndi zitsenderezo zazikulu. Kodi nchifukwa ninji wachichepere ayenera kuchita zimenezo? Kodi pali maubwino akukhalabe namwali?

Kodi Ndiyo Njira Yopezera Chikondi?

Achichepere ambiri amaganiza kuti kugonana kuli njira yosonyezera chikondi—kapena kukondedwa ndi winawake. Kuli kwachibadwa kufuna kukondedwa. Ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri achichepere amafuna kwambiri zimenezi. Bukhu lakuti Coping With Teenage Depression likufotokoza kuti: “Kuchepekera kwa chikondi ndi chisamaliro m’mabanja ambiri kumachititsa achichepere kutembenukira kwina kaamba ka chitonthozo ndi kukondana. Mabanja ambiri lerolino amakhala otanganidwa kwambiri kotero kuti amakhala ndi nthaŵi yochepa yokhalira pamodzi ndi kuchita zinthu pamodzi ndi kuuzana zinthu. . . . Ngati wachichepereyo sapeza chikondi ndi chisamaliro panyumba, . . . adzawona kugonana kukhala njira yopezera chikondi ndi umboni wa kukondedwa ndi kulingaliridwa kukhala wofunika.”

Izi zinali choncho kwa msungwana wachichepere wotchedwa Ann. Iye akufotokoza kuti: “Pali achichepere ambiri amene amalingalira kuti sakondedwa, mwinamwake chifukwa chakuti makolo awo samawasamalira kwenikweni. Posakhalitsa amafuna nakhumbira kukondedwa kapena kukhala oyandikana ndi munthu wina. Izi zinandichitikira. Ndinatembenukira kwa mnyamata wina kuti ndipeze chikondi.”

Komabe, chikondi chowona ‘sichichita zosayenera, sichitsata za mwini yekha.’ (1 Akorinto 13:4, 5) Mkati mwa ukwati wolemekezeka, kugonana kumatumikira chifuno cholemekezeka ndi chabwino koposa. (Genesis 1:28; Miyambo 5:15-19) Koma kugonana kunja kwa ukwati, kaŵirikaŵiri kumakhala monga mankhwala a kusweka maganizo, kopeŵera zitsenderezo, njira yokulitsira ulemu waumwini, kugonja ku chitsenderezo cha ausinkhu wawo, kapena mwaŵi wakusangalala ndi unansi wa ukwati popanda kulandira mathayo ake. Dr. Louis Fine akulingalira kuti: “Kwakukulukulu, kugonana kwa achichepere kumakhala kwankhalwe, kwaukali, ndi kodziwononga; siumboni wa chisamaliro, kuthandizana, kapena kukondana.”—“After All We’ve Done for Them”—Understanding Adolescent Behavior.

Ann anapeza zimenezi kukhala zowona. “Ndinatenga pathupi,” iye akukumbukira motero. “Ndipo zimenezo zitachitika, ndinazindikira kuti makolo anga ankasamaladi, kuti anandikondadi. Makolo anga ndiwo anamamatira kwa ine m’nthaŵi yonse imene ndinali ndi pathupi—osati mnyamata yemwe ndinatembenukirako kuti ndipeze chikondi. Iye anathaŵa.”

Ngakhale ngati zochitika zowopsa zoterozo, monga kukhala ndi pathupi, sizingachitike, kaŵirikaŵiri unansi wachisembwere umasiya munthuyo akudzimva kukhala wopwetekedwa ndi wopanda pake. Bukhu lakuti The Private Life of the American Teenager likunena kuti: “Ena amadzimva kukhala odyeredwa masuku pamutu ndi anyamata amene amawopseza kuti adzawaleka ngati akana kugonana nawo. Ndipo ngati avomereza, kaŵirikaŵiri amadzimva kukhala ogwiritsiridwa ntchito, makamaka ngati unansiwo utha kapena ngati upitiriza kwakukulukulu pamaziko a kugonana.”

Ngati Muli Wamng’ono Wosati Nkukwatira

Ena amaganiza kuti kugonana kungathandize aŵiriwo kuyandikana kwambiri. Koma ngati aŵiriwo ali aang’ono kotero kuti sangakwatirane, kodi kuyandikanako kumatumikira chifuno chanji? Chotulukapo chimangokhala kusweka maganizo pamene pomalizira pake unansiwo utha. M’bukhu lake lakuti How to Raise Parents, wolemba nkhani Clayton Barbeau akutikumbutsa kuti “ubwana ndiwo nthaŵi imene mukumanga umunthu wanu, kudziŵa amene muli.” Iye akufunsa kuti: “Ngati simuzidziŵa, kodi mungakonde motani, ndipo chotero mungadziŵe motani munthu wina?”

Ndiponso, kugonana pamene mukupalana ubwenzi kumatsekereza, osati kuchilikiza kulankhulana kwatanthauzo. Panthaŵi imodzimodziyo, kudzimva waliŵongo kungalekanitse aŵiriwo. (Aroma 2:15) “Liŵongo langa linatilekanitsa kwambiri muunansi wathu,” anavomereza motero msungwana wina. “Ndinaipidwa ndi [bwenzi langa lalimuna] chifukwa chondipangitsa kudzimva moipa chotero. Ndinalephera kuyang’anizana ndi makolo anga chifukwa ndinadzimva wamanyazi.” Wachichepere wina wamkazi akudandaula kuti: “Ndinataya zonse zimene ndinkakhulupirira, makhalidwe anga ndi ulemu wanga, ndi chikumbumtima changa choyera—zonsezi zinachitika chifukwa chofuna kukondedwa.”

Chotero wolemba nkhani Clayton Barbeau anafotokoza bwino mwachidule pamene anati: “Ndiganiza kuti achichepere amene amaseŵera ndi kugonana ali ngati makanda ogwira nitroglycerin [bomba lamphamvu].”

Kodi Ndiyo Mfungulo ya Ukwati Wachimwemwe?

Achichepere ena amalingalira kuti kudziwiratu kugonana kukawakonzekeretsa bwinopo kaamba ka ukwati. Zenizeni zimasonyeza zosiyana. Choyamba, mavuto akugonana muukwati kaŵirikaŵiri amachititsidwa ndi zinthu zoyambukira malingaliro—osati kusazoloŵera kugonana. Mothekera kwenikweni, kugonana ukwati usanakhale kumawononga ukwati. Kumathetsa ulemu ndi kuphunzitsa aŵiriwo kuyanjana kwakukulukulu pamaziko akuthupi; unansi woderana nkhaŵa umanyalanyazidwa. Monga momwe bukhu la Building a Successful Marriage likunenera kuti: “Kugonana ukwati usanakhale kumachitika pamaziko akuthupi, kosonyezedwa ndi dyera osati kukondana.” M’kupita kwanthaŵi, lingaliro ladyera la kugonana limatulukapo chisoni cha muukwati. Kukhutira kwa muukwati kumakhalapo pamene okwatiranawo agwiritsira ntchito malamulo amakhalidwe abwino a Baibulo ndipo ali odera nkhaŵa kwambiri ndi kupatsa osati kulandira mwadyera.—1 Akorinto 7:3; yerekezerani ndi Machitidwe 20:35.

Bukhu lakuti Why Wait Till Marriage? limasonyeza vuto lina: “Amuna ndi akazi amene anali okangalika m’kugonana asanakwatire sangayembekezeredwe kusintha mwadzidzidzi pamene akwatira. Kusiyapo oŵerengeka okha, iwo amapitirizabe ndi zisonkhezero zawo zakugonana monga momwe anachitira asanakwatire.” Bukhulo likumaliza kuti: “Ngati kukhulupirika muukwati kuli kofunika kwa inu, pamenepo zindikirani kuti nkogwirizana ndi kukhulupirika ukwati usanakhale.” Kukhalabe namwali kufikira ukwati kungakuthandizeni kukulitsa mphamvu yamakhalidwe abwino yofunikira kumvera lamulo la Baibulo lakuti: ‘Ukwati uchitidwe ulemu ndi onse, ndi pogona pakhale posadetsedwa; pakuti adama ndi achigololo adzawaweruza Mulungu.’—Ahebri 13:4.

Choncho nkhani ina m’magazini azamankwala olemekezedwa kwambiri inanena kuti: “Nkowonekeratu kuti anamwali ali ndi mwaŵi wabwinopo wakukhala ndi ukwati wachipambano chifukwa chakuti kaŵirikaŵiri amakhala ndi mikhalidwe ina, monga ngati kugwira ntchito kwambiri, kukhala ndi luso lakulamulira chilakolako chakugonana, kukhala wofunitsitsa kwambiri kutsatira malamulo, ndi mikhalidwe ina yofunika.” Choncho amene amataya mopusa unamwali wawo amadandaula kwambiri.b Msungwana wina ananena kuti: “Ndiri ndi zaka 14 ndipo ndinataya unamwali wanga. Ndikudandaula kwambiri. Mtima wanga umapweteka chifukwa ndinafuna kukhala namwali amene mwamuna wanga wamtsogolo akakhumba.”

Peŵani Kudzichimwira

Pali ubwino wina womalizira wa unamwali umene muyenera kuulingalira. Baibulo limasonyeza kuti amene amaswa malamulo a Mulungu ali ‘ochitidwa zoipa kulipira kwa chosalungama.’ (2 Petro 2:13) Kodi kugonana ukwati usanakhale kungakhale bwanji kuchitidwa zoipa? Mwachitsanzo, talingalirani nkhani ya m’magazini a Seventeen: “Ofufuza AIDS akunena kuti akuchita mantha mowonjezereka chifukwa cha kufalikira komakulakula kwa kachirombo ka AIDS mwa achichepere.” Komabe, mosasamala kanthu za kutchuka konse kwa nthenda yowopsayi, kupenda kwina kunavumbula kuti “mbali imodzi mwa zitatu zokha za [achichepere ofufuzidwa] anasintha khalidwe lawo lakugonana chifukwa chowopa nthendayo.”

Achichepere oterowo amalepheranso kuzindikira kuti mkhalidwe wachisembwere ungatulukepo kutenga pathupi, matenda ambiri opatsirana mwakugonana kuwonjezera pa AIDS, kusweka maganizo, chikumbumtima chovutitsidwa, ndipo—choipitsitsa pa zonse—unansi wowonongeka ndi Mulungu. Musadzichimwire. Miyambo 14:16 imati: ‘Wanzeru amaopa nasiya zoipa.’ Musanyengedwe kukhulupirira nthanthi ya “kugonana kwachisungiko.” Malinga ndi kulingalira kwa Mulungu, kugonana kwachisungiko kokha ndi kovomerezedwa ndi kuja kochitidwa mkati mwa chomangira cha ukwati. Kufikira panthaŵiyo, sungani unamwali wanu. Musalole ena kukupangitsani kuchita nawo manyazi kapena kukukakamizani kuutaya.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 25]

Ambiri otaya unamwali asanakwatire amadzimva ogwiritsiridwa ntchito ndi odyeredwa masuku pamutu