Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Ndingatani Ngati Akukondera?

“Mng’ono wanga ngwochepa ndi zaka ziŵiri kwa ine koma amamuikako nzeru kwambiri. . . . Si zabwino ayi.”—Rebecca.a

NGATI mbale wanu kapena mlongo wanu akumuikako nzeru kwambiri, ndipo pamene inunso mumaona kuti mukunyalanyazidwa. Ndipo ngati muli ndi mbale yemwe ali ndi maluso apadera, ali ndi mavuto aakulu, kapena amakonda zofanana ndi zimene makolo anu amakonda kapena ngati ali ndi umunthu ngati wawo, mwina mungafunikire kulimbana nazo kuti akuikeniko nzeru pang’ono chabe! Mukamalingalira kwambiri mpamenenso mungamakhumudwe ndi kukwiya kwambiri.b

Komabe, Baibulo limachenjeza kuti: “Chitani chinthenthe, ndipo musachimwe: nenani mumtima mwanu pakama panu, ndipo mukhale chete.” (Salmo 4:4) Pamene mwakwiya kapena kupsa mtima, nzosakayikitsa kuti mukhoza kuchita kapena kunena kanthu kamene simungasangalale nako pambuyo pake. Kumbukani mmene Kaini anakwiyira pamene Mulungu anayanja mbale wake, Abele. Mulungu anamchenjeza kuti: “Uchimo ubwatama pakhomo: kwa iwe kudzakhala kulakalaka kwake, ndipo iwe udzamlamulira iye [“sudzaulamulira kodi,” NW].” (Genesis 4:3-16) Kaini analephera kudziletsa, ndipo zotsatira zake zinali zoopsa!

Ndithudi, sikuti inu muli pafupi kupha munthu ngati Kaini. Ngakhale zili choncho, kukondera kukhoza kukupangitsani kumva kuipa. Zoopsa zingakhale zikubwatama pakhomo lanu! Kodi zina za izo nchiyani? Ndipo kodi mungazigonjetse motani?

Dzigwireni Pakamwa!

Pamene Beth anali ndi zaka 13, anaona kuti makolo ake ankakondera mlongo wake ndipo iye sankamchitira bwino. Iye akukumbukira kuti: “Ine ndi Amayi tinali kukalipirana kwambiri, koma sizinathandize kalikonse. Sindinali kumvera kalikonse ankanena, ndipo iwo sanali kumvera kalikonse ine ndinkanena, motero palibe chomwe chinachitika.” Mwinamwake inunso mwapeza kuti kukalipirana kumangowonjezera mavutowo. Aefeso 4:31 amati: “Chiwawo chonse, ndi kupsa mtima, ndi mkwiyo, ndi chiwawa, ndi mwano zichotsedwe kwa inu, ndiponso choipa chonse.”

Simufunikira kuchita kukuwa mukafuna kunena maganizo anu. Kuŵafikira modekha ndiko kumathandiza. Miyambo 25:15 imati: “Chipiriro chipembedza mkulu; lilime lofatsa lityola pfupa.” Motero ngati makolo anu akuoneka kuti amakondera, musawakalipire ndi kuwadzudzula ayi. Yembekezerani nthaŵi yabwino, ndiye kambitsiranani nawo mofatsa, mwaulemu.—Yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 15:23.

Ngati munena za kufooka kwa makolo anu kapena kuwanyoza chifukwa cha kuchita kwawo “mosayenerera” mudzangodana nawo mwina kuwapangitsa kuyamba kudzichinjiriza. M’malo mwake nenani za mmene zochita zawo zakukhudzirani. (‘Zimandiŵaŵa kwambiri mukamandinyalanyaza.’) Ndithudi iwo adzalimbikitsidwa ndi kuyamba kukuganizirani. Komanso, ‘khalani wotchera khutu.’ (Yakobo 1:19) Mwina makolo anu akhoza kukhala ndi zifukwa zoyenera zomuikira nzeru kwambiri mbale wanu. Mwina ali ndi mavuto ena amene inu simukuwadziŵa.

Koma bwanji ngati mumakwiya msanga ndi kulankhula mwasontho mukakwiya? Miyambo 25:28 imayerekeza ‘wosalamulira mtima wake’ ndi mudzi “wopanda linga”; akhoza kugonjetsedwa ndi kusonthoka mtima kwake kopanda ungwiro. Kumbali ina, kukhala wokhoza kulamulira mtima wanu ndi chisonyezero cha kulimba mtima! (Miyambo 16:32) Kuti munene maganizo anu, nanga bwanji osadikira, kufikira mutatsitsa mtima pansi, mwinamwake kudikira mpaka tsiku lotsatira? Mudzakupezanso kukhala kothandiza kuchokapo kaye pamalopo, mwina kupita kukayenda kapena kupangapo kaye maseŵera olimbitsa thupi. (Miyambo 17:14) Mwa kusamalira milomo yanu, mukhoza kupewa kulankhula kanthu kena kokhumudwitsa kapena kopusa.—Miyambo 10:19; 13:3; 17:27.

Kusamvera Kobisika

Mbuna ina yoyenera kuipewa ndiyo kusamvera. Marie wazaka 16 anaona kuti mlongo wake wamng’ono samalangidwa akasokoneza phunziro la Baibulo labanjalo. Popsa mtima ndi zimene ankaganiza kuti ndi kukonderazo, anayamba “kunyanyala,” kumakana kuchita nawo phunzirolo. Kodi munayamba mwagwiritsirapo ntchito njira ya kumangokhala chete kapena kukhala wosagwirizanika pamene munaona kuti kenakake sikakuyenda bwino?

Ngati zili choncho, dziŵani kuti machitidwe obisika ameneŵa amatsutsana ndi malamulo a Baibulo akuti muzilemekeza ndi kumvera makolo anu. (Aefeso 6:1, 2) Ndiponso, kusamvera kumawononga ubwenzi wanu ndi makolo anu. Zili bwino kulankhula za vuto lanu ndi makolo anu. Miyambo 24:26 imasonyeza kuti “wobwezera mawu oongoka” amamchitira ulemu. Pamene Marie anakambitsirana nkhaniyi ndi amayi ake, onsewo anagwirizana ndipo zinthu zinayamba kuwongokera.

Kuopsa kwa Kudzipatula

Njira ina yoipa yolimbanirana ndi kukondera ndiyo kuchoka m’banja lanu kapena kufuna ubwenzi ndi osakhulupirira. Izi ndizo zomwe zinachitika kwa Cassandra: “Ndinadzipatula ku banja langa ndipo ndinali kukhala ndi mabwenzi akudziko ndinawapeza pasukulu. Ndinali ngakhale ndi zibwenzi zachimuna, ndipo makolo anga sanali kudziŵa zimenezi. Kenaka ndinapsinjika maganizo ndipo ndinayamba kudzimva wolakwa chifukwa ndinadziŵa kuti sindinali kuchita bwino. Ndinafuna kuleka, koma sindinaone njira yoti nkuuzira makolo anga.”

Kudzipatula ku banja lanu ndi kwa okhulupirira anzanu nkwangozi—makamaka pamene mwakwiya ndipo simukuganiza bwino. Miyambo 18:1 imachenjeza kuti: “Wopanduka afunafuna chifuniro chake, nakangana ndi nzeru yonse yeniyeni.” Ngati mukuchiona kukhala chovuta kufikira makolo anu panthaŵi imeneyi, pezani bwenzi lachikristu monga lomwe limanenedwa pa Miyambo 17:17, NW: “Bwenzi lenileni limakonda nthaŵi zonse, ndipo limakhala mbale panthaŵi ya tsoka.” Nthaŵi zambiri “bwenzi lenileni” lotero limapezeka mosavuta pakati pa abale okhwima mumpingo.

Cassandra anapeza “bwenzi lenileni” panthaŵi yakusowa kwake: “Pamene woyang’anira dera [mtumiki woyendayenda] anachezera mpingo wathu, makolo anga anandilimbikitsa kutumikira naye limodzi. Iye ndi mkazi wake anali odzichepetsa kwambiri ndipo anandikonda kwambiri. Ndinatha kulankhula nawo. Sindinaganizepo kuti andidzudzula. Anazindikira kuti chifukwa chakuti unaleredwa monga Mkristu sizitanthauza kuti ndiwe wangwiro.” Chilimbikitso chawo ndi malangizo anzeru ndizo zimenedi Cassandra ankafuna!—Miyambo 13:20.

Kuopsa kwa Njiru

Miyambo 27:4 imachenjeza kuti: “Kupweteka mtima nkwa nkhanza, mkwiyo usefuka; koma ndani angalakike ndi nsanje?” Njiru kwa mbale wawo wokondedwa yachititsa achinyamata ena kuchita zopanda nzeru. Mayi wina anavomereza kuti: “Pamene ndinali wamng’ono, ndinali ndi tsitsi lonyozoloka, lochepa, lofiira ndipo mkulu wanga anali ndi tsitsi labwino lachikasu lomwe limakula kufika m’chiuno mwake. Atate anga nthaŵi zonse anali kunena za tsitsilo. Amamutcha iye ‘Rapunzel’ wawo. Tsiku lina iye ali mtulo, ndinatenga sizala ya pamakina osokera a amayi, ndikuyenda monyang’ama kupita ku bedi lake ndi kudula tsitsi lambiri ndithu.”−Siblings Without Rivalry, lolembedwa ndi Adele Faber ndi Elaine Mazlish.

Motero nzosadabwitsa kuti Baibulo limanena kuti njiru ili imodzi ya “ntchito za thupi” zoipa. (Agalatiya 5:19-21; Aroma 1:28-32) Komabe, ‘kukhumba kuchita nsanje’ kuli mwa tonse. (Yakobo 4:5) Motero ngati mukuona kuti mukufunafuna kuika mbale wanu m’mavuto, kuti aoneke woipa, kapena kumnyozetsa, nsanje ingakhale ‘ikubwatama pakhomo,’ ikuyesayesa kukulamulirani!

Kodi mungachitenji ngati mupeza kuti muli ndi malingaliro oipa otero? Choyamba, yesani kupempha mzimu wa Mulungu mwa pemphero. Agalatiya 5:16 amati: “Muyendeyende ndi Mzimu, ndipo musafitse chilakolako cha thupi.” (Yerekezerani ndi Tito 3:3-5.) Zikhozanso kuthandiza kulingalira za kalingaliridwe kanu ponena za abale anu. Kodi munganenedi kuti mulibiretu chikondi kwa iye—ngakhale kuti mukuipidwa naye? Chabwino Malemba amatiuza kuti “chikondi sichidukidwa.” (1 Akorinto 13:4) Motero pewani kutha nthaŵi mukulingalira zinthu zopangitsa nsanje. Yeserani kukondwa naye ngati makolo anu akumuikako nzeru kwambiri.—Yerekezerani ndi Aroma 12:15.

Kukambitsirana ndi makolo anu za zimenezi kukhozanso kukhala kothandiza. Ngati atatsimikizira kuti nkoyeneradi kuti azikulingalirani, izi zidzakuthandizani kwambiri kuti muleke kuchitira nsanje abale anu. Koma bwanji ngati zinthu sizikusintha panyumba ndipo kukonderako kukupitiriza? Musakwiye, kukalipa, kapena kupandukira makolo anu. Yesani kukhalabe ndi khalidwe lothandiza, kumvera. Ngati nkotheka, funani chithandizo kwa achikulire mumpingo wachikristu. Koposa zonse, yandikirani kwa Yehova Mulungu. Kumbukirani mawu a wamasalmo akuti: “Pakuti wandisiya atate wanga ndi amayi wanga, koma Yehova anditola.”—Salmo 27:10.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 19]

Kuwauza kuti mumadzimva wonyalanyazidwa kukhoza kuthetsa vutolo