Njira Zopeŵera Kugwiriridwa Chigololo

Eric anali wamtali ndi wokongola, ndi wa m’banja lolemera. Lori anali wazaka 19 ndipo anaitanidwa kukacheza ndi Eric ndi bwenzi lake limenenso linaitana msungwana wake. Iye anafika paphwandopo kunyumba kwa Eric, koma mosadziŵika kwa iye, ena aŵiri analephera kufika. Mwamsanga otsala onse a alendowo anayamba kuchoka paphwandopo.

“Ndinayamba kulingalira kuti, ‘Kanthu kena kalakwika, pali kanthu kena kakuchitika,’ koma ndinazinyalanyaza,” anatero.

Mwamsanga Lori atakhala yekha, Eric anamgwirira chigololo. Lori sanachitire lipoti kugwiriridwa chigololoko kupolisi, ndipo pambuyo pake anasamukira kutali makilomitala 240 kuti apewe kuwonananso ndi Eric. Chaka chimodzi pambuyo pake, iye anali wamanthabe kupalana chibwenzi.

KUGWIRIRA chigololo ndiko chiwopsezo chomakulakula, ndipo chitetezo chabwino koposa cha mkazi ndicho kukhala wodziŵa ndi kukonzekera. Suli mkhalidwe uliwonse wa kugwiriridwa chigololo umene ungayembekezeredwe, koma kudziŵa mmene ogwirira chigololo amalingalilira ndi kulinganizira kuukira kwawo kungakuthandizeni kuzindikira zizindikiro zochenjeza.a Mwambi wakale umafotokoza kuti: “Anthu anzeru adzawona vuto likumadza ndi kulipewa, koma munthu wosalingalira adzangolowamo ndi kumva chisoni pambuyo pake.”—Miyambo 27:12, Today’s English Version.

Njira yabwino koposa yopewera mkhalidwe wa kugwiriridwa chigololo ndiyo kupewa ogwirira chigololo. Muyenera kuzindikira dongosolo la khalidwe la mwamuna—ngakhale amene mudziŵa bwino lomwe—limene lingamdziŵitse kukhala wogwirira chigololo wothekera. (Wonani bokosi, patsamba 7.) Amuna ena adzagwiritsira ntchito kavalidwe ka mkazi kapena kufunitsitsa kwake kukhala yekha limodzi naye monga chodzikhululukira cha kumgwirira chigololo. Pamene kuli kwakuti mkaziyo saali ndi thayo ngati mwamunayo ali ndi malingaliro opotoka otero, mkaziyo angachite mwanzeru kuzindikira malingaliro oterowo.

Musadzilole kukhala nokha ndi mwamuna amene simumdziŵa bwino. (Ngakhale ndi amene mumadziŵa bwino, samalani.) Wogwirira chigololo wachilendo angadze panyumba panu akumayerekezera kukhala wokonza mogumuka. Pendani zikalata zake. Wogwirira chigololo womdziŵa kaŵirikaŵiri amachita kuti mikholeyo ikhale yokha mwa kupanga maulendo amene amafunikiritsa kuima chapanyumba pake kapena kunama akumati kumene akakumana kuli kagulu ka anthu. Musanyengedwe.

Kupewa mavuto m’mikhalidwe yopalana chibwenzi, yendani m’timagulu kapena ndi wokuperekezani. Dziŵani mnzanuyo bwino lomwe, ndipo mveketsani bwino lomwe mlingo wa zisonyezero za chikondi, ngati pali zirizonse, zimene mudzalola. Samalani ndi kumwa zoledzeretsa zirizonse! Simungakhale wogalamuka kungozi ngati maganizo anu adodometsedwa. (Yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 23:29-35.) Dalirani mantha anu achibadwa. Ngati mumva kukhala wosatetezereka ndi munthu wina, musanyalanyaze zimenezo mukumaganiza kuti alibe zolinga zoipa. Chokanipo.

Makolo a azaka 13-19 makamaka afunikira kukambitsirana ndi ana awo za kupewa kugwiriridwa chigololo, kukhala olunjika ponena za mikhalidwe yangozi chifukwa chakuti ambiri a ogwirira chigololo ndi mikhole ya kugwiriridwa chigololo ali achichepere.

Chitanipo Kanthu Mwamsanga

Siiri mikhalidwe yonse ya kugwiriridwa chigololo imene ingawonedweretu. Mosadziŵa, mungadzipeze muli nokha ndi kuyang’anizana ndi mwamuna amene ali wamphamvupo koposa inu ndi yemwe wakonzekera kukukakamizani kugonana naye. Pamenepo mudzachitanji?

Chitanipo kanthu mwamsanga, ndipo kumbukirani chonulirapo chanu: kupulumuka. Wogwirira chigololo kaŵirikaŵiri amayesa mkhole wake asanasankhe kuukira, chotero nkofunika kudodometsa makonzedwe ake mwamsanga monga momwe kungathekere iye asanapeze chidaliro chokwanira kuti achitepo kanthu. Akatswiri pankhani za kugwirira chigololo akupereka njira ziŵiri za zochita: kukana mwamawu kapena kukana mwa zochita. Mungayambe kuyesa njira yamawu ndiyeno, italephera imeneyo, sinthirani kukukana mwa zochita.

Kukana mwamawu kungaphatikizepo chirichonse kuyambira pakuchedwetsa nthaŵi mwa kulankhula ndi wogwirira kapena kuyerekezera kukhala muli ndi nthenda yopatsirana mwakugonana kapena kusanzira wokuukiraniyo. (Yerekezerani ndi 1 Samueli 21:12, 13.) “Machenjererawo amachepetsedwa kokha ndi kuyerekezera kwa munthuwe,” analemba motero Gerard Whittemore m’bukhu lake lakuti Street Wisdom for Women: A Handbook for Urban Survival.

Machenjerera amawu—amene amaphatikizapo chirichonse kusiyapo kumenyana ndi wogwirira chigololo—afunikira kulingalira molama maganizo ndipo ayenera kulinganizidwira kuchenjeneketsa kapena kuzilaritsa woukirayo. Ngati kukana kwanu kukupangitsa woukirayo kukhala wokwiya ndi wachiwawa kwambiri yesani njira ina. Komabe, musadzilole kukakamizidwa kulowa kumalo anokha mowonjezereka pamene muli kulingalira. Ndipo kumbukirani umodzi wa mitundu yogwira mtima kopambana ya kutsutsako—kufuula.—Yerekezerani Deuteronomo 22:23-27.

Mtundu wina ndiwo kuchita mosiyana ndi mwamphamvu. Uzani wokuukirani mwamawu osapenekera kuti simudzagonjera kuzikhumbo zake. Mumkhalidwe wa kugwiriridwa chigololo popalana chibwenzi, mungayese njira yochititsa kakasi ya kutcha chimene kuukirako kuli. Kufuula kuti, “Kumeneku ndiko kugwirira chigololo! Ndikukaitana apolisi!” kungapangitse wofuna kukugwirirani chigololo kulingalira mosamala kuti kaya apitirize kutero kapena ayi.

Limbanani Naye

Ngati kulankhula sikukugwira ntchito, musawope kusinthira kukukana kolimbana naye. Zimenezo sizikutanthauza kuti inu mwachiwonekere mudzavulazidwa kapena kuphedwa, ndipo kugonjera sikumatsimikizira kutetezereka kwanu. Chifukwa chake, akatswiri pankhani ya kugwirira chigololo amapereka uphungu wa kumenya nkhondo.

Kuchita nkhondo mobwezera kungakhale kovuta kwa akazi chifukwa chakuti kwamoyo wawo wonse analeredwa kukhala aulemu, ofatsa, ndi ogonjera ngakhale powopsezedwa mwa kukakamizidwa mwandewu. Chotero, mufunikira kusankha pasadakhale kuti mudzakaniza kotero kuti musataikiridwe ndi nthaŵi yamtengo wapataliyo mwa kudodoma mkati mwa kuukirako.

Mufunikira kukwiya kuti wina aliyense akukuwopsezani kapena kukukakamizani. Mufunikira kuzindikira kuti kuukiraku nkolingaliridwa pasadakhale, ndipo wogwirira chigololoyo akudalira pa inu kuti mugonjere. Kwiyani, osawopa. “Mantha anu ndiwo chida champhamvu cha wokuukiraniyo,” anatero wofufuzayo Linda Ledray. Musade nkhaŵa kuti mukuchita mopambanitsa kapena kuti mungawonedwe kukhala chitsiru. “Kuli bwino kukhala waphunzo koposa kugwiriridwa chigololo,” monga momwe katswiri wina ananenera. Akazi amene mwachipambano akaniza ogwirira chigololo kaŵirikaŵiri anatero mwa kuchitapo kanthu ndipo anayesa njira zoposa imodzi, kuphatikizapo kuluma, kumenya ndi miyendo, ndi kufuula.

Ngati muli wosakhoza kudzitetezera kukugwiriridwa chigololo, sumikani maganizo pa kukhala wokhoza kudzadziŵa wokuukiraniyo pambuyo pake. Ngati nkotheka, kumkwalaula kapena kung’amba zovala zake kudzasiya zisonyezero zomdziŵira. Koma pamfundoyi, mungangokhala wosakhoza kumenyanso nkhondo. Zitatero, “musadzikwiire kuti ‘munamlola’ kukugwirirani chigololo,” anatero Robin Warshaw m’bukhu lakuti I Never Called It Rape. “Simutofunikira kukhala ndi zilonda kapena imfa kuti ‘mutsimikizire’ kuti munagwiriridwa chigololo.”

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Bokosi patsamba 7]

Zisonyezero za Wogwirira Chigololo Wothekera

□ Amakuchitirani nkhanza mwamalingaliro mwa kukusumululani, kunyalanyaza malingaliro anu, kapena kukwiya kapena kukhumudwa pamene mupereka lingaliro.

□ Amayesa kulamulira mbali za moyo wanu, zonga mmene mumavalira ndi amene mabwenzi anu ali. Akufuna kukupangirani zosankha zonse ponena za kupita koyenda, monga kokadyera kapena mtundu wa akanema owonerera.

□ Amachita nsanje popanda chifukwa.

□ Amalankhula moluluza akazi onse.

□ Amaledzera kapena “kumwerekera” namayesa kuti muchite zofananazo.

□ Amakukakamizani kuti mukhale nokha ndi iye kapena kuti mugonane.

□ Samakulolani kuthandizira kulipilira ndalama zoyendera ndipo amakwiya ngati mudzipereka kulipilira.

□ Amachita ndewu ngakhale mwamachenjera, monga kukanyanga kapena kukankha.

□ Amakuwopsezani mwa kukhala moyandikana nanu kwambiri, kukutsekerezani njira yanu, kugwira pamene mwamkaniza, kapena kulankhula monga ngati amakudziŵani bwino koposa mmene amachitira.

□ Sangachite ndi kugwiritsidwa mwala popanda kukwiya.

□ Samakuwonani kukhala wofanana naye.

□ Amakondwerera zida ndipo amakonda kuchitira nkhalwe zinyama, ana, kapena anthu amene angawachitire nkhanza.

Zochokera mu I Never Called It Rape, lolembedwa ndi Robin Warshaw.

[Chithunzi patsamba 7]

Akazi amene mwachipambano anakaniza ogwirira chigololo kaŵirikaŵiri anatero mwa kuchitapo kanthu ndipo anayesa njira zoposa imodzi