Kodi Mungatani Kuti Chibwenzi Chanu Chiziyenda Bwino?

1-2. Kodi anthu ena amaiona bwanji nkhani yokhala pa chibwenzi?

NTHAWI imene anthu ali pa chibwenzi ingakhale yosangalatsa kwambiri. Ngati muli pa chibwenzi ndi munthu winawake, n’zosachita kufunsa kuti mumafuna chitamayenda bwino. Ndipo anthu ambiri zimawayendera bwino. Mlongo wina wa ku Ethiopia, dzina lake Tsion,a ananena kuti: “Imodzi mwa nthawi zosangalatsa kwambiri pa moyo wanga, ndi pamene ine ndi mwamuna wanga tinali pa chibwenzi. Tinkakambirana nkhani zofunika kwambiri komanso tinkauzana nkhani zoseketsa. Ndinasangalala nditadziwa kuti ndapeza munthu yemwe ndimamukonda komanso amene amandikonda.”

² Komabe m’bale wina wa ku Netherlands, dzina lake Alessio, ananena kuti: “Ndinasangalala kumudziwa bwino mkazi wanga pa nthawi yomwe tinali pa chibwenzi. Koma chibwenzi chathu chinkakumananso ndi mavuto.” Munkhaniyi, tikambirana mavuto ena omwe anthu amene ali pa chibwenzi angakumane nawo komanso mfundo za m’Baibulo zimene zingathandize kuti chibwenzi chiziyenda bwino. Tionanso mmene anthu ena mumpingo angathandizire anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi.

CHOLINGA CHOKHALA PA CHIBWENZI

3. Kodi cholinga cha chibwenzi n’chiyani? (Miyambo 20:25)

³ Monga taonera, nthawi yomwe anthu ali pa chibwenzi ikhoza kukhala yosangalatsa. Koma kuwonjezera pamenepa, ndi nthawi yofunika kwambiri yomwe ingathandize anthu kuona ngati angadzakwatirane. Pa tsiku la ukwati wawo, anthu okwatiranawo amalumbira pamaso pa Yehova kuti azikondana komanso kulemekezana kwa moyo wawo wonse. Tisanalumbire pa nkhani iliyonse, tiyenera kuiganizira kaye mofatsa. (Werengani Miyambo 20:25.) Ndi mmenenso zilili pa nkhani ya lumbiro la ukwati. Kukhala pa chibwenzi kumathandiza awiriwo kuti adziwane bwino komanso kuti asankhe zinthu mwanzeru. Akhoza kusankha kukwatirana kapena kuthetsa chibwenzicho. Ngati asankha kuthetsa chibwenzi sizitanthauza kuti chibwenzicho sichinawathandize. M’malomwake, chinakwaniritsa cholinga chake chifukwa chinawathandiza kuti adziwe zoyenera kusankha.

4. N’chifukwa chiyani tiyenera kukhala ndi maganizo oyenera okhudza chibwenzi?

⁴ Koma nkhani yokhala pa chibwenzi tiyenera kumaiona moyenera. N’chifukwa chiyani tikutero? Ngati munthu yemwe sali pa banja ali ndi maganizo oyenera, sangachite chibwenzi ndi munthu yemwe akudziwiratu kuti sadzakwatirana naye. Koma si anthu omwe sali pa banja okha amene ayenera kukhala ndi maganizo oyenera. Tonsefe tiyenera kukhala ndi maganizo oyenera pa nkhaniyi. Mwachitsanzo, ena amaganiza kuti ngati anthu ali pa chibwenzi, ndiye kuti basi akuyenera kudzakwatirana. Kodi maganizo amenewa amakhudza bwanji Akhristu omwe sali pa banja? Mlongo wina wosakwatiwa dzina lake Melissa, wa ku United States, anati: “A Mboni ena akaona m’bale ndi mlongo ali pa chibwenzi, amangoganiza kuti basi ndiye kuti adzakwatirana. Chifukwa cha zimenezi, ena amalephera kuthetsa chibwenzi ngakhale ataona kuti sichikuyenda bwino. Ndipo ena safuna n’komwe kukhala pa chibwenzi. Zimenezi zimachititsa kuti uzikhala ndi nkhawa.”

YESETSANI KUTI MUDZIWANE BWINO

5-6. Kodi anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi ayenera kuyesetsa kudziwa chiyani zokhudza mnzawoyo? (1 Petulo 3:4)

⁵ Ngati muli pa chibwenzi, n’chiyani chingakuthandizeni kusankha kuti mukwatirane ndi munthuyo kapena ayi? Yesetsani kuti mudziwane bwino. Muyenera kuti munadziwapo zinthu zina zokhudza munthuyo musanayambe chibwenzi. Koma pa nthawiyi mumakhala ndi mwayi woti mudziwenso “munthu wobisika mumtima.” (Werengani 1 Petulo 3:4.) Zimenezi zikuphatikizapo kudziwa zokhudza ubwenzi wake ndi Yehova, makhalidwe ake komanso mmene amaganizira. Pakapita nthawi, muyenera kupeza mayankho a mafunso ngati akuti: ‘Kodi munthu ameneyu ndi woyenera kuti ndidzakwatirane naye?’ (Miy. 31:26, 27, 30; Aef. 5:33; 1 Tim. 5:8) ‘Kodi tikhoza kumakondanadi komanso kupatsana zonse zomwe aliyense amafunikira? Kodi ndizidzakwanitsa kunyalanyaza zimene amalakwitsa?’b (Aroma 3:23) Pamene mukuyesetsa kudziwana bwino, muzikumbukira kuti chofunika kwambiri si kufanana pa chilichonse, koma kuona ngati mungakwanitse kukhalabe ndi munthuyo ngakhale kuti mumasiyana pa zinthu zina.

⁶ Kodi muyenera kudziwanso zinthu zina ziti zokhudza munthu amene muli naye pa chibwenzi? Musanafike pokondana kwambiri, mungafunike kukambirana zinthu zina zofunika monga zolinga zimene mnzanuyo ali nazo. Koma nanga bwanji nkhani zina monga zokhudza thanzi lake, zachuma komanso zinthu zoipa zimene zinamuchitikira m’mbuyomo? Sikuti mumafunika kukambirana chilichonse mukangoyamba kumene chibwenzi. (Yerekezerani ndi Yohane 16:12.) Ngati mukuona kuti si nthawi yabwino kuti mufotokozere mnzanuyo zinthu zina zokhudza inuyo, muuzeni zimenezo. Komabe n’kupita kwa nthawi munthu yemwe muli naye pa chibwenzi adzafunika kudziwa zimenezi n’cholinga choti asankhe zinthu moyenera. Choncho pa nthawi ina mudzafunika kumufotokozera nkhani zimenezi moona mtima.

7. Kodi anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi angatani kuti adziwane bwino? (Onaninso bokosi lakuti, “Ngati Muli pa Chibwenzi ndi Munthu Yemwe Ali Kutali.”) (Onaninso Zithunzi.)

⁷ Kodi mungatani kuti mumudziwe bwino mnzanuyo? Mungachite zimenezi pomalankhulana momasuka komanso moona mtima, kufunsa mafunso ndiponso kumvetsera. (Miy. 20:5; Yak. 1:19) Kuti zimenezi zitheke, mwina mungakonze zochitira limodzi zinthu zina ngati kudyera limodzi, kukayenda kumalo opezeka anthu ambiri komanso kulalikira limodzi. Kuwonjezera pamenepo, muzikonza zochita zinthu zomwe zingakuthandizeni kudziwa mmene mnzanuyo amachitira zinthu pa nthawi zosiyanasiyana komanso akakhala ndi anthu osiyanasiyana monga anzanu ndi achibale anu. Taonani zimene Aschwin wa ku Netherlands ankachita pa nthawi yomwe anali pa chibwenzi ndi Alicia. Iye anati: “Tinkachitira limodzi zinthu zomwe zikanatithandiza kuti tidziwane bwino. Nthawi zambiri zimenezi zinkakhala zinthu zing’onozing’ono monga kuphikira limodzi chakudya kapena kugwirira limodzi ntchito zapakhomo. Tikamachita zimenezi, aliyense ankatha kudziwa zomwe mnzake amachita bwino komanso zimene zimamuvuta.”

8. Kodi kuphunzira limodzi mfundo za m’Baibulo kungathandize bwanji anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi?

⁸ Mungadziwanenso bwino mukamaphunzira limodzi mfundo za m’Baibulo. Mukadzakwatirana, mudzafunika kumapeza nthawi yochita kulambira kwa pa banja n’cholinga choti Mulungu azitsogolera banja lanulo. (Mlal. 4:12) Ndiye bwanji panopa pamene muli pa chibwenzi osakonza zoti nthawi zina muziphunzira limodzi? N’zoona kuti anthu akakhala pa chibwenzi sizitanthauza kuti ali pa banja, komanso m’baleyo sakhala mutu wa mlongoyo. Komabe kuphunzira limodzi pafupipafupi kungakuthandizeni kudziwa mmene mnzanuyo amakondera Yehova. Max ndi Laysa, omwe amakhala ku United States, anaona kuti zimenezi zimathandizanso mwa njira ina. Max anati: “Titangoyamba chibwenzi, tinayamba kuphunzira limodzi nkhani zokhudza chibwenzi komanso moyo wa banja. Kuphunzira limodzi nkhani zimenezi, kunatithandiza kuti tiyambe kukambirana zinthu zofunika kwambiri zomwe mwina zikanakhala zovuta kuti tiyambe kuzikambirana.”

ZINTHU ZINA ZOFUNIKA KUZIGANIZIRA

9. Kodi ndi mfundo ziti zimene anthu amene ali pa chibwenzi ayenera kuganizira akamasankha omwe akufuna kuwauza zokhudza chibwenzi chawocho?

⁹ Kodi ndi ndani amene muyenera kuwauza zoti muli pa chibwenzi? Eniakenu ndi amene muyenera kusankha. Chibwenzi chanucho chikangoyamba kumene, mwina mungasankhe zongouzako anthu ochepa. (Miy. 17:27) Kuchita zimenezi kungakuthandizeni kuti anthu asakuvutitseni ndi mafunso komanso kuti musalephere kusankha zoyenera. Koma ngati simungauze wina aliyense, mukhoza kumachita zinthu mobisa poopa kuti ena adziwa za chibwenzi chanucho. Zimenezitu zingakhale zoopsa. Choncho ndi nzeru kuuzako anthu ena omwe angamakupatseni malangizo abwino komanso kukuthandizani. (Miy. 15:22) Mwachitsanzo, mukhoza kuuza anthu ena a m’banja lanu, anzanu olimba mwauzimu kapenanso akulu.

10. Kodi anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi angatani kuti chibwenzi chawo chikhale cholemekezeka? (Miyambo 22:3)

¹⁰ Kodi mungatani kuti chibwenzi chanu chikhale cholemekezeka? Chikondi chanu chikamakula, mumayambanso kutengeka kwambiri ndi mnzanuyo. Ndiye kodi n’chiyani chingakuthandizeni kuti musachite makhalidwe oipa? (1 Akor. 6:18) Muzipewa kukhala awiriwiri, kumwa mowa kwambiri komanso kukambirana nkhani zosayenera zokhudza kugonana. (Aef. 5:3) Zinthu zimenezi zingachititse kuti mukhale ndi chilakolako cha kugonana komanso kuti kudziletsa kukhale kovuta. Mungachite bwino kumakambirana pafupipafupi zimene mungachite kuti chibwenzi chanu chikhale cholemekezeka. (Werengani Miyambo 22:3.) Taonani zomwe zinathandiza Dawit ndi Almaz a ku Ethiopia. Iwo anati: “Tinkacheza pamalo amene pali anthu ambiri kapena pomwe tili ndi anzathu. Sitinakhalepo awiriwiri m’galimoto kapena m’nyumba. Choncho tinapewa zinthu zomwe zikanatiika m’mayesero.”

11. Kodi anthu amene ali pa chibwenzi ayenera kuganizira mfundo ziti pa nkhani yosonyezana chikondi?

¹¹ Nanga bwanji pa nkhani yosonyezana chikondi? Pakamapita nthawi, njira zina zosonyezerana chikondi zikhoza kukhala zoyenera. Komabe mukayamba kukhala ndi chilakolako chofuna kugonana, mukhoza kuvutika kusankha zinthu mwanzeru. (Nyimbo 1:2; 2:6) Komanso njira zina zosonyezerana chikondi zikhoza kuchititsa kuti mulephere kudziletsa n’kuchita zosayenera. (Miy. 6:27) Choncho chibwenzi chanucho chisanafike patali muzikambirana n’kugwirizana njira zoyenera kusonyezerana chikondi mogwirizana ndi mfundo za m’Baibulo.c (1 Ates. 4:3-7) Muzidzifunsa kuti: ‘Kodi anthu akwathu kuno amaona bwanji njira zosonyezera chikondi zimenezi? Kodi kusonyezana chikondi m’njira zimenezi kuzichititsa kuti tizivutika ndi chilakolako chofuna kugonana?’

12. Kodi anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi ayenera kudziwa zotani pa nkhani ya mavuto komanso kusagwirizana?

¹² Kodi mungatani ngati pali mavuto komanso kusagwirizana? Bwanji ngati nthawi zambiri simumamvana? Kodi zimenezi zingasonyeze kuti si inu oyenererana? Osati kwenikweni. Anthu onse omwe ali pa chibwenzi kapena pa banja, nthawi zina amasemphana maganizo. Koma ngati anthuwo amalolerana komanso kulemekezana akhozabe kukhala ndi banja lolimba. Choncho zimene mumachita pothetsa mavuto panopa zingakuthandizeni kudziwa ngati mudzakhale ndi banja labwino kapena ayi. Muzidzifunsa kuti: ‘Kodi pakakhala vuto timakambirana modekha komanso mwaulemu? Kodi timavomereza mosavuta zinthu zomwe sitichita bwino n’kumayesetsa kuzikonza? Kodi timafulumira kupepesa, kulolera komanso kukhululuka?’ (Aef. 4:31, 32) Komabe ngati pa chibwenzi nthawi zambiri simugwirizana ndipo mumangokhalira kukangana, n’zokayikitsa kuti zinthu zingadzasinthe mukadzakwatirana. Ngati mwazindikira kuti munthuyo si wokuyenerani, kuthetsa chibwenzicho kungakhale kothandiza kwa nonsenu.d

13. Kodi mwamuna ndi mkazi angadziwe bwanji kutalika kwa nthawi yomwe ayenera kukhala pa chibwenzi?

¹³ Kodi muyenera kukhala pa chibwenzi kwa nthawi yaitali bwanji? Kuchita zinthu mopupuluma nthawi zambiri kumabweretsa mavuto. (Miy. 21:5) Choncho muyenera kukhala pa chibwenzi kwa nthawi yokwanira kuti mudziwe bwino mnzanuyo. Komabe si bwino kukhala pa chibwenzi kwa nthawi yaitali popanda zifukwa zomveka. Baibulo limati: “Chinthu chimene umayembekezera chikalephereka, mtima umadwala.” (Miy. 13:12) Komanso kukhala pa chibwenzi kwa nthawi yaitali kwambiri, kungachititse kuti muziyesedwanso kwambiri pa nkhani yokhudza kuchita chiwerewere. (1 Akor. 7:9) Choncho m’malo moganizira kwambiri kutalika kwa nthawi yomwe mwakhala pa chibwenzi, mungachite bwino kudzifunsa kuti: ‘Kodi ndi zinthu zinanso ziti zomwe ndikufunika kudziwa zokhudza munthu ameneyu kuti ndisankhe zochita?’

KODI ANTHU ENA ANGATHANDIZE BWANJI ANTHU OMWE ALI PA CHIBWENZI?

14. Kodi anthu ena angathandize bwanji anthu amene ali pa chibwenzi? (Onaninso chithunzi.)

¹⁴ Ngati tikudziwa anthu ena omwe ali pa chibwenzi, kodi tingawathandize bwanji? Tikhoza kuwaitana kuti adzadye nafe chakudya, adzachite nafe kulambira kwa pa banja kapena adzachite nafe zosangalatsa zina. (Aroma 12:13) Zimenezi zingawathandize kuti adziwenso zinthu zina zokhudza mnzawoyo. Kodi akufunika wowaperekeza, kuwathandiza pa nkhani ya mayendedwe kapena malo abwino omwe angakakambirane zinthu zina? Ngati ndi choncho, kodi tingawathandize pa zinthu zimenezi? (Agal. 6:10) Alicia, yemwe tamutchula kale uja, amakumbukirabe zinthu zabwino zimene anthu ena ankachitira iyeyo ndi Aschwin ali pa chibwenzi. Iye anati: “Tinkasangalala abale ena akatiuza kuti tikhoza kupita kwawo ngati tikufuna malo abwino oti tikakambirane zinthu zina koma osati kwatokha.” Ngati mwapemphedwa kuti muperekeze anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi, muziona kuti umenewo ndi mwayi woti muthandize anzanuwo. Muzionetsetsa kuti simukuwasiya okhaokha komabe muziwapatsanso mpata woti alankhulane nkhani zawo.​—Afil. 2:4.

15. Kodi tingachitenso zinthu ziti pothandiza anzathu omwe ali pa chibwenzi? (Miyambo 12:18)

¹⁵ Zimene tingasankhe kulankhula kapena ayi, zingathandizenso anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi. Nthawi zina tingafunike kudziletsa. (Werengani Miyambo 12:18.) Mwachitsanzo, tingafune kuuza ena kuti wakuti ndi wakuti ali pa chibwenzi komabe mwina anthu omwe ali pa chibwenziwo angafune kuti adzanene okha zimenezi. Sitiyenera kunena miseche yokhudza anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi kapena kuwaweruza pa nkhani zimene ayenera kusankha okha zochita. (Miy. 20:19; Aroma 14:10; 1 Ates. 4:11) Komanso anthuwo sangasangalale tikamanena zinthu kapena kufunsa mafunso osonyeza kuti akuyenera kukwatirana. Mlongo wina dzina lake Elise ndi mwamuna wake ananena kuti: “Zinkatichititsa manyazi anthu ena akamatifunsa zokhudza mapulani a ukwati wathu eniakefe tisanakambirane n’komwe zimenezi.”

16. Kodi tiyenera kuchita chiyani anthu akathetsa chibwenzi?

¹⁶ Bwanji ngati anthu asankha kuthetsa chibwenzi chawo? Sitiyenera kulowerera nkhani za eni kapena kukhala kumbali ya winawake. (1 Pet. 4:15) Mlongo wina dzina lake Lea ananena kuti: “Ndinamva kuti anthu ena ankafalitsa nkhani yokhudza zifukwa zimene chibwenzi chathu chinathera. Zimenezi zinandikhumudwitsa kwambiri.” Monga tanenera poyamba paja, ngati anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi asankha kuti athetse chibwenzicho, si nthawi zonse pamene zimatanthauza kuti chibwenzicho sichinawathandize. Nthawi zambiri chimakhala kuti chakwaniritsa cholinga chake chifukwa chawathandiza kudziwa zoyenera kusankha. Komabe kutha kwa chibwenziko kungachititse kuti asweke mtima komanso azidziona kuti ali okhaokha. Choncho tikhoza kupeza njira zowathandizira.​—Miy. 17:17.

17. Kodi anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi ayenera kupitiriza kuchita chiyani?

¹⁷ Monga taonera, chibwenzi chikhoza kukhala ndi mavuto ake koma chikhoza kukhalanso chosangalatsa. Jessica anati: “Kunena zoona, tinkafunika kumachita zambiri tili pa chibwenzi. Komabe ndinasangalala kuti tinali ndi nthawi yodziwana bwino.” Ngati muli pa chibwenzi, yesetsani kuti mudziwane bwino. Mukamachita zimenezi, chibwenzi chanu chiziyenda bwino ndipo chikuthandizani kuti musankhe zinthu mwanzeru.