Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Ndimotani Mmene Ndingapitirizire ndi Kupalana Ubwenzi Kwachipambano?

“KUPHOPHONYA kwanga kwakukulu koposa kunali kukhala wogwirizanitsidwa mwachikondi kwa Andy ndisanadzilole inemwini kuwona chimene iye anali monga munthu,” anawunikira tero Louise, amene ukwati wake unaswedwa ndi chisudzulo. “Kupalana ubwenzi kwathu kunali kolekezedwera kwambiri ku makhazikitsidwe a mmodzi ndi mmodzi. Sindinawone konse mmene iye anachitira kanthu kunja kwa mikhalidwe ‘yofunika’ imeneyo.”

Pamene kuli kwakuti ukwati wa Louise unatha zaka zopsinja zisanu ndi ziŵiri, mavuto owopsya anakula mkati mwa milungu ya kukwatirana. Kodi ndimotani mmene mungapewere kuphophonya koteroko ndi kugwiritsira ntchito kupalana ubwenzi kukonzekera kaamba ka ukwati wachimwemwe?

Kupita Kocheza Kusadakhale

“Mwamuna wochenjera [kapena mkazi],” mogwirizana ndi Baibulo, “amayang’ana ndi kulingalira bwino kumene mwamunayo [kapena mkaziyo] akupita.” (Miyambo 14:15, The Amplified Bible) Kukhala wodziloŵetsamo mwa malingaliro ndi winawake amene simumdziŵa m’pang’ono pomwe kungatsogolere ku ukwati ndi munthu amene malingaliro ake ndi zonulirapo ziri kutali kwenikweni ndi zanu. Chotero choyamba wonani munthuyo m’gulu, mwinamwake posangalala ndi zosangulutsa.

“Ndinadziŵa kuti ngati ndikakhala woyandikana kwambiri pa chiyambi, malingaliro anga akaphimba kuweruza kwanga,” analongosola tero Dave, tsopano wokwatira mwachimwemwe kwa zaka khumi. “Chotero ndinawona Rose kuchokera patali popanda iye kudziŵa kuti ndinali wokondwerera. Ndinkawona mmene iye anachitira ndi ena ndipo kuti iye sanali wotyasira. M’kulankhuzana wamba, ndinapeza mikhalidwe yake ndi zonulirapo.” Chirinso chanzeru kulankhula ndi winawake amene amadziŵa munthuyo bwino lomwe kuti mupeze mtundu wa mkhalidwe umene mwamunayo kapena mkaziyo ali nawo.—Yerekezani ndi Miyambo 31:31.

Kupita Kocheza Koyambirira

Choyamba cha zonse, muyenera kulingalira ngati inu (ndi mnzanu aliyense woyembekezeredwa) muli a msinkhu woyenerera kukwatirana ndi m’malo a kukwaniritsa mathayo a ukwati. Mutagamulapo kuti wina ali ndi kuthekera monga mnzanu wa mu ukwati, mungamufikire munthuyo ndi kulongosola chikhumbo cha kufuna kudziŵa ameneyo bwinopo.a Mukulingalira kuti pali chivomerezo chabwino, kupita kocheza kwanu koyamba sikufunikira kukhala mkhalidwe wokometseredwa kwambiri. Kupita kocheza kwa chakudya chamasana, kapena ngakhale kukhala mbali ya kupita kocheza kwa gulu, kudzakukhozetsani inu kukhala wozoloŵerana bwinopo kotero kuti mugamulepo ngati inu mukufuna kupititsa patsogolo unansiwo. Kusunga zinthu kukhala zosadziŵika kwenikweni kumapeputsa kudzimva wamanyazi kumene onse aŵiriwo angakhale nako poyambirira. Ndipo mwa kupeŵa masonyezedwe a kukondana aubwana, mungachepetse kudzimva kwa kukanidwa—kapena kunyazitsidwa—ngati mmodzi wa inu ataya chikondwerero.

Mosasamala kanthu za kupita kocheza komwe kwakonzedwa, fikani pa nthaŵi yake, wovala mwaudongo ndi moyenerera. Sonyezani maluso a wokambitsirana wabwino. Khalani m’vetseri wachangu.b Amuna achichepere adzafuna kutsatira zomwe zimalingaliridwa kumaloko kukhala machitidwe abwino. Chimenechi chingaphatikizepo kutsegula chitseko kaamba ka mkazi wachichepereyo kapena kumthandiza iye kukhala pansi. Mkazi wachichepereyo, pamene kuli kwakuti sakuyembekezera kuchitiridwa monga mwana wa mfumu, ayenera kugwirizana modekha ndi zoyesayesa za mnzakeyo. Ngakhale kuti palibe malamulo olimba m’nkhani zoterezi, mwamuna wachichepere angaike chitsanzo cha ulemu kaamba ka mtsogolo, popeza kuti mwamuna akulamulidwa ‘kulemekeza mkazi wake monga chotengera chochepa mphamvu.’—1 Petro 3:7.

Kodi kugwirana manja, kupsyompsyonana, kapena kukupatirana kuli koyenera, ndipo ngati ndi tero, liti? Pamene kuchitidwa monga malongosoledwe abwino a kukondana—osati chilakolako chadyera—machitidwe oterowo angawonedwe kukhala oyera m’maso mwa Mulungu. Nyimbo ya Solomo yowuziridwa ndi Mulungu imasonyeza kuti malongosoledwe ena oyenera akukondana anasinthanidwa pakati pa mtsikana wa Chisulami ndi mnyamata mbusa amene iye anakonda ndipo akakwatiwa kwa iye posachedwa. (Nyimbo ya Solomo 1:2; 2:6; 8:5) Koma ponena za aŵiri a makhalidwe oyera, iwo ayenera kutenga chisamaliro chowonjezereka kuti malongosoledwe a kukondana sakukhala odetsedwa kapena kutsogolera ku chisembwere. (Agalatiya 5:19, 21) Malongosoledwe a kukondana ayenera kupangidwa kokha pamene unansiwo wafikira mlingo pamene kugwirizana kwa aŵiri kwakulitsidwa ndipo ukwati ukuwoneka kuyandikira. Pochita tero, inu simudzachotsedwa pa chifuno choyambirira cha kupalana ubwenzi kwachipambano—kufikira kumudziŵadi munthuyo.

“Munthu Wobisika wa Mtima”

Pambuyo pa kusanthula chimene chinatsogolera ku maunansi olimba pakati pa opita kocheza 231, gulu lofufuza linasimba mu Journal of Marriage and the Family (May 1980) kuti: “Maukwati akuwoneka mwachidziŵikire kwambiri kupulumuka ndi kupita patsogolo ngati anthu awalowa iwo ndi chidziŵitso chokwanira cha munthu wamkati wa wina.” Inde, kudziŵa “munthu wobisika wa mtima” wa mnzanu kuli kofunika.—1 Petro 3:4.

Komabe, ‘kutunga’ zolinga za mtima wa wina kumatenga kuyesayesa. (Miyambo 20:5) Konzekerani machitachita amene adzakuthandizani kuwona munthu wamkati wa mnzanu. Pamene kuli kwakuti kupita ku kanema kapena kovina kungagwire ntchito poyambirira, kudziloŵetsa m’machitachita omwe amadzitsogoza iwo eni ku kukambitsirana (onga ngati maseŵera a skating, bowling, kuchezera malo osungirako zinyama ndi osungirako zinthu zakale) kumachipangitsa kukhala chopepuka kuzoloŵerana bwinopo.

Kuti muwone malingaliro a mnzanu, gwiritsirani ntchito mafunso otseguka, onga ngati, “Kodi ndimotani momwe mumathera nthaŵi yanu ya ufulu?” “Ngati ndalama sizinali vuto, kodi nchiyani chomwe mungakonde kuchita?” “Ndi mbali iti ya kulambira kwathu Mulungu imene mumakonda koposa? Chifukwa ninji?” Amenewa amalola kuyankha kwa mkati kotero kuti mungaphunzire zimene mnzanu amakonda.

Pamene unansiwo ukuzama ndipo aŵiriwo mosamalitsa kwenikweni alingalira ukwati, pali chifuno cha kulankhula mosamalitsa ponena za nkhani zofunika kwambiri, zonga ngati kumene ndi mmene mudzakhalira, nkhani za ndalama, kaya ngati nonse aŵirinu mudzagwira ntchito kunja, malingaliro a malo a aliyense mu ukwati, ana, kulamulira kubala, ndi zonulirapo za mwamsanga ndi za mtsogolo ndi mmene mukukonzera kuzifikira izo. Iri nthaŵi ya kuvumbula zinthu, mwinamwake za m’nthaŵi yakale ya wina, zomwe zingayambukire ukwatiwo, kuphatikizapo ngongole zazikulu zirizonse kapena mathayo. Nkhani za umoyo, zonga ngati matenda aakulu aliwonse, ziyeneranso kukambitsiridwa.

M’kukambitsirana koteroko, tsatirani chitsanzo cha Elihu, yemwe ananena kuti: “Ndilankhula molunjika kuchokera mu mtima mwanga ndi kunena mowona mtima.” (Yobu 33:3, The Holy Bible in the Language of Today, lolembedwa ndi Beck) M’kulongosola mmene kupalana ubwenzi kwake kunamukonzekeretsera iye kaamba ka ukwati wachimwemwe wa zaka khumi tsopano, Esther ananena kuti: “Sindinayese konse ‘kunamizira’ kapena kunena kuti ndinavomerezana ndi Jaye pamene ndinadzimva mosiyana. Sindikuterobe. Ndikuyesayesa nthaŵi zonse kukhala wowona mtima.”

Musapeŵe nkhani zazikulu kapena kuziphimba kaamba ka kuwopa kuti mnzanu adzavutitsidwa nazo nthaŵi yomweyo. Beth anapanga kuphophonya kumeneku mkati mwa kupalana ubwenzi kwake ndi John. Beth ananena kuti anakhulupirira m’kusunga ndalama kaamba ka mtsogolo ndipo osati kuwononga. John ananena kuti anavomereza. Beth sanafufuze mowonjezereka, akuganiza kuti anawonana malingaliro. Koma zinasintha kuti lingaliro lake la kusunga ndalama kaamba ka mtsogolo linatanthauza kusunga kaamba ka galimoto yatsopano yoseŵerera! Pambuyo pa ukwati iwo anakangana mopitirizabe ponena za ndalama.

Kusamvana koteroko kungachinjirizidwe. Louise, wotchulidwa poyambapo, anavomereza kuti: “Ndinayenera kufunsa mafunso ambiri mowonjezereka, onga ngati, ‘Bwanji ngati ndinakhala ndi pakati ndipo inu simunafune kukhala ndi mwana?’ Kapena, ‘Ngati tinali mu ngongole ndipo ndinafuna kukhala panyumba ndi kusamalira mwana wathu, nchiyani chomwe mukachita?’ Ndikanadziŵa mosamalitsa yankho lake.” Kukambitsirana koteroko kungabweretse poyera mikhalidwe ya mtima imene iyenera kudziŵidwa bwino kwambiri ukwati usanakhale.

Muwoneni Mwamunayo/Mkaziyo m’Kachitidwe!

“Munthu angakhale wabwino kwambiri ndi inu pa maziko a kukhala aŵiri,” analongosola tero Esther. “Koma ngati ena alipo, iye angaikidwe mu mkhalidwe wosayembekezereka. Mmodzi wa mabwenzi anu anganene chinachake kwa mnzanu chimene mnzanu sangachikonde. Tsopano mumawona mmene iye amachitirapo kanthu pansi pa chididikizo. Kodi adzamudzudzula munthuyo kapena kukhala wonyodola?” Chotero, mkaziyo akumaliza kuti: “Kukhala pakati pa mabwenzi a wina ndi banja mkati mwa kupalana ubwenzi kunathandiza mokulira.”

Kuwonjezera ku kudziloŵetsa mu zosangalatsa, therani nthaŵi mukugwirira ntchito pamodzi. Tenganimo mbali m’ntchito za Chikristu, kuphatikizapo kuphunzira Mawu a Mulungu ndi utumiki wa Chikristu. Ndiponso, chitani zina za ntchito za masiku onse zimene pambuyo pa ukwati zidzakhala njira ya moyo—kugula zakudya, kukonza chakudya, kutsuka mbale, ndi kuyeretsa m’nyumba. Mwa kukhala limodzi pansi pa mikhalidwe yeniyeni ya umoyo—pamene mnzanu angakhale ngakhale wakuya kwambiri mu mkhalidwe wake—inu mungawone chimene kwenikweni iye ali.

Mnyamata mbusayo mu Nyimbo ya Solomo anawona mmene mnzake mtsikana anachitira pamene mtsikanayo anakhumudwitsidwa kapena pamene anali kugwira ntchito yolimba pansi pa kutentha kwa dzuŵa—wa thukuta ndipo wotopa. (Nyimbo ya Solomo 1:5, 6; 2:15) Pambuyo pa kuwona mtsikanayo mwa chimvero akukaniza zokopa za Mfumu yachuma Solomo, iye anati: “Wakongola monse monse, wokondedwa wanga, namwaliwe, Mulibe chirema mwa iwe.” (Nyimbo ya Solomo 4:7) Motsimikizirika mnyamatayo sanatanthauze kuti mtsikanayo anali wangwiro, koma ubwino wake wakuthupi unakwezedwa ndi nyonga yake ya makhalidwe. Mtsikanayo analibe chirema chachikulu cha makhalidwe kapena banga. M’maganizo mwa mnyamatayo, nyonga za mtsikanayo zinapambana zifooko zirizonse.

Mwakugwiritsira ntchito kupalana ubwenzi mokhutiritsa, mudzakhoza kupanga kufufuza kofananako. Ndi maso otseguka, mungaloŵe ukwati ndi maluso othetsera mikangano. Kupalana ubwenzi kwachipambano kudzakonzekeretsa aŵirinu kaamba ka ukwati wokhutiritsa ndi wachimwemwe.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 13]

Mwa kuwona bwenzi lanu loyembekezeredwa m’mikhalidwe ya moyo weniweni, inu mudzadziŵa munthuyo kwenikweni