Mapeto a Ndewu m’Banja

“Kupewa ndewu muukwati ndi kuchepetsa ndewu m’banja kumaphatikizapo masinthidwe aakulu amachitidwe kwa onse aŵiri chitaganya ndi banja.”—Behind Closed Doors.

KUPHA mwambanda koyamba m’mbiri ya anthu kunaphatikizapo anthu apachibale. (Genesis 4:8) Mkati mwa zaka zikwi zambiri chiyambire panthaŵiyo, munthu wakanthidwa ndi mitundu yonse ya ndewu m’banja. Njira zambirimbiri zothetsera zaperekedwa, koma zambiri ziri ndi zolepheretsa.

Mwachitsanzo, kukonzedwa kumathekera kokha oukira amene amavomereza vuto lawo. Wochitira nkhanza mkazi wina amene anali kuleka anadandaula kuti: “Mwa aliyense wa ife [okonzedwawo], pali amuna atatu kunjako amene amati, ‘Ufunikira kudziŵa kulamulira mkazi.’” Chotero wochita nkhanzayo afunikira kulamulira mkhalidwe wa iyemwini. Kodi iye wasandukiranji wankhanza? Mwa kupeza chithandizo kuti awongolere zolakwa za iyemwini, iye potsirizira angagonjetse vutolo.

Koma magulu othandiza zamakhalidwe a anthu ali ndi antchito ochepa. Chotero, kukuyerekezeredwa kuti pa 90 peresenti ya milandu ya kupha ana mwambanda mu United States, mikhalidwe yowopsa ya m’banja inali itachitiridwa lipoti kuphako kusanachitike. Chotero magulu othandiza zamakhalidwe a anthu ndi magulu a polisi angachite zochepa chabe. Palinso kanthu kena kofunika kwambiri.

“Munthu Watsopano”

“Chofunika kwambiri ndicho kulinganizanso maunansi a pakati pa ziwalo zabanja,” kakutero kagulu kena ka ofufuza. Ndewu za m’Banja siziri kokha vuto la nkhonya; ziri kwakukulukulu vuto lamaganizo. Zimachokera m’njira imene ziŵalo zabanja—okwatirana, mwana, kholo, mbale—amawonerana. Kulinganizanso maunansiwa kumatanthauza kuvala chimene Baibulo limachitcha “munthu watsopano.”—Aefeso 4:22-24; Akolose 3:8-10.

Tiyeni tipende malamulo ena amakhalidwe abwino Abaibulo okhudza banja amene amatithandiza kuvala umunthu watsopano wonga wa Kristu umene ungathandizire kukukhala ndi unansi wabwinopo pakati pa ziŵalo zabanja.—Wonani Mateyu 11:28-30.

Lingaliro la ana: Zambiri zimaphatikizidwa m’kukhala kholo koposa kubala mwana. Komabe, mwachisoni, ambiri lerolino amalingalira ana awo monga mtolo ndipo chotero samadzipereka ku thayo lawo laukholo. Ameneŵa ndiwo ankhanza othekera.

Baibulo limatcha ana “cholandira cha kwa Yehova” ndi “mphotho.” (Salmo 127:3) Makolo ali ndi thayo kwa Mlengi la kusamalira cholandira chimenecho. Awo amene amalingalira ana kukhala chidodometso afunikira kukulitsa umunthu watsopano pankhani imeneyi.a

Ziyembekezo zenizeni za ana: Mafufuzidwe ena anavumbula kuti anakubala ankhanza ambiri amayembekezera makanda kudziŵa zabwino ndi zolakwa podzafika nthaŵi imene mwanayo afikitsa usinkhu wachaka chimodzi. Mbali imodzi ya zitatu ya awo ofunsidwa anatchula miyezi isanu ndi umodzi.

Baibulo limasonyeza kuti munthu aliyense amabadwa ali wopanda ungwiro. (Salmo 51:5; Aroma 5:12) Silimanena kuti luntha limapezedwa pobadwa. Mmalo mwake, limanena kuti “mwa kuchita nazo” mphamvu za kulingalira za munthu ‘zinazoloweretsa kusiyanitsa chabwino ndi choipa.’ (Ahebri 5:14) Ndiponso, Baibulo limalankhula za “zachibwana,” “utsiru” wa paunyamata, ndi za “chabe” za paunyamata. (1 Akorinto 13:11; Miyambo 22:15; Mlaliki 11:10) Makolo ayenera kuzindikira zopereŵera zimenezi, osamayembekezera zoposa zoyenera pausinkhu ndi kukhoza kwa mwana.

Kulanga ana: M’Baibulo liwu Lachigiriki lotembenuzidwa “langa” limatanthauza “phunzitsa.” Chotero, cholinga cha chilango kwakukulukulu, sindicho kuchititsa kupweteka, koma kuphunzitsa. Mbali yaikulu ya chimenechi ingachitidwe popanda kupamantha, ngakhale kuti kutero panthaŵi zina kungakhale koyenera. (Miyambo 13:24) Baibulo limati: “Imvani mwambo, mukhale anzeru.” (Miyambo 8:33) Ndiponso, Paulo analemba kuti munthu ayenera kukhala ‘wodziletsa pachoipa,’ akumapereka chidzudzulo “ndi kuleza mtima konse.” (2 Timothy 2:24, NW; 4:2) Zimenezi sizimaloleza kulankhula mwaukali ndi kuchita mwankhanza ngakhale pamene kukwapula kuli kofunikira.

Polingalira za malamulo amakhalidwe abwino Abaibulo amenewa, dzifunseni kuti: ‘Kodi kulanga kwanga kumaphunzitsa, kapena kodi kumangolamulira kokha mwa kuvulaza? Kodi kulanga kwanga kumakhomereza malamulo amakhalidwe abwino kapena mantha okha?’

Makhalidwe okhala ndi polekezera a achikulire: Wankhanza wina ananena kuti anali kokha “atalephera kudzibweza” namenya mkazi wake. Phungu anafunsa mwamunayo ngati anabayapo mkazi wake ndi mpeni. “Sindingachite konse zimenezo!” anayankha motero mwamunayo. Mwamunayo anathandizidwa kuwona kuti iye anali kuchita mkati mwa malire oikidwa, koma vutolo linali lakuti sanali malire oyenera.

Kodi malire anu aikidwa pati? Kodi mumaleka kukanganako kusanatulukire m’kuchita nkhanza? Kapena kodi mumalephera kudziletsa ndi kuyamba kukalipa, kutukwana, kukankhana, kuponyerana zinthu, kapena kuting’inda?

Umunthu watsopano uli ndi malire enieni, amene samalola konse kuchitirana nkhanza mwamalingaliro kapena ndewu yeniyeni. “Nkhani yonse yovunda isatuluke m’kamwa mwanu,” akutero Aefeso 4:29. Ndime 31 ikuwonjezera kuti: “Chiwawo chonse, ndi kupsya mtima, ndi mkwiyo, ndi chiwawa, ndi mwano zichotsedwe kwa inu, ndiponso choipa chonse.” Liwu Lachigiriki la “mkwiyo” limasonya ku “mkhalidwe wansontho.” Mokondweretsa, bukhulo Toxic Parents limanena kuti mkhalidwe wofala pakati pa ochitira ana nkhanza ndiwo “kulephera kwakukulu kwa kulamulira mkhalidwe wansontho.” Umunthu watsopano umalamulira kuchita nsontho, ponse paŵiri mwakuthupi ndi mwamawu.

Ndithudi, umunthu watsopano umagwira ntchito kwa mkazi ndi kwa mwamuna yemwe. Mkazi ayenera kusamala kuti asakwiyitse mwamuna wake, akumasonyeza chiyamikiro pazoyesayesa zake za kusamalira banja, kugwirizana naye. Ndipo onse aŵiri sayenera kufunsirana chimene palibe aliyense wa iwo angapereke—ungwiro. Mmalo mwake, onse aŵiri ayenera kugwiritsira ntchito 1 Petro 4:8 kuti: “Koposa zonse mukhale nacho chikondano chenicheni mwa inu nokha; pakuti chikondano chikwiriritsa unyinji wa machimo.”

Kulemekeza okalamba: “Sonyezani ulemu kwa anthu achikulire ndi kuwalemekeza,” pamatero pa Levitiko 19:32. (Today’s English Version) Chimenechi chingakhale chitokoso pamene kholo lokalambalo liri lodwala ndipo mwinamwake liri lofunsira zochulukitsitsa. Timoteo Woyamba 5:3, 4 amalankhula za kuchitira “ulemu” ndi “kubwezera” makolo. Zimenezi zingaphatikizepo chithandizo chandalama limodzi ndi ulemu. Chifukwa cha zonse zimene makolo athu anatichitira pamene tinali makanda osatetezereka, tiyenera kuwasonyeza kulingalira kofananako pamene kukufunika.

Gonjetsanji kukangana kwa ana: Mkwiyo wa Kaini usanatsogolere kukupha kwake mwambanda mbale wakeyo Abele, iye anapatsidwa uphungu wakuti: “Uchimo ukukwaŵira pakhomo lako. Ukufuna kukulamulira, koma uyenera kuugonjetsa.” (Genesis 4:7, TEV) Malingaliro angathe kulamuliridwa. Phunzirani kukhala woleza mtima kwa wina ndi mnzake, “mukumalekererana mwaufulu chifukwa chakuti mumakondana.”—Aefeso 4:2, Phillips.

Kuphunzira Kudalira Ena

Mikhole yambiri ya ndewu m’banja imavutika mwakachetechete. Koma Dr. John Wright akulimbikitsa kuti: “Akazi otidzimulidwa ayenera kufunafuna chitetezo chamalingaliro ndi chakuthupi kwa munthu wina wokhoza.” Chimodzimodzinso ndi chiŵalo chabanja china chirichonse chochitiridwa nkhanza.

Panthaŵi zina mkholewo umakupeza kukhala kovuta kudalira munthu wina. Ndiiko komwe, chidaliro mkati mwa kagulu koyandikana kwambiri kaumunthu—banja—chachititsa kuvutika. Komabe, “liripo bwenzi lipambana ndi mbale kuumirira,” imatero Miyambo 18:24. Kupeza bwenzi lotero ndi kuphunzira kuliululira mwanzeru ndilo sitepe lofunika lopezera chithandizo chofunikacho. Ndithudi, wochita nkhanzayo afunikiranso kupeza chithandizo.

Chaka chirichonse zikwi mazana ambiri za anthu amakhala Mboni za Yehova. Ameneŵa amavomereza chitokoso cha kuvala umunthu watsopano. Pakati pawo pali omwe kale anachirikiza ndewu m’banja. Kuti alimbane ndi chikhoterero chirichonse cha kuyambiranso, iwo mosalekeza ayenera kulola Baibulo kukhala ‘lopindulitsa pa chiphunzitso, chitsutsano, chikonzero.’—2 Timoteo 3:16.

Kwa Mboni zatsopano zimenezi, kuvala umunthu watsopano ndiko mchitidwe wopitirizabe, pakuti Akolose 3:10 imanena kuti “ali kukonzeka watsopano.” Chotero zoyesayesa zosalekeza zikufunika. Moyamikira, Mboni za Yehova ziri ndi chichirikizo cha khamu la “abale, ndi alongo, ndi amai, ndi ana” auzimu.—Marko 10:29, 30; wonaninso Ahebri 10:24, 25.

Ndiyenonso, pafupifupi m’mipingo yonse 70,000 ya Mboni za Yehova kuzungulira padziko lonse, muli oyang’anira achikondi amene ali ngati “malo otetezera chimphepo ndi malo obisalira kumikuntho.” ‘Maso ndi makutu awo adzatsegukira zosoŵa za anthu.’ (Yesaya 32:2, 3, TEV) Chotero Mboni za Yehova zatsopano, limodzi ndi zachidziŵitso chokulirapo, ziri ndi magwero abwino kwambiri a chithandizo chopezeka mumpingo Wachikristu pamene agwirira ntchito kuvala umunthu watsopano.

Oyang’anira Achifundo

Pamene anthu adza kwa oyang’anira Achikristu mumpingo wa Mboni za Yehova kaamba ka uphungu, oyang’anira amenewa amaphunzitsidwa kumvetsera mopanda tsankhu kwa onse. Iwo amalimbikitsidwa kusonyeza aliyense, makamaka mikhole ya nkhanza yaikulu, chifundo chachikulu ndi kumvetsetsa.—Akolose 3:12; 1 Atesalonika 5:14.

Mwachitsanzo, mkazi womenyedwa angakhale atavulazidwa kowopsa. M’maiko ambiri lerolino, ngati kumenya kotero kunachitidwa pa munthu wina wosakhala wa m’banja, wochita mwankhanzayo akaponyedwa m’ndende. Chotero mkholewo uyenera kuchitiridwa mokoma mtima mwapadera, mofanana ndi mikhole ya mitundu ina yonse ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza, monga ngati kugonedwa.

Ndiponso, ochirikiza maupandu motsutsana ndi malamulo a Mulungu afunikira kuŵerengeredwa mlandu. Mwanjirayi mpingo umasungidwa kukhala woyera, ndipo anthu ena opanda liwongo amatetezeredwa. Ndipo chofunika kwambiri, kuyenda mwataŵataŵa kwa mzimu wa Mulungu sikumadodometsedwa.—1 Akorinto 5:1-7; Agalatiya 5:9.

Lingaliro la Mulungu la Ukwati

Pamene anthu afikira kukhala Mboni za Yehova, amavomereza kutsatira malamulo amakhalidwe abwino a moyo Wachikristu opezeka m’Mawu a Mulungu. Iwo amamva kuti mwamuna amasankhidwa kukhala mutu wa banja, kulitsogolera m’kulambira kowona. (Aefeso 5:22) Koma umutu sumaloleza kuchitira nkhanza mkazi, kululuza umunthu wake, kapena kunyalanyaza zikhumbo zake.

Mmalo mwake, Mawu a Mulungu amamveketsa bwino kuti amuna ayenera “kukonda akazi [awo] , monganso Kristu anakonda Eklesia, nadzipereka yekha m’malo mwake; . . . Koteronso amuna adzikonda akazi awo a iwo okha monga ngati matupi a iwo okha. Wokonda mkazi wa iye yekha, adzikonda yekha; pakuti munthu sanadana nalo thupi lake ndi kale lonse; komatu alilera nalisunga.” (Aefeso 5:25, 28, 29) Ndithudi, Mawu a Mulungu amalankhula mwachimvekere kuti akazi ayenera kupatsidwa “ulemu.”—1 Petro 3:7; wonaninso Aroma 12:3, 10; Afilipi 2:3, 4.

Ndithudi palibe mwamuna Wachikristu amene mowonadi angatsimikize kuti iye amakondadi mkazi wake kapena kumlemekeza ngati amchitira nkhanza mwamawu kapena mwakuthupi. Zimenezo zingakhale chinyengo, pakuti Mawu a Mulungu amafotokoza kuti: “Amuna inu, kondani akazi anu, ndipo musawawire mtima iwo.” (Akolose 3:19) Mwamsanga, pamene chiŵeruzo cha Mulungu chidza motsutsana ndi dongosolo loipali pa Armagedo, onyengawo adzakhala ndi chokumana nacho chofanana ndi cha otsutsa ulamuliro wa Mulungu.—Mateyu 24:51.

Mwamuna wowopa Mulungu adzakonda mkazi wake monga thupi la iyemwini. Kodi iye angamenye thupi la iyemwini, kudziwomba khofu kumaso kwake, kapena kudzikudzula tsitsi mwachiwawa? Kodi angadziluluze mochititsa manyazi ndi motonyola pamaso pa ena? Munthu wochita zinthu zoterozo angalingaliridwe kukhala wozungulira mutu, kunena mosapambanitsa.

Ngati mwamuna Wachikristu amenya mkazi wake, kumapangitsa ntchito zake zina zonse Zachikristu kukhala zosapindulitsa pamaso pa Mulungu. Kumbukirani kuti, “womenya ndewu” samayeneretsedwa kaamba ka mathayo mumpingo Wachikristu. (1 Timoteo 3:3; 1 Akorinto 13:1-3) Ndithudi, mkazi aliyense amene amachitira mwamuna wake mofananamo nayenso akuswa lamulo la Mulungu.

Agalatiya 5:19-21 amaika pakati pa ntchito zathupi zotsutsidwa ndi Mulungu “madano, ndewu, . . . zopsa mtima” ndipo amafotokoza kuti “iwo akuchitachita zotere sadzaloŵa Ufumu wa Mulungu.” Chotero, kumenya mnzanu wamuukwati kapena ana sikuli kolungamitsidwa konse. Kaŵirikaŵiri kuli kotsutsana ndi lamulo la m’dzikolo ndipo ndithudi nkotsutsana ndi lamulo la Mulungu.

Nsanja ya Olonda, magazini ofalitsidwa ndi Mboni za Yehova, apereka malingaliro Amalemba pankhaniyi, akumati ponena za awo odzinenera kukhala Akristu komabe namamenya kuti: ‘Aliyense wodzinenera kukhala Mkristu amene mobwerezabwereza ndi mosalapa amalola mkwiyo wachiwawa angathe kuchotsedwa,’ kusayanjana naye.—May 1, 1975 (Chingelezi), tsamba 287; yerekezerani ndi 2 Yohane 9, 10.

Zimene Lamulo la Mulungu Limalola

Potsirizira pake Mulungu adzaŵeruza awo amene amaswa malamulo ake. Koma pakali pano, kodi ndimakonzedwe otani amene Mawu ake amapereka kwa a muukwati Achikristuwo amene amenyedwa pamene wowachitira nkhalweyo samasintha koma akupitirizabe kuwamenya? Kodi mikhole yopanda liwongo ikukakamizidwa kuika pachiswe thanzi lawo lakuthupi, lamaganizo ndi lauzimu, mwinamwake ngakhale miyoyo yawo?

Nsanja ya Olonda, pothirira ndemanga pa ndewu m’banja, inanena zimene Mawu a Mulungu amalola. Ikufotokoza kuti: “Mtumwi Paulo akupereka uphungu wakuti: ‘Mkazi asasiye mwamuna, komanso ngati amsiya akhale wosakwatiwa, kapena ayanjanitsidwenso ndi mwamunayo, ndipo mwamuna asalekane naye mkazi.’” Nkhaniyo ikupitirizabe kunena kuti: “Koma pamene kuchitiridwa nkhanzako kukufikira kukhala kosapiririka, kapena moyo weniweniwo ukuikidwa pachiswe, wamuukwati wokhulupirirayo angasankhe ‘kuchoka.’ Koma kuyesayesa kuyenera kukhala kwa ‘kuyanjananso’ m’kupita kwanthaŵi. (1 Akorinto 7:10-16) Komabe, ‘kuchokako’ mwa iko kokha sikumapereka maziko Amalemba a chisudzulo ndi kukwatiranso; komabe, chisudzulo chalamulo kapena kulekana kwalamulo kungapereke mlingo wakutiwakuti wa chitetezo kukuchitiridwa nkhanza kowonjezereka.”—March 15, 1983, tsamba 28-9 (Yachingelezi); wonaninso kope Lachingelezi la November 1, 1988, tsamba 22-3.

Zimene mkholewo usankha kuchita m’mikhalidwe imeneyi ziyenera kukhala chosankha chaumwini. “Yense adzasenza katundu wake wa iye mwini.” (Agalatiya 6:5) Palibe aliyense angampangire chosankha choterocho. Ndipo palibe aliyense amene ayenera kuyesa kumsonkhezera kubwerera kwa mwamuna wankhanzayo kumene thanzi lake, moyo, ndi mkhalidwe wauzimu zikuwopsezedwa. Chimenecho chiyenera kukhala chosankha cha iye yekha, chodzifunira, osati chifukwa chakuti ena akuyesa kumkakamiza kuchita zifuno zawo.—Wonani Filemoni 14.

Mapeto a Ndewu m’Banja

Mboni za Yehova zaphunzira kuti ndewu m’banja ziri chisonyezero cha zimene Baibulo lidaneneratu kuchitika m’masiku otsiriza ano, mmene ambiri akakhala “ankhanza,” “opanda chikondi chachibadwidwe,” ndi “owopsa.” (2 Timoteo 3:2, 3, The New English Bible) Mulungu akulonjeza kuti pambuyo pa masiku otsiriza amenewa, iye adzabweretsa dziko latsopano lamtendere mmene anthu “adzakhala osatekeseka, opanda wina wakuwawopsa.”—Ezekieli 34:28.

M’dziko latsopano labwino kwambiri limenelo, ndewu m’banja sizidzakhalako kunthaŵi zonse. “Ofatsa adzalandira dziko lapansi; nadzakondwera nawo mtendere wochuluka.”—Salmo 37:11.

Tikukulimbikitsani kuphunzira zowonjezereka ponena za malonjezo Abaibulo a mtsogolo. Ndithudi, mungapeze mapindu ngakhale tsopano mwa kugwiritsira ntchito malamulo amakhalidwe abwino Abaibulo m’banja lanu.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Zithunzi patsamba 10]

Malamulo amakhalidwe abwino Abaibulo amathandiza kuthetsa mikangano ya m’banja

[Chithunzi patsamba 13]

Mikhole ifunikira kudalira bwenzi lachidziŵitso chabwino