Mkhalidwe Weniweni wa Kugwiriridwa Chigololo

M’NTHAŴI imene mumaliza kuŵerenga tsamba lino, mkazi adzakhala atagwiriridwa chigololo kwinakwake mu United States. Iye adzakhala ali yekha ndipo adzawopsezedwa ndi mchitidwe wachiwawa ndi kululuzidwa ndi winawake amene mwachiwonekere akudziŵa. Angamenyedwe. Angatsutse. Iye mosakaikira adzawopa kuphedwa.

Kugwirira chigololo ndiko upandu wachiwawa wokula mofulumira kopambana mu United States, mmene muli kale ziŵerengero zapamwamba koposa za kugwirira chigololo padziko lonse. Malinga ndi malipoti a apolisi, kugwirira chigololo 16 kumayesedwa, ndipo akazi 10 amagwiriridwa chigololo ola lirilonse. Wonjezerani pa zimenezo chenicheni chakuti kugwirira chigololo kosaperekeredwa lipoti kungakhale kokulirapo kuŵirikiza nthaŵi khumi!

Ku United States sikokha kumene kuli ziŵerengero zodetsa nkhaŵazi. M’France chiŵerengero cha mikhole yoperekera lipoti kuti inagwiriridwa chigololo chinakwera ndi 62 peresenti pakati pa 1985 ndi 1990. Podzafika mu 1990, Canada anali ndi malipoti a kuukiridwa m’zakugonana oŵirikiza kaŵiri kufikira ku 27,000 m’zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi zokha. Germany anaperekera lipoti kuukira mkazi m’zakugonana kumodzi mphindi zisanu ndi ziŵiri zirizonse.

Kugwirira chigololo kumavulazanso amuna opanda liwongo.a Amuna “amavutika kukhala m’chitaganya mmene theka la anthu ali ndi chifukwa chokhalira okwiya, onyumwa, ndi amantha,” anatero katswiri wazamaganizo Elizabeth Powell. Iwo angakhalenso mikhole mwa kukhala owopera akazi awo, amayi, alongo, ana aakazi, ndi mabwenzi, kapena afunikira kulimbana ndi malingaliro a liwongo ndi kupweteka pamene winawake amene amakonda akhala mkhole wa kugwiriridwa chigololo.

Kodi Nchifukwa Ninji Chiwonjezekocho?

Kugwirira chigololo kukuchuluka m’zitaganya zimene zimalekelera chiwawa ndi kudyerera akazi. M’maiko angapo, amuna ndi akazi amakanthidwa kuyambira paubwana ndi mauthenga owononga ndi chidziŵitso cholakwa cha zakugonana, kupyolera mwa zoulutsira mawu, banja, ndi amsinkhu wawo. Amaphunzira malingaliro ovulaza akuti kugonana ndi chiwawa nzogwirizana ndi kuti akazi alipo kuti akhutiritse amuna m’zakugonana, mosasamala kanthu za zikhumbo za akazi.

Talingalirani mkhalidwe wamaganizo wa Jay, kalaliki wosamalira mafaelo wazaka 23 zakubadwa. “Chitaganya chimati utofunikira kugonana kambirimbiri ndi akazi ambirimbiri osiyanasiyana kuti ukhale mwamuna weniweni,” iye anatero. “Eya, kodi chimachitika nchiyani ngati sutero? Pamenepo kodi ndiwe chiyani?” Chifukwa cha chitsenderezocho, ngati mkazi amkwiyitsa kapena kumgwiritsa mwala, iye angamgwirire chigololo.

Makhalidwe amaganizo achiwawa ndi ankhalwe oterowo kwa akazi ngofala m’zitaganya zokonda kugwirira chigololo, akukhulupirira motero wofufuzayo Linda Ledray. “Kumlingo waukulu wogwirira chigololoyo akungochita chabe mogwirizana ndi chikhoterero cha m’chitaganya. Akanema ndi mawailesi akanema amawonjezera chikhoterero chowononga cha m’chitaganya. Kugwirira chigololo ndimutu wankhani wofala m’mabukhu osonyeza umaliseche, komabe mabukhu osonyeza umaliseche sindiwo okha aliwongo. Mafufuzidwe asonyeza kuti akanema achiwawa opanda nkhani zakugonana amapangitsa makhalidwe ochitira nkhalwe akazi koposa akanema amene amasonyeza mwatsatanetsane kwambiri kugonana popanda zachiwawa. Wailesi yakanema nayonso ikuphatikizidwa pamene “imasonyeza mkhalidwe wodyerera akazi kopambana wopezeka kulikonse,” anatero Powell. Kodi uthenga wa m’zoulutsira mawu ngwotani? “Utakwiya, vulaza winawake.”

Uthengawo ukuchitidwa m’maunansi atsiku ndi tsiku, limodzi ndi zotulukapo zatsoka. M’dziko lolekelera mowonjezerekali, kaŵirikaŵiri amuna amalingalira kuti akazi ali ndi ngongole ya kugonana nawo, makamaka ngati mwamunayo amawonongera ndalama pa mkaziyo kapena mkaziyo poyamba anawonekera kukhala wovomereza zoyesayesa zake.

“Ponena za zakugonana, kunena kuti ‘ayi’ kaŵirikaŵiri kumakhala kopanda tanthauzo pamene mawuwo alankhulidwa ndi mkazi,” anatero mtola nkhaniyo Robin Warshaw. Ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri, kugwirira chigololo kumatsatira.

“Kugwirira Chigololo Kwachiŵiri”

Kathi anali wazaka 15 zakubadwa pamene anagwiriridwa chigololo ndi ziŵalo zitatu za kagulu ka hockey ka pasukulu yake yasekondale. Pamene banja lake linapititsa nkhaniyo kubwalo lamilandu, iye anapewedwa ndi kuwopsezedwa ndi mabwenzi, anansi, ndi achilendo. “Anyamata ndimo mmene aliri,” banjalo linauzidwa motero. Pasukulu Kathi anatukwanidwa, ndipo mauthenga owopseza anasiyidwa pamalo ake osungira mabukhu. Omgwirira chigololowo analangidwa mwa kuyesedwa ndi kugwiritsidwa ntchito yopindulitsa ena ndipo anadzakhala ngwazi zothamanga za pasukulupo. Kathi analangidwa mwa kuwopsezedwa kwa miyezi yambiri. Potsirizira anadzipha.

Chochitika cha Kathi nchitsanzo chatsoka cha mmene mikhole ya kugwiriridwa chigololo kaŵirikaŵiri imaukiriridwa choyamba mwakuthupi ndi wogwirira chigololoyo, ndiyeno mwamalingaliro ndi ena. Akazi ambiri amapeza kuti makhalidwe ndi malingaliro olakwa a kugwirira chigololo amachititsa mkholeyo kukhala akuimbidwa mlandu wa upanduwo. Mabwenzi, banja, apolisi, madokotala, oŵeruza, ndi ogamula milandu—awo amene ayenera kukhala akuthandiza mkholeyo—angakhale ndi malingaliro olakwikawo ndipo angavulaze mkholeyo pafupifupi mwakuya kwambiri monga momwe wogwirira chigololoyo anachitira. Vuto la liwongolo nlalikulu kwambiri kotero kuti ena alitcha kukhala “kugwirira chigololo kwachiŵiri.”

Nthanthi za kugwirira chigololo zimayambitsa lingaliro lonama la chisungiko. Mwamawu ena, ngati mungapeze cholakwa m’khalidwe la mkholeyo—anavala zovala zothina kapena anayenda ali yekha usiku kapena iye anafunadi kugonana—inu kapena okondedwa anu adzakhala otetezereka ngati mkhalidwe umenewo upewedwa; chotero simudzagwiriridwa chigololo. Mosiyana, kugwirira chigololoko ndiko mchitidwe wopusa wa chiwawa umene ungachitikire aliyense, mosasamala kanthu za mmene mkaziyo wavalira, ndiko kowopsa kwambiri kosakhoza kukuvomereza.

Mkazi wina, pokhala atagwiriridwa chigololo ndi munthu wina amene anamlingalira kukhala “wabwino, wolemekezeka,” akuchonderera kuti: “Chinthu chothekera choipitsitsa chimene mungachite ndicho kukhulupirira kuti sizingakuchitikireni.”

Nthanthi ndi Zenizeni za Kugwirira Chigololo

Otsatirapoŵa ali ena a malingaliro olakwa anthaŵi yaitali onena za kugwirira chigololo amene amatumikira kuimba mlandu mkhole ndi kupititsa patsogolo malingaliro amene amalimbikitsa aliwongo:

Nthanthi: Kugwirira chigololo kumachitika kokha pamene mkaziyo aukiridwa ndi mlendo.

Zenizeni: Akazi ochulukitsitsa amene amagwiriridwa chigololo amaukiridwa ndi winawake amene amadziŵa ndi amene anadalira. Mafufuzidwe ena anapeza kuti 84 peresenti ya mikholeyo inadziŵa owaukirawo ndi kuti 57 peresenti ya kugwirira chigololo kunachitika popalana chibwenzi. Mmodzi mwa akazi okwatibwa 7 alionse adzagwiriridwa chigololo ndi mwamuna wakewake.b Kugwirira zigololo kuli kwachiwawa ndi kopweteka mwamalingaliro mosasamala kanthu kuti woukirayo ali wachilendo, mnzawo wamuukwati, kapena wopalana naye chibwenzi.

Nthanthi: Kuli kugwirira chigololo kokha ngati mkaziyo pambuyo pake asonyeza umboni wa kukaniza, wonga mikwingwirima.

Zenizeni: Mosasamala kanthu kuti iwo anakaniza mwa kulimbalimba kapena ayi, ndiwo akazi ochepa kwambiri amene amasonyeza umboni wowoneka, wonga mikwingwirima kapena mabala.

Nthanthi: Mkhole wa kugwiriridwa chigololo nawonso uli ndi liwongo kusiyapo ngati ukaniza zolimba.

Zenizeni: Kugwirira chigololo kukunenedwa kuti kumachitika pamene chikakamizo kapena chiwopsezo chigwiritsiridwa ntchito kuti pakhale kugonana, m’njira iriyonse, motsutsana ndi chifuniro cha munthuyo. Ndiko kugwiritsira ntchito chikakamizo kwa wogwirira chigololoyo motsutsana ndi mkhole wosafuna kumene kumampangitsa kukhala wogwirira chigololo. Chotero, wogwiriridwa chigololo alibe liwongo la chigololo. Mofanana ndi mkhole wa kugonedwa ndi wachibale, iye angakakamizidwe kugonjera kumchitidwe umene sakufuna chifukwa cha mphamvu yachiwonekere yochitidwa pa iye ndi munthu wina. Pamene mkaziyo akakamizidwa kugonjera kwa wogwirira chigololo mowopa kapena kusokonezeka, sizimatanthauza kuti mkaziyo akuvomerezana ndi mchitidwewo. Kuvomereza nkozikidwa pa chosankha popanda chiwopsezo ndipo nkokangalika, osati kwamphwayi.

Nthanthi: Kugwirira chigololo ndiko mchitidwe wa nyere.

Zenizeni: Kugwirira chigololo ndiko mchitidwe wa chiwawa. Amuna amagwirira chigololo, osati kaamba ka kugonana kokhako, koma kuti adzimve kukhala amphamvu pa munthu wina.c

Nthanthi: Mkazi angaseleule kapena kunyanyula mwamunayo kufikira pamfundo yoti iye sangalamulirenso zisonkhezero zake zakugonana.

Zenizeni: Amuna amene amagwirira chigololo saali ndi chisonkhezero cha kugonana choposa chimene amuna ena ali nacho. Mmalo mwake, mbali imodzi mwa zitatu za ogwirira chigololo onse anali osakhoza kumaliza mchitidwe wa kugonanawo. M’zochitika zambiri kugwirira chigololo ndiko mchitidwe wolinganizidwiratu, osati chisonkhezero chosalamulirika. Onse aŵiri wogwirira chigololo wachilendo ndi wodziŵana naye kaŵirikaŵiri amalalira mikhole yawo—wachilendo amatero mwa kunyanthamira mkholeyo kufikira pamene ali yekha, odziŵana naye mwa kulinganiza mkhalidwe kumene iye adzakhala ali yekha.

Nthanthi: Akazi amanamizira kugwiriridwa chigololo kuti alikwire amuna chifukwa chakuti amamva kukhala aliwongo ponena za kukhala atagonana nawo.

Zenizeni: Malipoti onama a kugwirira chigololo amachitika pamlingo wofanana ndi wa upandu wina uliwonse wachiwawa: 2 peresenti. Kumbali ina, ofufuza akuvomereza kuti kugwirira chigololo kochepa kwambiri ndiko kumene kumaperekedwera lipoti.

Nthanthi: Mkazi angathe “kusonkhezera” kugwiriridwa chigololo mwa kuvala zovala zodzutsa nyere, kumwa zoledzeretsa, kulola mwamuna kumlipilira ulendo, kapena kumka kunyumba kwake.

Zenizeni: Kusalingalira bwino, chibwana kapena kusadziŵa, sikumatanthauza kuti mkazi afunikira kugwiriridwa chigololo. Wogwirira chigololoyo ndiye amene ali ndi liwongo lonse la kugwirira chigololo.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 3]

Mu United States, 1 mwa akazi 4 alionse angakhale mkhole wa kugwiriridwa chigololo kapena kuyesa kugwiriridwa chigololo

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 4]

Kugwiriridwa chigololo kukukula m’zitaganya zimene zimalekelera chiwawa ndi kudyerera akazi