Yintoni Ebangela Ingxaki?

‘‘ITYUWA eninzi ayiyilungelanga intsapho!” wadanduluka watsho umama. Umolokazana uyazingisa esithi, “Kodwa ukutya akunandipheki ibe akunancasa!” Ugalela intwana yetyuwa akuba ehambile umama.

Ngamnye ezama ukwenza ngendlela yakhe, bobabini bagqibela ngokutya ukutya abangakunandiphiyo. Kodwa imiphumo isenokuba yenzulu ngakumbi kunoko. Ukungaginyani ncam nabantu basebukhweni okanye abasemzini kusenokukhokelela kwintlungu engokwasengqondweni nengokwemvakalelo eya kuhlala kangangeminyaka.

Kwabaninzi, olu hlobo lokungavisisani lubonakala lungenakuphepheka. Usihlalo WoMbutho Wezonyango Kwisibhedlele saseJapan Sabagula Ngengqondo uGqr. Shigeta Saito ubhala esithi, “Kungakhathaliseki ukuba intsapho ibonakala ihlelisene kakuhle, kuyanyanzeleka ukuba umama angaginyani ncam nomolokazana wakhe.” Kodwa le ngxaki ayipheleliselwanga kumazwe aseMpumalanga.

Umbhaleli kaVukani! waseItali unikela ingxelo yokuba “isiko lokutshata nokufudukela kwikhaya labazali bomtshakazi okanye abomyeni liye labangela iingxaki kwiintsapho ezininzi, ibe kumaxesha amaninzi umfazi oselula utsala nzima ngokufuthi ngenxa yesimo sengqondo sikaninazala sokuba ngugqada-mbekweni nokuba ngogunyazisayo.”

Kumazwe aseMpuma nawaseNtshona, amaphephandaba namaphephancwadi azaliswe yimihlathi yamacebiso obuqu angendlela yokuqhubana nokungavisisani nabantu basebukhweni okanye nabasemzini. Ngoko ke, yintoni esenokubangela ezi ngxaki?

Ngubani Owenza Izigqibo?

Xa abafazi ababini begilana kwigumbi lokuphekela, ngokufuthi imbambano iba yile: Ngubani owenza izigqibo? Umfazi oye wahlala noninazala kangangeminyaka engaphezu kweli-12 uthi, “Izinto esizithandayo neendlela esenza ngazo izinto azifani, ibe ndandidideka ngawo onke amaxesha kuvela ukungavumelani.”

Omnye umolokazana uyavuma esithi, “Kwiminyaka elishumi yokuqala, sasixatyaniswa zizinto ezingenamsebenzi.” Kusenokuvela ukungavumelani kwizinto ezingabalulekanga ezinjengokuxhoma iihempe kucingo lokwaneka impahla. Kwanaxa aba bafazi bengahlali ndlwini-nye, le meko isenokukhathaza. Umamazala otyeleleyo othetha amazwi anjengokuthi, “Unyana wam akafuni ukuba inyama yakhe yenziwe ngaloo ndlela,” usenokubangela umphumo weemvakalelo ezibuhlungu ezinokuhlala zikho ubomi bonke. Konke oku kubuyela ekubeni ngubani owenza izigqibo ezenzela bani.

Esalatha kule mbambano, uTakako Sodei, unjingalwazi oncedisa ekwakhiweni kwamakhaya kwiWomen’s University eseOchanomizu uthi: “Enoba ubani uhlala nonyana nomolokazana wakhe okanye nentombi nomkhwenyana wakhe, kuyinto engenakwenzeka ngentloko-ntsapho ukuba ixhase abafazi ababini abakhuphisanayo ngokulawula. Kuyimfuneko ukuba nendawo yokuhlala eyahlukileyo okanye ukuyilungisa imeko uze uvumele omnye abe ngumnikazi-khaya aze omnye abe ngumnikazi-khaya ongaphantsi.” Izizukulwana ezibini zimele zibe nesivumelwano esifanelekileyo esisekelwe kwimeko engokwasemzimbeni nengokwasengqondweni yalowo umdadlana nonamava, okanye ukungabi namava, kwalowo uselula.

Umbandela Wemicimbi Yobuqu

Xa izizukulwana ezibini okanye ezingaphezulu zihlala ndaweni-nye, ngokomlinganiselo othile amalungu entsapho amele abuncame ubomi bokuba bodwa. Noko ke, kulo mbandela, kunokwenzeka ukuba lungu ngalinye libe nomlinganiselo owahlukileyo. Isibini esiselula sisenokulangazelela ithuba elingakumbi lokuba sibe sodwa, ngoxa abantu abakhulileyo besenokunxanelwa ubuqabane obungakumbi.

Ngokomzekelo, umolokozana ohlala kufutshane naseTokyo wayevakalelwa kukuba uninazala wayengenelela kwimicimbi yobuqu yabantu ababini. Njani njalo? Ngokuthabatha impahla yakhe awayezihlambela yona neyomyeni wakhe, ayisonge, aze ayibeke ndaweni ithile. Akazange akugqale kufanelekile ngoninazala ukuba abenzele ezi zinto zobuqu. Kwelinye icala, uninazala, uTokiko, wadandatheka xa umolokazana wakhe, wathi ecoca indlu, walahla izinto uTokiko awayezilondoloze kangangeminyaka.

Ukungenelela kwimicimbi kabani yobuqu kunokuba kokugqithiseleyo. UTom nomkakhe, ababenyamekela umama okhulileyo kaTom, baphazanyiswa kukutyelela kwakhe kwigumbi labo lokulala ezinzulwini zobusuku. Sasiyintoni isizathu? Lo mama wathi, “Bendifuna ukubona ukuba uTom uphilile na.” Le ngxaki ayizange iconjululwe de bafudukela kwigumbi elinemigangatho emibini ibe umama walelwa ukuba eze kule migangatho iphezulu.

Noko ke, kwiintsapho ezininzi, kuxa kuvela isizukulwana sesithathu apho zithi ngokwenene iingxaki zithabath’ unyawo.

Ukuqhubana Nabantwana

Kule mihla yethu, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ngomama oselula ukuba akhangele iincwadi ezahlukahlukeneyo ukuze afumane icebiso lokunyamekela umntwana. Kwelinye icala, umakhulu, enamava eminyaka okuqeqesha umntwana, ngokwemvelo uvakalelwa kukuba nguye ofanelekayo ekunikeleni icebiso. Noko ke, elo cebiso lidla ngokuhlatyw’ amadlala, ibe oko kuphumela kwingxwabangxwaba.

UTakako kwafuneka ukuba ajamelane nale ngxaki xa wayesohlwaya unyana wakhe oselula. Umama womyeni wakhe ongumakhulu wagibiseleka egumbini ukuza kumnqanda, engxola kwanangaphezulu kosana olulilayo. Eziva esoyika, uTakako wayeka ukumohlwaya unyana wakhe. Kamva, eqonda ukubaluleka kokunikela uqeqesho, wagqiba ekubeni aqhubeke nokumohlwaya kwakhona.​—⁠IMizekeliso 23:​13; Hebhere 12:⁠11.

Umama ohlala eYokohama naye watsala nzima ngenxa kaninazala emva kokuba kuzalwe abantwana. Umama wayecatshukiswa ngumakhulu owayenika abantwana amashwamshwam ngamathuba aphakathi kwezidlo kangangokuba babeba sebehluthi gqitha ukuba bangatya isidlo sabo.

Egqabaza ngale ngxaki, uGqr. Saito uthi: “[Ootatomkhulu noomakhulu] babanika iilekese baze bavule nje zibhuqe kubazukulwana babo. Bayayanelisa iminqweno yokuzingca yabaselula. Ngokufutshane, kangangezihlandlo ezininzi gqitha bayabafekethisa abazukulwana babo.” Ucebisa ukuba oomama abaselula bayenze icace into yokuba abayi kuvumela nantoni na eya kuphazamisa ukuqeqesha umntwana.

Ukusukuzana Ngenxa Yothando

Koku kungavisisani koomamazala noomolokazana, kukho nto ithile esebenza ngokungekho ngqiqweni ngokupheleleyo. UGqr. Saito uyacacisa, “Ngokwenzululwazi yengqondo, umama uvakalelwa kukuba umolokazana wakhe umhluthe unyana wakhe. Kakade ke, akayivakalisi ngokoqobo ingcinga enjalo, njengoko oko kububuntwana ngokugqithiseleyo. Kodwa, ngengqondo esitheleyo, ingcinga yokuba uhluthwe uthando lonyana wakhe imile ngokunzulu kuye.” Umphumo uba lulwalamano olunyanzelwayo, xa ingelulo usukuzwano oluphandle phakathi kwabo bobabini.

Olu tyekelo lubonakala lusanda njengoko ubukhulu bentsapho buncipha. Enabantwana abambalwa ngakumbi ukuba abanyamekele, umama uziva esondele ngakumbi kunyana wakhe. Emva kweminyaka ehleli nonyana wakhe, uzazi kakuhle izinto azithandayo nangazithandiyo. Nangona umtshakazi osemtsha ekuxhalabele ukukholisa umyeni wakhe, akanalo olo lwazi lunzulu. Ngoko ke ngokulula kusenokuvela umoya wokhuphiswano, umama nomolokazana wakhe besukuzana ngokufumana uthando lwale ndoda inye.

Ukuguquka Kwezinto Okulusizi

Kwimihla yakudala eJapan phantsi kwentanda-bulumko kaConfucius, xa kwakuvela ukungavisisani okunjalo kwentsapho, umolokazana wayegxothwa​—⁠kuqhawulwa umtshato. Ibe eso yayisiba sisiphelo sombandela lowo. Noko ke, namhlanje, imeko yahlukile.

Ukususela kwiMfazwe Yehlabathi II, isizukulwana esiselula siye salawula imali yekhaya, ibe isizukulwana esikhulileyo asisenampembelelo nagunya. Ngokuthe ngcembe, imeko iye yabuya umva. Ngoku abazali abakhulileyo bashiywa ezibhedlele nakumaziko okunyamekela abantu abalupheleyo. Hayi indlela ekulusizi ngayo ukubona le meko kwibutho labantu apho intlonelo ngabantu abakhulileyo yayisakuba ngumzekelo!

Lunokupheliswa njani utyekelo lokulahla abantu abakhulileyo? Ngaba ikho nayiphi na indlela yokuba abafazi ababini bahlalisane kunye ngoxolo endlwini enye?

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 23]

Kumele kufikelelwe kwisivumelwano esifanelekileyo ngokuphathelele ukuba ngubani ofanele enze izigqibo